The Nanny Part 62

Jo waited.

"I guess it's a long story."

"Well," she said. "It looks like we've got a long time." She didn't risk pus.h.i.+ng the door again, and neither did Josh.

Instead, he began. "When I was at school and college, my mum had no help bringing me and Tobe up," he said, the words as new to him as to her. "She had to have a part-time job filing, so I had to pick up Tobe from a friend's on my way home, let us both in, make us both tea, keep him occupied till she got home. No biggie-there are worse things at sea, and I'm not complaining. I'm not emotionally scarred or anything. Well, I didn't think I was. But every time I spoke to you on the phone-and you sounded so different from how you were...in the flesh"-he looked down at her legs and Jo's flesh went hot-"I was reminded that for Dad's new improved children, things were very different."

"Oh, I see," whispered Jo.

"I don't feel that way now," Josh rushed on.

"No?"

"No."

"How?"

"Well, I feel completely different now."

"Really?"

"Yes. Quite the opposite in fact."

"Really?"

"G.o.d yes," said Josh. "I love the kids now."

"Oh. I see."

"It was all mixed up with my misunderstanding about Dad leaving."

"Oh. Right."

"It's only now that I can see I was bearing a big, unhealthy grudge. And of course it was easy to direct it straight at you."

"Oh."

"But it wasn't just that."

"No?"

"No. When I met you, I tried my best to hate you," he looked up at her. "Kept waiting for the hatred to kick in." He shrugged. "But it never did. And then before I knew it, I started to like you."

Josh looked down suddenly, and Jo took the opportunity to breathe out.

"And I've found out things about my mum and dad that have altered"-he thought for a moment-"everything for me."

Jo whispered, "Toby told me."

Josh paused and looked at her questioningly.

"I hope you don't mind. Earlier today," she explained, "he was distressed about something, and it came up."

"Is he okay now?"

"Fine." Jo nodded. "I think we sorted it."

"Who's a clever nanny then?" Josh smiled, moving his head back slightly.

"Oh yeah," quipped Jo. She looked away, her hair falling on his arm. "I'm a real Mary Poppins."

Josh looked away from his arm. "My turn to apologize. Horrid nickname."

"Understandable."

"Actually," he confessed, head down, "she was my first crush. I had a poster and everything."

Jo stopped breathing. When Josh squirmed a bit, she started to gabble.

"I'm so sorry I accused you of helping d.i.c.k have an affair."

"Oh yeah, where the h.e.l.l did that one come from?"

"Pippa and I overheard a conversation you had with d.i.c.k about him meeting a woman," rushed Jo, leaning into him in her eagerness to defend herself, "and you were trying to persuade him to tell Vanessa about her, and he was saying that would end his marriage."

Josh blinked slowly, trying to focus on what she was saying.

"Don't worry," said Jo, leaning in some more. "We worked out it wasn't a lover. It must have been someone to do with d.i.c.k's business-a client or a buyer or his accountant."

"Oh! That complete b.i.t.c.h. His accountant. She just stopped returning his calls. He was so stressed, it was terrible. And the longer it got left, the worse it got. That woman was literally ruining him. I told him years ago not to go to her and begged him to let me do his books, but"-he gave a deep sigh-"I suppose I was still a trainee then. I guess it takes a while for parents to take you seriously."

Jo nodded. "d.i.c.k certainly relies on you."

"D'you think?"

"He adores you."

Josh beamed and shrugged.

Jo smiled.

"b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l," cried Josh suddenly. "So you and Pippa put two and two together and made twenty-two."

They stared at each other. Jo was just about to apologize again when Josh spoke.

"You must have thought I was a right s.h.i.+t," he whispered. "Helping my dad have an affair."

"Well," Jo, clasping the nearest thing to her, which happened to be Josh's thigh. "That's why I said those things to you when you came to...see me."

Josh nodded. "Ungh."

There was silence.

"You don't...disgust me," she whispered. "At all. In fact."

"Thank you," said Josh. "You don't disgust me either. At all."

"And I'm so sorry I called you a scrounger."

"A two-faced, scrounging, hypocritical b.a.s.t.a.r.d with a Peter Pan complex I think it was. I can hardly remember."

"I thought you were living here rent-free-which was none of my business, I know," she interrupted herself. "But I found that quite immature and the truth was"-she steadied herself against the wall and mumbled-"it had begun to matter."

There was silence for a moment. Josh cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry I called you a p.r.i.c.k-tease," he said quietly. "It did just seem-"

"I was."

"Pardon?"

"Flirting. I was. With you."

"Oh."

"I wasn't teasing, I was flirting," insisted Jo. "It wasn't something I thought about-I kept telling myself we were just friends-"

"Me too-"

"And I know I should have told you about Shaun, but I didn't want to-"

"No-"

"Because I was scared that if I did-" She slowed down, her eyes on the floor. She was unable to finish the sentence.

The silence was deafening. She'd have loved to have seen Josh's expression, but that would have meant looking at his face.

"And then you went all horrid," she went on whispering.

"I know," he whispered back. "I'm sorry."

"Why did you do that?"

The pause was unbearable.

"Wasn't it obvious?" he whispered.

Jo couldn't answer. She heard Josh give a big sigh.

"So you and Shaun, eh?" he started.

"Who?" Jo gave him a little smile.

"You seemed very cut up about it that day."

"Well, yes of course," she said. "You came at a bad time. It had only just happened. I was in shock. It was like...Sheila had just rewritten my past. If that doesn't sound mad."

"Nope. I know just what you mean."

"I just had some rethinking to do."

"Right."

"Bend myself to the new facts."

Josh got an image of Jo bending and quickly concentrated hard on the grains of wood in the playhouse wall.

"And I've done it now," said Jo. "Bent myself to the new facts."

"Wow," said Josh, staring hard at the wood. "That was quick."

"Not really," she admitted. "I should have finished with Shaun years ago."

She looked up, realized how close Josh was, went wobbly and looked down again.

"I hope he and Shee will be very happy together," she said. "And I think they will be. Anyway, I don't really care anymore. I've got other things on my mind."

There was a long pause.

"So," said Josh lightly, leaning down on his elbow, s.h.i.+fting along the floor s.p.a.ce, and looking up at her. "I've been reliably informed that you told Gerry to get lost."

"Yes," she said, s.h.i.+fting herself down into a mirror image next to him. "Finally. Suppose I took my time."

"Well, sometimes these things are hard to do," he said softly.

He let his top leg drop toward her.

"Sometimes it's very hard to say what you feel," murmured Jo.

She let her top leg mirror his.

"G.o.d yes."

"Especially when you feel"-she didn't move her thigh when it accidentally brushed his-"so much."

"Much," he echoed.

"Maybe I just wanted to make you jealous," she whispered.