Dana's Valley Part 5

Maybe now I could speak without crying. I thought I'd better try or I might never find the courage. "Things are just ... so different now," I whispered, trying to gather my thoughts. "So much has changed . . . and so fast. Grandpa's gone, and Grandma's here. And now it's hard to think about more change with the house. I don't want to complain. It's not really bad anyway. It's just so differ 80.

entertained. I guess." My words began to flow more quickly. "I guess I'm scared. That's probably dumb, because there's not really anything to be afraid of. It's not like being afraid of the dark. I guess I just thought I knew how things were supposed to feel . . . and it doesn't feel like that anymore. I liked it the way it was."

Dad sighed. Then I felt him press a kiss against the top of my head. "I know just what you mean. I feel like that too," he said.

I was shocked. Surely my dad never questioned the way his life was going.

"But, Erin, life doesn't ever stay easy and familiar. Life always changes. And we have to try to change with it." I could tell he was choosing his words carefully, trying not to lecture. But right now, I didn't mind at all. I just wanted some words of comfort, no matter what form they took. "It's like this house. n.o.body wanted to move. We all wanted to stay. But life changed-and in the process pushed us out. Even if we dug in our heels and insisted on staying put, it isn't the same. Our family has changed. We have Grandma to take care of now-and you kids are growing up so quickly. We have to move on too."

I swallowed back my response. I wished I could tell Dad that I sometimes blamed Grandpa for all of the changes. But I could never say that out loud. Even if I had to keep that secret, though, I felt so much better just sitting with Dad right now, and feeling loved.

"Erin, I've been thinking about Psalm Twenty-three for some time now. You know it. It starts, 'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.' This is a little bit of a Valley of shadow' for us right now. It's so encouraging to remember that we never go through those valleys alone. That G.o.d always goes through with us." Then he smiled.DANA S Valley * 81"And the truth is, we have to admit that this particular valley is not so deep. You and I in our lives will probably need to face much darker times than these. In fact, this is more like simple growing pains. I think we'd all be able to enjoy the idea of building a house if it hadn't followed so quickly on the heels of Grandpa's pa.s.sing away. Your mom and I have dreamed about doing this for years."

'You have?" No one had ever mentioned that to me.

"Sure. That's one of the reasons we've been so careful with our money. We knew we couldn't live here forever."

My mind was working to absorb the thought. Maybe this wasn't Grandpa's fault after all. That would be a huge relief. I knew there was another question I needed to ask.

It had plagued me, along with those other dark feelings about G.o.d.

"But, Daddy, why do we have to have those valleys at all? I mean, if G.o.d can heal blind people and make the winds stop and all that, why does He let bad things happen to us?"

He was quiet for a long time. "That's a good question, Erin. It's a question that lots of adults ask too. And I don't know how well I can answer it, but I'll tell you what I think.

"I think there are many reasons why G.o.d allows unpleasant things to happen-or maybe it's better to say there are lots of ways He uses the difficult things to bring good in our lives. Sometimes it's to make our faith stronger. So we'll believe that G.o.d can help us in the really hard times because we've already seen Him at work. It's one thing to read the Bible and learn that G.o.d calmed a storm; it's another thing to know that He's calmed a storm-that He's solved a serious problem-in our own lives.

82.

"Then again, sometimes it's to call us back because we've begun to let other things be more important than G.o.d in our hearts.

"And I would have to say that sometimes it's just because that's the way our world works. Adam and Eve sinned. And we sin. And the guy living next door sins. And the lady on the other side of the city sins. Every one of us does things that displease G.o.d. And all that sin just makes life painful sometimes. G.o.d didn't plan our world to be painful. What we see are just the side effects of all that sin. Dying. Struggling to make ends meet. Feeling unloved. Even most of our own anger and frustration. If we really understood, we'd see that most of it comes from sin.I could hear Corey's footsteps coming up from the bas.e.m.e.nt, and I knew I didn't have much time left. "Do you think G.o.d still punishes people like He did the Israelites in the Bible?"

