My Sister The Villainess 26 It's Not Me, It's You

Not only that but it also has a range of spire-like rock formations that attract lightning and p.r.o.ne to strong wind. Many dangerous winged creatures make this region their home.

But the Dry Lands also have many types of edible plantlife which grow abundant around all the small oases or rivers.

So while it was certainly a deadly landy home to all manner of poisonous, venomous, critters or even building-sized monsters it was not as if it was impossible to live in.

In fact around the larger oases or lakes there existed clans that hold several thousands of members in that area alone.

Due to the nature of widespread oases, however, each of the five great clans can easily reach a million or more members in total scattered about their area of influence.

This number does include the numerous other races living within the desert as well.

As a people, the gold-skinned Aeil respect strength while at the same time place great importance on honor and tradition.

They care for their own no matter what tribe one hails from with that clan. There is little to no sense of private property among the Aeil and so with their values even strangers would be treated as family so long as they give no reason to be dealt with otherwise.

Apart from honor and tradition, age and rank are also important. But while this is so, none are considered lesser. The Aeil are taught to respect their elders and obey their leaders without hesitation.

Due to their value of honor and strength most people in leaders.h.i.+p positions are well deserving of their authority.

These factors combined with the feeling of kins.h.i.+p within each clan and tribe within that clan ensure infighting and betrayal are uncommon occurances.

All Aeil are born warriors, though not all Aeil become warriors. The pursuit of honor and combat prowess on the battlefield is considered a n.o.ble one. All Aeil who do become warriors are to be venerated.

Unless you commit crimes against your tribe or clan and therefore exiled the existence of rogue Aeil who become mercenaries or bandits will rarely happen.

These rough, honorless men and women are not longer even consider Aeil at that point.

Given all this you would expect the Aeil to mainly be an ideal society of people, or as close as one can get, yes?

But recently the five great clans have been put in a precarious situation so dire it's caused more Aeil to turn against one another in the last 30 years than in any other event in their recorded history.

Simply put, they were dying.

Normally this was fine. It made the population stable and therefore kept the amount of mouths to feed at a sustainable number. Aeil did were not monogamous and so are times when males, especially the males known to be especially capable, smart and strong, will have multiple wives. Normally each wife would have at least two to three children.

Every couple of decades war, even, was welcome between clans to keep the numbers down. Or even the hunting of the largest creatures. The Aeil of course knew the reasons for the wars and dangerous hunting targets but they also considered it a natural part of their life.

Those who returned alive would feel more inclined to help their people survive in a sense of renewed purpose in life. Those who died would know their families will be taken care of.

During these seasons of war and near suicidal hunting volunteers were always numerous.

In a land as unforgiving as their own they needed to keep a balance. Everyone knew that.

The desert provided, but only so much.

So yes, deaths were not, in themselves, abnormal.

Only this time the cause of death was different than sword, spear or arrow: Dehydration.

The water was running out!

The rain came less and the number of rivers and oases were dwindling. Running dry. In fact it was estimated that within a mere 100 years the Dry Lands would, indeed, truly live up to it's name.

They were rich in minerals, but what was gold and silver compared to water? You could live without one but not without the other.

This is partly why when that man, Elias Claybrook, came with formidable strength and talks of peace the clans came together and accepted opening trade routes that would allow for quick pa.s.sage to other nations.

The Dry Lands were nestled between the Martial Empire, the great forest home to the Dwarves, and the Hollowed Mountains where the Elves perfect their forging techniques.

After they opened trade routes it would be much faster for merchants to travel between countries. Before then they would have to go around, taking weeks or even months.

And since the Clans established a beneficial relations.h.i.+p with several strong nations it gave them some breathing room. It wasn't enough, not for long.

The water was depleting much faster than expected and only so many gallons could be delivered to the Dry Lands by their new "friends."

This was not something rationing could help solve. As a people who considered water the most valuable and sacred of resources they'd long since come up with ways of using at little as possible for the biggest effect.

There was only one reason the clans had not yet fallen into chaos, one reason why the majority had not yet noticed the slowly dwindling supply of water: A blessing found in dead of night by Clan Head Deimos.

And she was starting to break down from overwork.

