The Road To Her Part 21

"Sorry," Elise repeated. "It's just...well, you know."

"It's fine," I said.

"So," Elise said. "Your dressing room or mine?"

"Well," I said, raising an eyebrow. "I've just seen Bella go off in the direction of the canteen, so I'd say mine."

We dropped one another's hands and walked from the set and down to my room. I occasionally allowed my hand to brush against Elise's hand or back whenever we were alone or hidden from view. I loved it. Things that I'd wanted to do for ages, just simple things like touch her or be close to her, and I could finally do them now. I thought I'd never be able to keep my hands off her ever again.

Back in my dressing room, there was a brief moment of initial shyness as we both went in, unsure really what to do, a shared knowledge that we were about to pick up where we'd left off the previous night hanging in the air. Elise hung back by the door while I went and sat on the sofa before finally following me and sitting at the other end from me, crossing her long legs and angling herself so she was facing me, putting her arm across the back of the sofa.

"I can't stop smiling," she finally said, after a few seconds of awkward silence. She leant her head sideways against the back of the sofa and gazed at me. "I keep wondering if last night really happened."

"You're not having second thoughts about stuff, are you?" I asked uncertainly. "I know you said this morning, but..."

She shook her head, holding her hand out to me. I took it, linking her fingers with mine. She looked at me a while longer, then got up from the sofa and locked the door, returning to sit closer to me this time.

"Does this feel like I'm having second thoughts?" she asked, cupping my face in both her hands and kissing me, so tenderly and gently that my insides flipped right over. She carried on kissing me, soft and long, then slowed it right down, kissing first my top lip, then my bottom lip, then repeating the same movement over and over until I was nearly going crazy for her.

"Well?" she finally asked.

"Nuh-uh." I shook my head, dazed.

"Good." She got up and sauntered back over to the door, unlocked it, then opened it up. "Now, what about lunch?" she said, leaning against the door frame. "I'm starving."

Chapter Twenty-two.

"You," Elise said, her voice low outside my bedroom door the next evening, "are a tease."

"And what's teasing about making you wait?" I called out from inside my room. "The fans have to wait to see me, the press have to wait to see me, so why can't you?"

"Er, h.e.l.lo?" Elise laughed. "Because!"

"Because?" I taunted.

She opened my bedroom door and walked in, closing it and leaning against it. "Because if I don't see you right now, I think I'm going to die."

"So dramatic," I called from inside my en-suite where I was applying dark eyeliner in the large mirror. "I can totally see why you're an actress."

It was awards night, and I was deliriously happy just to know that I'd be going with Elise. She had just arrived at my apartment after a full day of filming on set with Bella and Rory where it had been impossible to have so much as five minutes alone with her the entire day. Now, I had barely an hour to get changed, dress, leave my apartment, and arrive at the ceremony, taking place in a small arena in central London.

"So?" I stepped out from the en-suite and stood in front of Elise, my arms out to the sides of me. "Will I do?"

I was wearing a dark red dress, cut above the knee, which clung to me perfectly and kept clinging to me perfectly, more so as I walked towards her.

"Whoa," she said, looking at me admiringly. "You look amazing! C'mere." She held her hand out to me and chewed at her lip as I took her hand and went to her.

She pulled me close to her and started kissing my neck, whispering to me how fabulous she thought I looked. When her lips started kissing their way towards my mouth, I reluctantly stepped back, shaking my head and laughing.

"Nuh-uh," I said, moving away. "You're not kissing these lips until later, you."

"You're kidding me, right?" Elise looked hurt.

I pointed to my face. "See this? I've just spent the best part of an hour making it look this fabulous, so if you think you can kiss all this gloss off, you can think again."

Her eyebrow arched. "There's a name for girls like you, you know," she said, pulling a grumpy face.

"Yup, and at the moment it's Miss Perfect, so go get your bag and you can spend the rest of the evening thinking about how much fun you're going to have, kissing it all off later," I said, ushering her back into the hall. "Our car will be here in five, so go!"