He paused, a puzzled expression in his eyes. "Yes . . . I guess I do. But I'm very sure that if and when He does, it's out of love. I know it would only be done to get our attention and save us from the disaster we'd face if we kept going the direction we were headed."

Daddy's arm tightened around my shoulders. "But, Erin-sometimes it isn't about us at all."

I frowned.

"It's because someone else needs to see G.o.d at work. In our lives. How He helps us to handle difficult things. That is one of the marks of a Christian and is often the reason that another person realizes G.o.d is who He claims to be. When we have a strength that isn't our own to draw on-a peace even in the bad times-it's a wonderfulDANA S Valley * 83testimony to others of what G.o.d can do for those who love Him."

I thought I was beginning to see, but before I could even nod to agree with Daddy, Corey burst in upon us.

"I got 'em, Daddy. I got the strings. And just look at all the colors!"

I slipped off Dad's lap. "I think I'll go finish my homework."

"Erin." His eyes met mine and asked me to listen just a moment more. "The most important thing to remember is that G.o.d loves you. I know you've heard that all >kyour life. But it's really an amazing thing, honey. And I*G.o.d never tries to hurt us. He always works for our good.

That's a promise."

"Okay," I whispered, trying a wobbly smile before I turned away. It didn't all make sense. But I was willing to believe my dad knew what he was talking about.& & &.There was something mysterious in the air. Dana and I could feel it from the moment we walked into the house after school. There was something about the way Mom was acting. So we decided to hang around in the kitchen and see if we could pick up any clues. She wasn't telling, though. She just chatted as usual while she moved about, making fried chicken for supper. She did tell us that Grandma had gone out for supper with a friend.

When Daddy got home, she met him at the door and plunked a kiss on his cheek. He looked surprised but just grinned and said, his eyes twinkling, "I guess you missed me today."

84.

They both laughed. Mom stood there smiling into his eyes.

"What's up? You look like the cat that just swallowed the canary."

"I thought we'd picnic tonight."

"Picnic? It's way too cold! I admit we've had a warm spell, but it's still officially winter, you know."

"We could eat in the van. I'm almost done packing it."

I looked at Dana and she looked back, but neither of us could offer a thing about what was going on. She whispered, "Do you think we'll be invited?"

I just shrugged. At least Mom had made plenty of chicken.

But when we all were immediately hustled into action, I knew we were in on it-whatever it was. Dana stayed with Mom to help finish with the picnic, I scooted Corey up to the bedroom to hurry him into playclothes, and Brett was sent to get the well-used picnic basket from the attic. None of it made sense, but we followed directions anyway and grabbed our jackets before heading to the garage.

"Where to?" Dad eyed Mom across the front seat. He was thoroughly enjoying the suspense.

Mom was too. "Just drive. I'll let you know."

Mom's fried chicken was making my mouth water even before we'd left the driveway. I sure hoped she'd let us dive in soon. Dana, who shared the middle bench seat with Corey, was put in charge of distributing our picnic from the basket at her feet. She served Mom and Dad first, then got Corey set up with a plate, and finally pa.s.sed food back to Brett and me, who were seated in the back. We settled back with a favorite supper and a trip to-where?

Mom directed the car through town and then out intoDANA S Valley 85the country. We shot past fields and little farmhouses for a while before coining over a hill and finding a few houses scattered around a little valley. It looked like a miniature town. Mom's instructions took us down a side street in the middle of it. Then the side street became an old lane that ended in a patch of woods just beyond the last cl.u.s.ter of houses. There was a "For Sale" sign tacked to an old fence post.

Dad's face lost some of its enthusiasm. But Mom just < p="">

"Why don't you kids take a walk down that path? See the clearing over there? Take a few minutes to look around, will you?" Mom instructed. Dad and Mom followed behind us at a distance. She had slipped her hand into his, and they were talking in low voices.

Corey, beside himself with excitement, scampered through the trees, exclaiming at each early bird he noticed. Apparently they had been studying birds at school, and he was setting out to become the expert. Dana dutifully followed him. I moved around with Brett more systematically, wanting an overview of the property.

