Darkly Dreaming Dexter Part 19

She stuck her tongue out again, and then finally put it away. Okay, she said. When your sister was gone for a few hours and no word where, I started to think maybe she's up to something. And I know she can't do anything herself, so where would she go? She arched an eyebrow at me, then continued in a triumphant tone. To your place, that's where! To talk with you! She bobbed her head, pleased with her deductive logic. And so I think about you for a while. How you're always showing up and looking, even when you don't have to. How you figure out those serial killers sometimes, except this one? And then how you f.u.c.k me over with that stupid list, make me look stupid, push me on the f.u.c.king floor- Her face looked harder, a little older again for a moment. Then she smiled and went on. I said something out loud, in my office, and Sergeant Doakes says, 'I told you about him but you don't listen.' And all of a sudden it's your big handsome face all over the place and it shouldn't be. She shrugged. So I went to your place, too.

When? At what time, did you notice?

Naw, she said. But I'm only there like twenty minutes and then you come out and play with your f.a.ggot Barbie doll and then drive over here.

Twenty minutes- So she hadn't been there in time to see who or what had taken Deborah. And quite probably she was telling the truth and had simply followed me to see-to see what?

But why follow me at all?

She shrugged. You're connected to this thing. Maybe you didn't do it, I don't know. But I'm gonna find out. And some of what I find is gonna stick to you. What's in there, in those boxes? You gonna tell me, or we just going to stand here all night?

In her own way, she had put her finger right on it. We could not stand here all night. We could not, I was sure, stand here much longer at all before terrible things happened to Deborah. If they hadn't already happened. We had to go, right now, go find him and stop him. But how did I do that with LaGuerta along for the ride? I felt like a comet with a tail I didn't want.

I took a deep breath. Rita had once taken me to a New Age Health Awareness Workshop which had stressed the importance of deep cleansing breaths. I took one. I did not feel any cleaner after my breath, but at least it made my brain whirl into brief action, and I realized I would have to do something I had rarely done before-tell the truth. LaGuerta was still staring at me, waiting for an answer.

I think the killer is in there, I told LaGuerta. And I think he has Officer Morgan.

She watched me for a moment without moving. Okay, she said at last. And so you come stand at the fence and look in? 'Cause you love your sister so much you want to watch?

Because I wanted to get in. I was looking for a way in through the fence.

Because you forget that you work for the police?

Well there it was, of course. She had actually jumped right to the real problem spot, and all by herself, too. I had no good answer for that. This whole business of telling the truth just never seems to work without some kind of awkward unpleasantness. I just-I wanted to be sure, before I made a big fuss.

She nodded. Uh-huh. That's really good, she said. But I tell you what I think. Either you did something bad, or you know about it. And you're either hiding it, or you wanna find it by yourself.

By myself? But why would I want that?

She shook her head to show how stupid that was. So you get all the credit. You and that sister of yours. Think I didn't figure that out? I told you I'm not stupid.

I'm not your slasher, Detective, I said, throwing myself on her mercy and now completely confident that she had even less than I did. But I think he's in there, in one of the storage boxes.

She licked her lips. Why do you think that?

I hesitated, but she kept her unblinking lizard stare on me. As uncomfortable as it made me, I had to tell her one more piece of truth. I nodded at the Allonzo Brothers van parked just inside the fence. That's his truck.

Ha, she said, and at last she blinked. Her focus left me for a moment and seemed to wander away into some deep place. Her hair? Her makeup? Her career? I couldn't tell. But there were a lot of awkward questions a good detective might have asked here: How did I know that was his truck? How had I found it here? Why was I so sure he hadn't simply dumped the truck and gone somewhere else? But in the final a.n.a.lysis LaGuerta was not a good detective; she simply nodded, licked her lips again, and said, How are we gonna find him in there in all that?

Clearly, I really had underestimated her. She had gone from you to we with no visible transition. Don't you want to call for backup? I asked her. This is a very dangerous man. I admit I was only needling her. But she took it very seriously.

If I don't catch this guy by myself, in two weeks I'm a meter maid, she said. I got my weapon. n.o.body's gonna get away from me. I'll call for backup when I have him. She studied me without blinking. And if he's not in there, I'll give them you.

