Jake: Jake Understood Part 9

My ribs ached from laughing so hard. I wrote back.

Jake: That's what you get for sneaking into my room again.

Nina: You got me. You must have gotten to Boston late, huh? What are your plans for today?

My stomach sank. Could you imagine what the truth would sound like?

I'll be spending the day with my schizophrenic wife, Ivy, meeting with a doctor about signing off on a new type of trial medication for her and filling out some insurance forms. Maybe if I'm lucky, Ivy won't have a paranoid episode or subsequently try to beat the s.h.i.+t out of me. I'll spend the day with her then come home late tonight, get into bed and fantasize about eating you out while I jerk off.

I figured it was best to keep that to myself.

Jake: At my sister's, family stuff, running some errands.

Nina: Sounds exciting.

She was digging for info and would have to be crazy not to suspect that I was hiding something from her. It always amazed me that she wouldn't pry more than she did.

I toyed with the idea of asking her how the date went but didn't really want to hear it if she had a good time. So, I opted not to bring it up.

Jake: What are you up to today?

Nina: Studying and trying out a new recipe I think you're gonna like. You really got me into bananas.

Jake: Don't tease me.

Nina: LOL. When do you come home?

Jake: The usual. Late Sunday night.

Nina: These might be waiting for you when you get here if I don't screw them up.

A picture began to load. It was a photo of frozen bananas covered in dark Ghirardelli chocolate, encrusted with pistachio nuts. Oh, man.

Jake: Those look so good. Are you trying to kill me?

Nina: Maybe it's my way of getting back at you for last night.

It was unclear whether she was referring to how I acted toward her date or my blanket trick.

Jake: Well, it's working. You're making me want to come home right now.

For way more than just the bananas.

Nina: See you when you get home.

Home. It really felt more like home there than it ever used to.

Jake: See you soon, Nina.

My sister's voice vaguely registered. "Jake..."

Still looking down at my phone, I muttered, "Huh?"

"Who were you texting just now? I've been standing here trying to get your attention to see if you want to come to breakfast at the diner with us. You didn't even notice me because you were too busy grinning like a fool for the longest time."

"It was no one."

Allison sat at the edge of my bed. "Look at you. Your face. You're lying! Who was it?" She tied her long dark hair up into a bun and bounced up and down tauntingly. Her green eyes were identical to mine; it was kind of freaky.

"Al, don't do this to me. You know I can't lie to you for s.h.i.+t."

"Uncle Jake said 's.h.i.+t!'" My seven-year-old niece, Hannah, came running into the room and jumped on the bed to tackle me.

"Oof, girl. You're gettin' big!"

"Hannah, don't repeat that word again," Allison said.

My other niece, Hannah's twin, Holly, ran toward me a few seconds later, and both girls were giggling and crawling all over me as I tickled them.

"Girls, get off your uncle and go put your sneakers on. We're leaving in five minutes to go get pancakes."

The girls hopped off of me in unison and ran out of the room just as fast as they came in. All you had to do was mention food, and that was usually their reaction. I could hear my brother-in-law, Cedric, yelling at them for jumping down the stairs.

I stayed lying on the bed with my arms crossed behind my head as I looked up at the ceiling.

She wasn't going to let me off the hook. "So, answer my question."

"Her name is Nina."

"Nina...that's pretty. Who is she?"

"She's my roommate."

"Is she cute?"

"Why do you need to know?"

"Answer the question."

"Yes, she's pretty." I closed my eyes briefly, picturing her face. "She's...beautiful."

"You like her..."

"Al..."

"What's so bad about that?"

"Don't ask questions you know the answer to."

"Do you know when the last time I saw you smile like that was?"

"No, I don't.

"Neither do I, because I don't think I've ever seen you smile like that."

I sat up suddenly to avoid the inquisition. "I've got to get going to Ivy's."

"You can't join us for a quick breakfast?"

"No. I overslept, and I have to meet with this doctor at eleven," I said, looking around for my clothes.

"You deserve to be happy, Jake. You know that, right?"

