The Mental Floss History Of The World Part 4

In the 1840s, American fraudsters planted silver-plated copies of Carthaginian coins across North America, claiming the Phoenicians had discovered the New World about seventeen hundred years before Columbus!

Despite their huge impact on the Mediterranean basin's economy and culture, the constantly feuding Phoenician cities remained weak and divided. This made them easy targets for their neighbors, especially Egypt. The pharaohs first conquered Phoenicia around 1500 BCE, as a buffer against the Indo-European Hitt.i.te Empire in central Turkey. But by 1400 BCE, the pharaohs had lost control of the region to Hitt.i.te chariot armies advancing from the north.

In the long run, being weak may have had its benefits. The Phoenicians probably acquired their great sailing expertise after being conquered by the Sea Peoples, who arrived in this area around 1200 BCE. The Phoenicians emerged as a major sea power by about 1100 BCE, with a golden age lasting until 800 BCE-a period that saw the founding of the major Phoenician colonies, including Carthage, which created its own "Punic" Empire (the word is derived from Phoenician Phoenician) covering Algeria, Tunisia, Libya, Sicily, and Spain.

In their heyday, the Phoenicians sailed farther than any other ancient people. From their bases in modern-day Syria, Lebanon, and Israel, Phoenician merchants reached Britain and the Canary Islands, some seven hundred miles off Spain's Atlantic Coast, by the eighth century BCE. Around 600 BCE, a Phoenician fleet sailed around Africa from east to west at the command of the Egyptian pharaoh Necho II-an incredible feat. And a trove of Phoenician coins in the Azores suggests the Phoenicians located those mid-Atlantic islands by 200 BCE.

Bantu? Us, Too!

Today almost all Africans living south of the equator-some 400 million people-speak one of 450 languages in the "Niger-Congo" linguistic family. The name of the largest subgroup, Bantu, simply means "people" in most of these languages. But the Bantu in question didn't arrive in the southern half of Africa until the first millennium BCE.

Although there are no certain dates, the Bantu expansion seems to have begun by around 1000 BCE, when people from Nigeria migrated to the south and east, settling the rain forests and plains country of Cameroon, the Congo River Basin, and the African "Great Lakes" region (Tanzania, Rwanda, and Burundi). By 0 BCE, they had reached Zambia and Angola, more than two thousand miles to the south.

The Bantus' unstoppable spread was driven by a population boom resulting from agriculture, and from military superiority due to iron weaponry. The first evidence of large-scale land clearing for agriculture in the Bantu homeland in Nigeria dates to about 3000 BCE. The "proto-Bantu" cultivated native fruits and vegetables, including yams, melons, coconut, and oil palms, and grains such as rice, millet, and sorghum. These early tribes also imported domestic cows, goats, and pigs from Mediterranean cultures to the north, across the Sahara Desert. It was probably demand for more farmland and pastures that drove the Bantu migrations.

WE'RE NOT RACIST, WE'RE JUST...OKAY, WE'RE TOTALLY RACIST The apartheid government of South Africa used the word Bantu Bantu to refer to South Africans who spoke Bantu-derived languages (about 80 percent of the population), giving the word a pejorative meaning that it still carries today. By using the word, white racists also suggested that the Bantus were themselves "foreigners" in South Africa, with the implication that whites had just as much right to rule the country as they did-a cla.s.sic divide-and-conquer tactic from British colonial times. Unsurprisingly, n.o.body bought it. to refer to South Africans who spoke Bantu-derived languages (about 80 percent of the population), giving the word a pejorative meaning that it still carries today. By using the word, white racists also suggested that the Bantus were themselves "foreigners" in South Africa, with the implication that whites had just as much right to rule the country as they did-a cla.s.sic divide-and-conquer tactic from British colonial times. Unsurprisingly, n.o.body bought it.