Their Little G.o.ddess' powers were finite.

The new estimation? 70 years. Of course this was a closely guarded secret. But that didn't stop it from leaking out to some groups. And once that knowledge was out there, then came the anarchy born of desperation.

With the water situation growing progressively worse as time went on, so too did the people who knew allow fear to rule them.

What did this mean? It meant forsaking their values, their traditions, and their Little G.o.ddess. It meant turning to darker ent.i.ties for help.

The Great Demon King Balthazar!

A G.o.d-Like existence from eons past! That domineering man who once had the world at his fingertips!

Rogue Aeil became more frequent and most joined a long-standing cult centering around this ancient figure. Also, if rumors are true, they even foolishly began looking for methods to bring that disaster-cla.s.s being back from the dead.

More specifically it's said that they were seeking young children of special bloodlines as sacrifices to their Dark Deity in hopes their strong life forces would revive him.

The clans were at a loss. They didn't know what to do, not at all. Would they really have to leave their home for foreign land? They knew little about the outside world. The only thing they really knew was how different their culture and beliefs were.

They were Aeil. All the Clans were Aeil. It was bad enough they got so many other races trampling upon their sacred grounds, disrespecting their traditions and consuming their resources. Now they faced the very real threat of having to leave behind everything they knew to live amongst a people they neither understood nor who understood them...?

The thought was torturous. Each year drove them closer to madness.

But now? They may not have to go after all!

When news spread of oases popping up literaly overnight, the clans dismissed it as hearsay. Only after numerous eyewitness reports and confirmations did they finally believe.

There ARE new oases!

But how?

The suspected cause: Water G.o.d Solaire. Bandit King Solaire. Solaire the Merciless. Pope Solaire...He had many t.i.tles, apparently.

After connecting him to several locations where oases had been confirmed to have been newly birthed, only then did the Clans feel hope once more.

They decided they had to meet this mysterious newcommer. Verify for themselves his existence...and pray for his aid if he is as many claimed.

Was he truly behind the creation of all these oases? Was he truly a Water G.o.d from times long past? They had to know.

In a single month he caused waves across the Dry Lands. Forming quickly a ma.s.sive following. Putting down bandits, forcing them into his service. Hunting down members of both the Humane Society and the Balthazar Cult without distinction. Taking in all races, telling them of a New Era to come...a Golden Age...

His believers grew by the hour. He accomplished what would take smaller clans years to do. None others in their history were able to gather so many people to them in such little time.

Whoever he was, he held a unique charisma the likes of which they'd never seen before. That, at least, they knew. If nothing else, that was true.

The understood because they saw it with their own eyes.

Solaire is a real person. And he...is truly a Divine!

The face of a youth full of vigor, supremely attractive on a level mortals could never reach! The aura of wisdom and majesty so effortlessly exuded from every pore! The light of heaven itself seemed to surround his entire body!

His eyes, a hauntingly beautiful shade of violet, looking down upon them with imperial coldness!

His throne, too, was a beautful masterpiece of gold encrusted with gems of power, a real Holy Artifact that shone brightly as he took his seat.

Not only this, but was that the Holy Sword following him in the air? Though they weren't sure because this sword had runes that flickered between blue and red seemingly at random....No, was that a Holy Sword at all? Somehow it seemed a bit...feral?

Still. You could tell at a glance this youth was a being of lofty status.

The world itself seemed to love him.

He really is a G.o.d, the representatives collectively thought. A saviour G.o.d come to answer our prayers!

Then he opened his mouth.

"Can someone around here PLEASE steal me a more comfortably throne?!"

"...."

"...."

"...."

"...."

What was that recently popular saying?

Beggers can't be choosers....?

***

I jumped off the throne and clapped Alex on his back.

"Bro, I forgot you were coming this way! d.a.m.n, nice to see ya." A pat. "Sorry about the whole leaving you with Mother thing. But she treated you well, I a.s.sume? Whatever, lets not talk about her. I gotta say, you've come at a great time." I ignored everyone else and led him outside. "You'll love it here, we captured a few desert wyrms and let them loose out back. They'll do wonders for your training. You're a lot stronger than Lottie. You can handle a few wyrms, right? 'Course you can. Big Bro believes in you."

