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Greer arrived at Jesse's side. She looked up at him adoringly. He couldn't move.
Greer turned to Loveday and handed her the bouquet. Loveday took it and stood rooted to the spot, staring at Jesse, who looked as if he might faint. Greer was whispering to her, 'My veil. Lift my veil.' Loveday looked at her hands, each holding a bouquet, her own and the bride's. 'Give them to my mother,' Greer hissed.
'Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here, in the sight of G.o.d, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony, which is an honourable state ...'
13.
'I can't believe we've been married for almost three weeks already.' Greer stretched out her left hand and wiggled the fourth finger to allow the two s.h.i.+ny rings, one a diamond solitaire set in gold, the other a matching gold band, to twinkle in the suns.h.i.+ne.
'Are you happy, Jesse?'
Jesse, at that particular moment, was happy. He was lying on a comfortable sun lounger, by a sparkling azure pool with a cold gla.s.s of beer by his side, hundreds of miles away from the mess he'd left behind in Trevay. He was almost starting to believe he'd got away with the biggest mistake of his life. That's not to say that several times a day he didn't break out in a cold sweat thinking of his betrayal. Last night he'd dreamt of making love to Loveday in his parents' bed. Neither he nor Loveday had heard the footsteps coming up the stairs or the turn of the door handle. They hadn't seen the faces of his mother, his father, Mickey and Greer contorted in grief and horror until Mickey had pulled out a fish-gutting knife and had stabbed himself in the heart. His blood had pumped in a perfect arc over Loveday's face and into Jesse's eyes. His mother was screaming. Greer was shouting, 'Jesse, Jesse, stop it, stop it!' She was tapping at his face and shaking his shoulders. 'Jesse, wake up. Wake up! What's the matter?'
He'd opened his eyes, knowing that he would see Loveday's blood-covered face staring at him accusingly, Mickey's body lying across her. But all he saw was the concerned face of Greer gently shaking him. 'Jesse, it's OK. I'm here. It was a dream.'
His eyes slowly took in the hotel bedroom and its whitewashed walls. The early light was twinkling through the shutters and he heard the clatter of a woman in heels walk across the floor of the room above.
His heart was thudding more gently now and his breathing was returning to normal.
'You were shouting Mickey's name.' Greer's face was full of concern.
He hated himself. 'Was I?' Guilt swept through him. 'Did I say anything else?'
'You were mumbling and pus.h.i.+ng your arms out in front of you, and you kept saying, "Mickey".'
He sat up and rubbed the sweat from his top lip. 'I must be missing the b.u.g.g.e.r.'
'Can you remember what the dream was about?' asked Greer.
'No. Funny how dreams just vanish like that.' He rubbed a hand over his bleary eyes.
Greer pushed the thin sheet off herself and padded over the marble-tiled floor towards the bathroom.
He heard her pee and wash her hands. When she came back there was just enough light in the room to penetrate her gauzy nightdress. He saw the flatness of her stomach and her small, high b.r.e.a.s.t.s. He hadn't been a virgin when he married Greer. There had been nights out in Newquay with Mickey and other mates where they'd all succ.u.mbed to s.e.xual experiences of varying satisfaction and success.
He had been gentler with Greer on their wedding night than he'd been with Loveday. He knew for sure that this was Greer's first time. He wished he'd known it had been Loveday's. He wished many things. The seething guilt rose in him again.
Greer moved gracefully to her side of the king-size bed and got under the sheet next to him. He was still getting used to the novelty of asking for s.e.x at any time and getting it. He rolled towards her and put his hand on her thigh, pus.h.i.+ng the nightie over her hips and up to her stomach.
'Why do you wear this thing?'
'I always wear a nightie.' He felt the tension or was it reluctance? in her body.
'I like you naked.' He moved himself on top of her and eased his legs between hers.
She kept her eyes closed as he kissed her. As he pushed into her she tensed again but made no noise.
'Does it still hurt?' he asked, slowly pus.h.i.+ng in and out of her.
'A bit.'
'You just need a bit more practice, that's all.'
Afterwards she got out of bed and had a long shower before getting dressed and organising her bag of poolside essentials. He watched her. He was fond of her. She had a good heart and loved him, he knew. She wasn't Loveday but she was his wife.
