My Sister The Villainess 7 Bird? Dog? Dragon?

Such was my first thought upon seeing the Princess.

Sleek, solid black hair. Eyes a bright amber, hauntingly attractive.

Definitely a little cutie.

My second though?

...WHAT f.u.kKEN PRINCESS BULLs.h.i.+T ARE YOU TRYNA PULL HERE, GAME?!

Since when was there a "Princess Charlotte", huh? Where was she in the story? Tryna mess with me, are ya?!

It didn't show on my face at all, but, inwardly, I was freaking the f.u.c.k out.

What trap was laid before me? Whose plot was this? My mind was in full panic-mode.

While father greeted the Prince I calmly had a mental meltdown. Then stepped forward a moment later as I heard myself being mentioned. The Prince came into full view and snapped me back to reality.

I have to say, it was disappointing.

I was expecting some snot-nosed brat with a stick up his a.s.s but the dude was actually kinda cute too. In a gender-neutral shota sort of way. Right now his normally long blonde curls were cut short and his imperious segreen eyes were as tame and docile as a neutered cat.

He visibly trembled as I approached and I could see him fiddling with his hands anxiously.

It was then that I knew.

This guy....was a fan!

The way he lavished me with more respect than he did even father, who was a Marquis, made me certain of this.

I almost giggled, feeling quite smug.

Haha, who'd have thought that the Prince would have heard the grand tales from this Senior!

Even though he was so young he must have good tastes, eh?

But as that thought took root, another did as well: ...Who the f.u.c.k told on me?

How did he figure out who I was?! However I soon realized that he, as a Prince, had to have various connections. It wouldn't be very odd for him to be able to find out such secret information.

I sorta took a liking to the kid.

I took a long look at him and decided that since he was a fan and a brother-in-arms and so obviously a pushover...I could probably forego my initial plan to bully him.

However I then noticed him staring at Dolly. I blinked.

Well!

The boy truly does have fine taste!

Yes, kid. Indeed. I see you, too, realize Dolly's true potential. She is already such an adorable, perfect little angel right now. But still only a loli.

And yet take a look at mother!

As they say, like mother like daughter, huh?

Dolly is already the cutest little sister this side of the universe, but in the future she too is very likely to transcend her loliness and become a "Busty nee-san" type of character!

Of course she'll always be my precious little sister in my heart and I'll never be able to see her as anything other than the same bundle of fluff that always used to grab my sleeve and follow me around--though she still does right now, sometimes.

But I couldn't deny that her future self would be a top-tier beauty with a bust, waist and rear on the same level of thiccness as mother.

Truly her future man would have used up all the luck gathered from all his previous past lives and all his dead ancestors to be able to call her his wifey.

Although it pained me to think of it as her big brother, wanting her to stay young and childish forever, I knew such a thing could never be.

So!

I could only keep the wolves away and find her a decent man who would love and respect her.

By which I mean any man she loves will have to go through thorough re-education to meet my standards.

Sadly, Prince, that's you. Dolly is gonna be really crazy about you in the future, so, unfortunately, I can't go easy on you all too much no matter how much of a fan and bro you are.

Now it doesnt HAVE to be you. If she ever fell in love with someone else then sorry but you'd have to go. However although maybe I could lead her to some other boy, you're a Prince.

And Dolly deserves a Prince. A King. Possibly an Emperor but we won't talk about that for now.

In any case how many Princes are there in this world? I can't just go out and drag one here, you know? You're the closest one and you're already her fiance and I know she'll love you eventually so just accept your fate, capisce?

While I was having all these irreverent thoughts that Charlotte girl was looking at her brother(?) staring at Dolly.

And she had audacity to frown!

What nerve!

My mind was working overtime.

Tsk. So, that's how it is

The Heavens know of my intentions and they're the ones who plot against me! They want to put Dolly through some horrid end!

How cruel!

How insufferably arrogant!

I suddenly realized why this so-called "Princess Charlotte" existed now. There'd been no hide nor hair of any Princess Charlotte in the game, so why did one show up here? Because she, too, was an enemy! A puppet sent by the G.o.ds to bar Dolly's way to happiness!

Hmph.

You wanna mess with this Young Master, do ya, G.o.ds?

Hehe.

...Don't you know? My Charm stat is SSS+!

***

After channelling Damien's inner playboy spirit--loath as I was to do so on a kid, such a waste--I had escorted them to the parlor where I had treats waiting.

Okay, well, not before I gave a very light and casual warning to the Prince about the consequences of infidelity.

THEN I led them to the parlor.