The street side was thick with trees. A jumble of bare branches stretched up to form a tangled web above us, and the air smelled wet and woodsy. There were still mounds of snow in places where the sun hadn't been able to reach, but we tramped forward as if we were frontier explorers. It was wonderful.

Once we were through the trees, we could see we were 86.

on a hill that sloped down from the road. We knew that somewhere behind us the property line stopped, because we could make out the stubbled stalks of a cornfield. A wonderful view stretched on to where there had to be a river. A line of trees meandered away to the west.

To the south, Brett pointed out, there was another cl.u.s.ter of trees and a big house tucked into it, looking as if it had been built recently and the gra.s.s hadn't been planted yet. To the north, there was a steeper slope that stretched downward to a sprawling a.s.sortment of farm buildings. We weren't quite sure what the shapes were that dotted the field, but they seemed like they might be cattle or sheep.

Brett looked back over his shoulder at me. "We could build a ramp. For skateboards. Out here we could build an awesome ramp. I could never build one in town. But I'll bet Dad'll let me build here. Just imagine how big we could make it."

I was still wondering how the conversation between Mom and Dad was going. I didn't want to make too many plans until I saw how that turned out. Actually, I didn't see Dad as a country dweller.

Just then Mom and Dad emerged from the wooded area and joined us on the hillside. It appeared she'd been able to talk him into walking around with her. They stood looking out over the valley together and talking quietly.

"I like the view so much," Dana enthused. "It's like a picture. Where would we build the house?"

Dad was the one who answered. "It is a nice property. There's no question about that. A person could clear a few of the trees up near the road for a lane and put the house back here where it looks down this hill." He seemed to be thinking things through as he spoke. "IDana's Valley 87suppose a well would be necessary. Or maybe the housing development has water out here. But there would be the added cost of bringing in the utilities. In a neighborhood, that would already be included in the lot price. I wonder how much that would run.""We could ask John and Nancy Kelly," Mom pointed out. "They just built their home a few years ago. It might be unreasonable to pay that extra, but it does seem that you'd get a nice location for your effort." The two had gone back to talking only to each other.

"Well, there's no denying that the location is nice. But I think it's also more costly to build out here and harder to sell. I'll have to check around and see how other homes compare."

"But if the money from Dad's estate can cover the added expense of the land, it shouldn't cost us any more than what we'd planned." Mom was trying hard not to sound as if she were pressing him, but we could tell where her heart was.

I listened quietly, trying to decide if I liked the idea of country living.

"Possibly," I heard Dad say.

"I know that it's farther from school and friends, but-"

Dad interrupted. "That's another thing we'd have to check on, Angie. I'm not sure it would be the same school system."

Dana, Brett, and I froze. Mom looked thoughtful. They had mentioned once or twice that we might have to change schools if we couldn't find a lot close enough, but we had each held out hope that it wouldn't happen.

"Where would we go to school?" I knew Dana was working hard to keep her voice under control.

88.

Mom and Dad suddenly seemed aware that we were listening. Dad sounded cautious as he answered, "I'm not sure. This little town is much too small to have its own school, so maybe there's a bus that comes out here to take you back to your school. I'm just not sure. It would be another thing we'd have to check."

"Well, anyway," Mom concluded the discussion brightly, "we've enjoyed our first picnic of the year and dreamed a little dream. Maybe that's all that will come of this, but I've enjoyed myself. Anybody else had a nice time?"

"It was great!" Corey's exuberance hadn't ebbed.

We wandered back through the trees and climbed into the van, avoiding the topic of the acreage. It wasn't until days later that we kids managed to overhear more as our parents gathered information. The land behind the neighboring house would soon be developed, and many new homes added. So the lane from the housing development would become a paved road. The field behind the land we'd looked at would stay as it was. Dad said it would help the resale of any house built on that land to have the subdivision near it. That was one point in favor of the land. On the other hand, it might be some time before construction there would begin, and we probably would have to watch it being developed over the next five to ten years. That might be unsightly.

