Dragon Tears Part 6

The kitchen was bigger than expected in a bungalow and a lot cheerier than the hallway: Mexican-tile floor, knotty-pine cabinetry, a large window looking onto a s.p.a.cious backyard. A Kenny G number was on the radio. The air was heavy with the rich aroma of coffee.

"Like a cup?" Ricky asked.

"If it's not any trouble."

"No trouble at all. Just made a fresh pot."

While Ricky got a cup and saucer from one of the cabinets and poured coffee, Harry studied him. He was worried by what he saw.

Ricky's face was too thin, drawn with deeply carved lines at the corners of his eyes and framing his mouth. His skin sagged as if it had lost nearly all elasticity. His eyes were rheumy. Maybe it was only a backsplash of color from his s.h.i.+rt, but his white hair had an unhealthy yellow tint, and both his face and the whites of his eyes exhibited a hint of jaundice.

He had lost more weight. His clothes hung loosely on him. His belt was cinched to the last hole, and the seat of his pants drooped like an empty sack.

Enrique Estefan was an old man. He was only thirty-six, one year younger than Harry, but he was an old man just the same.

2.

Much of the time, the blind woman lived not merely in darkness but in another world quite apart from the one into which she had been born. Sometimes that inner realm was a kingdom of brightest fantasy with pink and amber castles, palaces of jade, luxury high-rise apartments, Bel Air estates with vast verdant lawns. In these settings she was the queen and ultimate ruler-or a famous actress, fas.h.i.+on model, acclaimed novelist, ballerina. Her adventures were exciting, romantic, inspiring. At other times, however, it was an evil empire, all shadowy dungeons, dank and dripping catacombs full of decomposing corpses, blasted landscapes as gray and bleak as the craters of the moon, populated by monstrous and malevolent creatures, where she was always on the run, hiding and afraid, neither powerful nor famous, often cold and naked.

Occasionally her interior world lacked concreteness, was only a domain of colors and sounds and aromas, without form or texture, and she drifted through it, wondering and amazed. Often there was music-Elton John, Three Dog Night, Nilsson, Marvin Gaye, Jim Croce, the voices of her time-and the colors swirled and exploded to accompany the songs, a light show so dazzling that the real world could never produce its equal.

Even during one of those amorphous phases, the magic country within her head could darken and become a fearful place. The colors grew clotted and somber; the music discordant, ominous. She felt that she was being swept away by an icy and turbulent river, choking on its bitter waters, struggling for breath but finding none, then breaking the surface and gasping in lungsful of sour air, frantic, weeping, praying for delivery to a warm dry sh.o.r.e.

Once in a while, as now, she surfaced from the false worlds within her and became aware of the reality in which she actually existed. m.u.f.fled voices in adjacent rooms and hallways. The squeak of rubber-soled shoes. The pine scent of disinfectant, medicinal aromas, sometimes (but not now) the pungent odor of urine. She was swaddled in crisp, clean sheets, cool against her fevered flesh. When she disentangled her right hand from the bedding and reached out blindly, she found the cold steel safety railing on the side of her hospital bed.

At first she was preoccupied by the need to identify a strange sound. She did not try to rise up, but held fast to the railing and was perfectly still, listening intently to what initially seemed to be the roar of a great crowd in a far arena. No. Not a crowd. Fire. The chuckling-whispering-hissing of an all-consuming blaze. Her heart began to pound, but at last she recognized the fire for what it was: its opposite, the quenching downpour of a major storm.

She relaxed slightly-but then a rustle arose nearby, and she froze again, wary. "Who's there?" she asked, and was surprised that her speech was thick and slurred.

"Ah, Jennifer, you're with us."

Jennifer. My name is Jennifer.

The voice had been that of a woman. She sounded past middle-age, professional but caring. Jennifer almost recognized the voice, knew she had heard it before, but she was not calmed.

"Who are you?" she demanded, disconcerted that she was unable to rid herself of the slur.

"It's Margaret, dear."

The tread of rubber-soled shoes, approaching.

Jennifer cringed, half expecting a blow but not sure why.

A hand took hold of her right wrist, and Jennifer flinched.

"Easy, dear. I only want to take your pulse."

Jennifer relented and listened to the rain.

After a while, Margaret let go of her wrist. "Fast but nice and regular." Memory slowly seeped back into Jennifer. "You're Margaret?"

"That's right."

"The day nurse."

"Yes, dear."

"So it's morning?"

"Almost three o'clock in the afternoon. I go off-duty in an hour. Then Angelina will take care of you."

"Why am I always so confused when I first . . . wake up?"

"Don't worry about it, dear. There's nothing you can do to change it. Is your mouth dry? Would you like something to drink?"

"Yes, please."

"Orange juice, Pepsi, Sprite?"

"Juice would be nice."

"I'll be right back."

Footsteps receding. A door opening. Left open. Above the sound of the rain, busy noises from elsewhere in the building, other people on other errands.