It seemed like a good idea to let that go. Can you get us through the gate?

She laughed. 'Course I can. I got my badge, get us through anywhere. And then what?

This was the tricky part. If she went for this, I might well be home free. Then we split up and search until we find him.

She studied me. Again I saw in her face the thing I had seen when she first got out of her car-the look of a predator weighing her prey, wondering when and where to strike, and how many claws to use. It was horrible-I actually found myself warming to the woman. Okay, she said at last, and tilted her head toward her car. Get in.

I got in. She drove us back out onto the road and over to the gate. Even at this hour there was some traffic. Most of it seemed to be people from Ohio looking for their cruise s.h.i.+p, but a few of them wound up at the gate, where the guards sent them back the way they came. Detective LaGuerta cut ahead of them all, bulling her big Chevy to the front of the line. Their Midwest driving skills were no match for a Miami Cuban woman with good medical insurance driving a car she didn't care about. There was a blare of horns and some m.u.f.fled shouting and we were at the guard booth.

The guard leaned out, a thin, muscular black man. Lady, you can't- She held up her badge. Police. Open the gate. She said it with such hard-edged authority that I almost jumped out of the car to open the gate myself.

But the guard froze, took a breath through his mouth, and glanced nervously back into the booth. What you want with- Open the f.u.c.king gate, Rental, she told him, jiggling her badge, and he finally unfroze.

Lemme see the badge, he said. LaGuerta held it up limply, making him take the extra step over to peer at it. He frowned at it and found nothing to object to. Uh-huh, he said. Can you tell me what you want in there?

I can tell you that if you don't open the gate in two seconds I'm gonna put you in the trunk of my car and take you downtown to a holding cell full of gay bikers and then I'm gonna forget where I put you.

The guard stood up. Just trying to help, he said, and called over his shoulder, Tavio, open the gate!

The gate went up and LaGuerta gunned her car through. Sonnova b.i.t.c.h got something going he doesn't want me to know about, she said. There was amus.e.m.e.nt in her voice to go with the rising edge of excitement. But I don't care about smuggling tonight. She looked at me. Where we going?

I don't know, I said. I guess we should start over where he left his truck.

She nodded, accelerating down the path between stacks of storage boxes. If he's got a body to carry, he probably parked pretty close to wherever he was going. As we got closer to the fence she slowed down, nosing the car quietly to within fifty feet of the truck and then stopping. Let's take a look at the fence, she said, slamming the transmission into park and sliding out of the car as it rocked to a stop.

I followed. LaGuerta stepped in something she didn't like and lifted her foot to look at her shoe. G.o.ddamint, she said. I moved past her, feeling my pulse hammering loud and fast, and went to the truck. I walked around it, trying the doors. They were locked, and although there were two small back windows, these were painted over from the inside. I stood on the b.u.mper and tried to peek in anyway, but there were no holes in the paint job. There was nothing more to be seen on this side, but I squatted anyway and looked on the ground. I felt rather than heard LaGuerta slither up behind me.

What you got? she asked, and I stood.

Nothing, I said. The back windows are painted over on the inside.

Can you see in the front?

I went around to the front of the truck. It was bare of any hint as well. Inside the winds.h.i.+eld, a pair of the sunscreens so popular in Florida had been unfolded across the dashboard, blocking out any possible view into the cab. I climbed on the front b.u.mper and up onto the hood, crawled along it from right to left, but there were no gaps in the sunscreen. Nothing, I said and climbed down.

Okay, LaGuerta said, looking at me with lidded eyes and just the smallest tip of her tongue protruding. Which way you wanna go?

This way, someone whispered deep inside my brain.Over here. I glanced to the right, where the chuckling mental fingers had pointed and then back to LaGuerta, who was staring at me with her unblinking hungry tiger stare. I'll go left and circle around, I said. Meet you halfway.

Okay, LaGuerta said with a feral smile. But I go left.

I tried to look surprised and unhappy, and I suppose I managed a reasonable facsimile, because she watched me and then nodded. Okay, she repeated, and turned down the first row of stacked s.h.i.+pping containers.