The conversation was mind-numbingly boring to me but for these little ones who never knew anything but the life of a n.o.ble gossip and the like had them occupied enough. Hey, whatever kept them entertained.

I regretted asking the Prince about something I'd heard regarding him recently, though, because that question sparked another discussion that I'd rather not have had.

Or brought into topic a certain someone I didn't want to remember.

Yesmina...ugh.

That chick.

...I mean I wasn't stupid. I'd learned about it during "that" party, after all. The curse of the bishounens, the cruelty of women, and how the seductive whispering of wealth could corrupt even the most innocent of souls.

Only the first applied to me directly, but yeah. I wasn't some dense harem protagonist who literally couldn't tell a woman was interested in them even if they sat b.u.t.t naked on their erect crotch moaning "ravage me."

No like seriously, the f.u.c.k was up with that? That was probably also a curse, eh? Sure a lot of stories broke that trope but those already in that trope seem like they're part of this inescapable black hole where they have to friendzone every girl that shows any kind of romantic affection for them. And even if they don't they can't do a d.a.m.n thing with them except first base type of bulls.h.i.+t as fanservice. May as well be eunuchs, poor b.a.s.t.a.r.ds...

Ahem. That aside, no, that wasn't me. I, being a perfectly normal(?) adult(?), do have SOME sense.

I wouldn't say I'd notice every single time, mind you. I just don't have enough interest in little girls to always know when they "liked" me. My pa.s.sion lies with busty older-sister kinda girls, after all The kinda chicks who you look at and see subt.i.tles under them saying, "Your son calls me mama too."

So me not knowing who all had a crush on my face is a given. Yet since I was an adult I did take note of some of the more obvious ones.

Rather, my popularity with little girls was annoying. Just too many of them, and they kept bugging me.

Why couldn't their mothers be the ones sending me invitations, dammit?!

So eventually I could only pretend that I had no clue about their intentions so as to avoid the majority of girls interested in me.

And that's exactly what I tried doing with that Yesmina girl. Yeah. Now this usually worked but every now and again a persistent one would show up. And guess which kind of girl Yesmina was? Yup. The stubborn kind.

So when she showed up in the conversation I kept my little act and made up some bulls.h.i.+t about how I thought the letters were for father.

Now I'm a little regretful of doing that, too. Seems like it p.i.s.sed off that Charlotte.

I thought she'd be easy to fool. And at the start she was, like, putty in my hands. But now she'd calmed down and I found her more sensible than I'd given her credit for.

Was she really that young? Or should I say, as expected of a Princess?

Hmmm....

I studied her hard for a while once I realized how she'd look at me from time to time and came to the conclusion that she had heard of my "hedonistic ways." Possibly even knew my other exploits from her brother.

She probably thought I really was a playboy! And I mean I did act like it right now so I couldn't say anything about it.

But man, she must really hate those types of frivolous people.

She glared daggers at me the moment Ver-little she-devil--spoke up about some past...adventures of mine.

You brat, why you gotta bring up old s.h.i.+t? Huh?

Anyway the way Charlotte reacted to it made me understand just how much she despised playboys.

Like it was really potent.

I almost had the urge to ask, "Who hurt you?"

But she was too young to have those kinda experiences so maybe it was just a brainwas.h.i.+ng-since-childhood-from-an-overprotective-father-who-was-likely-playboy-himself-in-his-younger-years-and-didn't-want-his-daughter-to-be-tricked-by-man's-honeyed-words-just-like-how-he-himself-had-tricked-young-women-back-in-the-day-so-took-measures-to-ensure-her-dislike-for-such-people sort of situation.

Yup. I felt that was exactly the situation here.

Judging from how she looked at me by the end of the conversation I came to a new realization: Since I acted that way she seems to think I'm an airhead?

She's probably mad I was so "careless" but being thought of as a airhead instead of a playboy is an advatnage, isn't it?

It means she wouldn't be so on guard with me....Wait.

I was going to go with a frontal a.s.sault, but perhaps I should come in from the backdoor instead? Go full on Sneaky Snek?

Yeah. Yeah, that couldn't work! It could work out pretty well!

I couldn't help but smile secretly in disdain.

Oh little King...you have no idea, do you?

Damien Claybrooke, that heroine stealer, that master of netori...is in a league of his own.

Hehehe.

Don't you know? With his face and my brains... Our Charm stat is SSS+!

***

After they tried to leave I'd politely held them back and had taken them outside. At the back of the Claybrook estate was a large stretch of land I used to train and set up near the house was a circular track. Within the center of that circle were targets and a choice of ranged weaponry from throwing knives to spears.

