What A Boy Wants Part 13

She gave me a smile and pulled out. Before driving away she put her window down. Oh, and Bastian?

Yeah?

If you mess this up, Ill mess you up, too.

Chapter Seventeen.

On the way home, I spotted a familiar car by the arcade and realized I had one more person to make amends with before I could move on to making things up to Aspen. These were all a warm up. They were preparing me for the big one. Not saying I didnt take Jaden, Pris and now Crystals apologies seriously, but somewhere along the way I realized I needed to really earn Aspen back and these were all steps on that road. With each apology, I earned her a little more. By the time I made it to Aspen, Id be the guy she deserved.

Or maybe I was just telling myself that to give myself a little more hope at actually getting the girl in the end. Honestly, I wasnt sure.

Crystal had actually been pretty understanding of the whole thing. I didnt go into as many details as I did with Pris, but in the end, she forgave me for misleading her about the whole break-up and even wished me luck on getting Aspen back. Kind of made me wish I knew that Will guy, because I sure wanted to knock some sense into him. She was a cool girl and I hoped she found a guy who realized it.

The walk home pretty much sucked, but I had time to work through my whole grand gesture in my head. On reflex, I looked two doors down as I stepped onto my porch. d.a.m.n, I was such a sap. Even her house looked different to me now. I wondered if that would ever change. If everything about her would always bebrighter now. Okay, so maybe brighter wasnt the right word. It sounded a little lame, butmore? Yeah, everything about her was just more now.

Shaking my head because Id officially lost my mind, I turned to open my front door. Something caught my eye and I turned back to her house.

And then dropped to the porch so no one could see me. Yep, definitely lost my mind because here I was, lying on my stomach and peeking through railing on my porch so I could see her"with him.

Get up, Bastian. Youre officially a peeping Tom now. Only I couldnt. They looked like they were both in a much better mood than theyd been when I last saw them together. My skin started to crawl and feel all p.r.i.c.kly.

It all happened so quickly. She was smiling. He shrugged, but not in the a.s.shole kind of way. Then he held his arms open and she stepped inside.

Mattie was hugging her. Hugging my girl. The one Id pretty much thrown away and there was nothing I could do about it. Honestly, I probably deserved it. It wasnt a long hug and afterward he turned and walked away, shooting one last glance over his shoulder and smiling at her. Aspen watched him drive away then turned and went back into her house.

My stomach knotted. For the first time, I really let myself consider the fact that I might not get her back. That she just might feel the same way about Mattie that I felt about her.

I might have really lost her. But no matter what, I wasnt going to give up. Even if I walked away from this in pieces, she was worth it.

THE HOOK-UP DOCTOR.

HELPING GIRLS GET THEIR DREAMS GUYS SINCEWELL HOW LONG ISNT IMPORTANT. WHAT MATTERS IS IM GOOD. AND I AM.

Okay, so I know this blog is usually used just for contact information and stuff, but this is important. You see, in a few days The Hook-up Doctor is officially retiring. I could go into a million different reasons as to why, one being that my mom found out and said I have to, but the fact is, if I wanted to keep it going, I could. There are always ways, if you know what I mean. The truth is, Im quitting because Im a scam.

Yeah, I have a good track record. Ive pretty much hooked-up everyone who contacted me, but the point is, I never believed in this. I mean, I never promised more than just a hook-up, but I did let people believe that I was really giving them more. That I really felt like they could get love out of all this, when to me, love had always been a bigger scam than I was.

And then, you guessedI fell in love.

Let me tell you, love isnt a scam. Its real, overpowering and fierce. It has the power to make you feel like nothing can stop you. Like you can do anything and it also has the ability to break you. And the even crazier part is, you can break it, too. Or ruin it, I guess, because it sure as h.e.l.l doesnt just go away. Believe me. I know.

You see, the girl I fell in love with? She seriously rocks. Thats not even a strong enough word, but I dont want to get too mushy in this. Ill save that stuff for when I beg her for forgiveness. But yeah, she was amazing and being with her, it felt right in a way I hadnt known I was missing before her.

And I wrecked it. I didnt trust what I was feeling. I got scared. Yep, Im not afraid to admit that s.h.i.+t. I was scared"half that I would hurt her and the other half scared she would hurt me, so I did exactly what I didnt want to do, and I told her goodbye.

