A Wife's Cry Chapter 18

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Allen was parking a maroon car on the garage of our house when I saw him. I'm not sure who owns that car or where it came from, though. Maybe he just borrowed it from somebody at their place as he didn't feel like taking the cab.

The window on the driver's seat was slightly opened, so I noticed how quickly he switched the car engine off when he saw me approaching him.

To be honest, I wanted to smile at him and greet him with a sweet kiss and a warm embrace. I wanted to cry on his shoulders, say sorry for leaving the house even if I know that he will get mad, and just accept whatever reason he might account for on why he came home just now.

But I can't. Not this time. I will stand by and uphold to what my mind says - I'm offended by what he did.

“What happened? Why did you come home only now?” I subsequenty asked him as he got off the car.

I compelled to talk to him straight even if my mouth was feeling dry and tears were starting to gleam from my eyes. I wanted to cry and hear his explanation; I wanted to cry for feeling so offended by what he did.

But he didn't say a word and he seemed not to hear anything, too. He was heading towards me, but he seemed to be looking at a different direction. Why can't he look at me straight? Is he feeling guilty?

I was about to ask him one more question, but I was cut off when he pulled me towards his chest. I couldn't breathe. d.a.m.n, he's hot. Sh*t Vannie, don't tell me you're giving in this fast?

I was in his warm and very tight embrace, as if we didn't see each other not only for two weeks, but for three years. Then, I felt his lips touch my head, before he moved them down my ears.

“I'm sorry… I just needed to take care of things.” He whispered.

I couldn't help but cuss in my mind, I couldn't accept such a reason!

I slightly pushed him away so I could escape from his embrace and I couldn't help but roll my eyes on him. If earlier I felt like crying, now I'm very much frustrated.

Take care of something, huh? That's all?

I am expecting for a more definite, longer, and detailed answer. 'Just needed to take care of things' is not enough for waiting in vain for almost three weeks.

I turned my gaze at a different direction and crossed my arms. I don't care if thinks I'm being hateful and nasty right now, he pushed me to act this way anyway. I thought that he'd give me an acceptable and valid reason, but it turns out that I'm mistaken.

“Come on, let's go home.” He was about to pull me on my arms, but I fended him off.
Then, I turned my eyes back at him. Well, I admit, I'm looking at him fiercely right now. Go home? Why is he changing the topic? Doesn't he plan of giving me an acceptable explanation? He wants us to go home without even having a decent discussion of what really happened.

“Why didn't you call me?” I directly asked. I'm expecting that he would give me an answer, an acceptable one, because that's a very simple question. But no, he just avoided me, and frowned even.

“You… You were gone for almost three weeks, Allen. That's not what you said. You told me it's going to be only for one week.” I added. I won't stop my inquisition until he answers me reasonably.

“Did you know that you got me so worried? I almost followed you in Spain.”

“Allen?” I called, trying to get his attention as he seemed not to be listening.

I'm only getting more frustrated because I'm asking him questions but he only answers me with deep breaths and sighs. There will be times that he'd put his hands on his waist and look up as if he's also feeling irked with what I'm saying. He seemed lost! He looked troubled, too. It's as if he's thinking about something else and I can't help but feel doubtful.

“Allen?” I called his name again. “Are you even listening?” Then, he looked at me, t'was an in depth stare, but I wasn't moved by it.

“I said I'm sorry. I just really needed to fix something.” He responded irritably. The corners of my eyes felt hot, it seems like my tears will fall anytime from now.

Why does he have the nerve to be the one acting p.i.s.sed off? I should be the one blowing up, shouldn't I? I was the one who waited here in vain. He didn't even give acceptable answers to my questions. What does he want, that I'd do some predictions to what really happened to him in Spain?

I looked up for a bit and took all the courage to ask him again, “What was it? What did you take care of?”

He frowned and said, “I just finished some stuff, Van.”

I looked at him before I spoke again. I felt pain in my heart – how important was that thing that he took care of for him to forget to call me at least? Why does he speak like his fault wasn't that serious, like it doesn't even matter that much?

“Why didn't you tell me? You should've called me, Allen. I was worried!” I was trying to lower my voice down, but I just can't help it anymore, I shouted at him and blew a fuse!

“Why didn't you leave me a message? You didn't even tell me that you couldn't come home after a week. I waited for you, I almost went crazy hearing nothing from you. I kept on calling you, texting you… Did you receive them? Why didn't you reply? And what's in Mad–”

“ENOUGH VANESSA! SH*T, I'M TIRED! I'M TIRED FROM THE TRIP! CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT THIS SOME OTHER TIME?!”

