Loving Hart Part 12

In the end, I stopped trying to persuade her to reschedule. Of course, in the middle of the first night we were apart, right about the time I realized that I had gotten used to sleeping with her curled against me, I wished I'd fought harder for her to stay. It was alarming how many times I'd woken up and reached for her in these last few days.

I wasn't thrilled when I got home to find that I had a half dozen missed calls from my mother. When I got to work on Thursday, I found that she'd been calling there too. Talk about s.h.i.+t that I really don't need right now! A dozen missed calls from my mother amounts to more calls than I've gotten from her in the last six years. I decided that the next time she called, I'd take the call. Calling her back just isn't something I feel up to doing.

Tonight, Damien and I were taking Dante out for a guy's only dinner to commemorate his last night as a single man. He wasn't interested in a traditional bachelor party, and he made a compelling case to Damien and me about why he felt that way. "My life was one big bachelor party until I met Sabrina. I definitely sowed my wild oats. Trust me, there's nothing that some stripper can do for me that Sabrina doesn't do at home ten times hotter. And let's face it... Sabrina is one of the most beautiful women alive. I hit the jackpot boys, and I'm not interested in looking at anyone else. Quite frankly, being without her for the entire night sounds like h.e.l.l, so I'll be in no mood for strippers on top of that."

Damien and I both laughed our a.s.ses off at that. He had a point. Sabrina is a lot hotter than any stripper I've ever seen, that's for d.a.m.n sure.

In lieu of strippers, we decided to have dinner at a steakhouse. We met at Dante's, and Damien drove us from there. Once we settled into our booth, Damien wasted no time in pulling the engagement ring he'd designed for Brooke from his pocket. "I just picked it up this afternoon. I'm nervous as h.e.l.l! Do you think she'll like it?"

Does a bear s.h.i.+t in the woods? "f.u.c.k yeah she's going to like it," Dante said. I heartily agreed with Dante's a.s.sessment, and I said so. Brooke will be over the moon when he proposes, and she's going to be overjoyed by the ring.

For the last year and a half, I've spent a lot of time with Brooke and Damien together. I could see from the very first night that they were attracted to each other. At first, I thought that Damien's attraction to her was the same as his attraction to every other woman he's ever wanted s.e.xually. It didn't take me long at all to figure out that what he felt for her was something completely different than anything he'd ever experienced before.

During the entire time that he kept his feelings to himself, I wondered who he thought he was fooling. Us? Her? Him? Luckily for him, for both of them, things turned out perfectly. Seeing them together now, watching them finally show love for each other in front of everyone, is quite something. It makes me happy for both of them. Brooke's had a rough couple of years after losing her parents, and she's one of the nicest people I've ever met. And lord knows that Damien deserves to be happy. She does that for him, gives him the kind of peace and true joy that he was always afraid to even wish for. The Damien of today is completely different than the self-loathing version of eighteen months ago. With Brooke, he's come to believe in love and commitment.

The same is true of Dante. Before he fell in love with Sabrina, he 'dated' the coldest and most detached women imaginable. They were so attracted to his money and his status that they didn't quibble at all about the fact that he wanted to f.u.c.k and run. Not one of them ever made it past the three-week mark, and they all knew going in that they wouldn't. They were invited into no part of his life. Not his home, not his heart and not his family. Damien and I only knew them because we were f.u.c.king the same types of women, and going to the same clubs.

Of course, now I'm going to be the only single guy left, and it bothers me. I don't feel single. In my heart, I'm totally committed to Delilah. When I went with Damien to the jeweler to drop off his design for the ring, I'd surrept.i.tiously looked at some of the engagement rings myself. It took everything I had not to start seriously looking for the perfect ring for Delilah right then. I went back to the jeweler a few days later and chose a ring, a beautiful sapphire with a diamond band. As soon as I saw it, I knew it was meant for her. I was too big of a p.u.s.s.y to even bring it into my house, so it was sitting in my glove compartment. I knew I couldn't give it to her, knew I couldn't ask her to give up the things she wanted, but I'd been completely unable to keep myself from buying the ring. I'm not sure why it was so important to me when I knew I couldn't show it to her, but it was. It felt like I needed to make that commitment to her in my heart, even though I couldn't tell her.