But the conquest of new lands was made possible only by their knowledge of ironworking-refining, heating, and shaping iron ore. This required the invention of special high-temperature furnaces made from stone and clay, often built on hilltops, with tall "reverse chimneys" taking advantage of wind as a natural bellows (to make the fire hotter). In the twenty-first century, these furnaces dot the open gra.s.slands south of the Sahara Desert, the "savannah," with some of the earliest examples dating to around 1500 BCE in central Niger (north of Nigeria). Iron working had spread to southern Nigeria and northern Cameroon by around 800 BCE.

Iron tools made agriculture more efficient and allowed the clearing of thick tropical forests, while iron weapons gave the Bantu a huge combat advantage over Stone Age tribes. Their hapless opponents were pushed into increasingly marginal terrain, eventually ceding all the prime land to the Bantu. The descendants of these original Bantu-defeated natives still live in isolated Stone Age cultures today, including the pygmies of the Congo rain forest and the bushmen of the Kalahari Desert.

The Bantu expansion across Africa probably wasn't all violent: anthropologists point out that languages can be spread through trade and peaceful migration, too. It's true that today Bantu speakers have varied ethnic backgrounds, suggesting that intermarriage and peaceful cultural exchanges did occur. But once again, because they left no written records, it's hard to know exactly what happened.

One thing's for sure: Bantu-derived languages are complicated as h.e.l.l. Like most European languages, each word has a "gender"-but rather than European languages' traditional three genders (masculine, feminine, and neuter), Bantu languages have ten to fifteen. That means ten to fifteen different rules for modifying a noun depending on its place in a sentence! Nonetheless, English managed to pick up a number of Bantu words, including banjo, bongos, jumbo, mambo, marimba, safari, samba, banjo, bongos, jumbo, mambo, marimba, safari, samba, and of course the always popular and of course the always popular zombie zombie.

FOWL PLAY.

Kings have given up their power for all kinds of stuff: women, money, wine, etc. But how about a pretty bird? According to legend, King Zhao was lured into Chu territory with the promise of seeing a rare bird. Being a nice guy, the king of Chu guaranteed Zhao's safety during the visit, and being incredibly naive, Zhao believed him. Only after crossing into Chu did Zhao realize it was a trap. He died trying to flee across the Han River in a leaky old boat.

China:

Gettin' Some Mo' Zhou

The Zhou (p.r.o.nounced "Joe") Dynasty was a mixed blessing for China. On the one hand, the early kings of Zhou united China in a feudal (well...sort of feudal) system. But subsequent kings got greedy. They created a centralized bureaucracy and a tax-collection system that threatened the regional n.o.bles. As we'll see later, this was a recipe for disaster (after disaster after disaster).

There are actually two phases of the Zhou Dynasty: the first, "Western" phase, so-called because it was ruled from the western capital of Hao; and the second "Eastern" phase, after the capital was moved to the eastern city of Luoyi. The first phase was all good, and the second phase was pretty much c.r.a.p.

The Western Zhou Dynasty began in 1122 BCE, when the Ji family united central China through warfare, colonization, and political maneuvering. This family kept the area around the Yellow River Valley locked down with a robust military of fourteen divisions in two main detachments: the "Six Armies of the West" and the "Eight Armies of Chengzhou." To back up the military might, the Ji also claimed the "mandate of heaven"-meaning that G.o.d was on their side.

To run the whole thing, the kings of Zhou eventually created bureaucratic inst.i.tutions for tax collection, the administration of justice, and important projects such as flood control and road building. Unfortunately, these efficient systems competed with the local n.o.bility, who saw their grasp on power-and their reason for being-gradually being undermined.

EMPEROR JIMMU: LEGEND...OR PERFECT BABY NAME?