And now, here they were, lying in the January sun by a sparkling pool in Gran Canaria.
'I still can't believe how Mummy and Daddy managed to keep this whole honeymoon a secret from us,' sighed Greer. 'Hasn't it been dreamy?'
Jesse took a mouthful of the cold Spanish beer and nodded.
He still couldn't think with any clarity about his wedding day. He remembered Loveday's flow of silent tears as she stood behind them at the altar, Mickey's concern for her, and the congregation applauding when the vicar p.r.o.nounced them man and wife.
In the vestry, as they had signed the register, he had tried to catch Loveday's eye, but she had kept as far away from him as she could. Then, once the signing and the photos were done and Greer had taken his arm possessively in order to walk triumphantly down the aisle, showing off her new husband, he had felt something being stuffed into his jacket pocket by Bryn, his new father-in-law. He was saying, 'It's your honeymoon, lad. Treat her well. The flight goes from Bristol in five hours. Four weeks of sun in the Grand Hotel Residencia, Gran Canaria.' Jesse had looked at him stupidly. 'And,' continued Bryn, 'when you get back, no need to worry about moving in with us. I've got a little place all set up for you.' He elbowed his new son-in-law in the ribs. 'After all, you don't want the "outlaws" breathing down your neck every time you want some privacy, do you?' He winked at Jesse as Jesse allowed himself to be dragged out of the vestry and down the aisle to the triumphant organ and hearty applause.
The reception, held at the golf club, had been noisy and boozy. Mickey's speech, nervously delivered, had gone down well, and Jesse managed the thank yous and the toasts he was obliged to give. 'And, finally,' he said, putting his crib notes down on the tablecloth, 'I'd like to thank my two best friends for sharing this day with me. Best man, Mickey Chandler, and bridesmaid ...' He swallowed pus.h.i.+ng down the terrible but wonderful thoughts of what had happened between them. '... Loveday Carter.' The crowd applauded and a few wolf-whistled as Loveday left her seat and took a mock bow. Smiling and waving, she smoothed down the hideous dress and walked sedately to the ladies to cry in the peace of a cubicle.
Jesse watched her go. With a cowardice that shocked him, he stayed put and continued, 'And, finally, my greatest thanks go to ... Greer, who I've known since we were both five and who is now ... my wife.' He raised his gla.s.s. 'Ladies and gentlemen. The bride.'
A few minutes later, Jesse had made his way to the lavatories. Instead of going into the Gents, he dived into the Ladies, praying no one would catch him. Instead of a row of urinals he was met with a dully lit lobby, a full-length mirror and a dressing table with stool. On the dressing table was a tissue box festooned in lilac lace and a clothes brush. He couldn't face looking at his reflection as he found the second door leading to the inner sanctuary of the women's stalls. Five in a row and only one door closed.
'Loveday, I know you're in there. Let me in.'
Loveday, sitting on the closed seat, was crying as quietly as she could. She stopped and sat still.
'Loveday. I want to talk to you.'
'Go away.'
He heard the outer door the one that led to the small lobby opening, and two women talking. 'She looks lovely, don't she?' remarked one.
'Aye, she does that, but her mother was always a looker and 'er dad weren't so bad when 'e was a young 'un.' As they pushed the inner door, Jesse dived into the empty cubicle next to Loveday's.
To make things sound authentic he thought he might as well have a pee while he was there. Giving himself a shake as he finished, he listened as the two strangers peed like camels, keeping up a stream of gossip about their opinions on the various outfits on display. Finally he heard their flushes and the two women washed their hands, still talking, before the hand driers drowned them out and they finally left.
He felt a hand tickling the top of his head. It was Loveday, standing on the loo seat next door. He looked up at her and a smile flooded her face. He opened his mouth to say something but she put a finger to her lips.
'Loveday,' said Jesse. 'I love you.'
'Don't, please don't say that.' Loveday's eyes welled with unspent tears. 'You're Greer's husband now and I wish you all the happiness in the world.'
He reached up and took hold of her hand.
'I mean it, Loveday. I love you and I'll never regret what happened last night.'
'Nor me. I'll never forget it and I'll never tell anyone neither.' Loveday looked so pitiful.
