A Wife's Cry Chapter 28

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THIS CHAPTER IS WRITTEN IN 3RD PERSON POINT OF VIEW

“Hey, what are you doing there? Why don't you go inside?”

Allen was surprised when Leila came and suddenly spoke. He lifted his head up to look at her, but he just couldn't say a word. From leaning on the wall just beside the door of his wife's room, he walked toward the bench near them and sat on there.

He sternly brushed his hair and rested both elbows on his knees. The way he looked like, if he wasn't wearing a branded polo s.h.i.+rt, he could've been mistaken as a patient. His face was as pale as an ice and his knees were shaking. He was troubled, anxious, and uneasy.

He straightened up on his seat when Leila sat beside him.

“Are you okay? You look pale. Here, have some coffee.” She offered him some Starbucks coffee.

He accepted it, but didn't take a sip right away. He wrapped his fingers around the cup to feel its warmth. Earlier in the morning, he was feeling under the weather. He doesn't know if it was just because of the chilly breeze of the hospital aircon or because of having not taken any rest yet.

“Did something happen? Why do you look like that?” Leila asked.

Allen shook his head in response.

“I don't believe you! Is that possible? You look like the heavens and earth have fallen down on you! She fought with you again, didn't she? That's why you're here outside?” She insisted.

Allen sipped some coffee from the cup before he answered, “She made us leave the room. She wanted to talk to her mom.”

“Ahh.” Leila nodded as she took a sip of some coffee, too. “How about her Dad?”

“In the car. He's just getting something.”

“So… Again, why do you look like that? You heard something, didn't you?”

He was surprised to Leila's question. He glanced at her with a frown on his face. “What are you talking about?” He asked in a very in denial tone which made Leila laugh.

 “Oh, Allen. Let's not fool ourselves. I can see it on your face! I know you're listening to what they're talking about inside. What was it then? What did you hear?”

He stroked on his temples as he couldn't make any more excuses. Leila caught him off-guard. And yes, he heard everything – what Vanessa and her mom talked about. He clearly heard how much his wife hated him.

In fact, he wanted to blow up after hearing those painful words from Van. He wanted to bang the hospital wall so hard, but he felt like he had no strength, not to mention the cuts and bruises he got from smas.h.i.+ng the wall of the emergency room. He feels really sorry for what happened, but that's not how Vanessa sees it.

Ever since, it didn't cross his mind that those things would happen to them; that their relations.h.i.+p would go down the farthest of south. Vanessa had nothing to do with this; he was blaming only himself. If only he didn't go out with Lauren and if only he didn't blow up and pushed Vanessa, he wouldn't lose his child. Everything's his fault. If only he could bring back time, he would. But no; G.o.d knows how many times he wished for the baby to survive, but the Higher Being seemed in no favor of him.

“What exactly did you hear?” Leila repeated.

Allen only sighed a very deep one. Honestly, he didn't want to open up to Leila. He knew to himself that they're not in good terms. When have they been in good vibrations? But he had no choice. He needed Leila this time. She's the only one who could help him save their marriage.

“She… hates me.” He directly answered.

“Tss. I already know that.” She said, not convinced. “What else?”

Again, he stroked his temples, leaned back on the wall, and then closed his eyes. From then, tears brimmed his eyes.

“She's asking for annulment.”

Aches and pains stroke his heart as those words muttered from his mouth. He really couldn't accept the fact that his wife wanted them to separate. The whole time he was listening to their talk, that's the only thing that made a mark on him and he doesn't know if he would be able to forget that. At first, his wife only asked for some s.p.a.ce. But after what happened, she already wanted annulment. Sh*t! Sorrow has grown his sensations. He even regretted listening; it only caused him so much pain.

Both of them fell in complete silence, even Leila who's a blabbermouth, couldn't say a word. You can easily notice the worry on her face.

Just after a while, Allen placed the cup of coffee on the bench and looked at Leila, “Leila… I-if Vannie comes to you and asks for help on the annulment, please, don't say yes.”

Leila wrinkled his forehead, “Oh, wait. Wait. H-how did I get involved in this?”

“She said you know a good lawyer. He even asked Mom to set an appointment. Leila, I know she'd ask you this big favor. She always does that. But please this time, don't help her.” He begged like there's no more time. He almost knelt down.

Leila stiffened before she sneered and shook her head. She sipped another one from her cup of coffee and responded, “And why would I take orders from you?” She fiercely asked Allen.

On the other hand, Allen could only bow his head down.

He knows that line. He had also said this when she asked her to remind Vanessa about taking her medicine before. Karma strikes, eh? Anyway, why would he ask for help when he knows Leila wouldn't do his favor?