"Yo! Earth to Spencer. You in there buddy?"

I snapped out of it, shaking my head and laughing in response to Dante's question. "Sorry man, I was just thinking about how crazy this is. A year and a half ago the three of us would have been in a club picking out the flavor du jour, and now you two are completely off the market. It's pretty f.u.c.kin' awesome."

We all laughed at that, and Dante nodded his head in agreement. "It is pretty f.u.c.king awesome, I agree with you. I've got the full package with Sabrina, and I love it. I know I drove her nuts insisting that the wedding take place so quickly, but once I knew, I knew. I can't wait for it to be official."

Chuckling at his brother, Damien said, "Totally get that bro. About two hours after Brooke says yes, I'm going to want to lock that down for life. I never thought I'd be so anxious to give anyone my last name, but I'm all kinds of anxious for her to be Brooke Hart."

Dante was nodding his head in clear agreement. "Thank G.o.d you're the same way, or I'd think it was just me. I ordered Sabrina new business cards two months ago that say Sabrina Hart on them, but she refuses to use them until after the wedding because she swears it would be bad luck. I'm not going to be happy until she's officially tied to me. Before I left work tonight I made Ian update Sabrina's email name. I just keep trying to find ways to have Sabrina Hart put on everything. I hear most people are nervous about getting married, but I'd have done it sooner if I could. I'm probably going to run up the aisle and grab her tomorrow."

The pang of jealousy was back, only this time it wasn't a pang, it was a body jolting hammering in my head. I'd give my left arm for Delilah to become Delilah Cross. Even the idea of it gets my blood pumping in a very primal way. To me, it's the strongest sign of commitment possible.

My crazy cave man thoughts were diverted when Dante started talking about his honeymoon plans. "We're going to Hawaii for two weeks. Can you imagine? Two whole weeks with my wife, alone! If I've got any luck, we're coming home pregnant."

That brought me up short. "Dude, what? I thought you didn't want kids! You've always been so adamant about that."

When he answered, he spoke with a pa.s.sion that surprised me. "I never wanted children until I fell in love with Sabrina, that's true. But now I don't just want them, I need them. The idea that my children will be a part of Sabrina makes me want to stand on top of mountain and beat on my chest. She wants to have children while we're young, and I agree with that. Her mother was twenty-two when she had Sabrina, so Sabrina is all about having them now. She says that even though her father was only twenty- seven, and was just finis.h.i.+ng his first year as a resident, that they were thrilled with her arrival."

Damien was listening attentively, and I wondered what was going on in his head. Once he spoke, I understood where his mind had been. "I'm right there with you. About fourteen seconds after Brooke and I are married, I'm hoping to have her pregnant. I get all goofy in the brain when I think about watching her carry our children. I knew she wanted children, but I wasn't sure what my chances were of getting her to start our family ASAP. I feel like I've got a pretty good chance now!"

I couldn't help my reaction. "Dude! What the f.u.c.k? I thought for sure you were going to stay anti children."

The look he gave me said that he was a little sad for me. "I would have stayed anti children for the rest of my life, but with her... it's all so f.u.c.king different. Now I daydream about having little Brookes running all over the place calling me daddy. I'm hoping for five or six, but I'll take whatever Brooke feels like giving me."

After he stopped laughing, Dante chimed in with, "Right on. I'm hoping for at least four. Sabrina says we'll start at two and go from there. If you and I play our cards right, our kids could be born around the same time. I bet they would love that. It's going to be awesome to have the family grow. I always secretly wanted a big one."

With everything that's just happened with Delilah and I deciding not to be together because she wants children and I don't, this conversation could not be more awkwardly timed. These two might be throwing in the towel and ready to give fatherhood a shot, but I'm not going there.

Damien and I had our work cut out for us keeping Dante calm. He was like a caged animal, pacing the living room in long strides. Giving me a "what the f.u.c.k" look, Damien walked up and laid his hand on Dante's shoulder.

"Dude, so much for not being nervous. You look like you're about to have a complete breakdown. Are you having second thoughts or something? If you are I'm going to beat your a.s.s."