The biggest drawback to the property came when it was confirmed that the school system would be different. Children in that area were bused in the opposite direction from our town. And in my mind, that was the most difficult obstacle to overcome. Dad said we'd need to pray about it for a while, but the real estate agent was saying we didn't have long to decide. I hoped G.o.d would speakDANA S Valley * 89quickly. My own feelings were torn. I had seen Corey nearly burst with excitement every time he described the acreage, and I could picture him living there. The vivid image drew me. Even Brett had become excited about the possibility of living "out," as he called it. Dana and I were the ones who hesitated.

I personally was surprised that Brett was so open to the idea. I think it helped him to remember that Dad was allowing him to try for his driver's license during the summer, and so the place seemed less isolated to him. I think he pictured bringing all his friends over and having room to roam-or build a skateboard ramp, or whatever. Brett was talking a lot about skateboards lately.

I hoped I wasn't expected to be excited about Brett'sdreams of his own ramp. He'd likely bring all his new skateboarding friends to enjoy it. I couldn't imagine much peace or solitude with a gang of guys Brett's age occupying our yard. I could almost hear the clunk and whir of the skateboards against wood, and it seemed to me to be hopelessly out of place on that quiet hillside. And I was certain he wouldn't let me partic.i.p.ate anyway. We didn't even play basketball together much anymore. He was much more anxious to be with his new friends. No, the ramp was not something I would look forward to.

One day pa.s.sed, and then another. There were frequent calls from the real estate agent alerting Dad that someone else had been looking at the property. Even Mom had lost her conviction that it was "just right." Switching schools was not what she'd had in mind.

In the end, the land won out in all our hearts. For various reasons, we each came to believe that it was worth the sacrifices we'd have to make in the short term to have 90.

what we pictured as an idyllic setting in the long term. Dana and I agreed to it because, being best friends, we were sure we wouldn't really be lonely. And Corey's excitement was contagious. Also, Dad had promised that we'd still make the drive to our church so we weren't going to lose touch with our friends completely. The turning moment for the two of us was when Dana pointed out that she and I probably would be in different schools next year anyway, and we might as well move to an area we liked so much.

Once we had finally decided for sure, Grandma went to meet with Uncle Patrick to make the arrangements for him to put her house on the market. We knew then that she was with us to stay.

So Mom and Dad left us watching Corey while they dashed about to numerous meetings with architects, contractors, and bankers. It was all happening so quickly now. And I found myself daydreaming about what it would all be like when it was finished. I guess, without realizing it, I was becoming as excited as Corey.& & &.Immediately after Brett's birthday, he tried for his driver's license. He failed and spent the rest of the day slamming around the house, muttering things about unfairness and biases against teenage guys. He and Dad took frequent trips to parking lots, where he practiced for next time. He was sure he'd be ready. I wondered if Dad felt Brett had been failed unjustly or if he too thought Brett needed a little more experience. But he kept encouraging and coaching.

I was beginning to think the whole driving issue wasDANA S Valley * 91tougher on Mom. Even though Brett had grown just as tall as Dad during the last school year, I could tell that Mom wasn't convinced he was ready for the responsibility of driving. And I noticed she was never the one to take Brett out for his practice sessions.

After a couple of weeks, Dad took Brett to the city to try again. I think this time they were both very excited. We watched them drive off down the street and wondered if the next time we saw Brett he'd be beside himself with joy-or glum again. I was certainly hoping for joy.

When the two returned, it was definitely joy we saw. That joy radiated out through the winds.h.i.+eld from Brett's face, behind the steering wheel of Dad's car. Corey and I rushed to the front porch and cheered as they mounted the steps. Corey was twirling and bobbing in fits.

"He made it. Brett can drive by hisself! He can drive me around. Let's go. Come on."

Brett picked him up and tossed him into the air. Then he looked back at Dad. "Can we?"

Dad grinned and held the keys out to Brett again, saying, "You'd better take the van this time." With an air of excitement, everyone jumped at once to climb in. Only Grandma stayed behind.

We kept mostly to the less-traveled roads, Mom telling Brett to slow down a bit and Corey repeating, "Speed up. Speed up." Finally Dad insisted that he hush.