“I thought last night was the last? Why are you asking for another favor right now?” Leila asked.

He could only sternly brush his hair. He suddenly remembered their talk the last night – even if Leila slapped her several times on the face and cursed him, he still begged her to talk Vanessa not to be mad at him. He was desperate like that; that even if he knows Leila would take Vanessa's side, he still had the courage to ask her this favor. He knew that this situation would make it hard for him and his wife to sort things out.

“What do you want me to do?” Leila asked, seemingly in surrender. Maybe she started feeling much sympathy toward Allen that she couldn't bring out her bravest front.

Allen lifted up his face and said, “Convince her not to push through with the annulment. She listens to you."

“No, it's too late. Her decision seems final and she wouldn't listen anymore. Even if I tell her to rest, she wouldn't. All the more about your annulment.”

“Just… Just try.” He begged, causing Leila to look at him fiercely.

“Are you that desperate?” She teased.

His face showed complete misery, and then he leaned back to the wall. His head started aching as he didn't know what to do anymore. “I have nowhere to run to, Leila. Only you could help me.” He said, looking like he's very down in the dumps.

“You're impossible, Allen.” Leila said, almost about to laugh. “There you go again. You're begging me for that. Why don't you tell Vannie all those things?”

 “Tsk. She no longer cares about me. She hates me so much.”

“Because you're an a.s.shole.”

“I know.” Then he sternly wiped his face with both of his hands. That hit him hard. “But I'm willing to change. Actually, I'm already doing it. Sh*t! I just lost control of myself last night. I didn't mean to push her, and to kill our… tsk! I didn't mean for this to happen. She was packing her things up. She was really ready to leave me. I couldn't take it. How could she leave me when I can't do that to her?” Then he lifted his head up and looked at the ceiling as if holding back something.

“You love my cousin, don't you?”

He looked at Leila with a confused face, “Doesn't she feel it?”

“No.” Leila responded right away, and then she sipped some coffee. “Because you two always fight. Honestly, I'm confused why the two of you still stay together. It is I who get tired of the both of you. And then now it turns out, it's you who don't want to separate. My cousin couldn't leave you even if you're like an a.s.shole. You don't need to beat and yell at her. But… That was before. I'm not sure after your baby's incident.” She was about to sip another one, but she added, “Hey, no offense huh?”

Allen shook his head in dismay, the he wiped his face with his hands again. “Your cousin can't leave me like this. I can't lose her. I'll do everything to make her stay. If I need to bring her outside the country, f*ck, I'll do it!”

Then he heard Leila laughing.

“She wouldn't like what you're thinking. She would only get angrier at you if you force her to leave the country with you.”

“I couldn't think of another way, Leila. She hates me so much. She wouldn't even let me touch her. She's… She's scared.” Then he pulled his own hair into a mess and cursed. The look on Vanessa's face came back at him and that hurt him - his wife despised him.

“Talk to her. Court her again.” Leila advised.

He shook his head and faked a laugh. “No. She won't listen. She even cursed me earlier. I haven't heard her curse me like that. s.h.i.+t! I didn't want to lose a child, too! And now I will lose her, too. d.a.m.n it!”

“Hey, just relax! You're getting out of control again.” Leila reminded. “Just drink your coffee first before you lose your temper. Vannie might hear you, she's just right there.”

He then calmed down, reached for his cup of coffee, and sipped another one. “I don't know what to do anymore.” He confessed as he sighed deeply.

It took a while before Leila could answer. She first sighed a deep one, too. “If at first, you already showed her how much you really care, we wouldn't be in this situation.”

“I'm trying. It's just that… She expects too much from me. I'm trying to love her the way she loves me. But… Ugh.” He stroked on his temples and continued, "Something bad always happens. Instead of trying to understand the situation, she chooses to give up. She doesn't consider that she's not the only one hurting.”

“Well, you can't blame her. If you only showed her how much you love her, she wouldn't overthink. Of course she's a woman. She'd be expecting that a.s.surance from you.”

“I know.” He couldn't say anything else.

“You know what Allen, I think you're cool.”

Allen looked at her fiercely. “What?”

Leila only shook her head. “Nothing. I didn't know you're like that.” She sipped some more coffee and then sighed. “Okay fine. I'll help you on this. I've been very helpful to you, huh. Remember you owe me big time. My birthday celebration was ruined because of you…
But okay, I'll be with you on this, not because you look pitiful, but because I believe you two can still sort this out. I will try my best, but I can't promise. What you want is very difficult, especially now that she won't listen to anyone.”

Leila a.s.sured to help him when they were still in the hospital, but she seemed to fail to convince her cousin.