Ignoring her, I threw on a s.h.i.+rt and put my watch on.

She continued, "This girl...does she like you?"

My tone was curt. "That doesn't matter. She doesn't know about Ivy. If she knew, she would freak the f.u.c.k out."

"You don't know that for a fact. She might understand."

"Or she might want nothing to do with me, which is a much more likely scenario." It wasn't my intention to shout. "Plus, I've already lied to her by not mentioning Ivy for so long. That, in itself, makes it even worse."

"Why does she think you take off every weekend?"

I let out a single angry laugh. "Honestly? I can't imagine the scenarios running through her head. Either she knows something is up, or she thinks I'm just this weird guy that can't go a week without seeing his sister."

She stuck her tongue out and threw a pillow at me. "Would that be the worst thing in the world?"

The wind outside howled, shaking the window that Ivy was looking out of when I entered her room. She didn't bother to turn around. "You're late."

"I'm sorry. I called you this morning and told you I was meeting with your doctor at his office before coming here. He came in on a Sat.u.r.day just to meet with me and thinks there's a new trial drug that might make you feel better. He needed to talk to me about it, okay?"

"What's the point?"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing ever makes me feel better."

"We're trying to change that."

"The only thing that makes me feel better is you, Jake, and you're late!"

Ivy had a dozen different moods that ranged from coherent to completely out of it. The mood she was in at this moment was one of the hardest to deal with because while agitated, she was very aware of things, which in turn made her depressed and angry.

Ivy patted the bed. "Lie with me."

She moved over to one side, and I got in, kicking my feet up and reaching for the TV remote. We'd been watching Modern Marvels on the History Channel for about a half-hour when I felt her hand sliding along my thigh and moving close to my crotch. My body tensed. Very rarely did Ivy try to touch me like that, which was why I didn't think twice about getting in the bed with her. The majority of the time, she didn't like to make contact with anyone or be touched in general because she was always convinced people were trying to hurt her.

But once in a blue moon, she'd get into a certain mood where she'd want s.e.x and come on to me.

Out of every scenario with her, this one killed me the most. I just didn't view Ivy that way anymore, plain and simple. It was hard for me to explain it in a way that wouldn't be devastating to her in her temporarily clear state of mind. Even if I were physically attracted to her, it would have been irresponsible to sleep with someone who was not sane the majority of the time.

Back in the early days, when her symptoms were first starting to develop, she'd sometimes get an episode in the middle of intercourse and start screaming for me to get off of her. It made me shudder just thinking about that now.

When I took her hand and moved it off of my d.i.c.k, she said, "Please."

"No."

"I just want to feel you inside of me again, Jake."

I immediately got up and rubbed my temples then took a deep breath to compose my thoughts. "You know we don't do that anymore, Ivy."

"Why not?"

"Because a long time ago, when you got sick, we decided it wasn't a good idea. Remember? We've talked about this before." We had...countless times.

"You stopped loving me."

My head was pounding. "That's not true. I just love you in a very different way now."

"If you love me at all, why won't you make love to me?"

"Ivy, please..."

She started to cry. It didn't matter how many times we'd had this conversation or how many times she cried in front of me, it never got easier, and it never would. And naturally, a part of me did feel guilty because I was technically her husband. I wouldn't have wished this whole situation on my worst enemy.

After a half-hour of silence, Ivy asked me to go out and get her some takeout. By the time I returned to the group home with Chinese, she was chain-smoking, calling me Sam and falsely accusing me of taking so long because I was lacing the food with cyanide.

At least in her delusional state, she wasn't crying anymore. Sometimes, it was just easier to deal with things when she wasn't as aware. The relief that came from that thought made me feel guilty.

Later that night, my phone chimed as I was throwing away the Styrofoam food containers in the kitchen. It was a picture text from Nina depicting the chocolate-dipped bananas she'd made for me.

Talk about my two worlds colliding.

CHAPTER 8.

Present "Wow, man. That's some f.u.c.ked up s.h.i.+t."