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Apparently the lack of fight was enough to convince him she was willing. He ceased trying to wedge his hand far enough down her pants to reach her s.e.x and rolled to a sitting position. She felt pressure around her waist and then heard the telltale sound of tearing fabric. The binding at her waist disappeared abruptly. Consternation filled her.
She was still trying to figure out whether her clothing had been rendered permanently useless or not when she felt him grasp the sides of her trousers. He dragged her across the hard floor about a foot past the part shead warmed with her body before he managed to dislodge the pants from her hips. Her bare a.s.s settled against the cold stone, bringing her fairly wide awake as he finished pulling her pants down her legs and tossed them aside. She sucked in a sharp breath at the feel of ice against her previously warm b.u.t.tocks, but he shoved her knees apart and dove over her before she could catch her breath, wedging the hard ma.s.s of his double c.o.c.k against her cleft and commenced the search for the warm hole that was his goal.
The icy cold, gritty floor against her a.s.s had instantly banished the currents of heat that had been churning through her and with it all interest in coupling. But the probe of his c.o.c.k at her a.s.s galvanized her into helping him find the right place to tuck his c.o.c.k. She tried arching away from the probe, but there was no way to escape when he had her pinned to the floor and his d.i.c.k was too far back along her cleft. She reached between them a little frantically and made a grab for it.
He groaned when she managed to curl her fingers around it. aBaby. Yes.a She decided not to point out that the gesture wasnat enthusiasm but preservation of her a.s.shole. Instead, she dragged his c.o.c.k to the right spot and then curled her legs around his hips and tried to pull him into position.
That was when she discovered shead grabbed the wrong c.o.c.k. The upper one was wedged into the mouth of her s.e.x and the lower now probing the taint and edging toward her a.s.shole. Grunting, she levered herself upward and made a grab for his c.o.c.k again, nudging the upper d.i.c.k away from her s.e.x and trying to align the lower one.
He shoved her hand away and grabbed his genitals himself, but to her relief he aligned himself for her comfort. She relaxed again as he pumped against her, trying to breach the opening. Her bodyas moisture enveloped him once he managed to wedge the head of his c.o.c.k inside of her and he slid home with a groan of pleasure.
Lexa discovered banked heat from his earlier stimulation and felt the tension inside of her begin to build as he stroked her channel and her c.l.i.t simultaneously. Eagerness began to replace the compliance of before. She moved with him, struggling to capture the bliss his possession promised and had just reached a point where she knew it was a possibility when she felt him stiffen. Dismay filled her along with the certainty that shead missed her chance to reach it. In the next moment, she heard him groan as his body gathered itself for release and then felt the heat of his e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n flood her channel. It set off a tiny quake within her that promised glory and then crashed as he slumped heavily against her, blowing heated air in her ear.
A sense of being misused filled her as he gathered himself and rolled off of her. She fought it, waiting to see what he would do next.
He snored.
Well, it wasnat actually a snore, she decided, having been kept awake many nights by Ralphas snores. It was more a hard breath, but there was no mistake that he was asleep almost the moment he settled beside her.
s.h.i.+vering, she shoved aside the heavy arm head left settled on her chest and got up to find her pants. She didnat feel up to trying to a.s.sess the damage. She merely pulled them on and settled down once more, struggling to recapture sleep and ignore the sticky wetness between her legs and the throbbing ache of her s.e.x.
She wasnat his woman and he didnat want her to be, she thought somewhat resentfully, but he didnat mind f.u.c.king her?
Chapter Fourteen.
Lexaas resentment didnat last long. Most of it had arisen from being awakened from a deep sleep to f.u.c.k and then left hanging without culmination. Part of it was due to the fact that head been too focused on his pleasure to notice, or apparently care, that head damaged her ragged clothing with his enthusiasm. By the time shead a.s.sessed the damage and discovered she really couldnat tell that her clothes were in any worse shape than before shead decided that his anxiousness to f.u.c.k her was actually rather flattering a in a way.
Then, too, she had been warm and willing right up to the point where head deposited her a.s.s on the cold, gritty floor and she could hardly blame him for the fact that that had pitched her back to ground zero when it seemed doubtful that he couldave known that it had or would. Head taken the time to arouse her. It had just seemed like a callous disregard for her pleasure because shead just gotten warmed up good again when he came.
And, in the scheme of things, shead been treated far worsea"many times. At least shead enjoyed ita"right up to the point where head left her behind.