It was exhilarating to watch Brett. His face shone even though he tried not to let his excitement show. And on the way home, Mom suggested that we "hit the drive- through for ice cream cones." We all caught the pun and howled our response.

Dad said with a grin, "Don't bother to hit it. Just pull up at the window." That brought a rowdy whoop from the 92.

backseat where Corey and I were riding.

Mom patted Brett's shoulder, and Dana just smiled and looked content. I suppose each of us was antic.i.p.ating the additional possibilities we'd experience with another driver in the family.

When we celebrated Dana's thirteenth birthday in grand style, it had an underlying feeling of a "farewell party." All Dana's school pals were invited, and most of them managed to gather in our backyard for hot dogs and games. I wandered through the crowd of familiar kids and wondered if we'd ever fit in so well in the new school. Mom and I had spent much time together preparing for the party. I tried not to let my feelings spoil the day, but I'm not sure I succeeded very well. Looking at these friends and realizing that I would rarely see them anymore, I had a hard time getting myself up to celebrating anything. This was besides the fact that Dana was now a teenager and I was still just a preteen.

And, further, Dana had become increasingly distant. She seldom wanted to ride bikes or do anything with me. In fact, outside of school and church, Dana rarely went anyplace anymore. We were all a little baffled, but we had hopes she'd pull out of it shortly. Mom maintained that it was all part of growing up. I sure hoped I wouldn't become gloomy and introspective when it was my turn.

Shortly after the party, Dana fell ill. We a.s.sumed it was a simple cold with a mild fever, and that it might even explain her recent sullenness. Then she developed a strange rash on her face. So Mom took her into the DANA'S Valley * 93doctor twice, and Dana was given antibiotics. It must have worked because the rash went away, though she still dragged around. And, try as I might, I couldn't talk her into joining me when I explored our emerging new house. She routinely waited in the car reading a book while Mom and Dad talked to the builders and Corey trotted along behind me.

The end of the school year this time would mean saying good-bye to many of our cla.s.smates. The importance of being able to see so many of our best friends every Sunday at church, no matter where we lived, could not be overstated. But Marcy was dismal during most of our times together throughout the last weeks of cla.s.ses.

She drove out with us as often as she could to visit "our land," as she had dubbed it. She stood with me as we watched the first trees being uprooted and cast aside. We paced off imaginary walls together on the gra.s.sy knoll and tried to imagine where each bedroom would be between the flags that had been stuck into the ground.

But Marcy missed the whole exciting ground breaking while her family was on vacation. By the time she got back, the bas.e.m.e.nt had been poured and the first level had been framed over it. The rows of two-by-fours alluded to where the walls would be, though it was surprisingly difficult to make it seem right in our minds. The skeleton looked even smaller than the house we had now.

"They already put in the stairs to the bas.e.m.e.nt. Can we go down?"

'Sure," I answered as if I personally were the home( 94.

owner. "Just be careful. There's all sorts of nails and things."

"Wow. It echoes down here." We walked a few steps farther, and Marcy squealed. "Wow," she said again, "I love a bas.e.m.e.nt with big walkout gla.s.s doors. What room is this?"

"This is going to be the family room. There was supposed to be one on the main floor beside the kitchen, but Mom and Dad changed that to make a bedroom, a bathroom, and a little sitting room for Grandma. See, this is where the fireplace will go, and this is where we're going to build a bathroom. But we're not going to do that for a while. And, eventually, Brett gets a bedroom over here. For a while, he's still got to be with Corey."

"Bet he's not excited about that."

"I don't think he minds. I think he's tired of being in our bas.e.m.e.nt. He'd like something besides cement walls around him for a while."

Marcy nodded. "Yeah. I would too."

We stepped out the gla.s.s door and walked far enough away to get a good view of the back of the house. Then we turned to look out over the cornfield, which was just beginning to show a hint of green. It was a wonderful thing to be moving to the country, where all around were signs of life and serenity. I was sure Marcy was feeling the same things. We breathed it all in deeply, and I felt contentment seep through me.