Bad Habits Part 48

"That can be arranged." He spun her out and brought her back into his arms.

Simone giggled. She rested her head on his chest. "Cain."

"Yes."

"I do think I'm in love. That's so strange how it happened. Normal people shy away from love after losing it the way I have. But not me."

"It's okay," Cain rea.s.sured her.

Simone sighed. She swayed in his arms with her thighs touching his. "I loved Keith so much once. He really isn't a bad guy. He wasn't. I don't think he was. I was in that marriage and never knew all of him. I just can't believe that my life with him was a lie. He's all I ever wanted, or thought I wanted. I dunno. I'm so confused."

He lifted her chin. "He had to be a good man to have won your heart. But people change, Simone. I'm sure you've changed from the woman he knew. Right? It's okay." He kissed her. She finally broke free and stepped away from his reach. He reached behind him and turned the k.n.o.b to let her out. She left. It was so hard to let her go, but he did. He did what he could to release her, for now.

The door slammed shut. Simone didn't care. She was so numb to him and so high on the possibilities with Cain. Instead of joining him in a fight, she went through her dark house to the kitchen. There she selected a wine gla.s.s and her favorite bottle of Merlot. She needed a cigarette, but that was one more bad habit she would have to stop. She'd use the wine to remain numb, to ease her into sleep and to help her stop thinking of how much she wished time could fast forward to when she could be with Cain. Keith stormed in.

"So I hope you are proud of yourself!"

She ignored him, uncorking the wine and pouring herself a gla.s.s. The magenta liquid filled the gla.s.s in a swirl. She inhaled the fermented grape. It soothed her.

Keith ripped off his clipped bowtie and tossed it. "First, you show up in front of my colleagues dressed like a wh.o.r.e. Then you open your f.u.c.king mouth and prove yourself to be some airhead ghetto hoochie mama to humiliate me! You played into every stereotype they have about us tonight. And like a coward, you run and hide and leave me to deal with it. You think that's funny? f.u.c.king with my job! Making those white folks think we don't know how to act in public! Do you? Answer me!"

Simone sipped the wine. It felt good going down. Cool and sour, it warmed her like Cain's kiss. He held her in the bathroom and all her problems just lifted. Her eyes went to the terrace doors. She stared out at the forgotten garden he tried to help her start. If they were to be together in New York, she wanted a house like her sister's, a small one with a small yard.

She looked up and could see the moon. Her moon. It used to comfort her when she was with her sister. Cain was right. She needed to leave Keith, and him. Get away from Castle Rock. She needed to be with Kim, Diane, and her babies. She would tell Keith to let her go home. See them. She sighed.

"Do you hear me talking to you?" he shouted.

She swallowed the last of the wine and then poured another. Joan told her to play it cool. Stay out of his way and give him no hint of her next move, but she wanted to go home. Certainly, after tonight he'd understand why.

"b.i.t.c.h!" he shouted.

She didn't flinch. Her eyes did go to the bottle. It was hard to resist the urge to pick it up and fling it at his head.

"I asked you a f.u.c.king question!" He s.n.a.t.c.hed the gla.s.s from her hand and threw it to the wall.

She looked up at him. "I'm going to bed."

"The f.u.c.k you are!" He spat out the words in her face, spraying her with spittle. She wasn't afraid of him. In all their years together, he was nothing but talk. "Yeah, you want to be a wh.o.r.e. Look at you! This dress!" He reached for the front of it and she knocked his hand away. "Your hair. Who you think you are, Halle Berry? You ain't no f.u.c.king Halle Berry!"

"Move, Keith. I'm tired."

He didn't. "You look like you did when I first found you in the hood."

That was it. She sighed, her eyes flipping up to him and her patience now exasperated. "Go ahead! Be mean, nasty. It's much better than you pretending to be a decent human being," she accused with her eyes glistening with tears. She stepped back from him. "Punish me for loving you, Keith, and for trusting my husband, wanting to be a good wife. Spit on my feelings for you. Because you're right about one thing, they're dead! I hate you!" she said, throwing her hands up and smiling as tears dropped. "It feels good to say it to your face. I hate you. I thought I could pretend at caring for you, but I can't. I can't stand the sight of you, the smell of you and anything about you. I hate you."

He didn't hear her.

He kept looking at her with l.u.s.t and rage.

His face was contorted with it.

For the first time since she'd known him, she realized that she truly didn't know him. Joan told her to play nice. She couldn't take the verbal abuse, the threats. She'd rather be thrown out on her a.s.s, and her sister too. She just couldn't take it. He stepped toward her.

Simone frowned, taking a cautious step back. His rage darkened his eyes, causing them to narrow into slits as the left corner of his mouth curled up into a mean smirk. It scared her. She didn't show it. She felt that if she showed any weakness in that moment, it would be her end. She tried again to step around him, but he grabbed her arm. His nails broke skin and his grip went all the way to the bone. "Every man in the room wanted to f.u.c.k you tonight. That was the intent, right? You want to be f.u.c.ked."

