What Every Fresher Needs To Know 8 Chapter 7: Friends To Avoid In This Phase Of Your Life

school days that he has lived to regret all of his life and you will discover that most of such were led to take such decisions by the people they call friends.

This is a common tale among undergraduates who had become the exact opposite of what they were before they gained admission into the higher inst.i.tution. It is always their friends that are the cause of their woes. If you too will be careful, you will not fall into the hands of such wrong a.s.sociation. It is not written on their heads though, but it is easy, very easy to identify them if you see them. Highlighted below is a number of ways you can identify some of these friends you will need to run away from on campus.

1. STUDENTS WHO ABSENT THEMSELVES FROM LECTURES

Some students naturally hate going for lectures. They prefer to stay in their rooms and sleep, watch television, listen to sport commentaries, read novels, chat with friends, or just doing nothing, rather than go for lectures.

They simply detest it. They use every slightest excuse to keep away from cla.s.s, and try to formulate reasons why they should not go for lectures when they have none. It is so bad that some of them do not even have the semester lecture timetable. Some others still do not try to copy the notes they missed later in the day. They feel that they can always catch up in the examination hall if they

can just spare a week or two before the examination day to go through lecture notes photocopied from cla.s.smates, or when they attend a few tutorial cla.s.ses.

However, they are always disappointed. Compressing sixteen weeks of cla.s.s work into two weeks is not always an easy task. You will find a lot of students who engage in this type of lifestyle. At the initial stage, probably your first few semesters, it will sound very strange to you. After spending some time on campus, you also may be bitten by the same bug. But I will encourage you never to allow it bite you because failure to attend cla.s.ses is the foundation of examination failure.

2. STUDENTS WHO DISCOURAGE OTHERS FROM PERSONAL STUDIES

The primary reason why every student is in school is because of his/her academics. Every other reason is secondary. You will think that since academic is the vital reason for being called a student, every student will take their academics with all seriousness. But it will surprise you to discover that majority of students on campus live their life as though their academics has nothing to do with their stay on campus and will really make no difference whether they pa.s.s or fail.

Although, this group of students may attend their lectures religiously as if to appease or bribe the G.o.d of examination success, they do not take time out for personal studies. They do not open their notes to read until few weeks before exams and they expect a miracle to happen in the examination hall. This is not possible. Every student should have a daily personal study time where he reads everything he is taught in cla.s.s during the day so as to commit and retain them to his memory. This

should be your lifestyle as a student too.

Intentionally create out time for personal study everyday. Any student who does not do this, and worse still, encourages others not to do it (by always discouraging them when reading) should not be one of your friends.

3. STUDENTS WHO ARE KNOWN FOR PARTYING & CLUBBING

Now that you have just enough freedom to do anything you want and go anywhere you want anytime you want without taking permission from anyone, you will discover that you really need more things to fill up your spare time. You will be surprised to find out that, whatever course you are studying in school, academics alone will not be sufficient enough to fill all of your time on campus.

You will always have ample spare time and you will need to engage in some sort of social activities to become a more balanced student. This is where clubs, parties, and other social functions come in.

This is the sincere truth, there is nothing wrong in joining a registered and legalized club on campus or attending morally certified parties in order to catch some fun. You really will miss a lot if you go through your stay on campus without attending at least one of the important ones; such as your Departmental Dinner, Faculty Award Night, Jambites' Welcome Party, Orientation Programme, Hall Week, Fellows.h.i.+p Love Feast, etc. But you will soon be doomed if you spend all your time

attending all the parties on campus.

You will find some students who take this as their hobby. They take their time to find out details about all the social gatherings that go on both in the school and its environs and make sure that they do not miss out on any one of them, whether they are invited or not. These ones prefer

to miss their lectures rather than miss a show.

If you have such as a friend, you can be sure that it will only take some time, your lifestyle will soon harmonize with his/hers, and that may be the beginning of your downfall.

