TEARS OF A WOMAN 2 Chapter Two

The pain of losing Dave still tormented Susan, so she spent time lamenting, wis.h.i.+ng she was talking to him before he left to study abroad. If she could turn back the hand of the clock; If she could step back to yesterday; If she could go back to the past, she would have gone back to correct the mistake she made. She was sure the first mistake she would correct would be her shyness to approach Dave. She would be bold enough to confront her fear and doubt and say her mind; if things worked out fine, she would be happy forever. If they did not, she would know she tried.

Susan believed that sometimes nature was not fair. It might give one what they needed at the time they are not ready for it. Sometimes it favored others and hurt another, but such is life. As unpredictable as life is, sometimes it seemed it rob others to pay another.

Susan discovered that the type of friends she needed were not the type that came her way. As a young girl with a promising future, she thought she would get married to the man of her dreams, but she did not know the future had the opposite planned for her.

Life is a mystery one may never comprehend. Many times, Susan watched beautiful girls marry ugly guys, and she wondered if they had no choice. As she matured, her orientation and understanding of life changed; Susan believed that beauty or appearance had nothing to add to marriage.

Life taught her that everyone has expectations, but only G.o.d decides the person's fate. She kept asking herself where she missed it in life; her mind kept telling her it was when she lost Dave, but how could she be sure it was true? What if they were not meant to be? Most times, she would blame her beauty; she believed some men do not have the nerve to approach beautiful girls.

But Susan was not selective. She was sure of that, and she did not discriminate. She came from a very humble home.

She believed all men were divinely created. She could not remember saying she must marry a rich or handsome man. She extended hands of fellows.h.i.+p to any man who came her way; not that she was desperate, it was in her nature to be friendly to everyone, but nature did not smile on her. She wasn't lucky to have the right man. All the men that came to her were only interested in s.e.x.

Susan was not the type that had taste, although the problem of some ladies is either pride or high taste. She was not blessed with the type of man she wanted.

When she remembered her family background, she tried to find out why life was not favorable to her; if she was born in a wealthy family, she would at least be grateful for that, but she was born in a poor family and she did not have the type of man she dreamt of. Could it be she knocked at the great door thinking that what she was looking for might be there but failed to realize that the thing might be at the little door G.o.d opened? Was she ignorant of the fact that sometimes the little door leads to bigger ones because today's bigger fish was once a small fish? Her problem was the inability to socialize. She was shy.

Susan believed that since Dave did not approach her for a relations.h.i.+p, despite her beauty, he might be seeing another girl. When she saw how some girls clung to the men who abused them verbally, despite their sacrifice to make the relations.h.i.+p work, she wondered why men loved hurting the girls that loved them but went after those who disrespected them. "Is Dave one of those men who delight in hurting girls but cherish those that hurt them?" she mumbled while still battling with the thought of losing him.

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Susan's head pounded like the waves cras.h.i.+ng on the sh.o.r.e because of the many questions that had no single answer. Sometimes people like admiring what others have and ignoring what they have. She was pretty sure Dave was admiring her beauty but was not bold enough to make his intention known to her, and at the same time, Susan expected him to take a bold step and approach her; whenever she saw him in the company of girls, she would frown at him. She believed that was the only way she would express her feelings to him, but Dave did not notice it. Whatever Susan did to get Dave's either went unnoticed or he was just too shy.

Many ladies subject themselves to pressures to look beautiful, but only a few attract men for marriage while others end up being a s.e.x object. And one would wonder why the guy would not take a girl home but would take her to a hotel to be his s.e.x toy. Many men see ladies as good for friends.h.i.+p but not well for marriage. Susan did not want a s.e.x partner; she wanted a relations.h.i.+p that would last.

The greatest pain in life is having a man in your mind but not in your arms. It really hurts more when you see him in the arms of another woman. So, what's the essence of dying for a man you know you can't have in your arms? Susan had never been so lucky as to meet a man who knows how to treat a woman and makes her feel loved. All the while, she had been meeting the wrong few ones before she met another friend, Steve. But before then, she had been in different relations.h.i.+ps that never ended well. Some ended a few weeks after they started, and they always end abruptly as a result of one particular thing―s.e.x.

Everyone who came to her for a relations.h.i.+p ended up demanding s.e.x a few weeks after the relations.h.i.+p started. She thought they truly came for true love but not knowing their major reason was to have s.e.x with her and go, and when she refused, they would end the relations.h.i.+p and leave.

At some point, she started thinking that true love does not exist anymore until Steve came to her life and proved to her that true love still exists.

Within her, she believed that true love exists, but the few wrong men who came her way gave her reasons to start having doubts about it. Susan realized that when a man is interested in a girl, he may go to any length to have her. He will start preaching love to the girl, singing love songs which will make her start thinking he's different from the others, but when she gives him a chance to prove the love, he will end up demanding the same thing the last guy demanded, and that will leave the girl in the shadow of doubt whether true love still exist and they will begin to think if all men are the same.

As a woman who has seen the smartness of some men, where it took them a few seconds to turn to a poet when they see a woman. But she believed that turning to a poet was never a problem, sending text messages and calling a girl you are trying to win her heart of, every now and then might not be an issue, but doing the same thing that made her fall for you in the beginning is the way to keep her heart.

Despite what Susan experienced in her previous relations.h.i.+ps, she still believed true love still existed but it might be she has not been able to find the right one. But she discovered one thing in life: love comes to those who believe. She had every reason to accept that true love does not exist but, she never gave up. She knew to find the true love she was looking for that she must ask G.o.d for he will guide her one day.