"Let me go!" she said, swinging back. He s.n.a.t.c.hed at her dress and ripped the front off. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s dropped out. Shocked, she covered herself. "What the h.e.l.l is wrong with you? You're going too far!"

He snickered. "You want to be a wh.o.r.e. I will f.u.c.k you like one!"

Simone pushed him off, deciding to flee for the kitchen. It was the first thought that came to mind, but he caught her before she could fully turn. She screamed in his hold. Her scream was cut short with his arm around her waist, the other hand covering her mouth. She kicked her legs and flapped her arms, then reached back hitting and scratching at his face. She was barely able to breathe by the way his fingers covered her nose and mouth. He half-carried, half-dragged her out of the living room, one shoe slipping off her foot. She blinked through her tears feeling helpless as he climbed the stairs.

"Wh.o.r.e! Wh.o.r.e!" he seethed.

In all the years they were married he had never hurt her, never. Who was he? He was out of control. Their life was out of control. Once they were at the bedroom, he kicked the door open. Panic gripped her tighter than his hold, and she bit as hard as she could on his hand. He howled and threw her on the bed. Simone flipped over trying to get off, blinded by tears and mascara. He grabbed her ankle and dragged her over. She kicked at his face hitting him with the heel of her shoe, and he grabbed the other foot twisting it-hard and purposeful.

She cried out in pain, "Keith, stop! Please! Stop it! Stop it!" she begged as she fought as best she could. He dropped on her, pinning her down. His elbow and forearm pressed down on her neck and her face was pushed down into the mattress.

"You're a wh.o.r.e, so I'll f.u.c.k you like one! That's what you want! That's what you want!"

"Please don't!" she begged, as he stuck his finger in her roughly. Simone screamed out in pain. He turned her over and madness covered his face. "Stop it, please. Don't do this," she wept.

"Stop crying. Stop crying! I'm your husband! Look at me! Stop crying."

She couldn't. She couldn't if she tried. She was confused, in pain, and her heart bled for the people they had become. "Let me go, please. I'm begging you."

"Shhh, stop crying. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just stop it! What's so horrible about making love to your husband? Huh? Huh! You selfish b.i.t.c.h!" He took her arms and hands that were hitting at his face and shoulders and pinned them above her head. "This has to stop! What has gotten into you? You love me! You're acting crazy! Stop it! Stop it!" he shouted in her face.

"Oh G.o.d, just let me go," she pleaded.

"f.u.c.k you! f.u.c.k you, Simone! I'm sick of this s.h.i.+t! I want my wife back!"

"Nooo!"

"Shut up!" he shouted at her. And she silenced, but the tears wouldn't stop. She squeezed her eyes shut, pinned beneath him. "Look at what you make me do! Look at how far you pushed me!"

He started kissing her face. She turned her face away, grimacing. Any resistance on her part fueled his anger, his cruelty. "I love you, d.a.m.n it, but even I have my limits! I'm your husband, remember? Let me show you what playing at being a wh.o.r.e really means."

"Noo! Don't! Don't! Don't!" she bucked underneath him. The thought of it made her want to scream, but her voice was growing hoa.r.s.e, and her fear had weakened her.

"You deserve it," he grunted. He flipped her to her stomach. Simone's eyes stretched with horror. He entered her a.n.u.s dry and hard. She wanted to vomit.

"Wh.o.r.e! I forgive you. I forgive you." He kissed the back of her head with his words m.u.f.fled in her hair. He kept forcing his way in and out of her. She lay there waiting for him to be done, for it to be over as she was brutally violated. Eventually it was.

He kissed her back and withdrew. Paralyzed by both pain in her backside, and fear, she didn't dare move a muscle. Keith smacked her a.s.s with a deep chuckle.

"s.h.i.+t is crazy, babe, really crazy. All this fighting and s.h.i.+t. It has to stop. We need a vacation. You and me. Pick some place nice and I'll take you." Simone turned to her side and winced. She stared blankly at nothing. She felt the rough brush of his lips across her cheek. Her husband stretched and went into the bathroom.

She lay there until the pain in her body stopped.

She thought of nothing.

She felt nothing.

She wanted to die.

Cain slammed the laptop lid down. Simone didn't log in once. He should have told her to sign in so he could be sure she was okay. Why didn't he tell her? He shot up from behind his desk and started pacing the floor of his office. He was making himself crazy, being paranoid. It was making him crazy the way she was with him, pus.h.i.+ng him away then clinging to him. He kept seeing the sadness in her eyes when she left with him and how smug Keith Livingston was at saying his goodbyes. He felt it. Something was wrong.

"Cain?" Maryanne said softly behind him.

He looked back to see her standing there in her nightgown. She gave him a small smile. "Come to bed, sweetie."

"In a minute, I got work, and stuff. Go to bed. I'll sleep in the guest room so I won't wake you," Cain said.

"What? No. I leave for Paris in the morning. This is our last night together."