It felt like an ice cold water was poured onto me. How he reacted hit me hard. My face turned emotionless the moment he yelled. I was left looking at him without even blinking. He did not look away and we stared at each other's eyes sternly. But he ended up looking in a different way first.

Okay, maybe I'm nagging too much and flaring up right now, and my inquisitions could be annoyingly subsequencial, too. But for him to yell at me like that and act as if he's not the one at fault? I'm down in the dumps.

He's causing me pain, and yet still has the nerve to get mad, he still has the guts to tick off! I don't know what's happening with him or what happened in Spain. Ugh, this isn't the way how he treated me before he left. I thought we're already okay. What happened now?

I turned around coldly. I didn't notice that my tears already fell off. Then, I wiped them hard-heartedly. It's I who's deteriorated, yet it's him who acts domineering - very depressing. He really doesn't want to answer my questions and he's giving me play-safe responses. He doesn't want to give it to me straight. Then fine! I'll let him be, I'm getting tired of this!

I'm already walking away when he pulled me on the waist and gave me a tight embrace from behind. I can feel his warm breath on my neck. I'm waiting for him to speak, but he just remained silent, burying his face on my neck.

Tsk, here he goes again. His sweet gestures make me give in so fast. Ugh! I'm really mad at him, especially to how he acted earlier, including the nasty words that came out of his mouth. But here I am, giving in so easily with just a single touch!

I breathed deeply several times until I felt a bit calm, at least I thought I wasn't fuming in anger anymore. My voice cracked as I dropped the question one more time.

“Please… I want to know everything. Why did you come home only now?”

That was only single question, but that would enlighten me about everything I wanted to know. I want the full details and I won't calm down and be content until he gives them all. What he did and what I went through while he's away weren't simple. I was sick as a dog the whole time!

He sighed very deeply. He can't seem to answer my questions directly, “I will explain everything, but not now…”

I frowned, “Why not?”

“I'm tired, Van. I want to take a rest. Let's go home. I want to sleep with you.”

“Ma'am Vannie, it is rea—OH M-MY G–… I-I'M S-SORRY!”

Allen immediately released his arms around me when Edith looked out on the door of the house. She was also in rush to go back as she might have felt ashamed to arrive seeing us tangled in an embrace.

“I-is it already ready to serve, Edith?” The only words that came out from my mouth.

“Y-yes, ma'am. Then I'll go prepare lunch for the both of you.” She answered from inside the house.

“What's that?”

I turned to look at Allen who's at my back.

"I cooked Sinigang. Let's just eat here. Let's go home later.”

He just nodded. I went inside the house first and then he just silently followed me.

“You have just eaten. Let the food be digested first.” I said, giving him a hard look.

Well, what can I do, the moment we entered the room, he immediately removed his polo and laid facing down on the bed. He didn't even give a d.a.m.n, he acted like he didn't hear a thing. I couldn't do anything but shake my head. I walked closer to the bed and peeped at him - his face was positioned to look at the other side of the room; his eyes were closed; and his lips… slightly opened.

I touched his forehead with the back of my hand, and then touched his neck. I think he's hot; he's having a fever and he didn't even tell me. This might be the reason why he's being short -tempered and lost in himself earlier – he's feeling under the weather.

I wouldn't even know that he's feeling sick if Edith wouldn't have told me that Allen asked her to get a paracetamol for him. Ugh, my husband… He didn't tell me that he's not feeling very well. I don't know, but he should've asked me to get him his medicine.

Well, it feels bothersome, though, that he committed a mistake and we haven't talked about it yet, but here I am, still taking care of him. He's overrunning me with his complaints – that he's fighting off a bug. Tell me, how can I scuffle him and ask for his explanation? He looks very ill.

If Leila would know about this, she will surely lecture me again and tell me to think about myself first - like why do I always put Allen first in spite of being seriously at fault this time?

I sat down on the edge of the bed. I took off Allen's shoes so that he could take his rest more comfortably. It looks like he really got wagged out from his trip, that's why he got sick. Well, actually, he really travelled miles. He has also gone into our house first before he went here and he also drove the car.