I idly played with a knife before handing the Princess a longbow and an arrow.

c.r.a.p, I really couldn't get used to that. In the back of my mind I felt this girl's existence had all sorts of implications, but I couldn't tell what. I was certain I'd never heard of her before in any of the games from the Love Orgy series.

Was this really the G.o.ds f.u.c.king with me?

No, no, calm down, me.

Priorities, remember?

But I digress. I bet you all think I'm only bullying the Prince into submission through threats and thuggery, but no, my plans extend far past such simple things!

Actually I'm bullying the Prince so that even if Dolly does end up saying things that are mean and could make him dislike her, he'd think to himself that I'm much worse in comparison to a few harsh words!

And once he realizes, "This b.a.s.t.a.r.d only listens to that cutiepie sister of his!" there's no way he'll have any choice other than to hug her heels in desperation!

Eventually he'll feel so much debt and grat.i.tude for her continued support that he'll start to see her in a new light and not care at all about some hollow insults, able to see past that and into her true beautiful nature.

Or maybe he'll mistake that grat.i.tude as love instead of actually falling for her, which is fine either way. As long as Dolly's happy in the end!

See? The machinations of an adult are not to be underestimated.

As for Charlotte, she's his sister, right? I'm a.s.suming at least. So her role is also crucial and it wouldn't be good if she disapproved of Dolly.

But I have a plan for that now, don't I?. I dub thee...The Keep The Sister Distracted So She Doesnt Have Time To Get In The Way Super Seduction Plan!

If I use my looks to make the girl enamored with me now, there's no way she'll risk earning my dislike by getting in the way of my own sister's love life.

Was I not a genius?

I had no idea what would happen if the Prince and the mysterious new Princess both ended up disliking Dolly but I didn't want to find out, hence the entire reason for this plan's existence

Though it appeared the Prince was quite taken with that sister of mine already so perhaps I didn't have to do all this but I had to make sure he stayed that way.

I would of course feel bad for leading on a child, and felt even worse at the prospect of flirting with a girl still young enough to be in middle-school. But for Dolly I can throw away even my personal preferences and morals!

Um, temporarily.

I can still only truly accept busty animal eared girls, preferably in s.l.u.tty maid outfits and kinky enough to let themselves be covered in chocolate syrup to be licked off by yours truly.

Or even if the latter isn't inherent, I can easily train them to like it, no? Hm.

I digress again.

So, anywho, with that in mind, I sent Alex and Dahlia to handle their own affairs.

"But Day, can't I play with you instead?" Her bottom lip quivered, the epitome of pitifulness.

"Just play with the Prince. He's a new friend, don't you want to get along?"

She paused, considering. She was quiet for a full ten seconds.

"Well, yes, but--"

"No buts." I held up a hand. "Go on. I'll be entertaining the Princess, you have fun."

"Huh? No, but I..." She trailed off, clearly at a loss for words. I saw her go quiet again. This time though she just looked at Charlotte with a troubled face, chewing on her bottom lip. "...Okay."

She sighed. Then she just turned on her heel and trudged away.

Ah, my heart, it hurts.

I'm sorry, Dolly, but your big bro doesn't have the time to play with you right now!

I waved over at Baz.

"Yo, Bazman, go teach them how to throw a knife or something."

The guy yawned, gave a salute, shouted "Aye Sir!" and pranced away.

I watched him follow after the other two. As soon as he was out of earshot I grabbed Vera's shoulder.

"Vee, make sure Baz doesn't hurt himself."

"Already on it, Young Master." She a.s.sured, folding her hands over her stomach with a formal bow before proceeding to trail after the others.

"And no trying to accidentally gut the Prince!" I yelled, just loud enough for him to hear.

I saw the boy in question flinch and nearly trip at the sound of my voice, then visibly pale as the words registered.

"...Tsk."

I gave a hard look. "Oi, don't 'tsk' at me, Missy. My Devil's Left has been throbbing for a while now, understand."

She snorted coldly and ran off after sticking a tongue out in my direction.

This cheeky little....

Ah, whatever. Disciplinary actions later.

I'll just leave them all alone for now. Any chance to have those two future lovebirds together and grow closer was crucial!

Usually I would be trying to get between them to make sure Dolly didn't say anything to upset the prince but the unexpected appearance of this Charlotte girl changed things.

She looked like a smart cookie and pretty easily ruffled too so it's best that she, Vera and Dolly don't interact much before I can change those girls' bad mouths. Or made this one into my obedient little groupie. Whichever came first.