The legendary first emperor of j.a.pan, Jimmu (660 BCE585 BCE), ruled around this time-but as with other parts of the world, in j.a.pan it's almost impossible to know anything for sure about this period, because n.o.body wrote anything down.Almost all the information about Jimmu is based on j.a.panese mythology. Jimmu is believed to be a descendant of the sun G.o.ddess Amaterasu-the supreme divinity of the s.h.i.+nto pantheon-as well as the sea G.o.d Ryujin. His name meant "divine might."He was born in Takachiho, a rural town on the island of Kyushu, in southern j.a.pan. This was too far from central j.a.pan, so Jimmu's brother Itsuse, who wanted to rule j.a.pan, sailed across j.a.pan's Inland Sea to modern-day Osaka. Here, Itsuse was killed in combat with a hostile local chieftain, and Jimmu became the head of his household.To defeat the hostile chieftain, Jimmu decided to attack from the west, rather than the east, so the afternoon sun would blind his opponents. With help from Amaterasu, Jimmu defeated the local chieftain and gained the submission of his people.According to tradition, lunar New Year's Day also marked the first day of Jimmu's reign, and is now celebrated as j.a.pan's founding day. The founder of the Yamato Dynasty was remembered and revered for his peaceful reign, a time of mythical idyll when j.a.pan was untroubled by outsiders or internal strife.

The decline began with a catastrophic military defeat during the reign of King Zhao: the annihilation in 1024 BCE of the Six Armies of the West by the neighboring Chu, a semi-barbaric kingdom. After Zhao's death, the state bureaucracy continued to function, but it was only a matter of time before someone challenged the Ji family's control.

That moment came in 771 BCE, when a very angry father-in-law burned Hao to the ground. The Marquis of Shen, a powerful n.o.ble, stormed the capital after King You ditched his daughter, the queen, for a concubine. The marquis proclaimed his grandson Ping w.a.n.g the new king, and they moved the whole operation to the eastern city of Luoyang. The Zhou dynasty continued, but it was officially circling the drain, ruling in name only. Within a few hundred years, the n.o.bles stopped even pretending to acknowledge the king's authority.

Mesoamerica:

Ol' School Olmecs

Around 1300 BCE, on the other side of the world, a brand-new civilization emerged in the tropical lowlands of southeast Mexico. The Olmecs were the first native civilization to develop in Mesoamerica-the isthmus connecting North and South America. Their influence spread in all directions, and they are considered the "mother culture" of the Maya, Zapotec, Toltec, and Aztec civilizations. Among other things, the Olmecs started the cla.s.sic practices of pyramid building and human sacrifice.

As in other parts of the world, the birth of civilization was linked to agriculture, a population boom, and the formation of cities. Mesoamerica's staple crop was (and still is today) corn. Corn was domesticated by 4000 BCE in western Mexico, and by 1400 BCE, cultivation had spread to the river valleys of the Olmecs' homeland, near modern-day Veracruz.

Olmec cities probably developed from groups of villages united by powerful chiefs, who then became kings. At its height in 800 BCE, one of the largest Olmec cities, La Venta (its Spanish name-the Olmec name is lost) probably had a population of about fifteen thousand, including skilled potters, basket makers, weavers, masons, and carpenters. Jewelers made exquisite jade ornaments for the rich and powerful, who also adorned themselves with colorful quetzal feathers. The Olmecs never invented the technology to make metal tools, remaining a Stone Age civilization.

The first Olmec cities were centered on raised earthen mounds topped by temple structures. Beginning around 900 BCE, the Olmec replaced these with the stone pyramids that are still standing today. Aside from the pyramids, the most impressive Olmec ruins are colossal heads, each weighing twenty tons or more, carved out of volcanic basalt hauled from quarries more than fifty miles away. Archaeologists speculate that the heads are portraits of Olmec kings.

The Olmec religion revolved around a pantheon of G.o.ds and G.o.ddesses with combined human and animal features. A main G.o.d was pictured as a jaguar or sometimes a jaguar-serpent, with power over earth, rain, and fire. There was also a mother G.o.ddess, a bird G.o.d, and a "Feathered Serpent," a snake with quetzal plumage, which would appear again and again in Mesoamerican religions. Every human was felt to have an animal spirit, and all animals represented some mythological character or cosmic force. The jaguar was the most important.