He turned on her. "What did you say to Simone Livingston today?"

"Huh?" Maryanne asked.

"I know how you are. What did you say to upset her?"

"What are you talking about? Why the h.e.l.l would I try to upset her? Why the h.e.l.l would you care if I did?"

"Get out. Leave me alone. Go!" He paced away from her. Maryanne looked at him, hurt. When he looked back, he saw the confusion in her eyes. "Go, d.a.m.n it!"

"I don't know what's wrong with you, but you better fix it, Cain! There's just so much of this s.h.i.+t I'm going to take!" She whirled and was gone.

Cain kicked the chair in front of him. He looked to the phone and thought maybe he should call over there. Maybe he should just go over there and knock. Maybe he should go over there and just drag her out. He put his hand to his head shutting out all the 'maybes'. His eyes lifted to the window. The glow pouring in drew him.

Cain walked over and looked up.

He saw her moon.

He sighed with relief. Nothing bad could happen under that moon. Turning, he walked out and sought his wife. She stood in the living room facing the window, bathed in moonlight. Tears were on her face.

"Maryanne."

She looked over to him. "I don't deserve the way you've been treating me."

"You're right," Cain confessed.

"Then why?"

"It's been a long time coming. You know why. We are why. I need to be honest. I want out. Out of this marriage."

"And I told you, no!" she shouted at him.

"I want out, Maryanne."

"I'm pregnant!"

"That's it d.a.m.n it! Enough of this s.h.i.+t! You think I don't know that you were taking birth control pills, trying not to get pregnant. And now you want to pull that card on me? That's why this s.h.i.+t between us doesn't work. You're a f.u.c.king liar!"

Maryanne glared. She wiped at her tears and gave him a cold smirk. "Oh I was taking the birth control pills, but have you counted them lately? When you started trying to pull away from me months ago, I stopped taking them. Why do you think I've been trying to get you in my bed? Why do you think I want s.e.x all the time?" She turned and walked away from him. "You're going to be a daddy. There will be no divorce."

Cain fell back to his chair and plopped down. "She's not pregnant. She's lying. She has to be."

Simone stood at the kitchen sink. She had showered three times. Every time she thought about him she showered. There was blood in her a.n.u.s. She didn't know how badly she was hurt, but laying down or sitting wasn't an option for her tonight. In her robe and nothing else, she stood there, dazed and disillusioned. He might as well have taken a hatchet to her heart. Was.h.i.+ng the few dishes that she found around the house, she watched the swirl of suds go down the drain. She had cleaned up the shattered gla.s.s from the floor and wiped down the counters. She had done it all including putting the broken pieces of their perfect life together the best she could, like a good wife should. She had done it all in a daze.

The house was quiet.

She lifted her hand to turn off the running faucet and saw her wedding ring. It glistened on her finger. When did she put it back on? She had forgotten she chose to wear it for the party. To play wifey. The sight of it sent tremors through her. Flashes of him dragging her up the stairs and throwing her on the bed hit her like bolts of lightning cutting her to the bone. She twisted it off and it wouldn't budge. She panicked, twisting it hard, the large diamond cutting her fingers. She tugged until it ripped off with the band. Quickly, she ran over and lifted the lid to the trashcan dropping it inside. The breath rushed back into her lungs. It was gone. It was gone!

Clutching her chest, she rubbed it until her heart stabilized. The room began to spin. Stepping back, she shook all over. "Stop it!" she yelled with her hands to her ears, shutting it out, trying to regain control. She opened her eyes and saw it all over again. She turned to the counter and her eyes went to the butcher knife. Not on purpose. It just happened to be the first thing she saw. She picked it up, gripping it tightly. Wiping at her tears, she walked out of the kitchen carrying it.

She went through the living room with it at her side.

She climbed the stairs, holding it.

She walked into the bedroom and her grip tightened.

He lay on his back snoring. The sheet tangled around his waist. Simone stood at the side of the bed staring down at him. The knife was in both her hands now. Her arms slowly rose. She stared at his chest, watching it rise and fall. She shook all over, her mouth drawn back into an angry snarl. It could happen so easily, her stabbing him over and over. She saw it clearly and she shook all over for restraint, then for power, then for more restraint, until something in her snapped.

She stepped back from the bed crying.

She dropped the knife and ran from the room.

She ran to the guest room and locked the door. She pushed the dresser to it, then the chair. She dragged over the TV stand to make sure he couldn't get in and more importantly that she didn't get out. If she got out, she would kill him. She was sure of it. Stepping back with her arms crossed, she forced herself to breathe.

"No more. I can't take no more," she said. She went to the bed. She dialed quickly, rocking side to side.

"h.e.l.lo? Who is this? This is Simone. Mathew? Hi, Mathew, this is Kim's sister."

Chapter Twenty-Three.

Mad World Kim It hurt to blink.

It's okay. You and I know the drill, darlin'. You just got to trust me. I'm right here. I got you. I need you to be strong. Can you do that for me? Can you be strong? Hold on.