Still grumbling, Elise disappeared into the hallway while I followed her. My nerves were really kicking in now, as I knew that in less than an hour we'd be at the arena and in our seats, waiting to hear who'd won what. I'd been nominated once before at an awards ceremony-Best Child, when I'd started on PR eight years earlier-but never as an adult. Now, knowing that there would be hundreds of screaming fans waiting for us outside the arena, TV cameras focused on all the arriving cars, and paps shouting out for us, I was absolutely bricking it.

I watched Elise from behind as I followed her, thinking how amazing she looked. More than amazing. She looked absolutely out of this world. She'd gone for an understated cream halter-neck dress, which, like my dress, clung to all the right places, with stunning killer heels, and with just the minimal amount of make-up on, she just oozed cla.s.s and sophistication. I looked at her and thought that, together, we'd look unbeatable.

"You look hot." I caught up with her and ran my fingers slowly down the side of her dress as she leant over the arm of my sofa to retrieve her bag. "It's going to be agony sitting next to you all evening trying to keep my hands off you!"

"Mm-hmm." She grinned mischievously up at me from under hair flopping artfully over her eyes. "Now you know how it feels."

The TV cameras and paparazzi obviously thought she was hot, too. When we arrived and got out of the official car that had taken us there, there was an almighty rugby scrum to see who could get to us first. We had cameras shoved in our faces, microphones pushed under our noses, and what seemed like a million flashlights going off whenever we so much as turned a certain way or waved to the crowd.

And the crowd! Oh, boy! There were hundreds and hundreds of fans waiting outside the arena, all calling out our names or calling out for Jasey. The noise was incredible and the atmosphere totally crazy, but we both whooped it up, going over to speak to a few of the fans, having our photos taken on various mobile phones, signing autographs, and even, at one point, speaking to one girl's mother when she put her mobile phone into my hand and asked me to. We loved it all.

"Well, they sure love you two, don't they?" Bella was waiting in the lobby of the arena while Rory-whom she'd arrived with-disappeared to speak to Kevin.

I hugged Bella when I saw her, both of us doing air kisses so as not to smudge our make-up.

"Photo hacks hardly batted an eyelid when Rory and I fell out of the car five minutes ago." She put her arm round my shoulders and gave me a friendly squeeze.

"I'm so nervous, Bella," I said, rubbing my hands together for no other reason than it made me feel better to do it.

"You'll knock them dead tonight, whatever happens," Bella said. "You both will." She reached out a hand and rubbed Elise's arm.

We made our way into the arena, where all the PR actors were seated together in the first ten or so seats just to the left of the stage, and waited for the ceremony to start. The guy hosting the awards-a stalwart of daytime TV-began with the usual few jokes before starting the serious business of presenting the awards, the first three going to a rival soap, making the PR cast glance at one another nervously. When we finally did win an award-for Best Exit-the arena erupted, and I figured we'd all be okay from then on.

Elise and I didn't win Best Couple, nor did I win Best Actress (yes, that girl from the other soap who I just knew would win got it), but I was totally stoked when Elise won Best Female Newcomer. It was like one of those slow-motion moments when you watch the person presenting the award open the envelope and read the name out, like you can't quite believe you've heard it right.

Elise looked to me wide-eyed as the announcement was made.

"Me?" she mouthed.

"You," I mouthed back. I leant over to her. "And you totally deserve it," I whispered in her ear.

Then, all chaos broke out. The audience went wild, applauding and whooping and calling out her name, while Bella, Rory, Robbie, and anyone else who was close enough to us leant over their seats to congratulate her. I pulled away from her, just happy to let her soak up the applause.

She still looked stunned as she made her way carefully up to the stage to collect her award, and I seriously thought my heart might burst with pride. I didn't have a hint of envy-just unadulterated pride and happiness for her, knowing how hard she-well, we-had worked, just lately, to get to this point. It was as though her award was reward for both of us and also recognition of the fact that, in my own way, I'd played some part in Elise getting it.

"Wow." Elise stood on the stage, one hand clasped to her chest, the other clutching the award, which had just been pa.s.sed to her. "I don't really know what to say."