The Olmecs began a number of traditions that endured for thousands of years. They built courts for a ball game that seemed to serve some religious or ceremonial purpose. In the game, two players or teams would face off wearing stone belts, which they used to maneuver a ten-pound rubber ball into a small stone ring above the court. The Olmecs also practiced human sacrifice: archaeologists believe the losers of this ball game were decapitated to please the G.o.ds!

But it wasn't all fun and games with the Olmecs. Like the Maya, they were close observers of the cosmos who invented an extremely precise "Long Count Calendar" based on a fifty-two-year cycle with numerous subcycles-more accurate than calendars in Europe, Asia, or Africa including some used thousands of years later. By 650 BCE they had invented a written language for record keeping, and they may also have invented the number zero-usually attributed to the Maya-as part of their calendar system.

Shaking Up the Compa.s.s East Meets West People like to throw the phrase around, but when did East meet West? The Middle East (the West, in this case-yes, it's confusing) is separated from China (the East) by two thousand miles of Central Asian mountain ranges and deserts. Given all those obstacles, it's hard to know exactly when the two areas got in touch for the first time.But this is one area where archaeologists get a little help from fas.h.i.+on: one of the first trade goods to make it from China to the Middle East was silk. That's no coincidence. In addition to feeling like a little slice of heaven on earth, silk is incredibly light and easy to carry. Wealthy people in the Middle East were willing to pay its weight in gold for the incredible luxury fabric.The Chinese knew they had a good thing going when they wove the first silk-like cloth in the third millennium BCE. The fine thread produced by native Chinese silkworms (Bombyx mori) that were fed on mulberry leaves was so smooth and soft that the kings of China established silk manufacturing as a royal concession. Archaeologists discovered the remains of silk manufacturing, including half a silk coc.o.o.n, dating back as far as 2600 BCE.However, the first evidence of silk in the Middle East comes from the mummy of a middle-aged Egyptian woman who died around 1000 BCE. The use of a silk scarf or bandana in her hair is a clear indicator of her wealth and status. From Egypt, demand for silk spread to the rest of the Mediterranean basin, and by 600 BCE, an epic caravan route named for the fabric, the Silk Road, connected Babylon to China. The Persians wore silk underneath their armor, and it's probably the luxurious "Amorgian" fabric referred to in Lysistrata Lysistrata, a Greek comedy from 411 BCE.As in following millennia, it's unlikely that any merchant actually traveled all the way from China to Egypt along the route later called the Silk Road. Instead, dozens of local traders probably made "short hops" (still very long, even by modern standards) to the next city or trading post along the route, Western merchants met Chinese merchants to exchange goods in modern-day Afghanistan and far western China. Over the course of several years, this trade relay finally brought the luxury fabric six thousand miles.North Meets South Silk traders weren't the only ones making long journeys during this period. A number of biblical and non-biblical sources tell of a historic visit to the court of King Solomon by the Queen of Sheba. No one is quite sure where Sheba was, but we can be relatively confident that someone someone visited Solomon, because she made a huge impression: some visited Solomon, because she made a huge impression: some major major bling. bling.According to Bible scholars, King Solomon ruled from 971 BCE to 931 BCE, presiding over a Jewish golden age before the kingdom of Israel split in two. At the crossroads of Africa and Asia, the little kingdom straddled a number of strategic trade routes. That's probably how the Jews came into contact with the land of Sheba.They're still debating the exact location, but most historians agree that Sheba was either in modern-day Yemen, south of Saudi Arabia, or just across the Red Sea in Ethiopia, home to the oldest civilizations of east Africa. The Ethiopians claim the "Queen of Sheba" as the ancient Queen Makeda, and Sheba may actually refer to an Ethiopian kingdom that controlled Yemen as well.The Queen of Sheba visited Solomon, according to the Bible, because she'd heard about his great wisdom and desired to test his knowledge and judgment. But the queen clearly intended to do more than administer a quick quiz, in light of the ludicrous luxury items she brought with her. In addition to spices, gems, and valuable hardwoods, she apparently rolled up in Jerusalem with 4.5 tons of gold, which she gave to Solomon as a gift. gift. Of course Solomon, not to be outdone, showered her with an equal amount of bling to take back with her to Sheba-but not before she converted to Judaism. Of course Solomon, not to be outdone, showered her with an equal amount of bling to take back with her to Sheba-but not before she converted to Judaism.The pair got along so well it's no surprise the visit got intimate: according to Ethiopian legend, Solomon seduced and impregnated Sheba, whose son, Menelik I, became the first emperor of Ethiopia. Thousands of years later, this story allowed Ethiopia's Christian kings to claim descent from King Solomon.