It hurt. I felt like half a man and, for a guy like me, someone who has more pride than I probably should, that didnt fly.

I wont bore you with all the details (who am I kidding with the bore thing. Im sure you guys want all the details). Im not going to share them. Theyre between us, but I will say, I didnt keep it at one screw up. I had a few big ones. Im not proud of any of it, but through it all, I still love her.

The even cooler part is somehow, through it all, I love her more. I also realize that loving her is worth whatever happens (yeah, my girl is that cool). Even if she cant forgive me for playing games, and not treating her the way I should have, Im not sorry I fell for her. What Im feeling is more real than anything else out there. Its better than hook-ups, and scoping girls out at the mall, and flirting and all that other stuff I used to live for.

And even though I know there are no guarantees in life, Ill risk the possible pain and the possibility that some day it could end, if sh.e.l.l give me a chance now. Whats the point in protecting yourself when it keeps you from feeling anything? Thats what I realized. Without her, I wasnt really feeling.

So, as I say goodbye to all the readers out there, I hope youll consider what Ive said. Believe me; I know what Im talking about. I said that before, but this time its for real. And if shes reading this, Im going to make it up to you. Even if its too late, I have to tell you how I feel. You know me. I have a knack for getting what I want, so you should just give in now. ;) Not really, but honestly, Im sorry I screwed up and Im going to tell you in person. I just hope I dont break my neck in the progress. Oh, and if I do, Im going to tell you now, I love you.

S.

The night after writing my blog, I stood on the side of Aspens house, looking up at the mountain of a climb I had in front of me. Okay, so it wasnt a mountain, but standing under her window, it definitely felt like one. I shook my hands and exhaled, grabbed the lattice, and pulled myself up. I took it slowly, hoping the thing was really as heavy as it looked. Following what Id always heard, I didnt look down as I climbed higher and higher.

The thing is, the real reason I never would climb through her d.a.m.n window, no matter how many time she asked me, was because I wasnt real fond of heights. The one time with Alexs window, it had been the climb or her dad and a baseball bat. Plus, I didnt really have much time to think about it. Now, I had plenty of time, but I kept going. And I really, really hoped she was in her room. Alone. Oh, and while I was hoping, I also prayed she saw my blog post from last night.

Before I knew it, I was two stories up and outside her bedroom window. My first instinct was to open the dumb thing and jump inside. The faster I could get in, the safer I would be, but decided I better knock because, knowing my luck, shed be in there getting dressed or with Mattie or something. The last thing I needed was to get in a fight with her boyfriend after sneaking in her bedroom or look like I was trying to get an eyeful.

Before I could chicken out, I held on tight with my right hand and knocked on her window with my left. I counted to five, and knocked again. Yeah, I knew I wasnt being very patient, but I was the one hanging two stories in the air here.

The curtains slid open and green eyes met mine. My heart immediately starting pounding away. And then she slid the window open and walked away. Here goes nothing, I whispered to myself before pulling my way inside. Hey. Totally lame, Bastian.

Hey. She sat on the edge of her bed, wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top.

I gave the room the once over to make sure her door was shut. It was. So yeah. I finally climbed through your window.

She nodded, picking at her finger nail. I saw your blog.

My heart raced and I was scared to death, but I came here to do something and no matter what happened, Id see through to my side of it. My mom told me to go with the big, grand gesture. I wracked my mind trying to think of something perfect to do, but I just couldnt come up with anything. All that stuffits not really you. Youre real and I wanted to do something that was real. Not really for show, you know? Something simple that I knew would mean something to you. So, yeah, hence the window. I hope its okay.

For the first time since I came into her room, she looked at me. I mean, really looked at me and those zaps and sparks went off beneath my skin. But still, she didnt speak.

I never meant for things to turn out the way they did, Woodstock. That weekend at the beach? It was perfect and then Mom called and told me her and Roger broke up and it scared the s.h.i.+t out of me. Im not going to pretend thats an excuse, because its not. I should have trusted you. Trusted us and not a.s.sumed wed end up like them, but I did and Im sorry. The last thing I ever wanted to do is walk away from you, but Im human and I screwed up. Big time. I tried to tell myself I was protecting you, but I was really protecting me.