Dante looked at Damien like he'd lost his marbles. "Second thoughts? Are you f.u.c.king crazy? f.u.c.k no. I'm ready to go right now. I want her to be my wife so f.u.c.king bad I'm half-crazy with it. I'm a nervous wreck because I'm worried that she's she's going to have second thoughts. I love that woman so much I couldn't sleep at all without her last night. That's when I got to thinking, what if going to have second thoughts. I love that woman so much I couldn't sleep at all without her last night. That's when I got to thinking, what if she she changes her mind? What if she realizes that I'm a huge step down for her and she bails?" changes her mind? What if she realizes that I'm a huge step down for her and she bails?"

Damien and I exchanged eye rolls over that, even as we both took umbrage to him saying he was a step down. If there's one thing I'm s.h.i.+t sure of, it's that Sabrina will not be having second thoughts. Her love for him is clearly evident in everything that she does.

Stepping forward, I wrapped an arm around Dante's shoulder as Damien did the same. Nodding at me, Damien let me know I could talk first.

"Dante, that girl is so in love with you; there is no way she's having second thoughts. She sees you for who you are, warts and all, and she loves every part of you. You're perfect for each other, and you deserve this. You aren't a step down. You've been our f.u.c.king rock. Without you, none of us would be here. Damien and I used to talk all the time about how we hoped that when we grew up we'd be just like you. I think we turned out pretty good, but you're always going to be our hero. Grab your happily ever after with both hands. You've earned it."

Damien nodded in agreement. "Spence is right. Everything we learned about being good men came from you. You aren't a step down. You're getting d.a.m.n lucky with Sabrina, but she's just as lucky to have gotten you."

Dante was all kinds of choked up, so Damien and I hugged his shoulders harder. It brought back a memory for me of the three of us huddled together, one of us on either side of Dante, his arms slung around our shoulders while we hid from one of our parents' parties before the twins were born. "Don't worry," he'd said. "I promise that I'll always take care of you guys." He totally has, and I love him for that.

I could tell by looking at Damien that he was remembering something from our past too, and I wondered which f.u.c.ked up memory he'd conjured up. I guess it never really goes away.

Pulling away, Dante pulled Damien into a hug. When he let him go, he pulled me in for one too. After he let me go, he faced the two of us. "I couldn't be prouder of you two if I tried. When I look at our family, I know that everything we sacrificed was worth it. Having you two here with me as I go to take this next huge step in my life... it's full circle. We made it. You think we made it because I took care of you, but the truth is, we made it because you both gave me something to care about. Before that, I had nothing."

It took us a few minutes to get our s.h.i.+t together after that, and there were lots of hugs and backslapping. We'd just gotten ourselves together when Aunt Sandra walked in. "I just left the girls. Wait until you see her, Dante! She's stunning. I'm so happy for you honey."

Dante jumped in with questions right away. "She's all dressed and ready? She's going to show up?"

Aunt Sandra looked at him like he'd lost his marbles before she burst out laughing. "Honey, of course she's going to show up. When I left she was chomping at the bit to get the ceremony started. She told us she missed you like crazy. You just saw each other yesterday! You two crazy kids make me happy."

Dante lit up like a kid at Christmas, bouncing on his heels with barely contained excitement. Sandra and Damien wandered off for a moment to talk about some property he'd just bought, and that left Dante and I alone.

Glancing over at me, he gave me a searching look before he spoke. "When I couldn't sleep last night, I started thinking about your face at dinner when Damien and I were gus.h.i.+ng about how badly we want children. You're still thinking that you don't want them?"

I nodded my head in the affirmative, but stayed silent.

"I think that's a crying f.u.c.king shame Spence. You'd be a great dad. I know this is an awkward time to get all deep with you, but... I know you're in love with Delilah, and that she's in love with you. When I told you I saw her with a boyfriend, I did it because I hoped you'd put a stop to it. I've always known that you guys belong together, and back when I thought I'd never get married or have children, I had always banked on Dominique and Delilah giving me tons of nieces and nephews to love. With Delilah, I had hoped that you would get married and I'd get to spoil your children rotten. I know my little girl Spence, and I know she wants babies. Are you really going to let her get away?"