Then I was alone with my shy interior friend. And now what? Now that I had tricked LaGuerta into leaving me the right-hand path, what did I do with it? After all, I had no reason to think it was any better than the left-hand, or for that matter, better than standing by the fence and juggling coconuts. There was only my sibilant internal clamor to direct me, and was that really enough? When you are an icy tower of pure reason as I have always been, you naturally look for logical hints to direct your course of action. Just as naturally, you ignore the non.o.bjective irrational screeching of loud musical voices from the bottom floor of your brain that try to send you reeling along the path, no matter how urgent they have become in the rippling light of the moon.

And as to the rest, the particulars of where I should go now-I looked around, down the long irregular rows of containers. Off to the side where LaGuerta had gone spike-heeling along, there were several rows of brightly colored truck trailers. And in front of me, stretching off to the right, were the s.h.i.+pping containers.

Suddenly, I was very uncertain. I didn't like the feeling. I closed my eyes. The moment I did, the whispering became a cloud of sound and without knowing why I found myself moving toward a clutter of s.h.i.+pping containers down near the water. I had no conscious notion that these particular containers were any different or better or that this direction was more proper or rewarding. My feet simply jerked into motion and I followed them. It was as if they were tracing some path only the toes could see, or as if some compelling pattern was being sung by the whisper-wail of my internal chorus, and my feet translated and dragged me along.

As they moved the sound grew inside me, a muted hilarious roar, pulling me faster than my feet, yanking me clumsily down the crooked path between boxes with powerful invisible jerks. And yet at the same time a new voice, small and reasonable, was pus.h.i.+ng me backward, telling me I did not want to be here of all places, yammering at me to run, go home, get away from this place, and it made no more sense than any of the other voices. I was pulled forward and pushed back at the same time so powerfully that I could not make my legs work properly and I stumbled and fell flat-faced onto the hard rocky ground. I rose to my knees, mouth dry and heart pounding, and paused to finger a rip in my beautiful Dacron bowling s.h.i.+rt. I pushed my fingertip through the hole and wiggled it at myself. h.e.l.lo, Dexter, where are you going? h.e.l.lo, Mr. Finger. I don't know, but I'm almost there. I hear my friends calling.

And so I climbed to suddenly unsteady feet and listened. I heard it clearly now, even with my eyes open, and felt it so strongly I could not even walk. I stood for a moment, leaning against one of the containers. A very sobering thought, as if I needed one. Something nameless was born in this place, something that lived in the darkest hidey-hole of the thing that was Dexter, and for the first time that I could remember I was scared. I did not want to be here where horrible things lurked. Yet I had to be here to find Deborah. I was being ripped in half by an invisible tug-of-war. I felt like Sigmund Freud's poster child, and I wanted to go home and go to bed.

But the moon roared in the dark sky above me, the water howled along Government Cut, and the mild night breeze shrieked over me like a convention of banshees, forcing my feet forward. And the singing swelled within me like some kind of gigantic mechanical choir, urging me on, reminding me of how to move my feet, pus.h.i.+ng me lock-kneed down the rows of boxes. My heart hammered and yammered, my short gasps of breath were much too loud, and for the first time I could remember I felt weak, woozy, and stupid-like a human being, like a very small and helpless human being.

I staggered along the strangely familiar path on borrowed feet until I could stagger no more and once again I put an arm out to lean against a box, a box with an air-conditioning compressor attached, pounding away at the back and mixing with the shriek of the night, all thumping in my head so loudly now that I could hardly see. And as I leaned against the box the door swung open.

The inside of the box was lit by a pair of battery-powered hurricane lamps. Against the back wall there was a temporary operating table made of packing crates.

And held unmoving in place on the table was my dear sister Deborah.

CHAPTER 26

FOR A FEW SECONDS IT DIDN'T REALLY SEEMnecessary to breathe. I just looked. Long, slick strands of duct tape wrapped around my sister's arms and legs. She wore gold lame hot pants and a skimpy silk blouse tied above her navel. Her hair was pulled back tight, her eyes were unnaturally wide, and she breathed rapidly through her nose, since her mouth, too, was held closed by a strip of duct tape that went across her lips and down to the table to hold her head still.