4. STUDENTS WHO SMOKE & DRINK HEAVILY

It is not good to smoke; and everybody knows this. Those who smoke heavily also know this; this is why you cannot find any of them boast publicly of being smokers.

The government knows this, and so they do not encourage anybody to smoke in public places. The

manufacturers know this, and so they give enough warnings to the consumers of their products.

Several years ago, if you check every packet of cigarette carefully, you will find written on it, "the Federal Ministry of Health warns that Tobacco smoking is dangerous to your health". But of late the inscription has changed to "the Federal Ministry of Health warns that Tobacco smokers are liable to die young".

Everybody knows it is wrong to smoke; it is no secret. n.o.body wants to die young, not when the warning is coming from the Federal Ministry of Health. You then wonder why people still smoke! It is because it is addictive. It is an act you cannot easily break away from. Just taste it once, and then you are stuck. This is why, despite all the warnings, there are still so many people who are stuck to it and who finds it difficult to break themselves from its hold. Same goes for hot drinks and

alcoholic drinks.

You may not have tasted any of these two before now and you may hate those who do them, but your tolerance for them keep increasing the moment you begin to have smokers and drinkers as friends. With time, your defense breaks down and at such time you are likely to begin to see that it is not really very wrong to either smoke or drink. When you get to this stage, then you are already in

soup. So it is better not to go near anyone who drinks and smoke, than to believe you can always control yourself in their midst.

5. STUDENTS WHO ENGAGE IN CULTISM

The word 'Cult' and 'Cultism' may seem scary to you now. This is because you have not yet met too many people who are in cult. Your mindset before now is that most of the cultists on campus will be tough-looking, roughly-dressed, hard-faced and unnecessarily huge guys with scary face that could send one to the pit of h.e.l.l.

But you will soon be disappointed. One of the first few things you will discover in school is

that those who are in cult do not really look like cultist. They really do not look like social miscreants, mischief makers, or street urchins. They are nice looking, handsome guys. They dress so well, speak so nicely, walk so straight, look so innocent, and behave so gently that you think they are the nicest beings on earth. Do not be deceived by how they look, they are deadly.

Once you become a friend of one of them, you are likely to be invited to join their dark clubs where they hold their secret meetings. If you refuse to join willingly, they try to cajole you.

Whatever they promise you; wealth, fame, power, examination success, connections, babes, are all baits to cajole you into joining their evil groups. Do not fall for it. They may keep their words, but you will pay dearly for whatever they give to you. You will pay with your nose.

They will give you a painful initiation and give you a.s.signments that are difficult to carry out. You may even be required to shed the blood of other students, even your loved ones. Such violent activities are not strange among them. They punish you for every little offence, as little as absence from meetings, or refusal to carry out their a.s.signments, whatever your excuse. This is why you

need to be careful with who you befriend in school.

If the cajole does not work, they may decide to threaten you or sometimes force you. When it gets to this, it is better to report to the school authority if you do not want to lose your life.

This is why it is better you do not have any relations.h.i.+p with any of them so as to be on the fair side. Prevention is better than cure.

6. STUDENTS WHO HATE THEIR LECTURERS & COURSES

You can choose to hate anything or anyone you want to hate on your campus (although this is not advisable since the Greatest Book on earth teaches that we should all love one another) but never hate your lecturer or your course.

It is commonplace to find students who hate their lecturers with a pa.s.sion. They hate him so much that they do not want to attend his lectures. They may have genuine reasons for doing this; may be the lecturer is strict, harsh, nonchalant, or is known for dreadful disciplinary measures. Naturally, it is easier to fall in love with lecturers who are more understanding, more jovial, more accommodating,

more hospitable, and who can condone anything from students, including insults. Such lecturers, if there is any on your campus, will be the students' favourite.