There were people everywhere, running this way or that. They were a rough, slightly ripe group. But as soon as I was noticed they stopped dead in their tracks with eyes of wors.h.i.+p.

Or fear.

No, it was mostly fear.

But reverence was there too.

I prefered the fear.

"Wyrms..." Alex's face was pale. He shook himself. "No...No, no, no, this is crazy. How can YOU be HERE? You're Solaire? But...But...this is..." The kid's brain was overloading. I could tell. "...Just what's going on?!"

"The Dao of Banditry, that's what."

"What's a Dao?" He asked.

I ignored him.

"I didn't choose the bandit life, bro. The bandit life chose me." Was all I said. "But crusading, THAT'S my real specialty. You need a Purge, I'm your man. I think a couple more months and I'll be done here. Hey, should we do your Kingdom next? I HAVE heard reports of Society activity there...Anyway," I changed topics. " About those wyrms--"

"Damien!"

A soft little hand latched onto my shoulder with a vise-like grip. Next thing I knew the world became a blurr as I was forcibly turned around.

Then two arms wrapped themselves around my chest tight enough to crush a rib.

"It IS you!" A squeal. " Wow, I haven't see you in ages! Did you get my letters? Huh? Did you?"

Ah f.u.c.k, that's right.

"Lady Yesmina." I greeted politely. "What a surprise. It's good to see you again." I looked her up and down. Mostly down, and mostly her face, because that's all I could see at this angle. "I have to admit, you've grown so lovely I didn't even realize who you were."

Let me tell you about Yesmina.

You see, we first met quite some time ago at a banquet. The affair was hosted by her father, Clan Head Brahm s.h.i.+re of the Pareia.

He's the current Patriarch of one of the five great clans from the Dry Lands and is one of the reasons Father was able to establish a beneficial relations.h.i.+p with the Aeil. It's said Father was the one to introduce Brahm to his first and only wife, Yesmina's mother.

So, family friends. Sorta. At least Father's their friend, if not Mother and the rest of us.

I didn't really want to get into it but let's just say the kid's been clingy since a while ago. Since that time all those years back she'd always make a point to visit the Kingdom whenever she could.

And Father liked to drag me along to tons of banquets back in the day so we'd end up meeting several times times by chance. Though Dolly only ever met her once or twice, I think.

It's only recently that I set my foot down and refused going to any more parties. Partly to avoid this chick who had way too much free time on her hands, partly because of several other factors I decline to list.

Don't get me wrong either, Yesmina's attractive. Long-legged, pretty and apparently well-endowed for her age if that soft feeling against my chest was any indication.

She had the deep tan of long hours spent outdoors but at same time her skin glowed healthily with the look of being supple to the touch.

And her red hair framed a delicate face adorned with an irresistible smile.

The problem?

Her age.

The other problem?

She's stubborn.

I'm basically in my thirties(spiritually), I ain't gonna mess around with a kid. Sadly she cared not for any of that and ignored all my attempts at ignoring her!

She's one of the only people my feigned "harem protag thickheaded-ness" never worked on!

So what was the best solution? Distraction!

I found this to be the correct method when dealing with the girl in person

Really doing anything else has proven ineffective. Only putting on a pleasant aura and keeping her occupied worked in making sure she didn't do anything too heavy-handed.

Regular girls: Eh? He doesn't get it? How? This...why...Q.Q

Yesmina: He's pretty thick, huh...better amp it up to 1000...

Sure I could just listen to the kid's confession and reject her. And if it came to it, I would. But man I don't wanna listen to a little girl cry.

So misdirection it is!

Let's not have today be the day I crush her heart into a million little pieces, eh?

In short, lead her on!

Huh. Hey, what's the male equivolent of being a c.o.c.k tease?

"Come, let me show you around..."

While I was slowly slipping out of her embrace yet another voice decided to join in.

"Cakey?" Dolly came charging over fast as a ghost. "Did you come for Father? Sorry, he's not here though."

Don't tell me, did she believe that story I made up that day?! This girl...how naive and trusting is she? I loved her so much...