Earlier during lunch, I asked him if we could just stay here until tonight or tomorrow morning. Besides, my parents weren't here anyway. At first, he begged to disagree – he told me that didn't like to stay here and he wanted to stay in our house instead. But I told him to take some rest first - he's not feeling well and I think he should not force himself to drive us back home. He really wouldn't agree if I haven't told him that I was having nausea and I'm not in the best condition to travel far.

After I removed his shoes, I stood and picked up his polo which he just hurled on the floor. I hanged it in order so it won't form pleats, I just thought that he might wear it again going home.  Then, I looked at him, he didn't even move an inch from his previous position. He's already sleeping like a log - well, that's too fast.

I reached onto the magazine placed on top of the coffee table, which I was reading earlier, and sat down on the couch near the bedroom door.

I don't think we can discuss things as Allen is sick and very much exhausted. It's just depressing because I really wanted to talk to him the soonest possible. I want to hear his explanations, but he's too weak to speak right now. Even earlier during lunch, he only bluntly spoke. But, he really doesn't speak too much anyway, he's not an articulate type of person.

Maybe I should just let him take this much needed rest first. I will just wait until he feels better and until he initiates talking to me, even if I'm already like a cat on hot bricks for this excessive desire of knowing what really happened in Madrid. That's really an important piece of the big puzzle for me. But okay, I will let him rest for now because he's sick. What's important is that he's already home and that we're back together again.

I stopped reading the magazine when Allen moved – he's already awake and he's looking towards my direction. I'm not sure, though, if he's really wide awake or if his eyes were just half-opened.

I just got certain that he's already fully awake when he got up from bed and walked wobbly towards me. He even brought my hotdog pillow with him.

He sat beside me on the couch. Then, I put the magazine down the table beside me as he laid his head on my lap. And he didn't feel content yet, as he reached onto my right hand and placed it on his chest.

Oh. Maybe he's being sweet as his form of making up… Because he owes me one.

I decided to continue reading. Using my available hand, I turned the page of the magazine on the table beside me.

“Vanessa…”

I stiffened for a bit, but I didn't speak. I just tried to peep at him. He was looking at me with his enticing eyes that's obviously from sleep.

“I bought you something… It's in the car.” He said.

I just nodded bluntly and brought my attention back to the article I was reading on the magazine.

He irritably tossed my right hand on his chest and fervently changed position to face the opposite direction - now I'm behind him. I even heard him sigh. Well, it's not surprising that he was annoyed by how I reacted. It turned out like I didn't give a d.a.m.n and I didn't show the slightest interest on his gift - which is true.

In fact, I'm really not interested. Honestly, I don't really care if he'd buy something for me from Spain or not. That's not what I wanted to receive from him. Ugh. Maybe I really made a martyr of myself for being not able to resist him. I couldn't stand it when he's mad or annoyed at me.

I decided to close the magazine I was reading and started to brush his hair with my fingers. It already grew long compared to before he left. It has grown longer than his ears, but I think it suits him. He looks meek. I just continued brus.h.i.+ng his hair until I can feel the weight of his head becoming heavy, maybe he has fallen asleep again. I felt the muscles in his shoulders moved. I stroked them so his senses won't wake him up. He needs to rest for him to feel better.

Oh… Even if he got me so worried and mad by what he did, I can't hide the fact that I really missed him. I want to hug him very tight. I want to wake him up now to have his sole attention on me because I really longed for it, but he will surely get mad at me if I do that. He doesn't like being disturbed when he's asleep, especially now that he's not feeling well. It's frustrating, though, because on one note, I want him to rest well, but on the other, I don't, as he only got back now and he will still act this way.

I was about to kiss him on his head when I felt that his cellphone vibrated on his back pocket. My senses got me to look at it, and then I looked back at him.

No, I don't like what my mind says. For sure he'll get mad if I check his cellphone without his permission. But it beats me, I ain't feeling any good about this and I'm not usually like this. There's something inside telling me to get his cellphone and check on the notification that caused it to vibrate.

I stopped dealing with my second thoughts and decided to reach on his cellphone from his pocket slowly. I can hear the loud throbbing of my heart. This makes me feel very nervous and anxious, but come what may.

The screen of the cellphone was lit up, so I easily got my eyes on the pop-up notification from his personal email on his account.

Then, I turned my eyes back to my husband to check on him, he's still sleeping like a baby and he didn't even feel that I got his cellphone from his pocket. I know this is wrong and I shouldn't be reading his emails, but I'm really on a bad hunch about it.

The next thing I knew, I have already opened the email. Then, the message administered into my eyes.

Hey Travis, you forgot your watch in my bathroom.

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