Any lecturer who cannot shut his eyes to their unserious att.i.tude, accommodate their laziness, absence from lectures, lateness to cla.s.s, refusal to do a.s.signments and unruly behaviours in cla.s.s will definitely not be in students' good book, especially the unserious students.

Other students may still find a way of coping with such lecturers, but students who really are not too serious with their academics will find it seemingly impossible to live with their excesses, hence their hatred for them. So, if you have any of such cla.s.smates, you now know why he hates the innocent lecturer with such pa.s.sion.

Unknown to so many students, when you hate your lecturer, there is a high possibility that you will unconsciously transfer the same level of hatred to the course he teaches. These will invariably result in absence from his lectures or withdrawal from reading through his cla.s.s notes which eventually leads to poor preparation for, and poor performance in his examination, the consequence of which is failure.

So, be careful. When you notice a cla.s.smate has an intense hatred for a particular course or the lecturer who teaches the course, such is not a potential friend. Never make the mistake; he can transfer the hatred to you by constantly speaking evil of the lecturer in your ears every time until you begin to groom bitterness in your heart against the lecturer.

7. STUDENTS WHO ARE KNOWN FOR EXAMINATION MALPRACTICE

Examination malpractice is a serious issue in schools; it is not taken lightly. Anyone caught cheating in the examination hall may not go unpunished if found guilty by the school's disciplinary committee. The person could be suspended, rusticated or expelled from school

untimely.

What has this got to do with you? Being a close pal of such a person may incriminate you. Imagine if he calls you in the examination hall, you may feel guilt if you refuse to answer him at such dire moment, and you may get yourself into problem if you do. What if he pulls your cloth or he throws something at you in order to get your attention and an invigilator catches both of you?

Why will you want to befriend such a person when you know the odds against you are higher? Be a wise student.

8 . STUDENTS WHO DRESS NUDE & IMMORALLY

Every student must dress sensibly and morally. This is because you are from a responsible home and your parents will not expect you to do otherwise. Even if you claim not to be from a highly responsible home, you still desire to grow into a responsible adult and would not want the activities of your school days tarnish your future image.

Most students on your campus will not reason like this anyway. They will put on just anything. In fact, the more you bare, the more celebrated you become on our campuses today. How much pound of flesh you are willing to expose will determine how much accolade you get. This should not be encouraged. Most of these nude-dress-ideas are gotten from celebrities whose costumes are meant only for the musical videos or TV commercials for which they are used and not intended to be worn beyond the filming location. Some students see these commercials and begin to compete in order to outdo one another in showing off their underwear and baring their private parts. This is

madness of the highest order.

The school environment is neither a runway or fas.h.i.+on parade floor. So, indecent dressing should not be encouraged. If you have any friend who dresses this way, you are likely to join the chorus in no time. So, it is better to choose friends whose dress sense matches your moral value so you will not put yourself in temptation.

9. STUDENTS WHO DATE THEIR LECTURERS

Some students can do anything, just anything but the right thing for the sake of their academics. They are so wayward that they can sleep with their lecturers just because of a few extra marks or an opportunity to see the examination questions before the examination day. They become his bedmate and thereby service his s.e.xual urge constantly in order to get one favor or the other from him. Their school of thought is; you must use what you have to get what you need. This is not common to ladies alone, both parties do it.

This lifestyle is not ideal because of so many reasons:

One, they are risking their health and life. They can contact any of the STD's (s.e.xually Transmitted Diseases) since they are pa.s.sed from bed to bed (news will always flow around among young lecturers). Imagine how many lecturers one will have to sleep with if that is the only way you know to pa.s.s your examinations from your year one to your final year. Any reasonable student will admit that

it is better to sit down and study your books, rather than depending on lecturers to pa.s.s your exams.

Secondly, you will not give everybody a fair play ground in the examination hall since you have had access to the examination questions before them. This makes you a cheat. So, be careful; do not be a friend to such.