There's Allen sitting down on the sofa - looking blankly at the luggage bag and all the other things of his wife that were placed on the living room. If someone were to ask him how it felt like when life's been cruel to you, he'd have a definite answer.

He regained his senses when he heard Vanessa's footsteps going down the stairs. He immediately stood up. Even if she was still afar, she can see the look of surprise on his wife's face. He was about to come near her to talk to her, but Vanessa avoided him and hurriedly went to the kitchen.

He followed her. He saw her bring out her cellphone, in panic on dialing somebody's contact number, “H-h.e.l.lo, Leila? W-where are you?” She was talking in a very low voice, but he can still hear her.

“W-what?! Why did you leave me here? Didn't I tell you to wait outside?”

He noticed his wife breathing fast and deeply, as if she was not in the mood or she was feeling irate.

“Come back here, okay? He's here. He'll hurt me again. He won't let me leave!”

Allen bowed his head down in extreme grief. Why did he have to hear her say that? Their situation has inflicted so much pain in him. The reality laid siege on him – his own wife was scared of him.

But he couldn't do anything; he's running out of time. It was a good thing that Leila informed him about this, because if not, Vanessa might have left him already.

Then he walked toward his wife. He was about to embrace him from behind, but his wife avoided him in panic. She even accidentally pushed the gla.s.s near her - and it got broken into pieces! She walked backwards, and when she was standing on enough distance from him, she hurriedly walked toward the living room.

He didn't have any more second thoughts. He immediately followed his wife before she can pull her luggage bag and leave the house.

“Vannie, don't do this. Don't leave.” He begged. He held his wife's hands to stop her from leaving, but she was able to immediately fend him off.

“Stop it, Allen! I don't want you touching me.” Her voice sounded scared.

It caused Allen more pain. His wife won't let him touch her. She also won't talk to him. What else could he do?

“What do I need to do for you to stay?”

“Nothing! And stop talking to me!” Vanessa responded in a high-sounding tone.

She started to pull her luggage bag - that put more torture in Allen's heart.

He didn't mean to, but he pulled the bag back which made Vanessa to step back. Then, he immediately wrapped his arms around his wife. He was all torn up when he heard her shout, asking for Leila's help. Her body was shaking, too. He could even hear her loud heartbeats. She was smas.h.i.+ng him, but he didn't let go.

“S-stop, Van. I won't hurt you. I promise I won't. Calm down, please!”

“NO! GO AWAY! GO AWAY! STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAK!” She started crying which made Allen panic, so he stepped back.

He put his arms on his waist, and then he lifted his head up to look at the ceiling as he couldn't bear to see his wife like that - she was crying her heart out and she was shaking.

“I'm sorry.” He sorrowfully said, "I didn't mean for you to feel scared. I won't do anything to you. I won't push or beat you like you think I would. I just wanted to talk, Van. Please listen to me.”

Vanessa shook her head. “I don't want to talk to you. Just let me leave.”

“No. I'm sorry, but I can't do that. Call me selfish, a.s.shole, stupid, son of a b*tch, but never will I let you leave our house.”

He looked at her again - her face was drenched in tears.

“Why are you like that?” She said, “Why can't you understand that I don't want to stay here anymore? What do you think, huh? That I would still want to be with you despite everything you did to me?”

“I told you I didn't mean to.” Allen defended. “I didn't mean for that to happen. Who would want to lose a child? No one, right?”

“STOP EXPLAINING, ALLEN! THAT WOULDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING. THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE! JUST LET ME GO.”

“No.”

“PLEASE! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE WITH YOU ANYMORE! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND? BEING YOUR WIFE IS LIKE LIVING IN h.e.l.l, ALLEN!”

He was out of words. Was he that evil for his wife to hate him that much? It was as if they didn't have any good memories together.

Vanessa pulled her luggage again which made Allen come back to his senses. He stopped her by pulling the bag back and said, “No, Vanessa…”

He held Vanessa on both of her shoulders. He felt that she was stunned. Her shoulders shook in panic.

“I've asked you only once, Vannie.” He said as he stared at Vanessa whose eyes were full of anger. “Please listen to me. Don't leave. I'll do everything that you want. I'll do everything for you.”

He held Vanessa's face and placed it side by side his cheeks. She tried to release herself, but he didn't let go. He needed to do this. He doesn't care if he looks like a fool; there's no other way. He needs to convince his wife.

“I'll allow you to do anything you want. I won't stop you. I won't hurt you anymore. Anything you want, Van. Just stay here… with me.”

