Mercenary Trilogy - Willing Part 22

"Maybe, but it doesn't matter now."

"No, I don't suppose it does." Except that he was obviously not open to a different way of life.

Just like her dad.

"Where's your house?"

"New Mexico."

"Isn't that a long way from the merc school?"

"I can go home between training sessions the same way I stay there between a.s.signments now, but I

might build again on the Oregon coast. I haven't decided yet.""What part of New Mexico is your house in right now?""About an hour from Roswell." He slipped his arm around her waist and spread his fingers out over her naked stomach.She sucked in a breath. "You mean the Area 51 Roswell?""I don't think there's another one.""Are you interested in UFOs?" Her interest in their conversation was rapidly dwindling as his fingers brushed up and down on her wet skin."Not really, but I like the spa.r.s.e population of the New Mexico desert. You can drive miles withoutseeing any signs of civilization but the road you're taking. It reminds me a little of where I grew up, but the winters aren't cold like they are in South Dakota. To be honest, I like that as much as not having a lotof neighbors to disturb me."She rubbed her head against his shoulder, loving how solid he was. "Do you ever want to go back?""To the reservation?""Yes.""I visit once a year."That shocked her, and she jerked around to look at him, dislodging his hand so it settled on her hip. "

You do?"

"Yes, but my close family is gone, so it's more of a pilgrimage." He'd been looking up at the sky, but transferred his somber gaze to her. "My grandfather's art is displayed in one of the small museums. I like to go and see it, to remember my dad's temper isn't the only legacy I have from that side of the family."

"You learned to control your temper, so I'd say it's not much of a legacy anyway."

"Maybe you're right."

She scanned his sculpted features, wondering what his dad looked like if everyone said the two of them could pa.s.s for twins. He must be a very beautiful man, on the surface anyway. "Do you remember any good times with your parents?"

He was silent for a long time, and she thought he was going to refuse to answer, but then he nodded. " They got along great when he wasn't drinking and she wasn't trying to talk me into going to college and him into paying for it. He used to teach me how to carve with his hands over mine. I still do it sometimes; it's good for my manual dexterity."

A huge bubble of emotion welled up in Josie and spilled over, warming her from the inside out. Daniel had made choice after choice to keep the best of his past and dismiss the rest of it. If only he could see how far he had come from being anything like his lost father.

Daniel sighed. "She loved his art, and he acted like he loved her."

"But he didn't love her enough to stop drinking."

"No." He shook his head. "Looking back now, I realize they could have had a great marriage, but his violent rages stopped that. There were times he went to kiss her that I could tell she was just tolerating him. She never denied him, but he had to know she didn't want him. I vowed I'd never do that to a woman, would never touch her unless she welcomed my touch."

That's where he'd gotten the need to be welcomed, not just accepted into her bed.

"Your mom must have believed it would get better."

"Maybe in the beginning, but by the time I was in school, the pattern had been set. He drank every weekend and lost his temper almost as often. The older I got, the more frequently he drank during the week as well. She always made excuses for him, but the truth was, he didn't care about anyone else enough to stop, and she didn't think enough of herself to leave him."

"That must have hurt you a lot."

"Yes."

She liked that he didn't try to deny it.

"Dad may have strange ideas about how to raise a daughter, but he always loved me. He would never have hurt me. I know it doesn't change anything, but I'm sorry your dad hurt you."

"I'm sorrier he hurt my mom, but it couldn't have been easy training to be a soldier when you were so little."

"He was a lot easier on me than he was his soldiers...until I got older, and then he expected me to be better than all of them."

"You are."

"I tried. I thought my dad's love depended on me being the best soldier I could be. I didn't realize he loved me for being me until a couple of years ago."

"What happened then?""I got shot on a.s.signment and almost died. I was in a hospital in the Middle East for ten weeks."Remembering that time made her s.h.i.+ver despite the hot water bubbling around her. "He cancelled hisspring training session and flew out to be with me. He sat beside my hospital bed that first night and cried,telling me how much he loved me and begging me not to die. I'd never seen him cry before. I couldn'ttalk much, but I tried to tell him I would be okay. He never left my room until the danger zone was past."