A small ripple of laughter echoed round the arena.

"No, seriously." Elise looked around her. "I really don't know what to say."

Another ripple.

She looked at her award. "This is awesome," she finally said. "And totally unexpected."

"They all say that." Bella leant over two chairs towards me, nearly losing her balance, and whispered in my ear.

"I have so many people I need to thank for allowing me to win this award," Elise said, gazing down at it. "The writers, of course, for coming up with the Jasey storyline in the first place." She paused, grinning, as a whoop went up from around the arena. "Because without them, there wouldn't be a Jasmine and Casey." She looked at her award again, deep in thought. "The producers and directors, my other cast members, the make-up team for always making me look like I haven't just got out of bed..." Another loud cheer went up, allowing Elise the time to finally make eye contact with me.

My breath caught in my throat at just how gorgeous she looked. She was radiant, confident, and funny, loving every second of being up there on the stage. This was everything she wanted to be: famous and loved by her fans. And as I looked around me, I knew from the reaction she was getting that the crowd in the arena really did love her, just as much, if not more, than they loved Casey.

When I looked back, as the cheering subsided, she was still looking at me.

"Portobello Road has changed my life," she said. "In more ways than anyone in this room will ever understand. Everyone except one person, that is." She carried on looking at me. "Holly Croft." She opened her mouth to continue, but stopped as another loud cheer went up, one that seemed to go on forever. I turned and smiled at Bella as she leant over again and patted my leg, giving me a rea.s.suring wink.

"Without Holly Croft," Elise said as the noise in the arena died down, "there would be no Casey and no Jasey-or at least not as we all know and love them." She looked directly at me. "And that's all down to you, Hol." I caught her gaze and held it, hearing the cheers ring out around me again. It was like the room receded at that moment, and it was just me and her. No one else mattered. She was talking to me directly. No one but me.

"I love working with you," she said. "Every day on set with you is a blast, and I can't imagine not sharing it all with you." She looked down at me. "You're funny, smart, fiery, and you're a d.a.m.n good actress as well, which makes working with you so much easier."

There were a few small laughs from around us.

"I can't imagine not being with you every day," she said. "And if it wasn't for you, then I wouldn't be standing here with this award right now." She lifted the award up higher. "So this is for you, too, Hol. Jasey forever."

The room erupted in deafening cheers as Elise walked away from the stage and made her way carefully back down the steps to the side of it, her award clutched safely in her hand.

It had been an awesome speech and I'd totally read the subliminal message behind what she was saying, even if it had been agony having to sit, totally poker-faced but with just the hint of an enigmatic smile on my face, knowing that the cameras would be fixed well and truly on me. All I'd wanted to do while she was talking was to go up on that stage with her and shout out to everyone in that packed arena just what a wonderful person Elise was, and how much I loved her, and- How much I loved her?

My heart pounded.

I did. I loved her.

Watching her as she made her way down the aisle back to her seat, I knew that I really did love her, and that I didn't know what I'd do if she wasn't in my life. She had become my life, and hearing her tell an audience of hundreds, in her own way, how much I meant to her, too, just made my heart swell with so much love and pride, I thought I could have burst into tears right there and then.

Chapter Twenty-three.

Her speech over, Elise returned to sit with me once more, still holding her silver award-a twisted piece of metal which looked a bit like an ice cream in a cornet-but we both tried to ignore that.

"You were awesome," I whispered in her ear once she'd sat down next to me. "And I'm so happy for you."

"I meant every word." Elise raised her voice slightly as a swell of applause for the next award rose up. "This is just as much for you as it is for me."

She placed the award in my lap, and I stared down at it with her, running my fingers over the TV TodayaBest Female Newcomer words etched into its base. I looked at her and filled with pride. It had taken every ounce of restraint not to kiss her when she had come back to her seat after accepting it, and it was taking every ounce again now. She looked so happy, so proud, and so fulfilled, and I was overwhelmed with happiness to see her like that.

The ceremony ended soon after Elise's award. Photos were taken, interviews were conducted, and Elise was-quite rightly-the centre of attention. Everyone was desperate for a piece of her.