The Prince was just a little kid distracted by Dolly's obvious cuteness right now, he wasn't a concern yet. It'd be different once he grows up though. Unless I put the fear of G.o.d into him now and take away his sister for support he'd get it into his head that he was allowed to leave Dolly, and hurt her feelings while he did.

The only wild card was the Heroine.

The halo of Heaven's favorite child was one that defied logic!

She was the only one I was truly wary of, apart from the Hero from the later game in the series.

Only she had the power to over rule my efforts. Was her protagonist aura and harem queen characteristics enough to seduce the Prince away despite my tortuous methods of re-educa...Ahem, I mean, powers of persuasion?

Though I hadn't gotten around to that yet, I was curious. Could she truly defeat them? I didn't want to know. I could only do my best.

First though I had to keep this other girly occupied. If I can get her to like me and accept me as a future brother-in-law, that'd be best! After that, make her and Dolly besties! Then the Prince would be attacked from all sides, we'll see if he dares hook up with that floozy after that! Heh, sometimes I scare even myself, such a brilliant plan.

I only now noticed that the Princess had been frowning at me for some time now.

"Finally. I've been waiting to say, but you brought me out here for this? Are you crazy? A Lady can't practice such vulgar arts. And you'd best hope nothing happens to Alex either."

The princess then promptly threw the bow aside without a care.

Fudgem.u.f.fin!

Her words ticked me off.

"What? Who the h.e.l.l said a Lady can't learn to use a bow, huh? Just which rat b.a.s.t.a.r.d said that? Vulgar? Vulgar your mother, who dares call such an elegant art form vulgar? I'll have Patches XOXO him to death!"

A string of curses gushed forth from my mouth unbidden.

Ah, d.a.m.n, that wasn't good. Even with Damien's face my image of a cool, righteous and n.o.ble Young Master will go down the drain.

Had to remember to hold back when other people were present. Old habits die hard.

I picked up the discarded bow and placed it in her hand once more.

"Just go ahead and try, no one's going to judge you for it. And we certainly won't tell anyone." I coaxed her gently

Dolly wouldn't at least. Vera might.

And if the Prince dared to....hmph. Snap it off.

In my heart of hearts an eternal resentment for the poor kid's older self had long since been built up.

"No, as I said, something like that is--"

"Bird!" I suddenly shouted.

A fwoop sound came to life as an arrow was sent flying. The next instant the offending animal had dropped from the skies and landed just five feet away, it's head spraying the ground with blood and brain matter.

I ran over. A five pounder!

"Oi, Baz, get Phil! I caught dinner!"

I glanced over at the princess excitedly. "See? Isn't it fun? You can train your arm muscles, dexterity and even hunting skills! There's really no reason not to do it. Uh, you might not be able to handle a bird yet. Practice on the target first then I'll get Patches and see if you can hit him. Don't worry, he's like a c.o.c.kroach. He wouldn't die even if you got him in the heart, haha."

Now some of you might be wondering why the flying f.u.c.k I was acting so crazy right now even though my goal was to conquer a Princess.

Well to that I'd have to say, you fools! This is a Princess! Normal methods were too lazy! She'd prolly seen a lot of good-lookin' dudes already as well!

To arouse the interest of a girl like this you had to make yourself different from all the others, understand? Had to stand apart from the rest.

And the persona of an eccentric Young Master was the perfect way to do that!

...Is what I liked to say but really I just got excited and took the shot without thinking.

But that logic probably did work, right? Whatever.

The Princess still looked reluctant but saw that I wasn't gonna back down. So instead of arguing she just took a position, notched the arrow, and aimed.

"....No, no, no, like this."

I came up behind her. "Legs shoulder length apart." I used my foot and put her legs at the right distance. " Stiffen your back. Lower your elbow."

The girl struggled to pull back the drawstring, which I expected, and was the whole reason I had her use the boy. She obviously had muscles as weak and squishy as jello.

Now then, kiddies, let me show you how to tame a Princess!

We'll just see how well she handles THIS technique!

***

I sorely underestimated the playboy talent Damien possessed.

This was the thought that ran through my head as his hands covered my own. The sudden warmth and intimacy caused me to stiffen up like a log.

This guy, such a despicable rogue! How can he just casually touch a young maiden like this?

And openly too, where anyone can stop and stare! So embarra.s.sing!

I could feel the bow shake as I struggled to concentrate.

But thought, why let this bother me? Didn't the previous conversation tell me the guy was just an airhead? Even though he's a natural playboy b.a.s.t.a.r.d, he probably doesnt even mean it!