"Lord Claybrook?" Yesmina shook her head. "Why would I be looking for him?"

But Dolly already moved past that. Her eyes narrowed. "Hey....wait a minute...Now that I think of it, you didn't even pay for that hug!" She accused. "What's going on here?!" The light of revealation. "No, don't tell, I already know!" She stomped her foot.

"Jeez!" She flung her hands up into the air. "This is all getting so out of hand! First Evie, now you...not paying the proper respects, not making the offering...this is pure chaos." She whispered. "Total anarchy. Think you can just swoop in and monopolize Day whenever you want now, do you? Hmph. Just because I allowed you kids to understand the experience a time two, doesn't mean I gave up my position! Settle down and realize who the true little sister is, okay?! Your fantasies can never be quenched!"

Dolly, I'm not quite sure you understand what position those kids are actually after...

They don't want to be my sisters, m'kay? They wanna be yours. Get it?

No, it's for the best that you don't.

Stay pure and innocent forever!

"Is this a joke? Haha." A laugh. " You're so funny, sister-in-law."

"Sister-in-law? What? This..." Dolly brow scrunched up in thought. You could tell she was hard at work trying to figure out the meaning behind the words.

"Sister-in-law, are you okay? You seem distressed. Why don't you come with us? Hubby and I were just about to go for a walk."

Hubby!

I was floored. What a sly desert foxling we have here.

Since when did she start calling this kid sister-in-law? Something about this was sounding awfully familiar.

But the opponent was Dolly.

She didn't even know what being a sister-in-law meant!

And as expected, Dolly was still overworking her brain in an attempt to understand the situation.

The poor thing craddled her head in pain.

"Ku." She winced.

Dolly, please, don't strain yourself! The smoke...

"Sister-in-law...Hubby...what's that anyway? I don't like it...Gotta find Vee, she can explain anything..."

The girl began walking off, still ma.s.saging her temples.

"Um, Vee? W-Where'd you go? Come out already, I need you! Vee? Vee!" And she was gone.

Vera likely would be a great help in this situation. Where was that girl when you needed her?

Yesmina blinked. "Well. Looks like it's just us." She took my arm. "Lead on."

It was then that I noticed something.

"...Oi. Where's the Prince?"

One of the surrounding followers stepped forward. "Do you mean that young boy you were with, Your Majesty? He ran off into the desert a while ago."

WHAT!

"Well find him! That's my lil bro, dammit!"

The Make Alex A Man Worthy Of Dolly plan still hadn't begun!

I feel like I'd forgotten something else, too.

Eh. It probably wasn't important.

***

It was a little important.

"So, what was the reason for your visit?" I yawned.

My throne was brought out, carried by ten strong-armed bandits. I considered cutting off their heads for not bringing a pillow to cus.h.i.+on the d.a.m.n thing. But decided not to in the end.

Being a fair, wise and righteous ruler sure is annoying at times, isn't it?

Is this how Solomon felt?

The things we do for our people...

"Lord Solaire."

There were four men standing near me. The one who'd just spoke was called...Ja...Ja...

It was really long and incomprehensible, alright? He's Jared now. It was a nice name, Jared. I like him, he just had that sorta voice to him.

I'd like him even more if he came with a 5$ foot-long but fat chance of that ever happening, eh?

...I miss spicy italian...baked potato chips...

Great. Now I'm hungry.

"Our clans have sent us to offer an invitation."

"Oh yeah?"

That's it?

"Yes. We'd like for you to come with us."

Will he hurry up? I'm starving here and I'm the only one who knows how to make a decent pork chop around here!

The meat isn't actually pork, yeah, but still.

"Where to?"

"To meet the Little G.o.ddess."

"Who?"

"Our people's benefactor."

"But what for? Out with it, man!" I yelled, hitting the throne's armrest.

The entire area brightened sharply all of a sudden. My eyes!

"T-To discuss the possibility of aiding us in our water shortage problem....Your Holiness..."

Hah. Holiness. What a load of s.h.i.+t.

These people are all starting to have weird expectations of me, I feel...Should I really just go try my luck at being a Demon King?

