The Far Side Of Forever Part 60

"I'm afraid I didn't consider that at all," he said with an inward-turned frown, the distraction in his eyes saying he was probably reviewing his spell. "That may account fix some of her later behavior, but at first ..."

"At first she was like a newbom. and knew only what you told her," I interrupted, determined to divert him from what he considered happy memories. "I'll bet you were careful to explain that it was ugliness she could love, and Ohat you were ugly. She, of course, took your word for it, especially since she could see the difference between your looks and those of your servants.

"But that was when she knew almost nothing about the worid," I plowed on, refusing to let him interrupt. "The more days and weeks she lived, the more she learned, and what she learned most about, Fm sure, was ugliness. It was something she was literally treated to love, so it would have been natural for her to search it out. I'm sure it didn't take her long to discover that the greatest ugliness doesn't lie in the physical, but on another plane entirely."

He looked at me sharply, knowing I was trying to make a point, but he wasn't going to help me with that point.

"Do you remember that plane I almost died on?" I asked, not about to let him off the hook. "Physically it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, but the death it hid was so hideous that I still shudder when I think about it. If you want to find the best in ugliness, so to speak, you go looking for the things that woman found. Like falling madly in love with your own self, and putting the welfare of that self above anything and everything. Like turning ' people into adoring zombies, ones who arc even willing to give up their lives for you. Like creating the most beautiful tilings ever seen-just so you can destroy them. Like delighting in the thought of the death of millions of inno-

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cent people, brought about for die sole purpose of hurting one individual. If you want to talk about the physical, I'm sure the mutilation of living things and people would have given her a chuckle or two, but not much beyond that."

"And, of course, that was the reason she began hating the things around her," he said with a sigh of pain, hanging his head. lt! would point out to her the beauty in things, and all she could do was hate mem. Balance. I had forgotten all about that, but happily not when I thought about the one who would be capable of defeating her.''

This time I was me one who didn't understand, and his faint, crooked smite came back.

"There were two major reasons I chose you, and neither of them had anything to do with me closeness of our relations.h.i.+p," he said. "If I could have spared you me arduous journey I knew you would have, I would certainly have done so, but your presence was vital. At some point mere was bound to be a confrontation between you two, and I required someone who could withstand her. Another woman like herself would naturally have been me best for that, but 1 also needed one who would not fall victim to her wiles. She truly joyed in making people loathe'her, and then using that-manner-of hers to mm mem ador- ing. It was a virtual certainty thai she would attempt the thing during the final confrontation, as proof of her true superiority, knowing nothing about that inch-thick intoler- ance of yours. When people are open and direct with you, you're the same with mem; when they first try to, use duplicity, however, they afterward find it impossible to gain your trust. The intolerance in you raises a barrier of sorts, and I've never seen anyone breach that barrier."

"What you call intolerance, I call caution," I said with a shrug, wondering if I'd just been complimented or in- sulted. "I learned during my time on the streets that if you can't trust someone once, you can't afford to ever trust them- Ypu learn mat by getting kicked in the teeth a couple of times, and because of that tend not to forget it. I suppose that makes me someone who isn't very nice, but there's nothing I can do about it,"

"Nonsense, I happen to mink you're very nice," he said at once, clearly going defensive on my behalf. "Do

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you think I allow everyone on this world to call me uncle?"

"You would if they wanted to," I countered, knowing it was me truth. "That's because you happen to be, despite your physical appearance, mat rarest of things, a truly beautiful person. That, incidentally, is me reason the woman grew to hate you: she could only love ugly things, and you, no matter what you look like, are not ugly. And it didn't take her very long to find that out, did it?"

He went from startlement to frowning in the blink of an eye. but he couldn't seem to find the words to argue the contention. 1 felt rather smug for a minute or two, but then 1 remembered something mat let me find what he couldn't.

- "But you are a lot more callous man 1 ever realized,'11 added, folding my legs in front of me as he looked up with a surprised and questioning stare. "I found out the real reason why Rikkan Addis was made expedition leader, and I can't tell you how shocked I was. To send him along because you needed someone who was expendable? To include him in the group because someone might be needed to die so that the rest of us could live? Uncle Graythor, how could you?"

*'Laciel, my dear, I didn't/^he answered, and then his surprise turned to chuckling. "Rikkan Addis was made leader of the expedition for all me reasons I gave you to begin with, not the least of which is his ability to under- stand and 'handle' people- You must have given him a very difficult time, which apparently led him to decide that his only option was to make you feel sony for him. With anyone else he could have used Persuasion, but me Sighted aren't susceptible to it. From your reaction, I would say he was successful.''

"Why, mat no good rat'" I gasped, finally seeing me real truth. "He lied to me! Saying straight out that I wasn't qualified to be leader got him nothing but a challenge, so he found a way to play on my sympathy! I'll never believe another word he tells me!"