'Come out of there and let me hold you,' he begged.
'Someone will see.'
'No they won't.'
'They will.'
They looked at each other in a tragic impa.s.se over the part.i.tion wall. Tentatively he asked, 'Loveday, am I ... was I the first to ...? Have you ever done ... that with Mickey ... or anyone?'
She shook her head. 'I've never let Mickey touch me.'
Jesse was surprised. 'But he told me that you had.'
'Well, he would, wouldn't he? But I couldn't. Not with Mickey and not while I was waiting for you.'
They stood in their tragic tableau, neither knowing what to say.
'You've got to go,' said Loveday with finality. 'You've got a plane to catch, haven't you?'
They heard the outer door opening again and Loveday jumped down so that she wouldn't be seen. A familiar voice called out, 'Loveday? Are you in there? I'm going to change into my going-away outfit and I need my bridesmaid to help.'
Loveday flushed her loo and came out, smoothing down the hated dress over her curves.
'Here I am.'
It had started to snow heavily again. The taxi company had sent a big white Range Rover to make sure that it would get out of Trevay and up the hill towards the A30 safely. Jesse helped Greer into the back seat before climbing in next to the driver. Greer opened her electric window and immediately a flurry of snow and a handful of pink and blue confetti flew into her face, landing prettily on her eyelashes and the lace of her suit jacket.
'Catch!' she shouted, throwing her bouquet towards Loveday.
Loveday tried hard not to catch it. She closed her eyes tight as the beautiful flowers arced through the snow-filled air. But the fates had decreed that it land in the centre of Loveday's chest, sc.r.a.ping the skin, and she had no option but to let the flowers fall into her arms. Mickey slid his arm around her waist and gave her a beerily pa.s.sionate kiss on the lips.
The crowd ooh'd and aah'd and someone shouted, 'Run Mickey, run!' to a burst of laughter.
Jesse, sitting on his sun bed, s.h.i.+vered with the dreadful memory and took another swig of his cold beer.
'Yeah. It all seems unreal.'
Greer leant over and kissed her husband. 'I can't wait to get home and show off this tan. A tan in January seems so luxurious. Loveday will be so jealous.'
Jesse s.h.i.+fted away from her. 'She's not like that.'
'Yes, she is. She'd love Mickey to bring her on a holiday like this.' Greer sn.i.g.g.e.red. 'Not that he'd know how to leave Cornwall. Has he ever crossed the Tamar?'
Jesse hated it when Greer ran Mickey down. 'Leave it, Greer. I couldn't afford to bring you here if your dad hadn't paid.'
Greer reached her hand to his face and stroked his cheek. 'Don't be angry. I was teasing. I know how lucky we are.' She sat up and pushed her sungla.s.ses on to her head. 'Aren't you excited about our new house, though?'
'Yeah.'
'Well, don't sound too enthusiastic.' Greer looked down at her manicured toes. 'Are you cross that Mum and Dad have done it and we don't even know what it looks like?'
Jesse frowned. 'A bit.'
'Ah, my poor caveman. Did you want to go out with your club and bash the other troglodytes on the head to steal the best cave?' She ran her fingers down his chest and tickled his stomach. He pushed her hand away.
She was apologetic. 'I was just teasing.'
'Well, don't. Your parents have been very generous. The wedding, this holiday-'
'Honeymoon.'
'... honeymoon. Somewhere for us to live ...'
'And an important new job.'
Jesse rubbed his hand over his face. 'Yes, and the new job.' Suddenly the latent anxiety lapped at the base of his throat. 'It's all too much. I ... we ... should be making our own lives. Our own decisions.'
Greer saw the anxiety in Jesse's face and misread its reason.
'It's a dream come true for me, Jesse, and I know you'll be wonderful. Don't ever think you could let me down. I know how hard you work and what the business means to your dad as well as mine. I'm so proud of you.' She took his hand in hers. 'And, one day, you'll pa.s.s it all on to our children. It's exciting.'
Jesse felt a tightening round his chest. He was like a mackerel, caught in one of his father's trawl nets.
14.
Elizabeth Clovelly couldn't stop herself from turning the loo paper roll the 'right' way round on its holder. Jan Behenna watched her.