But Minnie...No, maybe I can use a Crusade as an excuse and just take over? I don't think it'd be hard. I mean this is a game world, not realy life.

Even getting this following was easy. Didn't really gotta do s.h.i.+t.

Why can't I go and conquer the place? I can probably kill a Demon King. If I can have duels with Sir Kane, what's a Demon Army?

I could totally take one on!

...Actually, no, that's the Hero's job!

f.u.c.k! How the h.e.l.l did I get into this situation?! I only wanted to Purge heretics!

I haven't even spent time wooing Minnie since all this c.r.a.p started, have I? I wanna flirt with my cat-eared G.o.ddess, dammit!

Soon as the Purge is done, I'm retiring. I won't even get involved with that Great War later on. Nope, I'm taking Dolly, Minnie, Evie and the rest of my Chosen and settling down somewhere nice.

Hey, didn't the Dwarves have a pretty forest all to themselves? A beach area near the back, great mountain views? Somewhere near the World Tree would be cool, if possible...

Another thing, why did every d.a.m.n isekai have a World Tree? What the heck is even the point of having it? You don't do anything with it ever.Though it'll be neat to look at, if nothing else.

That settles it. That's where we'll go. I always wanted to meet a Dwarf. Bet they make great alcohol.

Wait. I shook my head of all the irreverent thoughts. Did he say something about water?...Oh, hold on. I think I remember something about that in the third game of the series.

They want MY help with that?

And who the heck is this "Little G.o.ddess" he's talking about here?

I'm a bit interested in seeing her. Could she be a milf, perhaps?

No, hold up, I've got Minnie. But just meeting her won't be cheating, yeah?

"Right. The water shortage."

"As expected, you already know."

"Eh...yeah."

Not really a problem at all. After the third game's completion the situation goes away by itself, I heard. I never played all the games, really only the first and sixth, but I did research the other ones a bit so I wasn't lost playing the sixth...even though the sixth ended up not really telling you anything about the other games, wasting my effort.

It was never acually explained why but after the Heroine of that game returned to the Dry Lands with her new beloved it was just said in the ending that the Dry Lands began showing signs of "an Era of renewed life" or something.

Which was weird because it seemed to have just been put in as like an after thought for no apparent reason.

"And they lived happily ever after...also the Kingdom's rodent problem went away."

Like you're sitting there all confused going, "Wat?"

The two had nothing to do with each other. You see? Weird. The Heroine was a sickly runaway with amnesia. She cartainly wasn't Aeil so she must've been the daughter of a merchant who'd settled in that city Harris was heading towards.

For all I knew HARRIS HIMSELF could be the kid's father.

That stuff aside, yeah, I wasn't worried since I knew the issue would sort itself out.

"Sure, I'll meet her."

I'll just pretend I'm gonna help out. Make a new oasis for them, maybe.

I just hoped that this over abundant life energy stayed drained. I mean I knew it wouldn't but a man can dream. If nothing else maybe this "Little G.o.ddess" was a legit Divine who could give me a pointer or two in exchange for a ma.s.sage.

Mother always said my G.o.d's Right would be a valuable a.s.set one day.

Perhaps now is the time it'll really be of use.

...It's other effect wouldn't work on a G.o.ddess, right?

I s.h.i.+vered at the thought.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! STAY AWAY! d.a.m.n YOU, STAY AWAY! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

About a hundred or so feet away the Prince was running for his life.

We were in a wide open area, spectating the pa.s.sionate battle between man and Wyrm.

The cold tsundere Prince kept running from Wyrm-chan's hot-blooded feelings, but she was not one to give up so easily!

Go, Wyrm-chan! Get your man!

No, rather, make him a man.

Also please don't eat him.

"BIG BRO!" I heard the Prince yell." BIG BRO, HELP! PLEASE, I'M SORRY! I'M REALLY SORRY! I WON'T RUN AWAY AGAIN, I PROMISE, SO PLEASE!" Alex cried at the top of his lung.

Hm...Maybe I should help the dude out? He might really get eaten...I considered for a fraction of a second before discarding the idea. Heh. Nah. Far be it from me to disturb the Prince's educational process.