"He realized that what he'd raised you to be put you at risk in just the way he'd been trying to protect you from all your life."

"You're pretty smart. I think that's exactly how he felt.""I read enough of his journals to realize how he would have reacted to you almost dying. It would havehit me the same way."

"You and my father have a lot in common.""Not so much. He succeeded in protecting you.""He didn't think so when I got shot. He kept saying he was sorry, and I couldn't understand why. Now I do. But one thing became very clear: He didn't love me because I was a superior soldier. He loved me because I was his daughter."

"Is that when you decided to get out of the business?""When I realized I didn't have to be a soldier for my dad to love me, I asked myself if I wanted to spendthe rest of my life being one. The answer was no."

"You'd rather work with computers?"

"In some capacity, yes. I'm not like Claire and Hotwire, though. I'd be content to work in a job thatused my computer skills, but didn't focus on them.""So, you don't know if you'll take the job Wolf and Hotwire offered you with their security business?""No, I don't. There's a whole wide world out there, and I don't know where I want to live in it or what I want to be. It's pretty strange realizing at the age of twenty-six I can be anything I want."

"All I ever wanted was to be a Special Forces soldier. I chose the Rangers because the army was theeasiest military organization to join.""Why did you get out?""After my mom died, I couldn't stay in it.""Because she asked you to leave the army and come home to take care of your dad and you refused?

You felt guilty having your dream when your mom was dead.""Yes."She understood, but she thought it was such a waste. "You're an incredible soldier, Daniel."

"There's a lot more freedom being a merc than there was in the Rangers.""Yes, but I think you would have been happy if you'd stayed."He pulled her back against him, tucking her head into his shoulder again, but didn't respond. The silence lasted a long time, and she let her gaze drift lazily across the now star laden sky.

"My dad is up for parole this year." His voice after such an extended silence surprised her, but no more

than the words.

"I thought you didn't keep track of him."

"I don't, but Sergeant Major does. He's gone to visit Thunder in prison."

"Does he encourage you to go, too?"

"No. He says that kind of thing is something a man can only do if his soul leads him to it."

Daniel's sergeant major was a wise man.

"Do you want to talk to your dad again?"

"I want to ask if the drinking was worth killing her."

Josie knew with the same instincts that had saved her life more than once that Daniel wanted to ask a

whole lot more than that, but she said nothing. If he ever did decide he wanted to see his father, she

hoped Daniel would let her be there for him because no matter how hard he sounded, his heart wasn't as

invulnerable as he wanted to believe.

"Has he told the sergeant major he wants to see you?"

"If he has, Master Sergeant Cordell didn't pa.s.s it on, but he wouldn't."

"No matter what you decide, you're a good man, Daniel."

"You're good for me, Josette."

"Thanks."

In her mind, they had spent enough time talking about deep subjects. Daniel needed his thoughts directed

to something more pleasant, and she had a pretty good idea how to do that.

Slipping her hand up his thigh, she brushed it quite deliberately against his s.e.x. His body went instantly rigid, and she could hear the increased pounding of his heart against her head.

She smiled and relaxed against him as if she hadn't a care in the world, while at the same time guiding her

hand beneath his waistband. "Keep your eyes on the stars, Daniel."

Anyone looking at them from outside would think she was just resting against him while they both

unwound in the spa. Her hand slid inexorably downward until her fingers tangled with the light, curlingpatch of hair above his p.e.n.i.s.His hand latched on to her wrist, stopping her from moving lower. "What are you doing?""Can't you tell?"

"We're in a public place, Josette, or hadn't you noticed?"

"What I noticed is that the bubbles make it impossible to see what is happening under the water."

"You don't think my raw shout of ecstasy will give you away?"

She laughed softly, wiggling her fingers against him even if she couldn't reach her main target. "That's a long way off. If you keep your face expressionless, no one will know what I'm doing. You're good at controlling your temper, Daniel. Do you think you can control your pa.s.sion?"

"You make it hard," he growled.