And head been clearly appalled that shead misunderstood what head said to her, she reminded herself. She had misunderstood. He hadnat tried to mislead her.
If shead had any sense, she wouldave realized immediately that he couldnat possibly have meant what she thought. It was just what shead wanted to hear him say. She hadnat realized it until shead jumped to the wrong conclusion, but it was as plain as day to her now.
She wanted to be his woman in the worst kind of waya"for all of the reasons any woman ever wanted to be claimed by a man. She thought shead probably wanted to when shead asked him to show her how he could make it feel good, before he had. She didnat think she would have been interested in him showing her if that hadnat been the case.
She couldnat say that shead actually expected the s.e.x theyad engaged in the night before to smooth things between them when Gabriel had been so distant and cool after the misunderstanding, but she was dismayed that it seemed to make him more distant.
Did he think she was the one that had initiated the s.e.x? Or that she was trying to use it to convince him to take her as his woman when head already told her that it wasnat possible?
Those thoughts made her a little resentful despite the reasoning that had settled her previous issues in her mind. She was tempted to inform him that shead been dead asleep and it definitely hadnat been her doing. And that she didnat want to be his woman so he neednat worry about that!
Of course she was still trying to convince herself that she didnat want to be his woman, but there was no reason he had to know that.
As badly as she wanted to argue with him about those things, though, she finally decided she wasnat angry enough about it to risk arousing his temper.
She could just show him she didnat have any interest in being his woman by behaving as coolly toward him as he was behaving toward her!
In any case, he, mostly, redirected her mind by striking off to search for the farm as soon as theyad eaten the following morning since shead told him that she wasnat certain she could find Ralphas village unless she started from there. It wouldnat have been a search except that shead wandered for so long without any particular goal in mind other than finding the next watering hole and the next meal. She knew the general direction, but only had that vague concept and none about the distance. Beyond that, nothing looked the same from the aira"or rather everything looked the same.
Of course, the terrain shead traveled through didnat vary enough, truthfully, that it would have been easier if theyad walked.
They did plenty of that, anyway. Gabriel would take her up and fly for great distances and then they would land and walk awhile. The rations head brought with him gave out after the second day. Since head divided his food with her, she felt guilty about it. He wouldave had plenty for twice that length of time if he hadnat shared with her.
He dismissed her apology coolly but it didnat make her feel any better, particularly since they were forced to suspend their search for the farm for several days in order to find food to keep going.
And Gabriel wasnat happy with the food they did find.
aWe canat eat that,a Lexa informed him after shead examined the cans head brought back with him from one of his expeditions.
He looked indignant. aWhy?a aWhen the can looks like that it means the foodas bad. Itall make you puke your guts out, give you the runs, and maybe even kill you,a Lexa informed him matter-of-factly.
He looked revolted and uneasy. aHow do you know the other wonat?a he demanded.
Lexa shrugged. aWell, you donat always, but usually a and if it stinks when you open it and looks really gross, then I donat eat it.a He didnat look the least bit interested in eating the canned food she approved once shead heated the contents. aThis looks disgusting and it stinks.a Lexa looked at him in surprise. She was already halfway through her can, but she offered to swap with him.
aYours looks worse and smells worse.a Lexa frowned at him. aThereas nothing wrong with it.a aYou said if it stank a.a Lexa rolled her eyes. aWell it doesnat taste like the stuff you eat or smell or look nearly as good, but itas still food and itas better than nothing.a He didnat look like he agreed, but he ate it.
Lexa snickered at his expression.
He sent her a sour look. aIam glad this amuses you.a Lexa chuckled. aItas the look on your face every time you take a bite.a He narrowed his eyes at her. aI think you deliberately chose the nasty one for me.a aI offered to trade.a He grinned reluctantly. aWhich makes me wonder if you just wanted to trade because yours is nastier and I got the less nasty one.a She chuckled but shook her head. aAfter a while you just learn to eat what you can find and be glad you have something to put in your stomach. It beats not having anything to put in your stomach.a His amus.e.m.e.nt vanished but he seemed thoughtful as he finished his food. aIad ask what you do with the container when you finish but I already know. Every village Iave been in has piles of these empty containers strewn everywhere and adding to the stench.a Lexa felt her face reddening with a combination of discomfort and irritation. aThey ainat reusable and it donat do no good to bury them.a aIt would at least cut down on the disgusting odors that permeate the villages. For that matter there is other waste that could be buried that would improve the living conditions.a The criticism stung since she knew he was saying he thought they were all nasty, disgusting creatures. As much as she hated it, though, he had a point. She thought the villages were disgusting, too, but it was the same everywhere. Anytime there were a lot of people living close togethera"well, there was no avoiding the smells.