I stepped closer to her, but stopped. I didnt want to push things. Not very n.o.ble of me, I know. You had the ability to pulverize me and so I bailed and it was wrong. And Crystal? I ran a hand through my hair and sighed in frustration. That was a big screw up, but I swear to you, there was nothing going on with us. Shes in love with some other guy and we were talking and ended up at the mall together and then I saw you with Mattie, and I knew what my mom felt like all those times shed had her heart broken. It was dumb, but I just reacted and grabbed her hand, but I wanted it to be you. It felt wrong touching someone else like that, Woodstock.

I took a couple breaths, giving her the time to speak. Willing her to say something, but she didnt so I kept going. This time, I didnt hold myself back. I walked up to her and kneeled on the ground between her legs. I know Im probably too late. That youre with Mattie and if he makes you happy, I want that for you, but I had to tell you, I love you. Being the Hook-up Doctor, I thought I knew everything. I was wrong. I prided myself on knowing what I wanted, when I never really did. Now I know what I want. Its you. Only you. Even if you dont really want me that way and Im too late, I need to know you forgive me, Woodstock. Youre my best friend. I didnt stop there. I wasnt going to hold anything back from her.

But I gotta say. I really freakin hope you love me, too. Oh, and if you do, Id love it if you gave me permission to kick Matties a.s.s. I think that would help me heal. With that one, I got the response I wanted. Her lips stretched into a smirk. It wasnt a real smile, but it was a start.

I risked a slap across the face to raise my hand and cup her cheek. More than anything else, I just want you.

Did you kiss her? she whispered.

h.e.l.l no. These lips belong to you.

She smiled again. Reaching up, she pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. I didnt either. Kiss Matt, I mean. I was hurt and I used him to try and get over it. See, I cant really be mad at you about the whole Crystal thing, because I did the same thing with Matt. I mean, it wasnt like I really set out to make you jealous, but I used him to get over you.

Thump. Thump. Thump. I could hardly hear her over the blood pulsing in my ears. Did you? Get over me?

Aspen chuckled. Sebastian, Ive loved you since we were five years old and you downed the whole gla.s.s of soy milk, pretending to like it just so you didnt hurt my feelings.

Im not afraid to admit it, I pretty much saw stars at that moment. She loved me and nothing was taking that away from me.

After a while, I never thought you would feel the same. You were always going for girls like Alex the tramp, so I pretty much gave up. I really did contact The Hook-up Doctor to help me get with Matt. I figured if you didnt need me, Id find a way not to need you. But then things got weird. When you took care of me at the party, and the night in my room. My brain started to get all fuzzy and I didnt know what I wanted anymore. I was scared to hope you were starting to feel the same, but it was also like things s.h.i.+fted for us, ya know?

Ah, so thats what the second thoughts thing in her messages had been about. Silently, I thanked G.o.d. I rubbed my thumb over her cheek. Id forgotten how soft her skin was. Yeah, I know. Thats how I felt when I realized I was falling for you, too. Like things s.h.i.+fted.

I invited Matt over yesterday. My hand stilled. Please let this go my way. I admitted to him that I was in love with you. It didnt feel right and I wanted to call it off. Exhale breath. He was okay with it and admitted he was seeing someone else anyway. Guess you were right about him. Wasnt like I could be mad, since it made my skin crawl when he tried to hold my hand. We hugged and agreed to go our separate ways.

Thats what the hug had been! I couldnt help it. I laughed.

Whats so funny? Aspen asked.

Ive been driving myself crazy. I saw you guys. I used my ninja skills Im always telling you about and kind of spied on you. From my porch. While I laid on my stomach, peeking through the railing. Wow, that sounded even lamer out loud than it felt when Id done it.

Aspen laughed, too. One of her hands came up and ran through my hair, the way only she could. What am I going to do with you?

Hmmm. I smiled. Forgive me? Love me? Kiss me?

Are you sure you want to? I mean, my parents are considering the move to a hippie commune. Im not sure theyll let me date you since you dont live in an energy efficient house. Maybe after my dad hypnotizes you during meditation, h.e.l.l change his mind.

I dropped my head back and rubbed a hand over my face. Mattie told you about that, huh?