I tried to think of something to say, but realized my mouth was too dry to say it and so I just looked. Deborah looked back. There were many things in her eyes, but the plainest was fear, and that held me there in the doorway. I had never seen that look on her before and I was not sure what to think about it. I took half a step toward Deborah and she flinched against the duct tape. Afraid? Of course-but afraid of me? I was here to rescue her, most likely. Why should she be afraid of me? Unless- Had I done this?

During my little nap earlier this evening what if Deborah had arrived at my apartment, as scheduled, and found my Dark Pa.s.senger behind the wheel of the Dexter-mobile? And unknown to me I had brought her here and taped her so tantalizingly to the table without consciously realizing it-which made absolutely no sense, naturally. Had I raced home and left myself the Barbie doll, then gone upstairs and flopped on the bed and woke up as me again, like I was running some kind of homicidal relay race? Impossible: but ...

How else had I known to come here?

I shook my head; there was no way I could have picked this one cold box out of all the places in Miami, unless I already knew where it was. And I did. The only way that could be possible was if I had been here before. And if not tonight with Deb, then when and with whom?

I was almost sure this was the right spot, a voice said, a voice so very like my own that for a moment I thought I had said it, and I wondered what I meant by that.

The hair went up on the back of my neck and I took another half step toward Deborah-and he came forward out of the shadow. The soft light of the lanterns lit him up and our eyes met; for a moment the room spun back and forth and I did not quite know where I was. My sight s.h.i.+fted between me at the door and him at the small makes.h.i.+ft worktable, and I saw me seeing him, then I saw him seeing me. In a blinding flash I saw me on the floor, sitting still and unmoving, and I did not know what that vision meant. Very unsettling-and then I was myself again, although I was somewhat uncertain what that meant.

Almost sure, he said again, a soft and happy voice like Mr. Rogers's troubled child. But now here you are, so this must be the right place. Don't you think?

There is no pretty way for me to say this, but the truth is, I stared at him with my mouth hanging open. I am quite sure I was almost drooling. I just stared. It was him. There was no question about it. Here was the man in the pictures we had found on the webcam, the man both Deb and I had thought might very well be me.

This close I could see that he was not, in fact, me; not quite, and I felt a small wave of grat.i.tude at that realization. Hurray-I was someone else. I was not completely crazy yet. Seriously antisocial, of course, and somewhat sporadically homicidal, nothing wrong with that. But not crazy. There was somebody else, and he was not me. Three cheers for Dexter's brain.

But he was very much like me. Perhaps an inch or two taller, thicker through the shoulders and chest as though he had been doing a great deal of heavy weight lifting. That, combined with the paleness of his face, made me think that he might have been in prison recently. Behind the pallor, though, his face was very similar to mine; the same nose and cheekbones, the same look in the eyes that said the lights were on but n.o.body was home. Even his hair had the same awkward half wave to it. He did not really look like me, but very similar.

Yes, he said. It is a little bit of a shock the first time, isn't it?

Just a little, I said. Who are you? And why is all this so- I left it unfinished, because I did not know what all this was.

He made a face, a very Dexter-disappointed face. Oh, dear. And I was so sure you had figured it out.

I shook my head. I don't even know how I got here, I said.

He smiled softly. Somebody else driving tonight? As the hair stood up on the back of my neck he chuckled just a little, a mechanical sound that was not worth mentioning-except that the lizard voice from the underside of my brain matched it note for note. And it isn't even a full moon, is it?

But not actually an empty moon, I said. Hardly great wit, but some kind of attempt, which under the circ.u.mstances seemed significant. And I realized that I was half drunk with the realization that here at last was someone whoknew . He was not making idle remarks that coincidentally stabbed into my own personal bull's-eye. It was his bull's-eye, too. He knew. For the first time I could look across the gigantic gulf between my eyes and someone else's and say without any kind of worry,He is like me .

Whatever it was that I was, he was one, too.

But seriously, I said. Who are you?

His face stretched into a Dexter-the-Ches.h.i.+re-Cat smile, but because it was so much like my own I could see there was no real happiness behind it. What do you remember from before? he said. And the echo of that question bounced off the container's walls and nearly shattered my brain.