WORMS AT WORK.

It takes twenty-five thousand silkworm coc.o.o.ns to produce a pound of silk, with each coc.o.o.n producing a single silk thread up to nine hundred meters long!

WHO'S UP, WHO'S DOWN

Monotheism: UP UP

A cosmic battle between good and evil ends on the Day of Judgment. As the world is consumed by fire, the Savior returns to defeat evil once and for all, and the souls of the good rise to join him-while the souls of the wicked are condemned to burn forever in h.e.l.l. Sounds familiar, right? Just hold your spiritual horses: this isn't Christianity. It's Zoroastrianism, an ancient faith that's still practiced today by Indian believers called Parsis.

Zoroaster himself was a prophet who probably lived around 1000 BCE, along the Ditya River, in far eastern Iran. Zoroaster's teachings likely arrived in Medea, the most powerful kingdom in Iran, courtesy of nomadic tribesmen and long-distance traders.

According to Zoroaster, the existence of evil in the world is due to a mistake made by the first humans shortly after G.o.d (Ahura Mazda) created the universe. Ever since then the world has been a battleground between good and evil (or "the truth" and "the lie"), with human beings playing a central role. For good to win, humans must strive to be virtuous, doing acts of charity and holding true to their faith in spite of earthly temptations. According to legend, after receiving this revelation at the age of thirty, Zoroaster himself was tempted to renounce his faith by the devil, Angra Mainyu, but resisted.

The resemblance between Christianity and Zoroastrianism is no coincidence. During the chaotic times of Jesus Christ, the Middle East was permeated with the vivid imagery of Zoroastrianism, including its appealing vision of the just receiving their eternal reward-even if they suffered while on earth. Jesus Christ and his early Christian followers might not have consciously borrowed from Zoroastrianism. But it would have been hard to escape the influence of this ancient religion.

While many details of Zoroaster's life and teachings do sound a lot like Christ's, or vice versa, other parts are different: for example, instead of going to Heaven after the apocalypse, Zoroaster said the spirits of the good would be reincarnated in a new world created by G.o.d-which sounds more like Hinduism.

In Zoroastrianism, symbols of G.o.d include the sun, called the "Eye of Ahura Mazda," and fire, the sign of His presence on earth. To this day, Parsi places of wors.h.i.+p are known as "fire temples," and fire has an important role in their ceremonies. This led outside observers to mistakenly label Parsis "fire wors.h.i.+ppers." Parsi priests dress in flowing white robes symbolizing purity, and receive a silver mace capped with the head of a bull when they are inducted into the priesthood.

Appalling Viciousness: UP, THEN DOWN UP, THEN DOWN

Throwing babies on spears? Skinning people alive? All in a day's work for the a.s.syrians, who were truly "mad, bad, and dangerous to know." Since at least 1800 BCE, the a.s.syrians had been brooding violently in their homeland on a stretch of the Tigris River in northern Iraq. They got their big break when the invasions of the Sea Peoples upset the regional pecking order. After the collapse of the Hitt.i.te empire in 1200 BCE, the a.s.syrians embarked on a series of conquests stretching fifteen hundred miles from Egypt to the Persian Gulf.

Previously, Middle Eastern armies used horses to pull chariots, and the a.s.syrians were quick studies in chariot combat. But they also became expert fighters while riding on horseback. a.s.syrian hors.e.m.e.n were armed with spears, swords, and bows and arrows. They also invented battering rams to subdue walled cities.