It felt like he was cracking my ribs open and pulling my heart out. I'd always been afraid that he wouldn't think I was good enough for her, but here he is telling me he'd always hoped we'd get together. Shaking my head, I looked at him. "I can't give her what she wants. I can do almost anything Dante, but I can't be a dad."

He looked sad but resigned, and I heard Sandra and Damien making their way back into the room. "I hear you Spence, but I have s.h.i.+t to say. We'll talk after I get back from my honeymoon."

I wouldn't be looking forward to that conversation.

Chapter Twenty-Three: Delilah

Dante and Sabrina's wedding day has arrived, and I've promised myself that I will get through this with a d.a.m.n big smile on my face. I'm going to have to face the music with everybody at some point, but I'm not telling everybody that I'm pregnant until they get back from their honeymoon. My brother deserves a wedding day that is free of worry about anyone or anything other than his bride. G.o.d knows he's paid a high price to get here. He deserves to meet his future without having to worry about anyone but him and Sabrina.

Sabrina looked so beautiful that she took my breath away when I walked into her bedroom for my first look at her. She and Brooke had really been struggling earlier this morning with how sad it was that their parents weren't here to share the day, but they seem better right now. Watching them struggle broke my heart. What would it feel like to have loved your parents so much that it hurt you not to have them anymore? I'd no sooner had that thought than I realized that someday I'd probably be getting ready for my own child's wedding all by myself, no daddy in sight.

Standing in the living room of Sabrina and Brooke's family home, I looked at each one of the family photos. I could see so much love there, so much affection. Their father beamed with pride when he was with his girls, and it showed through in every photo. Their mother must have been even more camera crazy than Mama San, because there were frames filled with photos. The display that grabbed my attention and wouldn't let go was a large collage that said "Daddy's Girls" at the top. There were photos of Mr. Tyler holding both girls when they were born, a picture of him pa.s.sed out with Sabrina asleep against his side while baby Brooke slept on his chest, pictures of some father daughter dances, family vacations, and an adorable picture of the girls playing dress up in his lab coats, both of them smiling side by side in the oversized coats that said "Dr. Tyler" on them.

I'd never be able to give my baby a father, never be able to make a "Daddy's Girls" frame that showcased treasured memories. Instead, just like me, my baby was going to grow up without a father's love. That, more than anything else, ripped my heart in two. I already love our baby so much that I could barely breathe with it, but once Spencer finds out, he's going to be furious. I'll have to live the rest of my life knowing that I caused Spencer to hate me, and our child, because I was too f.u.c.king stupid to take my birth control pills the right way. And worse than that, I'll have to live with the fact that I'm not sorry about it anymore. Before I know it, I'll have a piece of Spencer and me to love forever. I can never pretend to regret that. I didn't get my fairytale, but what I am getting is something I've wanted for as long as I can remember. At least I get that much.

My reverie came to a close when Brooke came into the room and found me staring at the photos. Grabbing my hand, she pulled me over to the sofa.

"Delilah... I know something's upsetting you. Can't you please tell me what's going on?"

Taking a deep breath, I harnessed all of my inner strength. "I'm fine Brooke, I promise. I'm just so emotional about the wedding. This is huge for my brother, absolutely huge. All of my dreams for him are coming true, and it's a lot to take in. I can't explain how relieved I am, how this fills my heart. I'm sorry if I'm acting strange."

She had no choice but to nod her head in understanding as Tally walked into the room. Thankfully, that was the end of that.

Walking up the aisle ahead of Sabrina and Brooke, I smiled when I saw Dante and Damien standing at the altar with Spencer and Mama San. Dante and Damien both looked nervous, and that made me giggle inside. Dante's nervous to get the wedding behind him, while Damien is sweating bullets because he's going to ask Brooke to marry him later tonight. My gaze fell on Spencer next, and we stared at each other as I finished making my way up the aisle. How I wished a trip down the aisle into his waiting arms was in my future.

I turned to watch Sabrina and Brooke come down the aisle, and I had to hold in a tear when I heard my brother start sniffling. Everyone chuckled and let out an "aww" when Sabrina grabbed Brooke's arm and all but ran up the aisle, right into Dante's waiting arms. It was so clear to see how much they loved each other, how happy they were to be here. The wedding pa.s.sed quickly, and before I knew it the officiant was saying "It's my pleasure to introduce to you, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Dante Hart!" We clapped and whistled as they made their way back up the aisle, beaming at each other.