Yeah Youre a trip, Bastian. How did you come up with that? She smiled.

No clue. I just knew Id do anything to keep him away from you. It made me sick to my stomach to think of him and you together.

Aspen stroked my hair again. Ugh, are you trying to pull some of your moves on me? Her words were playful.

Depends. Is it working?

Aspen licked her lips and I could have sworn I felt it. I dont know. Youre The Hook-up Doctor. Arent you supposed to be, like, all knowing?

I dont know anything except that I love you. Oh, and that I want to be your boyfriend and Im still kind of holding out that youll let me beat up Mattie.

I love you, too. Yes and no.

I can handle two out of three. Then I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers and it felt as good as I thought I would. Our lips moved together perfectly. A perfect match. Because we had skills like that.

Epilogue.

I slid my finger in the collar of my s.h.i.+rt and tugged. I feel like a friggin idiot. I groaned. Seriously, this s.h.i.+t is choking me. Want to go upstairs with me and help me out of my s.h.i.+rt? Smirking, I looked down at Aspen, tucked against my side. She rolled her eyes, obviously not thinking my little stripping idea was as good as I did.

Bastian! Its your moms engagement party. She licked her lips and I couldnt help but lean forward and press a kiss to them.

Yeah, her engagement party. Not mine. Why do I have to get all dressed up too? Id vetoed the whole suit thing, but somehow got roped into slacks and a white, b.u.t.ton-up dress s.h.i.+rt. If I had to wear this for the party, I knew there was no way I could get out of a tux for the wedding.

Aspen slid out from under my arm to stand in front of me. She wrapped her arms around my waist. Hmm, well I think you look pretty hot.

Dont I always look hot? I linked my hands together behind her neck. She was wearing a really s.e.xy skirt. It hung right above her knees, not showing too much skin, but enough to drive me wild. Aspen always drove me wild. In more ways than one. In the month since wed gotten together, Id realized just how much work relations.h.i.+ps could be, but I wouldnt change it for anything. She was my girl and I loved her.

Youre so conceited. She chuckled.

Yeah, but you love me anyway. Feel free to tell me how s.e.xy I am any time though. A guy can never hear it enough"ouch! You pinched me.

I didnt say s.e.xy, I said hot.

But you think Im s.e.xy too. I know it. Leaning forward I pressed another kiss to her lips. I know I think you are.

She rolled her eyes and I laughed.

A slow song started to play and I pulled away from the wall, bringing Aspen with me. Dance with me?

She nodded her head. Our arms switched places, hers weaving around my neck and mine wrapped around her waist as we started to sway to the music. I heard a loud, familiar laugh and looked over to see Roger dipping my mom.

Shes so happy, Bastian. Ive never seen her like this. Aspen gave me a squeeze before leaning her head against my chest.

Yeah, she is, huh? I smiled at Mom even though she wasnt looking my way. It felt so d.a.m.n good to see her so happy. The weight Id carried in my chest for so long was gone now. You know, Ill never admit it, but I actually like Roger. Hes a good guy and I really think he loves her. Of course, I still have my eye on him. If he breaks her heart Ill break his nose, but, I shrugged, everything just kind of feels like its going to be okay now, ya know?

Aspen pulled far enough of way to look me in the eyes. You have such a big heart, Sebastian Dale Hawkins.

Shh, dont tell anyone that either.

Your secrets are safe with me.

I buried my face in her hair, to hide from the seriously mushy words that were about to come out of my mouth. And your heart is safe with me.

We were quiet for a few more minutes, just holding each other and dancing. Suddenly, Aspen was talking again, her voice low and hurt. She loves him, you know.

I was a little confused. Hadnt we already talked about Mom loving Roger? What?

She tilted her head to the side and I saw Pris standing in the corner. It had been a b.u.mpy ride between her and Jaden for the past month. She was my one failed hook-up and it still killed me. Especially after seeing her face when it had been me to show up at the diner and not Jaden. I never would have gone that route if I would have known how she felt. They were always civil to each other, but things were different now. There was always this kind of tension around us. I know. Makes me feel like s.h.i.+t.

Its not your fault. She told me. I just wish things would go back to the way they were, or that Jaden would pull his head out.

I think hes going through some stuff.