Shead thought Ralph was nasty and disgusting. He stank and he had vermin living in his hair and crusty filth all over him. Shead discovered at the first village they went through that he wasnat by any means the only one either. There were more people like him, or worse, than there were that hit at bathing even occasionally and the men were inclined to drop their pants and take a p.i.s.s on any cornera"some of the women, too, although most of them had enough sense to know that was just begging for rape. They usually found a place to hide to take care of their business, but they still left it lying around.
She didnat see that there was much they could do about it, though. Obviously, his people didnat have a clue of just how much of a struggle it was just to survive or they wouldnat think of them as savages, or animals, that were too stupid to know better.
Well, she supposed some of them probably were too stupid to know better.
Maybe a lot of them.
But that didnat change the fact that water was so hard to get that they couldnat afford to waste it for cleaning. It didnat change the fact that food was so hard to get that most of their time was spent hunting it and it didnat change the fact that, as dangerous as the villages were, they were still safer than living in the open like she did. And when people crowded together for safety in villages it just made food and water that much harder to get.
It wasnat as if they wouldnat have welcomed the chance to live more comfortably, like the udai obviously did.
Those thoughts made her wonder if telling Gabriel where the villages were wouldnat actually be a good thing. Shead done her best to avoid any of the villages she could remember pa.s.sing through before because, although she mostly trusted Gabriel, she didnat trust his people.
It was pretty clear that Gabriel was contemptuous of humansa"he hadnat actually tried very hard to hide it!a"but he had never harmed any that didnat deserve it as far as she could see. In fact, most of his wrath seemed reserved specifically for the gangs that hurt everyone else.
She still didnat feel comfortable about the reasons head told her that his people claimed as their reason for ahelpinga hers. She still didnat trust that they actually wanted to help. She thought Gabriel believed it and he was the smartest man shead ever known, but that didnat mean he knew what his people were up to. Theyad sent him out to kill the vicious bullies that were raping, torturing, and killing their own kind and she didnat really have a problem with that, per se. She thought they needed killing.
On the other hand, it was the gangs that protected the people in the villages. They were the meanest, but also the strongest. How were the people going to protect themselves when all the strongest among them had been killed?
Well, she supposed if all the gangs were gone there wouldnat be much the people had to protect themselves froma"except, possibly, the udai.
Lexa thought for several moments after theyad landed and she had a chance to see the place that shead been mistaken. This couldnat be the farm. As she stared around in dawning dismay, though, she saw a few things she recognized that made denial impossible.
The roof of the tiny cabin where theyad lived had fallen in and the door and shutters were missing or hanging awkwardly, leaving gaping holes. Scraggly weeds grew along the rows in the garden that she and her family had so carefully formed every spring when they planted again, hoping each time that the seeds would sprout and theyad have more food than they could possibly eat. The big tree where she and her brothers had played was scarred and burned, but she saw the rope theyad used to make a swing still hung from its largest branch.
There was a body hanging from it now instead of the thick stick theyad used as a seata"a skeleton actually, but the long white beard and hair were unmistakable.
She swallowed with an effort around a lump in her throat that felt like it would choke her. aThatas Sir.a aStay here,a Gabriel said grimly.
She didnat think she couldave moved if she tried. She was afraid he would find the bodies of her brothers and she would have to accept that Ralph hadnat lied about disposing of them. She nodded a little jerkily, watching Gabriel as he moved closer to examine the body.
Feeling weak and dizzy and strangely empty, Lexa dropped to the ground and waited while Gabriel explored the ruins of what had once been her familyas farm. He moved to the door of the cabin, stood looking inside for a few minutes and then went in. He wasnat gone long before he came out again, his expression like granite. He glanced toward her and then left the cabin and disappeared behind it.
She tried not to think about the other bodies he might find.
She was so lost in the fog of misery that she didnat notice, at first, when Gabriel returned to stand over her, looking down at her. Finally, he dropped to a crouch, studying her face. aI didnat find anyone else.a Lexa stared at him blankly for several moments. Abruptly, a harsh sob tore its way from her chest. aYou didnat?a she asked hopefully.
aNo.a She covered her face with her hands as another sob escaped her and then another and another until she was weeping uncontrollably, rocking herself mindlessly. She jerked all over when she felt two hard arms encircle her and then dove at his chest, leapt toward the comfort offered. He held her until shead cried till she couldnat cry anymore, just held her, without a word.