"I've just done an interview with Just So magazine, a quick TV interview for tomorrow's Good Morning programme, and about five hundred photos for the morning's papers," she said breathlessly, looking round the bar to which the entire PR cast had decamped and where they were now taking advantage of the free champagne.

Despite all the champagne and exhilaration of the evening, and how long all the after-ceremony media was now taking, she still looked totally amazing. I glanced at her as she grabbed a drink from a pa.s.sing waiter and drank it back, her eyes still glinting with happiness. She looked alive and glowing and, to me, just so sweet and lovable I could have happily grabbed her hand there and then and led her straight back to my apartment. But I couldn't. Tonight, Elise belonged to everyone else but me, so I had to be patient and contain my longing for her just that little bit longer. I knew I needed to be content to just watch her network, and that I had to leave her in peace to lap up the attention and focus on the very aspect of her life that she was always telling me was everything to her: her popularity.

"I've still got to do a group shot with all the other winners and get some done with Danny Byers," Elise now said eagerly, putting her drink down on the bar and heading over to the other side of the room. Danny had won Best Male Newcomer.

Her photo call with Danny took place just to the side of where we were drinking, so I could see it all unfold in front of me. She worked the camera well and, to his credit, so did he.

I watched her with a swell of admiration. She was doing the thing she loved to do best in the world and was doing it well. She turned her head this way and that, instinctively knowing which way to stand in order for the photographer to get the best shot. They called out to her, asking for a certain look, thanking her when she obliged. They knew, she knew, and I knew that the photos that would come out of this brief shoot would be out of this world.

My admiration for her was coupled with love, too. I loved her not only for the way she was working the camera to her advantage, but also for the way she knew I was watching and would occasionally glance my way with a rea.s.suring look that said, I'll be done here soon and then I'm all yours.

"She's good, yes?" Bella's voice sounded beside me. I'd been so transfixed by watching Elise that I hadn't noticed her come and stand next to me.

"She has something, doesn't she?" I said, my voice thick with pride. "Something special."

"She does." Bella followed my gaze to Elise. "I tell you what, they never photographed me like that when I was her age." She sipped from her champagne flute. "Fat chance they're ever going to now, either." She gave a slightly drunken snort, then put her arm round my shoulders, nearly pulling me off my feet. "You look glowing tonight, by the way," she said. "You both do. I'm very proud of the pair of you."

"Mother Bella." I put my head in the crook of her neck.

"Always," Bella said.

"I just wish..." I shook my head. "Nothing."

"You're smitten, aren't you?" Bella said. "I looked at you when she was accepting the award and I thought to myself, there's a girl who's so in love, I can see it in her face."

"You don't care that I'm in love with another girl, do you?" I asked.

"You know I don't!" Bella looked aghast. "I told you before, love is love. Take it when you can."

"I just wish my love didn't feel so tainted," I said, taking a small sip from my gla.s.s.

"Tainted?" Bella asked.

"She makes it feel like that sometimes," I replied, stung with guilt for even having uttered the words, but lighter for it somehow, too. "I just wish she wasn't so furtive about us all the time." I looked over to Elise. "She thinks the world will stop turning if anyone ever found out about us," I said. "Or, rather, she thinks her world will stop turning."

"It sounds as though Elise's world is very important to her," Bella said. "Just be patient with her. That sounds like all she needs from you right now. Patience and understanding." She raised her arm in greeting as she spied someone else she knew across the other side of the room, spilling half her champagne as she did so. "s.h.i.+t!" She put the gla.s.s in her other hand, shaking the hand that had just been soaked. "That's going to need a refill, isn't it? Back in a mo'," she said, wandering off in the direction of the bar.

I carried on watching as Elise posed for her final photograph, then stood to one side to allow yet another interviewer to corner her for some quotes for the morning papers. Her eyes drifted to mine and held them briefly as she spoke, then drifted back to the interviewer, her attention focused on him, once more.

Finally, she was finished. She walked quickly over to where I was standing in the shadows, empty champagne gla.s.s still in my hand.