"DAMIEN, YOU b.a.s.t.a.r.d, I SWEAR IF I SURVIVE THIS I'M COMING FOR YOUR HEAD! YOU'RE COMPLETELY INSANE, YOU KNOW THAT?!"

Hey. Not COMPLETELY, okay? Only, like, maybe half...

"Don't shout." I advised. "Save your energy. You still have two more after this" I threw him a sword. "Now stop being such a p.u.s.s.y and fight back. The worst that can happen is she swallows you whole." I comforted. " It'll crush your head first so it's not like you'd even feel the pain of having your bones broken piece by piece either."

I'm a gla.s.s-half-full sort of guy.

***

"Young Master look! What're those?!" Baz pointed excitedly. I looked over and saw bird-likecreatures jumping out of the sand dunes like winged fishes.

After I informed everyone about what was going down we left the camp and the representatives led us to a small s.h.i.+p with a flat bottom. Yes, a s.h.i.+p. More of a sled, though, I guess.

The thing was the property of Isha, the representative with all the markings and bone necklaces hanging around his neck.

I hear he won it in a game, which made him my sorta man.

Tied to the thing's front was a couple of Rhino-like creatures with far longer legs and sharper teeth that pulled the s.h.i.+p across the sand.

Baz was energetically running up and down the rig ever since we got on. Finally Vera had to step in and smack him a couple of times to calm him.

No one else had it in them to ruin his fun. As expected of his sister, she was the only one capable of handling the dude.

Now he was just a few feet away admiring the various wildlife from up above. Dolly was right by him going wide-eyed at every little critter she saw. And sticking closely to her side was Alex.

He stuck to her like a bee to honey, not daring leave her side. Which I allowed for reasons anyone could understand.

I'll let him rest for now.

The boy had performed admirably and gotten wyrm blood all over him. He can tackle the Giant Spiked Crocadiles later. Those things are everwhere.

"So how'd you find yourself here? Shouldn't your father have sent someone else?"

I asked Yesmina.

"Yes, but lately he's been wanting to give me more responsibility. That's also why he a.s.signed me to be the Prince's caretaker. Obviously I couldn't just say no, even though I wanted to. The Prince seems a little weak. All he does is study and he can only barely keep up with father's men during their workout."

The fact he can keep up at all is praise-worthy though. Remember, the Aeil are naturally strong. Really strong.

"I really disliked the a.s.signment since I can't do anything without him near me. But I'm glad for it now. Thanks to my hard work father had me be the one to go after Uncle got that injury. I mean it's such a surprise that after coming to greet this new 'Water G.o.d' I'd end up meeting you! I knew your mother was a powerful witch but I didn't know you could do the same things she did! That's amazing!" She gushed.

"Master is indeed amazing." Evie, standing a little away, nodded in agreement.

"Master was accepted by both the Holy Sword Millenianna and the long-lost Mandate of Heaven, after all. Of course he's amazing." Minerva smiled proudly.

What the flip is the Mandate of Heaven? Who was telling her about all these strange things...? No, aren't they just making things up now?

"I noticed that too!" The girl nearly started jumping up and down in excitement. "Wait till father hears about that! Everyone thought Old Tamlin was full of poo when he boasted about that thing, who knew it was actually the real thing? Damien's eligible to be the revered Chief of Chiefs now! Imagine that! M-Maybe all the clans can unite under his rule someday too...like the legends foretold...I wonder when he'll acquire the Azure Mark? The seal of Dragon G.o.d Okeanos..."

Aw h.e.l.l no.

They're not fooling me, I knew there's no d.a.m.n "legend" pertaining to this Big Bro. No G.o.dd.a.m.n "Mark."

These two are just trying to make me work EVEN HARDER!

What Chief of Chiefs? What "uniting under his rule"? These kids are messin' with me! Probably.

I mean I GUESS Damien could have that sort of setting. There are a few questionable moments where you had to wonder what the dude was doing.

The Hero traveled to a lot of ancient places in search of powerful Artifacts for his crew and Damien often me him at or around the various locations.

Maybe he's a more complex character than I thought?

But either way, after the Great Crusade, I'm done! You hear me? Done! I don't care how many roles Damien's supposed to play.