When she finally pulled away and began mopping at her face, he straightened. aThereas no sign that this place has been inhabited for years.a Lexa swallowed convulsively, trying to convince herself that Ralph and his raiders wouldnat have taken the boys if they had intended to kill them. Surely, they would have just left them? Abandoned them or killed them on the spot?
aIall look for them for you, Lexa.a Lexa looked up at him, feeling a surge of hope, but it died almost as quickly as it had sprung up. She shook her head sadly. aYouall never find them.a His expression hardened. aI can try.a She searched his face. She could see that he meant it and she knew in that moment that she loved him. She didnat care that he wasnat the same as her, that he wasnat human, or that her own people would probably despise her for loving him.
Lexaas hopefulness didnat last long. They found a sprinkling of other tiny farms like the one shead lived on as a child that looked as if theyad been attacked and destroyed around the same time as her family had been attacked. After that, they found several small, abandoned villages. Eventually they arrived at King Ralphas domain, or what had been his village.
Gabriel had refused to allow her to go in with him despite her argument that he wasnat likely to recognize her siblings if they were there. Head told her she would get her chance once head taken care of the gang and left her.
She couldnat see what was going on, but she was close enough to hear and her imagination filled in the blanks.
Her confidence that Gabriel could handle anything took a beating as she listened to the battle. Shead been too focused on the possibility of finding her little sister and brothers, she realized in dismay. She supposed shead thought in terms of slipping in as she generally did when she had to go into a village, quietly discovering what they could and then leaving again. She hadnat considered that Gabriel would fight Ralph and his gang. She hadnat considered that Gabriel could be hurt or killed.
She considered both with fear and anxiety the moment violence erupted and she heard the sounds of a fierce battle.
As soon as a deathly silence fell, she ignored Gabrielas order to stay put until he came back for her and rushed inside.
The village looked little changed in the years since shead left. She wasnat certain if that was what made her skin crawl or the eerie silence or the fact that she saw no one at all until she finally reached the scene of carnage.
She was too relieved to see Gabriel striding along the street, examining the faces of the dead, to consider the wisdom of her impulse to rush to him and examine him for injury, but she was sorry she hadnat. Hearing her running footsteps, head whirled toward her with his weapon raised. He lowered it as soon as he recognized her and scowled at her furiously.
aI told you to wait where it was safe!a he growled.
Lexa braked to a halt. aI wanted to make sure you were alright,a she responded in dismay, flicking a quick look over him. Blood spattered his clothing liberally, but she couldnat tell whether it was his or the men head killed.
He strode toward her, gripping her upper arms almost painfully. aAnd if I hadnat been, you wouldave rushed directly into the ambus.h.!.+a Lexa stared up at him in dismay, feeling her heart squeeze in her chest. It struck her forcefully, though, that he was right. Shead thrown common sense to the wind, ignored years of hard lessons in survival and could have rushed to her death because shead been more focused on his life than her own. aIam sorry. It was a stupid. I just a.a aDidnat think,a he finished for her in a harsh voice.
Lexa swallowed a little convulsively. aGuess not,a she muttered, looking away from the anger in his eyes.
She saw then that villagers had begun to creep from hiding up and down the street.
Gabriel must have realized they had an audience, as well. He released her, but as he did he allowed his hands to slip along her arms almost like a caress or an apology.
He surveyed the bodies again. aI suppose this must be all of them since you didnat get your head blown off rus.h.i.+ng to me,a he said dryly. aDo you see Ralph?a Lexa felt her stomach lurch as she turned obediently to look. aI donat a Iam not sure.a aCheck the bodies,a Gabriel said tightly. s.h.i.+fting his attention to the people he could see in or near the buildings along the street, he lifted his voice and addressed them. aI am the Lawgiver, Gah-re-al. These men have been judged and executed per code 57800 of the Udai Federation of Worlds for the crimes of murder, rape, and aggravated a.s.sault. Gather something to dig with. The bodies must be disposed of.a A voice wafted to them from close by. aLet the buzzards have the b.a.s.t.a.r.ds.a Gah-re-al zeroed in on the man whoad spoken, a shadowy figure standing just inside a doorway. His jaw tightened. aYou might regret that when the stench of rotting corpses surpa.s.ses the stink of human waste,a he growled, abut that wasnat a request.a Lexa had jolted to a halt when she heard the response to Gabrielas order. Uneasiness slithered down her spine. She wasnat certain why until she scanned the faces of the people she could see. There was fear there, much as there had been in the other village, but there was something else that she wasnat accustomed to seeinga"judgmenta"and they were all looking at her.