And just look at his face, so serious and indifferent.

Since he doesnt mind, why should I? If it's only me being conscious of the situation it makes it look like I'm the one with a vulgar mind!

So, feign ignorance. Yes. Don't pay attention to anything else right now at all, simply focus on the target.

And I did.

I didn't notice at all how good he smelled or how much heat his body radiated in complete and pleasing contrast to the chilly winds.

Or how Alex looked at me in horror. Which reminded me, don't think I didn't hear what was said earlier, moss-hair! Touch our family's Alex and see what happens!

Woosh.

I didn't even wait to see it land, just stepped away and asked, "Are we done yet?"

"You don't wanna know your result?" He shot back.

And see how epically I failed? No thanks. I hated losing, especially at things I knew I weren't good at.

It's like you wanted to prove something by working harder at it but come up short despite your effort anyway.

The disappointment you saw in others when they expected more, or the gloating gleam you found in the winners, was too annoying to deal with.

But it's not like I DIDN'T try. I just hated the feeling of incompetence that came after.

A person should stick to the things they were had a talent in. Wasting time on something you knew you'd never get anywhere with was just pathetic and made you feel bad.

So no, I didn't want to see.

As someone who'd never picked up even a toy sword before, how would I do at this? Awful, I was certain.

I knew I'd be terrible at it but I still did it because at the very least I could say I didn't back down.

That's just how I was. m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic? Maybe. But I didn't want to become the kind of person who wouldn't at least try.

Besides.

A Princess didn't have to be good at everything, they just had to handle everything with dignity befitting their status.

So I didn't get frustrated. I just took a second to compose myself and shake my head.

"Not needed." I smiled. "A Lady has no time for rough play like this in any case, so it doesn't matter."

"Yeah, but you wanna be good at it."

"What? No I don't. "

"Yeah, but nah. You're a lion. And you're face says 'I wanna look,'"

"You're lying. Lying, I say."

"No, no, you're the lion, not me. You're thinking, 'I probably whiffed it, but maybe not?'"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Tsk, kids these days."

"You're a kid too!"

"Debatable. Regardless, I'm not the one who can't handle disappointment."

"What're you getting at?" I narrowed my eyes, not liking his condescending tone at all.

"You don't want to look just 'cause you're afraid you missed. But you can't be sure so you also want to look, you simply refuse to because you're being childish and don't want to feel like a loser for something you think you're not good at. Tsk, can't fool this big bro."

"Ridiculous." I snorted indignantly.

HOW DOES HE KNOW ALL THIS?!?!?!?!

Psychic, he's psychic, right?!

&^%*#!!

I was freaking out.

But calmly. With dignity.

Like a Princess.

...But he seriously can't read my mind, right?

"No, you're just easy to read."

He can!

"..."

"Jeez. Calm your t.i.ts, kid."

What a dirty thing to say!

"It's just an expression."

There! He did it again! He can read minds! The rumours were right, he really is a demon king!

"You just said that out loud. You understand that, right? That hurt my feelings, okay?" He flicked me on the forehead. It hurt.

"b.a.s.t.a.r.d."

Flick.

Hey! I'm a Princess, you know? A Princess! You can't just--!

Flick.

Are you ASKING for a beheading, huh, ya d.a.m.n dirty b-?

Flick.

"Ah!"

It hurts! It seriously hurts!

"Keep this up and my Devil's Left is going to have a new playmate, then you and Vee can compare notes. Now knock it off. Look." He pointed.

I rubbed my stinging war wound and begrudgingly followed his finger.

There, embedded in the head of human-like stuffed figure, was an arrow.

"...Huh." I muttered.

It hit.

It hit?

It hit!

"Feels good, right?"

Good? Good? Did he not see how far away that target was? Isn't it amazing? This is my first time, you know? It was more than good, it was awesome!

My heart swelled with pride. The pain was momentarily forgotten.

I, who'd never even held a toy sword, just launched an arrow through a dummy's head! What a perfect shot!

"It was okay." I replied evenly.

"Only okay, huh." He shrugged. " Alright" He turned away. "Well, let's move on to something e-"

"Who said you could leave? I need you to pull the string, you know? Let me show you how it's done, pleb. For my next feat I shall split the shaft with a new arrow and score yet another perfect shot."

Obviously I have a G.o.ds-given talent in archery.

You were so proud of a mere bird.

Hmph.

And you wanted me to practice on a dog.

Hmph!

....Forget a bird or a dog, should I go hunt a dragon?