Jennifer tried to s.h.i.+ft to a more comfortable position in the bed, whereupon she rediscovered not merely the extent of her weakness but the fact that she was paralyzed on her left side. She could not move her left leg or even wiggle her toes. She had no feeling in her left hand or arm. A deep and terrible dread filled her. She felt helpless and abandoned. It seemed a matter of the utmost urgency that she recall how she had gotten in this condition and into this place. She lifted her right arm. Although she realized that it must be thin and frail, it felt heavy. With her right hand, she touched her chin, her mouth. Dry, rough lips. They had once been otherwise. Men had kissed her.

A memory glimmered in the darkness of her mind: a sweet kiss, murmured endearments. It was but a fragment of a recollection, without detail, leading nowhere.

She touched her right cheek, her nose. When she explored the left side of her face, she could feel it with her fingertips, but her cheek itself did not register her touch. The muscles in that side of her face felt . . . twisted.

After a brief hesitation, she slid her hand to her eyes. She traced their contours with her fingertips, and what she discovered caused her hand to tremble.

Abruptly she remembered not only how she had wound up in this place but everything else, her life back to childhood all in a flash, far more than she wanted to remember, more than she could bear.

She s.n.a.t.c.hed her hand away from her eyes and made a thin, awful sound of grief. She felt crushed under the weight of memory.

Margaret returned, shoes squeaking softly.

The gla.s.s clinked against the nightstand when she put it down.

"I'll just raise the bed so you'll be able to drink."

The motor hummed, and the head of the bed began to lift, forcing Jennifer into a sitting position. When the bed stopped moving, Margaret said, "What's wrong, dear? Why, I'd think you were trying to cry ... if you could."

"Does he still come?" Jennifer asked shakily.

"Of course, he does. At least twice a week. You were even alert on one of his visits a few days ago. Don't you remember?"

"No. I . . . I . . ."

"He's very faithful."

Jennifer's heart was racing. A pressure swelled across her chest. Her throat was so tight with fear that she had trouble speaking: "I don't . . . don't . . ."

"What's the matter, Jenny?"

". . . don't want him here!"

"Oh, now, you don't mean that."

"Keep him out of here."

"He's so devoted."

"No. He's . . . he's .. ."

"At least twice a week, and he sits with you for a couple of hours, whether you're with us or wrapped up inside yourself."

Jennifer shuddered at the thought of him in the room, by the bed, when she was not aware of her surroundings.

She reached out blindly, found Margaret's arm, squeezed it as tightly as she could. "He's not like you or me," she said urgently.

"Jenny, you're upsetting yourself."

"He's different." different."

Margaret put her hand on Jennifer's, gave it a rea.s.suring squeeze. "Now, I want you to stop this, Jenny."

"He's inhuman."

"You don't mean that. You don't know what you're saying."

"He's a monster."

"Poor baby. Relax, honey." A hand touched Jennifer's forehead, began to smooth away the furrows, brush the hair back. "Don't get yourself excited. Everything'll be all right. You're going to be fine, baby. Just settle down, easy now, relax, you're safe here, we love you here, we'll take good care of you. . . ."

After more of that, Jennifer grew calmer-but no less afraid.

The aroma of oranges made her mouth water. While Margaret held the gla.s.s, Jennifer drank through a straw. Her mouth didn't work quite right. Occasionally she had minor difficulty swallowing, but the juice was cold and delicious.

When she emptied the gla.s.s, she let the nurse blot her mouth with a paper napkin. She listened to the soothing fall of the rain, hoping that it would settle her nerves. It did not.

"Should I turn the radio on?" Margaret asked.

"No, thank you."

"I could read to you if you'd like. Poetry. You always enjoy listening to poetry."

"That would be nice."

Margaret drew a chair to the side of the bed and sat in it. As she sought a certain pa.s.sage in a book, the turning of the pages was a crisp and pleasant sound.

"Margaret?" Jennifer said before the woman could begin to read.

"Yes?"

"When he comes to visit . . ."

"What is it, dear?"

"You'll stay in the room with us, won't you?"

"If that's what you want, of course."

"Good."

"Now, how about a little Emily d.i.c.kinson?"

"Margaret?"

"Hmmmmm?"

"When he comes to visit and I'm . . . lost inside myself . . . you never let me alone with him, do you?"

Margaret was silent, and Jennifer could almost see the woman's disapproving frown.

"Do you?" she insisted.

"No, dear. I never do."

Jennifer knew the nurse was lying.

"Please, Margaret. You seem like a kind person. Please."

"Dear, really, he loves you. He comes so faithfully because he loves you. You're in no danger from your Bryan, none at all."

She s.h.i.+vered at the mention of the name. "I know you think I'm mentally disturbed . . . confused . . . .".

"A little Emily d.i.c.kinson will help."

"I am am confused about a lot of things," Jennifer said, dismayed to hear her voice growing rapidly weaker, "but not about this. I'm not the least bit confused about this." In a voice too full of artifice to convey the powerful, hidden sinewiness of d.i.c.kinson, the nurse began to read: confused about a lot of things," Jennifer said, dismayed to hear her voice growing rapidly weaker, "but not about this. I'm not the least bit confused about this." In a voice too full of artifice to convey the powerful, hidden sinewiness of d.i.c.kinson, the nurse began to read: "That Love is all there is, Is all we know of Love. "That Love is all there is, Is all we know of Love. . . ." . . ."