Solaire's been through enough, okay? Let him have his rest. He and Onion Bro deserve a G.o.dd.a.m.n break.

I'M Damien now and I won't be tricked into taking on all these extra side jobs.

Evie, my future Saintess...when are you goint to meet the Hero and take over for Papa? I can't keep doin' this. All I desire is a New Jerusalem for the good Furry-Eared Ones of the world, a place me and your Mama...sister...?...can have a whole litter of kittens in peace and quiet.

Leading a bunch of sweaty desert people is NOT on my agenda.

Neither is leading the world into some new age. Really apart from changing the Prince to a Chad and letting him make Dolly happy some day, well, f.u.c.k all this other s.h.i.+t.

I have few ambitions in life, you see. But dammit am I gonna make 'em happen.

I said I was gonna Crusade, and am I not Crusading?!

I'm a man of my word.

On another note, where've I heard that word before? Okeanos...didn't Mother say something about that?

"Where're we going again?" I stepped in before they could continue the dangerous line of conversation.

"We're stopping by one of the tribes under my father's rule. We'll reach the area by tomorrow morning. After that we'll head to the city of Ko for you to meet with Little G.o.ddess. You'll like her, she's really easy-going and...bubbly."

Bubbly? That didn't sound much like a Milf G.o.ddess. And even less like a big tiddy cat-eared goth G.o.ddess which would be so much better.

Speaking of big tiddy cat-eared goths...

I looked at Minnie.

Should we put her in some Raven cosplay later? You know, I liked to think she was really getting into the whole thing.

"Right. Nice. Hey, Minnie, let's have dinner tonight."

I asked her out.

"What would you like me to prepare, Master?"

"You." I grinned. I could already tell Damien's face turned what would have been a mischievous smile into a s.a.d.i.s.tic smirk.

Minnie, please don't misunderstand! I'm not a cannibal!

Without warning Minnie bowed. "Please excuse me." And walked down the stairs leading into the s.h.i.+p's cabins.

Bam! Bam! Bam!

Three loud noises resounded through the whole area.

She came back two minutes later with blood running down the side of her head.

I was deeply worried. "What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That sound..."

"What sound?"

"Your head is bleeding..."

"I don't know what you mean, Master. "

"Did you just hit your head against a wall?" I guessed.

".....I'm sorry for being such a disgusting pervert, Master!" She broke down in tears. " Don't hate me! I'll never stain your pure image again, I-I promise! This Sinner will recite the Holy Texts for three days and nights in penance! N-No, for a week! So please forgive meeeee!!"

The woman fled, a glistening trail of tears in her wake.

I'm pretty sure I knew what was going on. And this, too, was a good sign!

"Minnie, wait! I've a better idea for penance, yeah? Your ears....lap pillow..."

I left behind a very confused Yesmina and ran after Minnie.

***

So Minnie locked herself in her room. I heard her faintly read aloud. "Nekopara, Volume 1... "

Well. The doujins I created are pretty spicy if I do say so myself.

If it's those...

I happily let her continue her "punishment."

***

"I made it myself. Try."

Dinner time was already upon us everyone including the representatives sat around a large table stuffed full of meat.

But me? I was dragged to my cabin on the s.h.i.+p and shown a plate of slightly charred-looking steak.

"Actually I had a big lunch so I'm not really--"

She crammed a piece down my mouth. "Is it tasty?"

"Ghuhk urck alfds"

I was entirely incapable of giving my opinion. But it's alright.

"...So, tasty?"

Salty, more like.

"I guess."

"Great!" A grin.

She wiggled.

"Uh, actually I'd be fine with cooking for you every day, even." There was a slight reddish tinge to her face just then.

You thought a subtle confession like that would be enough to penetrate my defenses? Fool, know the terror of dense protagonists!

"Is that so? I wouldn't want to trouble you."

What a dull, vague answer! It was perfect. You couldn't tell what kind or response it was.

"No trouble, no trouble at all." The girl insisted with a smile. "I'd be happy to."

"Hm."

"That aside, you like it, right? Your stomach is satisfied?"

"I was never hungry in the first place, so yeah."

There was a coughing sound that was entirely too fake. "Good, that's good. Yeah."