They were not nice people. By their own account they routinely slaughtered the inhabitants of conquered cities, turning them into ghost towns. King Ashurnasirpal II bragged that he cut off the limbs of captured soldiers, then impaled, flayed, and burned them alive; in fact, he was so proud of this that he decorated his palace with art depicting such scenes. King Esarhaddon built pyramids of skulls outside cities he destroyed. And in 689 BCE, after Babylon launched an ill-advised rebellion, King Sennacherib thoughtfully leveled the city by opening the irrigation ca.n.a.ls and flooding it.

Needless to say no one much cared for the a.s.syrians, who maintained control by keeping a monopoly on the supply of iron weapons. For the same reason they also jealously guarded their horses. But in the end, iron and horses couldn't save the a.s.syrians from their own barbaric cruelty. A reputation for brutality worked fine as psychological warfare when they were strong-but when the a.s.syrians were weakened by internal divisions, everyone revolted.

A Babylonian uprising in 625 BCE, led by a native prince named Nabopola.s.sar, led to the total collapse of the a.s.syrian empire, with all the conquered peoples rising against their brutal masters. But there was plenty more brutality on the way. The new Babylonian bosses had picked up some of the a.s.syrians' worst habits-as the long-suffering Jews were about to find out.

Jews: DOWN, UP, DOWN, UP (Ech, I'm DOWN, UP, DOWN, UP (Ech, I'm Farmisht, Farmisht, Already!) Already!)

The Jews found themselves in trouble in Egypt in this period, and in even more trouble trying to leave.

After wandering south into Egypt around 1500 BCE, the Jews settled east of the Nile River Delta and got on fairly well with the Egyptians-at first. But at some point the Egyptians turned on their guests, enslaving them and forcing them to build two palace cities for the pharaoh-probably Ramesses II (12791213 BCE). In an even more unfriendly gesture, according to the Old Testament, Ramesses II then ordered every newborn Jewish male to be drowned.

Rather than kill her son, one Jewish mother built a small boat of reeds and floated the child into the Nile River. Her son washed up in a clump of river reeds, where one of the pharaoh's daughters found him and decided to raise him as her own son; Moses Moses may come from the word for "son" in ancient Egyptian. may come from the word for "son" in ancient Egyptian.

Raised in the pharaoh's household, Moses was rich and culturally Egyptian-but still sympathetic to his people's plight. In fact, one day he killed an Egyptian slave master who was being cruel to Jewish slaves. After the murder, he was forced to flee the royal court to become a shepherd in the desolate Sinai Peninsula. There G.o.d appeared to him in the form of a burning bush and commanded him to lead the "Israelites" to freedom.

But the new pharaoh (probably Merneptah) wanted to keep the Israelites as slaves. So G.o.d got serious, hitting Egypt with ten "plagues," each nastier than the last, including turning the Nile into blood, and releasing swarms of frogs and locusts and diseases that killed off Egyptian livestock. The tenth plague was the deal breaker, killing every Egyptian firstborn male.

To stop the divine punishments, the Egyptians drove the Israelites out of Egypt, which was great, since they were seriously ready to leave by this time. After forty years of wandering in the desert, the Israelites finally succeeded in conquering the Holy Land, then called Canaan, under Joshua, an apprentice of Moses and a talented military commander. The Jews reclaimed their Promised Land with a vengeance, dividing the land and cities among the thirteen tribes of Israel.

When Joshua died, the Israelites were ruled by a series of "judges," who traveled the land explaining Jewish law and settling legal disputes. However, in history's first recorded instance of kvetching, the Israelites became dissatisfied with the judges' leaders.h.i.+p. They demanded that the fourteenth judge, Samuel, appoint a king so the Israelites could be like other nations. Despite personal reservations, Samuel picked a military hero named Saul to become the first king of the Jews.

BECAUSE WOMEN REALLY ARE BETTER AT MULt.i.tASKING...