CHAPTER 27

WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER FROM BEFORE?HARRYhad asked me.

Nothing, Dad.

Except- Images tugged at my underbrain. Mental pictures-dreams? memories?-very clear visions, whatever they were. And they were here-this room? No; impossible. This box could not have been here very long, and I had certainly never been in it before. But the tightness of the s.p.a.ce, the cool air flowing from the thumping compressor, the dim light-everything called out to me in a symphony of homecoming. Of course it had not been this same box-but the pictures were so clear, so similar, so completely almost-right, except for- I blinked; an image fluttered behind my eyes. I closed them.

And the inside of a different box jumped back out at me. There were no cartons in this other box. And there were-things over there. Over by ... Mommy? I could see her face there, and she was somehow hiding and peeking up over the-things-just her face showing, her unwinking unblinking unmoving face. And I wanted to laugh at first, because Mommy had hidden so well. I could not see the rest of her, just her face. She must have made a hole in the floor. She must be hiding in the hole and peeking up-but why didn't she answer me now that I saw her? Why didn't she even wink? And even when I called her really loud she didn't answer, didn't move, didn't do anything but look at me. And without Mommy, I was alone.

But no-not quite alone. I turned my head and the memory turned with me. I was not alone. Someone was with me. Very confusing at first, because it was me-but it was someone else-but it looked like me-but we both looked like me- But what were we doing here in this box? And why wasn't Mommy moving? She should help us. We were sitting here in a deep puddle, of, of-Mommy should move, get us out of this, this- Blood ... ? I whispered.

You remembered, he said behind me. I'm so happy.

I opened my eyes. My head was pounding hideously. I could almost see the other room superimposed on this one. And in this other room tiny Dexter sat rightthere . I could put my feet on the spot. And the other me sat beside me, but he was not me, of course; he was some other someone, a someone I knew as well as myself, a someone named- Biney ... ? I said hesitantly. The sound was the same, but the name did not seem quite right.

He nodded happily. That's what you called me. At the time you had trouble saying Brian. You said Biney. He patted my hand. That's all right. It's nice to have a nickname. He paused, his face smiling but his eyes locked onto my face. Little brother.

I sat down. He sat next to me.

What- was all I could manage to say.

Brother, he repeated. Irish twins. You were born only one year after me. Our mother was somewhat careless. His face twisted into a hideous, very happy smile. In more ways than one, he said.

I tried to swallow. It didn't work. He-Brian-my brother-went on.

I'm just guessing with some of this, he said. But I had a little time on my hands, and when I was encouraged to learn a useful trade, I did. I got very good at finding things with the computer. I found the old police files. Mommy dearest hung out with a very naughty crowd. In the import business, just like me. Of course, their product was a little more sensitive. He reached behind him into a carton and pulled out a handful of hats with a springing panther on them. My things are made in Taiwan. Theirs came from Colombia. My best guess is that Mumsy and her friends tried a little independent project with some product that strictly speaking did not actually belong to her, and her business a.s.sociates were unhappy with her spirit of independence and decided to discourage her.

He put the hats carefully back in the carton and I felt him looking at me, but I could not even turn my head. After a moment he looked away.

They found us here, he said. Right here. His hand went to the floor and touched the exact spot where the small other not-me had been sitting in that long-ago other box. Two and a half days later. Stuck to the floor in dried blood, an inch deep. His voice here was grating, horrible; he said that awful word,blood , just the way I would have said it, with contemptuous and utter loathing. According to the police reports, there were several men here, too. Probably three or four. One or more of them may well have been our father. Of course, the chain saw made identification very difficult. But they are fairly sure there was only one woman. Our dear old mother. You were three years old. I was four.

But, I said. Nothing else came out.

Quite true, Brian told me. And you were very hard to find, too. They are so fussy with adoption records in this state. But I did find you, little brother. I did, didn't I? Once again he patted my hand, a strange gesture I had never seen from anyone in my life. Of course, I had never before seen a flesh-and-blood sibling, either. Perhaps hand-patting was something I should practice with my brother, or with Deborah-and I realized with a small flutter of concern that I had forgotten all about Deborah.