Once pictures of all of us on the beach had been taken, we all headed to the mansion that the reception was being held in. I struggled through dinner because even though everyone was raving about how delicious the food was, the scent of all the spices was making me really nauseous. I tried to cut up my food into small pieces and move it around so that everyone would think I was eating, but I saw Mama San staring at me and I knew she wasn't fooled. I settled on eating a roll with b.u.t.ter, hoping that would ease her mind.

Watching my brother and his new wife dance for the first time was so beautiful, I cried. He deserves his happily ever after, and I was thrilled. As the night progressed, I could tell that Damien was really starting to get nervous. Oh, he held it in fairly well, but I know my brother's tells, and I knew he was struggling. He'd asked all of us to form a circle around him and Brooke when he proposed, and he took her to the dance floor, we a.s.sembled around them. Of course, Spencer had to be standing at my side when we formed the circle. It hurt, but seeing my brother go down on one knee, and hearing the quiver in his voice when he asked Brooke to marry him, I was overjoyed. He got the girl. Spencer squeezed my hand in his, and my eyes burned with unshed tears.

I used my happiness about Damien and Brooke as a cover, and since everyone else was crying too, it worked. When the champagne was handed out to toast their engagement, I held it in my hand and pretended to take a sip. As I gave my champagne flute to the waiter, I saw that both Damien and Mama San were watching me. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders, hoping they would think I was still recovering from the flu, and not up to drinking.

It didn't help that every time I looked, Spencer was staring at me with his heart in his eyes. I knew what he wanted, but more than ever, I knew I couldn't give it to him. I'm going to have to tell him before Dante gets back from his honeymoon that I'm pregnant, and then I'm going to have to tell my brothers. I know things aren't going to be easy, and it's been giving me a lot of anxiety.

When the DJ announced that it was the last dance of the night, I was relieved because I was totally worn out. I'd kept a smile plastered on my face for ninety-five percent of the time, but I didn't have anything left to give. Spencer appeared at my side, taking my hand in his. "Dance with me angel."

Saying no didn't even cross my mind, because in my heart I knew this would be the last time that he'd willingly hold me close to him. Once he knows that I'm pregnant, he'll be so angry that he'll never want to hold me again. Wrapping my arms around him, I laid my cheek on his chest as we swayed to the music. When I felt him gently stroking my hair, I looked up. His face... G.o.d, his face. Anyone looking at us knew that he was in agony, because he made no attempt to mask it. His love for me was right there, on display for anyone who cared to look. Staring at me he whispered, "I love you so f.u.c.king much angel. I'm not right without you. Isn't there anything we can do?"

Right then, I wished I'd said no when he asked me to dance. Now I was going to have to hurt him, and I hated that. I thought of a million and one things I could say before finally blurting out, "Now isn't the time, but I do need to talk to you ASAP. It's urgent."

The look of hope on his face cut me to the quick, and I disengaged from his gaze quickly. "I have to go to the bathroom."

I hauled a.s.s to the ladies room, dropping down onto the bench that was in the outer waiting room, and burying my face in my hands. I hurt inside my heart in the worst way, and I wasn't sure how I was ever going to be able to say what needed to be said to him.

I was so out of it that I didn't hear the door open, so when Brooke spoke, it shocked me. "Delilah! What's wrong? Are you okay?"

I struggled to think of something, anything, to say. Nothing came to mind. Dropping onto her knees in front of me, she grabbed my hands. "Delilah, I know something is wrong. You're scaring the s.h.i.+t out of me. Tell me!"

I figured I'd just say I was still feeling like s.h.i.+t and let that be it. My intention was to tell Spencer before anyone else. But then, Dominique walked in and ran over to me with a concerned cry. "What's happening here? What's wrong?"

I wasn't going to be able to keep it to myself anymore.

Taking a deep breath, I looked at Dominique and then Brooke, before dropping my face into my hands. "I'm pregnant."

In unison they both gasped. "WHAT?"

