Lord Shadow 693 That Is Love 2

'I can't'

'Is it because of Sofia? Because you think she would feel betrayed? She loves you. Sooner or later, she would forgive you'

Azief smiles bitterly and a little bit shocked at the question. It almost looks like Sina is speaking words of temptation. 

If she did not know Sina better, she might even think Sina is sincerely hoping him to be with two girls at the same time.

But she knew Sina. 

That is not why she ask such question. She asks it probably because she wanted to know his thoughts in this matter. 

After all, as years pa.s.sed, this matter becomes more complicated and have no signs of being untangled.

'I know she would forgive me if I did that. Because I know her' This time it was Sina turns to be shocked

'What do you mean?' Sina asked back

'You don't think I know how much she loves me? I could take Katarina too and dated them both. And I know Sofia would forgive me. Her bark is always loud but she rarely bites'

'Then…why?' she asks, clearly curious

'Because I know even if she would forgive me, she would be hurt. And I don't want to use her love like that. I don't want to hurt them. That is the last thing I want to do, yet that is what I inadvertently do'

Sighing, he continued

'I am not good in being in love. I loved a few women before. But it is always a one sided love. Like most people said, loving people one sidedly, is easy. You could break up with them on your mind whenever you want. No one is hurt. Love, as I begin to found out, is messy. Maybe it is just me. Or maybe because the women I love that it is messy. They are extraordinary women but I am not a joke either. Heh' he chuckles a bit

'Who would have thought a guy like me, a loser in the past, would be loved by a woman that is called the most beautiful woman in the world and Sofia the Divine Archer, my first love'

Sina nearly choked on her coffee. 

'Sofia is your first love?'

'She did not tell you this? I thought she knew so I tried to hide it' She shakes her head. Azief smiles a bit and then said

'I didn't tell her either. I think she would hold it over my head if she knew' he said as he laughs a bit. Then heaving a deep breath, he said while looking at the moon above their head

'You know, there is many things that I wanted in my life. I lack money, so I want money. I felt powerless, so I want power. And I lack love, so I wanted love'

'Now, I do not lack money, and I have all the power in the world. But those two thing did not affect or change me as much as being in love would. I was loved intensely, pa.s.sionately and sincerely by two people who in my eyes, is the two most extraordinary women in the world'

'When one had never felt such love before, they would do whatever it takes to keep that love nears them. I procrastinated because I just couldn't help it. I like the way Sofia hold my hand and I like the way Katarina looks at me. It is like a drug. And for someone who never shot with such a drug, it is addicting. I want to be selfish. I want to keep them both. I want to love them both. People thought that I am this paragon of virtue, that I unlike any other men of power in this era kept a few women in the side. But I am not some paragon of virtue. I am selfish. I felt desire'

'Then why didn't you?'

'Because it is Sofia. And because it is Katarina. If I love them both, never letting them go, then I know Sofia and Katarina would also felt hurt. Soph did not like being cheated. And Katarina never wanted to be second'

Smiling bitterly and thinking of these two women he said 

'I love these two women. And because of that I know what is in their hearts. Soph would endure the hurt she felt and she would forgive me if I take Katarina. But she would still be hurt. And Katarina could never be second. I could be selfish with anyone in the whole world, but I could not be selfish with them. Because…. love' he said with a silent resignation.

Sina sighed and shakes her head.

Azief did not say it but the reason why these two people have these kind of personality is probably because of their fathers. 

Sofia had seen her alcoholic father cheated with many women and hurt her mother. It formed him as she is. And the scars of her past is still there. The only difference is that the scars could no longer be seen.

It hides deeps in her heart and if the scars are opened up again, the pain would feel as raw as it did years ago.

 As for Katarina, her father had always hated her and she was always second to her brother. 

She shares many things with him and while she did not share the reason of why her father hated her, from the stories she told him Azief could make a guess

She was abused by her father, yes, but like many cases of abuse, not every day, she got beaten. There are some nice memories of her father and the nicer the memories, the greater the hurt.

There was silence again between them. Sina no longer ask any probing question as Azief keep drinking the coffee. 

The coffee is getting cold but it is easy for him to heat it up. Just by using his eyes, he could emit heat as the coffee inside his cup once again heated up.

Then Sina said

'Then, I guess you three would be locked in this tangled relations.h.i.+p' she said. Azief nodded while smiling bitterly.