"Why not?" Graythor asked gently, trying not to show how amused he was. "It was you who refused to listen to the truth, wasn't it? You were not only not qualified to lead a group like that, your position as magic user made

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the situation doubly difficult. Toward the end of the jour- ney, going through the worlds of magic, you were un- doubtedly giving most of the orders. That was necessary for everyone's safety, but people who become tense in dangerous situations sometimes react to that tension by distrusting the person who is responsible for their safety. If that person also happens to be ultimate leader, the tension can increase to explosive proportions. If there's someone else who has the final say, however, the situation is much more bearable; there's always a higher authority to be appealed to if the protector seems about to do something foolish-whether the proposed act is foolish or not. And when you finally reached Cloud's Heart, did you really have the time to think about leading? Could you have protected your group as well as you did if there had been other things distracting you? I think you know the true answer to that as well as I. And weren't you the least bit happier when you were no longer concerned with the question of leaders.h.i.+p?"

"I don't believe he did it just to make me happy," I muttered, looking down at the bare feet folded in front of me. ' "Maybe for the good of the quest, but not to make me happy. And it doesn't make much difference anymore.

anyway, does it? Uncle Graythor, 1 need you to help me with something. There was a spell put on the male mem- bers of the group almost from the very beginning, and I'd like you to dissolve it."

"What sort of spell are you referring to?" he asked with a frown, moving nearer to the bed. "I examined everyone most carefully when the-successful ending of the episode recalled my mind to my body, and I found nothing."

"You must have missed it,'* I said with something of a shrug. "I discovered very early on that the male members of our party all seemed to be in love with me, which naturally had to mean that a spell had been put on them and was being maintained by my ability. Now that you know what to look for, you can remove it, can't you?"

"Laciel, my very dear child," he said, sighing deeply as he sat to take my hand again. "If I, as you maintain, suffer from the affliction of self-blindness, it's an affliction we share. Your male quest companions have no spell on

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^l^&em, unless it's the spell of your loveliness. That, of

-h^&urse, was another reason why it would have been unwise

*^jBEving you as expedition leader. Men sometimes find it ^ :llifficult obeying the objects of their affection, and if there ;./iBflB dissension because more than one of them succ.u.mbed, &e difficulty of separating them would not have been yws. Also, it was not impossible that you would find yourself-ah-taken with one of them, which might then tve brought about acts of favoritism. As I said, I searched Wost carefully, and there are no spells on any member of . -fte group."

' - The look in his dark eyes urged me to believe what he'd 'said, but I was too-stunned? confused? lost?-to do any- thing but sit there and stare at him. They hadn't been under a spell? I really was pretty enough to attract the Serious attention of men? I lowered my head and put my Aands into my hair, struggling to accept that, trying to fight my way back to where 1 could think again, but it wasn't easy. What had Graythor said, that night in my room at the inn? That Morgiana's power and my potential ability had turned the men I'd met until then diffident and hesitant? Could it really be true?

And then I sat very straight again, realizing something awful. If none of them had been under a spell, then Rik- What he'd said- About the way he felt-

"Uncte Graythor, where are they?" I asked, unfolding my legs to swing them over the side of the bed. "The rest Of the group- Where are they?"

"Why, most likely in the salon on this floor, enjoying the last of their lunch," he answered in surprise, startled by the way I'd jumped to my feet. "Why do you . . ."

1 suppose he may have finished what he'd started to say, but that was all of it I heard. As soon as he answered cay question I headed for the door at a run, not even caring {hat I was barefoot, not even seeing the neat, blae, well- ftimished room that was always mine when I stayed there.

My mind was too busy trying to think of what to say to notice trivia, to figure out what I could possibly do to repair the damaged mess I'd made. He'd told me he loved me and I'd ignored him, he'd asked about where he stood ' in relation to Zail. and I'd-I'd told him something that

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was the literal truth, but in a way that made it a lie. He'd lied to me for the sake of the quest, but my lie hadn't been for anyone's sake but my own.

1 barely remember flinging open the door of my room and racing down the hall, but I clearly recall my arrival at the arch leading into the salon. They were laughing at something over cups of wine, the remnants of their meal spread out on the table before them, and when they saw me come through the arch they all turned to look at me.

All four of them.

"Hey, Laciel, you're finally awake," Zail called, send- ing me a grin. "Come and have something to eat-or at least something to drink."

"You appear far better than when last we saw you,"

Kadrim said, also grinning. "Do come and join us."

"Thought for a while you were going to make us wait for a month," Su said, her own faint version of a grin in evidence. "If you haven't changed your mind we still have the Wolf tribe to visit, and Kadrim said he's coming with us."

"But before that you have to visit with us for a while, at least until the wizard sends us home," Dranna said, her warm smile open and sincere. "I'd like the chance to thank you for taking the time to get me out of that last fight. I'm sure you saved my life."

"Where's-where's Rik?" I asked with a great deal of difficulty, approaching their table a lot more slowly than I'd approached the salon. "Has he finished already and gone back to his room? Or maybe out to see the city? I suppose I could ..."

"Laciel, he's gone back to his world," Zail interrupted, telling me the one thing I hadn't wanted to hear, his amus.e.m.e.nt gone with everyone else's. "He didn't stay any longer than it took for the wizard to heal his wounds.

InThig heard him say he wanted to leave, and volunteered to open a gate for him. The wizard said he'll need a few days to gather the power to send us back the way he brought us, and when Rik said he'd rather not wait, InThig-"

InThig. Zail's voice trailed off when I turned away, which was just as well, as I had already stopped listening.