10. STUDENTS WHO ENCOURAGE ARISTOS

Some students are so crazy about money that they sell off their conscience in other to make it. Just for the sake of money, the desire to live a better life on campus, use a cell phone that their parents cannot afford to buy for them, drive a car that their parents will never hear about, or put on the latest of fas.h.i.+on wears, some decides to sleep around with adults who are old enough to be their parents.

These adults are called aristos in our schools today. Before now, they used to be addressed as Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mummies. But whatever designation they are given does not change the fact that the idea is not a good one. Why must you sleep around with people just in order to

live a higher life than you can really afford. That is deception of the greatest order. If you face your books squarely and you come out in flying colors, whatever level of life your parents cannot afford to give you today you will be able to afford once you begin to work. Then you would have forgotten all that you pa.s.sed through to get to where you are. But if you have had to sell your future because you want to be one of the happening guys/gals on campus, you will forever regret it in days to

come.

11. STUDENTS WHO SLEEPS WITH JUST ANYBODY

Bizarre as it may sound, some students are like this. They could be males or females. They sleep with just any student as long as the other party is willing to do same with them. They have no special preference, no likes or dislikes; all they need is just someone to abuse them, or someone they can abuse. Some of them can even decide to **** a member of the opposite s.e.x simply because there is no one around that is willing to satisfy their urge.

They really do not do this for any gain, financial or education. They only do it for the fun of it initially until their s.e.xual urge becomes so uncontrollable that they want it every now and then. They fall in and out of love so fast and change their bedmates as though they are changing bed sheets.

You really do not need any prophet to tell you that such a person is not a potential friend. Close friends.h.i.+p with such can destroy your life.

12. STUDENTS WHO SLEEPS WITH SAME s.e.x

You definitely have heard about lesbians and h.o.m.os.e.xuals, but you really may not have met any. In the next few years of your stay on campus, you will meet as many as possible. You will meet so many that you will think your campus is their breeding ground.

Contrary to what you think, they may not even hide their ident.i.ty. They may not be ashamed to admit it. They feel it is normal to be. You really may not have a problem with what someone else does with his own life; it is a free world. But this is where the problem lies; they do not keep their acts to themselves. They keep looking out for greenhorns like you to initiate into their caucus.

They may not walk up to you and scream to your face that "I am gay, come be my pal". They come closer to you by being extra nice and friendly. Once you approve of their friends.h.i.+p, then they begin to introduce to you their deadly venom. If you have been deceived up till this point, the earlier you call it quits the better for your future.

13. STUDENTS WHO DO NOT SHARE YOUR VISION

You really crave to make a success out of your stay on this campus. This I am sure of. At least, for you to have bought a book with this t.i.tle and to have gotten this far reading it proves to me that you really desire to be very serious with your academics so that you can graduate in flying colors. I will not be too surprised if your target is to leave this school with a first cla.s.s, or worse case, second

cla.s.s upper.

Quote me any day any time: Graduating with a first cla.s.s on this campus is very possible, no matter what someone else has told you, especially if you are able to lay the right foundation at this early stage. All you need to do is take your academics seriously, attend your lectures religiously, observe a daily personal study time and manage your time well. (Most of these things are discussed extensively in my other books and it will be needless to repeat them here. Go get a copy.)

You want to leave this school in flying colors; that is a commendable and achievable vision. But do not be carried away with the thought that all the fresh students you see on campus share your vision. Some of them have not even given their academics a thought talk-less of knowing what to graduate with.

Some of them are in school to pursue campus politics, some to become campus businessmen, campus models, campus celebrities, campus cultists, campus pastors, campus terrorists, etc, and their mind is made up. This is their vision, and this is what they pray to achieve before graduating from school. Whether they pa.s.s out or fail out does not make any difference to them. As long as they achieve their aim, they are okay.

"Two people cannot walk together unless they agree", says The Great Book. You cannot be a friend to students who do not share your vision and still achieve the vision.

