Cynster - The Promise In A Kiss Part 43

Chapter Ten.

NOsuitable time presented itself. In truth, as the days pa.s.sed, Helena made little effort to further Fabien's goal, too focused on Sebastian, on his finer qualities, on all she would have gained by his side-all she would forgo when the time came and she had to act, steal the dagger, and run.

She knew how many days she had left, exactly how many hours; she was determined to make the most of every one.

If the morning was fine, they would ride-indeed, he seemed to take it for granted they would, unless rain intervened. She was too grateful for the moments of unalloyed peace to complain at his somewhat cavalier expectation that she would accompany him as a matter of course.

However, despite the fact that she did not, as he had so perspicaciously noted, like being taken for granted, she felt disappointed when he didn't appear at her door the next night. Or the next.

The following morning, as they returned from the stables and took their habitual shortcut through the small parlor, she slowed, then halted and faced him.

He stopped, studied her face, arched a brow.

"I . . . You . . ." She lifted her chin. "You have not again come to me."

Had once been enough? A disturbing thought-as disturbing as the notion that he'd found the experience less than satisfactory.

She could read nothing in his face or his eyes. After a moment he replied, "Not because I don't wish to."

"Why, then?"

He seemed to consider-to take note of the tone of her voice, the puzzlement she allowed to show-then he sighed. "Mignonne,I am rather more experienced in such matters than you. That experience suggests-no,guarantees -that the more we . . . indulge, the more I shall . . . require. Come to expect to have."

She folded her arms, fixed her gaze on his eyes. "And that is bad?"

He held her gaze. "It is if in the . . . having, I remove-take from you-all choice over the question of being my d.u.c.h.ess." His tone hardened. "Once you're carrying my child, there will be no question, no choice for you to make. You know that as well as I."

She did, and she accepted it. But . . . She tilted her head, considered all she could see in his face. "Are you sure this . . . att.i.tude of yours is not perhaps equally motivated by a hope that I will"-she gestured-"grow impatient and agree to answer your question quickly, and as you wish?"

He laughed, the sound cynical, not humorous. "Mignonne,if I wanted a lever to pressure you into marriage, you may be a.s.sured that particular tack is not one I would choose." He met her eyes. "The degree of impatience you feel is nothing to the . . . torment that racks me."

She glimpsed it in his eyes-a prowling need-sensed its force before his s.h.i.+elds slid back and he shut her out once more. She frowned. "I do not like the idea that you are tormented over me. There must be some way . . ."

With one hand he framed her face, tipped it up to his. Captured her gaze. "Before you follow that thought too far, consider the fact that if there were, I would know of it and would certainly have employed it. But to ease my particular torment . . . no, there is only one remedy for that. And before you ask, I did not tell you how much I desire you, because that, too, is just another form of coercion." He searched her eyes. "Mignonne,I wish you to marry me because you desire to be my wife-not for any other reason. As far as I am able, I will not pressure you in making that decision, will not manipulate your feelings in any way. I will even engage to s.h.i.+eld you from any pressure others might seek to bring to bear."

"Why? Why, when you want me as your d.u.c.h.ess, why be so forbearing?" Given his nature, that was a highly pertinent point.

His lips curved, wryly cynical. "Yes, there is something I wish in return. But for my forbearance, I ask only one thing." His eyes were very blue as he gazed into hers. "The simple answer you eventually give me,mignonne, I wish it to beyours . Not one logically derived after due consideration of the facts, but the real truth of what you desire." He paused, then added, "Look into your heart,mignonne -the answer I want will be written there."

His last words echoed in her mind. All about was silent and still. Their gazes held, then fell away. He bent his head.

"Thatis what I want, what I will give a great deal to have." His words feathered her lips. "I want you to answer truly, to be true to yourself-and to me."

Sebastian kissed her, even though he knew it was unwise, that he would pay dearly for the indulgence. For giving in to the urge to rea.s.sure her, to wipe from her mind any notion he did not want her. He would pay, and she was too innocent to know the price-the effort it would take to stop at just a kiss and let her go.

Her lips parted beneath his; without hesitation, he took her mouth, captured her senses. Held them with a knowing hand.

Held her within his arms, soft, warm and vibrantly alive, the promise in her kiss echoed in the lushness of her firm flesh, the sensual tension in her spine. Held himself back from taking further advantage, from capitalizing on the fact that they'd come in half an hour early so no one would yet expect them, that the parlor was private and secluded. On the fact that she would be his if he wished, here and now.

Torment indeed-unslaked desire was not a demon he had any great experience in conquering. In this case, with her, conquering desire was out of the question-he'd settled for suppression, for caging the beast. For the moment. Promising himself that eventually, this way, she'd be his forever. All his.

His as he wished her to be.

To the depths of her sensual soul.

He was a connoisseur; he recognized the pinnacle of womanly perfection when he had her beneath him. Understood, too, enough of the possibilities to want them all. To want all of her.

Her pa.s.sion. Her devotion. Her love.

All.

He wanted to seize, to simply take. Yet what he wanted could not be seized, taken.

It had to be given.

The clash of will and desire left his temper, never an amenable one, straining, tight, taut, ready to break.

On a gasp, he pulled back, drew back. Waiting for the drumming in his veins to subside, he watched her face as her senses, her wits, now that he'd freed them, returned.

Her lashes fluttered, then rose. She regarded him evenly through crystal-clear eyes. Puzzlement, and the fact that she was not yet sure of him, were easy to read.

Then she blinked; her gaze lowered.

His hand still lay beneath her chin; he tipped her face back up so he could see it.

Her eyes had dimmed. Even though she met his gaze calmly, the clouds had returned. With a gentle smile, she lifted her chin from his hand, then brushed a kiss across his fingers.

"Come." She drew back from his embrace. "We had better join the others."

He let her go. She turned to the door-he swallowed an urge to call her back-to ask outright what was troubling her. After an instant's hesitation he followed her.

He wanted her trust, wanted her to confide in him; he couldn't force either. And when all was said and done, while she might not yet be sure of him, he was even less sure of her.

In many ways Helena's visit was proceeding better than he'd hoped. Thierry and Louis were both keen shooters; at this season his coverts were teeming-there was plenty to keep them amused and out of his way. Marjorie and Clara had struck up a friends.h.i.+p; happily distracted by their own entertainments, they were very ready to leave Helena's entertainment up to him.

All of which should have been perfect. Unfortunately, the one person not falling in with his plans was Helena herself.

He wasn't sure she was going to accept him-and he was at a loss to understand why.

But it had something to do with those d.a.m.n letters.

"Do you spend most of your days here, then?"

He lifted his gaze from the page he'd supposedly been deciphering, looked at her as she idly wandered the room. The "here" was his study; she'd eschewed joining Marjorie and Clara in a comfortable coze by the drawing room fire in favor of distracting him while he tried to work. "Usually. It's big enough, comfortable enough-and anything I'd want is generally to hand."

"Indeed?" She glanced at the ledger he was holding.

Surrendering, he shut it, pushed it aside. It was nothing crucial. Not compared with her.