Unusual for this male-dominated society, one of the Hebrew judges was a woman: Deborah, who was also a prophet, poet, and victorious military leader. The story of Deborah, who held court under a palm tree near the desert, suggests a bigger role for women in early Jewish history. To this day Jews trace religious descent through the mother's line (much like ancient Egypt)-another hint of matriarchal organization in early times.

Saul scored a big victory against the Philistines-but later turned out to be just a tad crazy. As he came unhinged, he relied more and more on David, a young shepherd whose harp playing soothed him when he was feeling off kilter. He even allowed David to represent the Israelites in one-on-one combat with the Philistines' best fighter, a giant named Goliath. Miraculously, David killed Goliath with a single stone from his slingshot.

Unfortunately, the Jews' tribal rivalries continued to paralyze them after Saul died. Around 1000 BCE, the kingdom of the Jews was divided in two, and the weakened, divided kingdoms were no match for fierce northerners who first showed up around 900 BCE-the a.s.syrians, followed by the Babylonians, who took a page from the a.s.syrian playbook (It Takes a Village to Raze Another Village).

The Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar wanted to rebuild the a.s.syrian empire, except this time with Babylonians in charge. In 607 BCE, he burned Jerusalem, including the fabulous Temple of Solomon, as an example to other small kingdoms not to resist him. Then, to make further resistance impossible, he kidnapped the entire Jewish population and moved it to Babylon. The Jews' infamous Babylonian exile lasted more than fifty years, until they were rescued by a visionary leader from the east, Cyrus the Great of Persia.

Open-mindedness: UP UP

Persia was the great-granddaddy of world empires-a huge realm stretching three thousand miles from Greece to India. The Persian empire united many different regions and societies under the rule of one man, the Great King, or king of kings. The founder of the Persian empire, Cyrus the Great, learned from the a.s.syrians' mistakes and adopted an open-minded style of government that made Persia a success.

Cyrus himself was a follower of Zoroaster. But basically he never met a religion he didn't like: as long as the local priests supported his authority, he'd perform whatever bizarre rituals they required.

When Cyrus was born, the Persians were va.s.sals of their neighbors, the Medes, who fancied themselves more civilized than their country cousins in good ol' Pars (the Persian heartland). But civilization is a mixed blessing. Wandering the mountain valleys of Iran on horseback, the Persians stayed close to their nomadic roots, which gave them a big combat advantage.

EVERYTHING THEY NEED TO KNOW, THEY LEARNED IN THE ZAGROS MOUNTAINS.

According to Herodotus, the early Persians were simple, virtuous people who taught their sons just three things: to ride a horse, to use a bow and arrow, and to tell the truth.

Sensing widespread resentment against the Medes over high taxes, Cyrus organized a rebellion against his own grandfather, the Medean king Astyages, in 554 BCE. As king, Cyrus showed a light touch, treating the Medes as equals of his Persian subjects. Astyages's Medean soldiers then joined his army, making possible the great conquests that followed. In fact, so many of Cyrus's troops and administrators were Medes that his "Persians" were actually known to contemporaries as "the Medes." But then, ancient chroniclers were hardly precise (and neither are we).

Next, Cyrus. .h.i.t the rich kingdom of Lydia, in central Turkey, ruled by the fabulously wealthy king Croesus. Actually Croesus started it: he was afraid Cyrus was going to conquer Babylon, which he wanted for himself. Before attacking Persia, across the Halys River, however, Croesus (a rather neurotic king) sought rea.s.surance in the worst place possible-the Oracle of Apollo at Delphi. There he received a prophecy he thought was encouraging: "If Croesus crosses the Halys, a great empire shall be brought down." So Croesus attacked Cyrus in 547 BCE.

But Cyrus quickly turned the tables on him: the next year, in a daring mid-winter campaign, he introduced the Lydian cavalry to Central Asian camels. The Lydian horses bolted, terrified of the unfamiliar animals, and the Persians captured the Lydian capital, Sardis, as well as Croesus, with his huge treasure. The empire Croesus destroyed was his own (cue ironic trombone sound effect).