Lifting my head up, I nodded. "Yep. I'm that f.u.c.king idiot girl who didn't take her birth control right and got pregnant. Even worse, I'm carrying the baby of someone who doesn't want kids and who will hate me once he knows that I'm pregnant. I had an appointment to have a... termination... on Monday, but I couldn't do it. I can't and I won't do anything to hurt the life we created. I love our baby already, even though this ruins any shot we ever had at happiness."

There was complete silence for a moment, and then Dominique asked the obvious question. "You started sleeping with him again, didn't you? It's Spencer's baby. It has to be."

I nodded, feeling bad that I'd kept it a secret from my sister. Once things blew up that day in Malibu, I just didn't feel like telling anyone.

"Yes, I've been sleeping with Spencer again, and yes, it's his baby."

Brooke and Dominique both opened their mouths to say something, but we were interrupted by Mama San's saying, "Oh honey... is that what you've been hiding?"

I'd never even heard her come in but suddenly there she was, on the floor with Brooke and Dominique staring at me. I felt terrible and I started to cry. "Yes, and I'm sorry, because I know I've let you down."

Pus.h.i.+ng the girls aside, she took me into her arms and held me tight. "Delilah Hart! I am insulted that you think that. You haven't let me down honey. Everything is fine. We'll get through this together as family, just like we always do. I'm going to be a grandmother! How could you think that would upset me?"

I cried a river in her arms, the only mother I've ever had holding me tight to her as she told me over and over again that everything would be fine, that she knew I'd be a wonderful mother.

Dominique handed me a tissue, and I started to wipe up. Dabbing at my cheeks, Mama San started talking about Spencer. "Your brothers will be over the moon as soon as your wedding is over and they put their shotguns down. Knowing Spencer, they won't even have to tell him the guns are loaded. That boy has been in love with you forever. He must be so excited that you're going to give him a family."

I shook my head as my lip quivered. "He doesn't know yet, and he doesn't want children Mama San. We broke up a few weeks ago when he told me that. When he finds out that I'm pregnant, he's going to go nuts."

She gave me a wry look. "I can't believe he really feels that way, especially not knowing all about the way he took care of you girls when you were little. Spencer and your brothers were destined to have an army of kids around them."

Brooke nodded in agreement. "Aunt Sandra's right. Whatever he said, he didn't really mean it. Remember how Dante said he never wanted to get married? Well look at where we are right now. And Damien always said the same thing, and now we're engaged. People change. Love changes things. You have to believe that."

Clearing her throat, Dominique stepped forward. "I hope you guys are right, but I've recently discussed the issue of children with Spencer, and he really really doesn't want them. I think he'll support Delilah no matter what, but I don't think for a second that he's going to take this well. We need to be on hand to support her." doesn't want them. I think he'll support Delilah no matter what, but I don't think for a second that he's going to take this well. We need to be on hand to support her."

Our conversation stopped when there was a knock at the door. Dominique looked at me for permission to tell whoever it was to come in, and after I nodded my head, she did.

Thankfully it was just Damien, coming to check on all of us. He was nervous, and I could tell he'd a.s.sumed that something was wrong. I jumped in before anyone else could say anything. "Sorry about that Damien. We were all in here crying over Brooke's engagement ring and talking about what kind of wedding she wants. You know how girls are!"

Brooke looked uncomfortable with the lie, but like the good sister-in-law that she's going to be, she nodded her head and turned to distract him. "Honey, if they have their way, we'll be getting married in a big church a year from now!"

It worked like a charm, and he bought it hook line and sinker. "What? Are you crazy? I'm not waiting two months much less twelve. If I had my way, we'd be getting married right now."

The crisis was averted, but I knew that I had to tell Spencer immediately. Brooke wouldn't be able to live with keeping something this big from Damien, and she'd also probably tell Sabrina who would want to tell Dante, and then of course Dominique was going to tell Tally. If I didn't get ahead of this, someone else was going to do it for me.

Once Damien left the bathroom, I hugged them all and promised that I'd tell Spencer ASAP. When I walked out of the bathroom, I was stunned to find that he had already gone. Seeing that I was looking for him, Damien called out to me, "He got a phone call and had to leave right away."

Dammit, I was ready to tell him tonight. Now what?