Vanessa shook her head and pushed Allen away, “It's too late, Allen. Too late. You should've done everything you just said before. Why have you only thought of that now that I'm already damaged and there's no more love left here in my heart…

What I wanted was simple. A happy marriage and a loving husband. Just that, Allen, I'd be happy and content. But you weren't able to give me any of that.”

Allen was hurt to what his wife has just said. He didn't know what to say anymore.

He looked at her in the eyes and held her face in both of his hands, “What do you want, Van? Tell me. Do you want us to leave this place? Come, let's go. Let's leave the country. Let's live somewhere else… and be happy. n.o.body will bother us there anymore. Is that what you want?

Or… or… a baby? That's what you want, right? I could give you dozens, Vanessa. No matter how many. We'll build one big happy family. Or do you want me to get rid of Lauren? I've done that a long time ago. I don't like her anymore. Believe me! It's you that I want now. No, no… Forget that. I don't want you. I love you.”

Then he reached for Vanessa's hands and kissed them hard, “Maybe I failed to make you feel it and maybe it took time before I admitted it to myself, but I love you, Vanessa… So much… That losing you would break me.”

“Love me?” Vanessa said, almost laughing. "Oh come on! You don't have the capability to love, Allen. What you only know are to yell and to hurt me. Never have I felt that you love me. All you need from me is s.e.x. That's it.”

He couldn't do anything but to shake his head. What Vanessa said hit him right straight on the face. But okay, he accepted it. He'd accept everything.

“No. That's not true.” He insisted.

“YES, IT IS!” Vanessa snapped as she released her hands from his hold. “Because if you really love me, we won't be in this situation. So please, stop this drama of yours, Allen. It was you who pushed me to do this! My decision is final. I'm leaving…

But don't worry, I'll be back.”

“Y-you will?” He seemed to have felt hopeful to what he heard from his wife.

“Yes. Because I'll be arranging our annulment after I have fully recovered.” She stressed out.

Allen stiffened; he couldn't say a word. He only wobbly slumped on the floor near the sofa and pulled his hair into a mess.

He couldn't think straight. All he wanted right then was for his wife to stay. But he's already losing hope. He's not into this. He wasn't good at this; he didn't know ways on how he could make her stay. What hurt him the most was that what he was doing seemed not enough.

He rested both elbows on his knees and bowed down, “Van… Do everything that you want to do. Slap me hard, curse me… Just not this.”

With both hands, he covered his face. He didn't want Vanessa to see him like this. He felt pity on himself, too.

He removed his hands from his face when he felt Vanessa in front of him.

She held one of his hands and placed her wedding ring on it, “Let's stop hurting each other, Allen. Marriage is not for us. We tried… I see that. But it just didn't work out.”

Allen held the ring tight, then said, “It will work, Van. J-just don't give up.” He almost cried as he uttered those words.

“I know I've been an a.s.shole and I admit everything that I've done to you. When you asked me for a second chance, yes it took time, but still, I gave it to you. Now it is I that's asking you for the same thing. And you can't give me that?

I will wait, Van. I will wait until you can forgive me. But I hope that when that time comes, you'll stay here with me. I hope you won't give up. This situation is very hard for us and yet you'll still leave. Let's… let's fix this together. I can't bear to lose you. Because if I can, I've left the moment we started.”

He lifted his head up and looked at the ceiling as he felt tears about to fall down. That was the first time such kind of statement came out from his mouth. Deep inside, he wanted to blow up, to bang the wall, curse, and drink like there's no tomorrow just so he could forget and get rid of the pain, but he can't do that. He didn't want Vanessa to feel more afraid of him. He couldn't think of any other way; it's now or never. If he wouldn't get that out of his chest, he'd completely lose his wife.

“I understand you, Allen. But please understand me, too. I've been hurt since day one. I want to be happy. Just let me leave. It's the best thing you could do for me right now. That would make me happy.”

He could only shake his head and hold the hand of his wife, “Please Vannie, don't do this to me. I'm begging.”

“You gave me no choice."

It felt like he's being stabbed several times as Vanessa released her hand from his hold.

He didn't come after her anymore; he didn't stop her no more; he just watched her as she walked out of the door, pulling her luggage.  Then, he covered his face with both of his hands after Vanessa had already left. He couldn't bear the pain he was feeling inside that tears started falling from his eyes.

He wiped them dry and shut his eyes hard to stop tears from falling, but they just won't. He could only cry harder. His good friend Marco was right, if you love someone, you would cry for them.

How he wished Vanessa could see him like that as she might pity him and decide not to leave anymore; but no, his wife's gone. She already left him and he didn't know if she was still coming back.

This was the most painful thing he has ever done his whole life — letting go of his only love knowing it's for the best.

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