aFraternizing with the primitives wasnat what we had in mind when we appointed you as a Lawgiver.
aYou seem to be laboring under some confusion regarding the handling of the savages. We need to keep a careful balance,a Justice Mer-laine added. aWe have a policy of non-interference.a Gah-re-alas discomfort ebbed and his anger rose. Head been seesawing back and forth between discomfort at the speculation of exactly what had occurred between him and Lexa, anger and resentment that the Justices seemed to consider it their business at all, and even guilt when he knew d.a.m.ned well there was no reason for him to feel it. aIall admit to some confusion. Exactly how are we defining anon-interferencea these days?a His sarcasm wasnat lost on the justices or well received.
af.u.c.king one of the savages would certainly fall into the interference category,a Justice Jon retorted dryly.
Gah-re-al felt his face heat in spite of all he could do to prevent it. It wasnat entirely from embarra.s.sment, however. Anger had a good deal to do with it. He considered who he bedded to be private, regardless of his appointment as Lawgiver. Beyond that, he certainly hadnat confessed what had occurred between them. That was entirely speculation on Phil-a-sheeas part, pa.s.sed on to the Justices when shead reported him.
The b.i.t.c.h!
aThe entire rehabilitation program would seem to fall under the category of interference as far as I can see,a Gah-re-al responded after a moment.
aItas a matter of record that you object to the program,a Justice Mer-laine said pointedly, awhich makes me question Phil-a-sheeas a.s.sertion that youave been having s.e.xual relations with one of the savages. According to the report you turned in upon your return, this a female helped you pinpoint the location of nearly a dozen villages previously unknown to us. Are you suggesting that you were merely working to establish trust to insure her cooperation in our endeavor to eradicate the threat the natives represent?a It was a broad hint that he could avoid unpleasantness if he flatly denied having had intercourse with Lexa, but it put him in a dilemma. He was as uncomfortable denying his liaison with Lexa as he was discussing his relations before the court and it went beyond his natural reluctance to lie just to save his skin. It would be as much a betrayal as a confession would be. They would a.s.sume that he was ashamed of having s.e.x with Lexa, a primitive, and he felt none.
On the contrary, head thought of little else since their first night together but repeating the infraction as often as he could manage it and she was willing.
Head certainly worked to gain her trust, he thought wryly, but his objective had been to get between her legsa"not to find out what he could about her people. That hadnat occurred to him as a possibility until latera"but he wasnat about to tell them that.
Their excursiona"well, excursionsa"had created a problem he hadnat antic.i.p.ated, however.
Head known that none of his people would approve of a liaison between them and that included the ableeding heartsa head held in contempt who supposedly saw them as higher intelligent life that needed only a helping hand to arecovera. What he hadnat expecteda"or at least hadnat really believeda"was that her own people would despise her for laying with him and that worried him far more than the charges that had been brought against him.
Regardless of what Lexa had said, head convinced himself that it wasnat her that they were shunning. They simply wanted to give him a wide berth and since he made sure he stayed close enough to her to convince them another attack would be inadvisable, they avoided her.
Even he couldnat convince himself that it was purely imagination on Lexaas part, though, after theyad returned. Theread been condemnation to the degree of hate in the expressions of every villager that looked at her, however fleetingly.
He didnat even know how it had come about that absolutely everyone in camp knew theyad gone off together that first night and had leapt instantly to the correct a.s.sumption of what had transpired between them.
Had they both looked too well satisfied for it to be anything else? Or had he been far more obvious than head thought in his preoccupation with Lexa? Had he somehow given away the fact that his interest went beyond his duty as peace keeper?
On the other hand, he supposed the a.s.sumption that his interest in Lexa was purely s.e.xual might still be better for her than the alternative. If her people shunned her, now, because they thought head taken her off for s.e.x when they didnat seem to have any particular social taboos regarding s.e.x in general, how might they react if they knew shead led him to other villages?
Would they see it as betrayal?
It seemed possible, despite the fact that he hadnat heretofore seen any signs of unity among them, because it was hard to ignore the fact that the humans appeared to see all of the udai as enemies and he was certainly no exception.
That thought made him far more uneasy than he liked and made it all the more difficult to contain his impatience with the proceedings.