"Yeah."

The seconds ticked by silently.

"Excuse me." She rose from the bed.

I saw her leave the room, only to come back a minute later.

"Say, you're good with numbers aren't you?"

I squinted at her suspiciously. "Maybe just the best in the world, but yeah."

"Right. Of course." Everyone knew my qualifications back home. "So you can tutor me then, can't you? Father wants me to start preparing for a formal education soon and I've been having trouble remembering all the formulae. Also there's a few other subjects I don't get."

This kid...she said all that so easily...

She's lying through her teeth. Look at the way she was playing with her hair, and the brightness of her eyes.

My face was a blank.

Alright, I'd have to be a G.o.dd.a.m.n r.e.t.a.r.d to not pick up on her intentions. Though you could get me alone and put the moves on this Big Bro, do ya?

Challenge accepted.

You want a tutor? I'll go above and beyond!

See how I introduce to you the proof of Fermat's Last Theorem...

"I've got time, it'll be my pleasure to a.s.sist."

"Thank you." Having gotten what she wanted the girl no longer felt like staying, apparently. "I'll let you enjoy your meal. Drop by my room later."

I nodded politely.

At the corner of the room my guard, Ca.s.s, was drinking a bottle of wine.

"She's gonna try and jump you. You know that, right?" His gruff voice was just a little grating to the ears.

"Oh please, a little kid like her? At most she'll go for a kiss. And I'll kill the mood way before that happens."

Who won't be taking a hint? Me, this bro.

"Bet."

"Easiest money I'll ever make."

The girl had no idea what she was in for...

***

I knocked on the door confidently.

The sky was already dark and the flickering light of candles coming from under the door was the only thing leading my way.

It opened almost immediately.

"About time."

Yesmina stood in the doorway with nothing on but a see-through black Babydoll, one that revealed a red pair of lace panties underneath.

I was right about her being large for her age.

Couple more years and she'll be a knockout.

"You're really thick, you know?"

She grabbed my s.h.i.+rt and pulled me in for a kiss.

...Sonuvab.i.t.c.h.

I just lost 10 f.u.ks!

Yes I made my own currency, what of it?

That's not important.

The girl's tongue was r*ping my mouth!

To make matters worse, she was dragging me deeper into the room! The girl was only supposed to be half Aeil, how is she so strong? What a freak.

I gently picked her up and threw her on the bed--which I didn't know was there but wouldn't tell her that.

"You...like it rough, huh...well, I should've expect that..." Her eyes were glazed over and her breaths come out in bursts of hot air.

"Lemme stop you right there." I held up a hand.

"What?"

"Yeah. Sorry. Didn't wanna have to do this, but...this won't be happening."

"E-Eh? I don't...what're you saying?" The tears are gonna come either way, I can't p.u.s.s.yfoot around now can I? Let's be blunt.

"It's not me, it's you."

"What does that even mean?!"

"I like older women."

"I AM older than you! I just turned 15!"

What? She's older than me?

"And that's 3 years short of my strike zone. "

The girl looked like her world was about to fall apart. "But...but the book said..."

Huh? What book?

I saw her reach under a pillow.

She started muttering to herself.

"No, no. This can't be happening. What do I do? I-It doesn't say anything about this kind of situation. I did everything right, so why? Calling him hubby in front of family...cooking him a delicious meal...inviting him over for special lessons....I even wore this weird thing...I've kept myself prepared at all times to enact the plan, so why aren't things going as they should, huh?! You stupid book, you're nothing but a liar! You said no man would be able to resist a pretty woman in a revealing outfit! Now I've made a fool of myself...He'll think I'm a loose woman...*hic*...I don't want to live anymore!"

Her arm blurred.

A six-inch tall hardcover slammed into the wall.

It's t.i.tle read, "From The Male Perspective: Seduce Any Man! A Woman's Guide To Becoming A Vixen."

And just below, "Author: Long John Silvers."

One of my stolen works!

A piece of paper was attached along the spine.

ORIGINAL Ma.n.u.sCRIPT.

SOLD TO #34, 2000 GOLD PIECES

DONATOR UNKNOWN

...f.u.c.king Lucy!