It is not possible. One vision will have to die for another to live, and most times, the good one dies.

This is why you need to carefully check if your vision aligns with the vision of those you want to make friends with so that they do not cause you to derail. A word is enough for the wise.

14. STUDENTS WHO MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR

All fingers are not equal. This is a known fact to everyone. However, a school environment is not a place where any student will want to intimidate, embarra.s.s, or molest another with his clothing, wears, phone, laptop, sound system, his father's wealth and fame or whatever.

Everyone should live together in unity and self respect. You will likely find on your campus some students who are so materialistic, so much so that they not only boast of their father's possession but also try to oppress others with it. They feel they should command extra respect from their mates simply because they always have more to spare, and they always demand for the respect when

not given.

This is not a good way to treat others. Students who behave like this have what is called superiority complex and will want to do anything to make others bow to them. If you notice such att.i.tude in any of your roommates or cla.s.smates, it is time to begin to define your relations.h.i.+p with such before you get hurt.

STUDENTS WHO ARE LAZY

You will find a group of students who are so lazy that the only thing they want to do on campus is only eat and sleep. They only force themselves to attend lectures and tutorials once in a while. Their problem is procrastination. They postpone everything they need to do for no just cause. They will

not go for their practical sessions, they do not attend laboratory sessions, they do not go for annual lectures and seminars, they do not go to the library for researches; they only eat and sleep. They spend more time on eating and sleeping than they spend on all academic-related

work put together.

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These students do not even take their time to do their a.s.signments. They keep procrastinating until the morning of the submission day when they just pick a cla.s.smate's book, copy the solution to the question word for word and then run to submit at the last minute. When you become a friend to such you begin to toil a path that leads to examination failure.

STUDENTS WHO DO NOT CONCENTRATE IN CLa.s.s

It is one thing to attend your lectures religiously. It is another to concentrate in cla.s.s. It is possible to sit in cla.s.s, stare at the board, listen to the lecturer, and not hear anything said or see anything written. You may be physically present but thousands of miles away from the cla.s.s in the spirit. This is a serious issue.

Aside being physically present but being lost in thought, which do happens to everyone once in a while and should not create any course for alarm unless it occurs repeatedly and uncontrollably, there is this group of people who intentionally come to cla.s.s to disturb the peace of the

cla.s.s. They make low disturbing noises to distract the lecturers or scream during the lectures. They throw things at the lecturer, or even pa.s.s impolite comments to distract both the students and the lecturers. Some of them may even decide to ask questions from the lecturer that have no relevance with the topic under discussion all in a bid to disrupt the cla.s.s.

These ones have made up their minds not to learn anything in cla.s.s, so many of them have alternative ways by which they pa.s.s their tests and examinations. So, their aim is to make as many people lose concentration in cla.s.s. They are always easy to know. Most times, you find them at the back of the lecture theatres. You will need to consciously decide not to join their group or else, before you know it, you will be numbered among them.

STUDENTS WHO FIGHT AND MAKE TROUBLES

If you think the operations of thugs and hooligans are limited to area boys in the garage, you are in for a surprise. You will soon discover that, there are, right there on your campus, and even in your hostels, students who are better addressed as hoodlums and criminals. They engage in all manner of things that qualifies them to be called touts. They are alutconscious, troublefriendly students who will do all in their power to disrupt the smooth academic calendar of the school. They are never interested in any academic work. They spend more time in organizing alutas and fomenting troubles than in studying. All they are interested in is troublemaking. They are terrors and oppressors on campus. They take offence at the least provocation from either the school authority or the student body to organize a campus wide 'aluta' (protests) which may last for days, weeks, and sometimes, months. During these times, no lecture holds in the cla.s.srooms. At times, it may even lead to the

closure of the entire school.

When you become a friend to such, there is a very high probability that you will be lured into their group.

STUDENTS WHO HAVE NO RELATIONs.h.i.+P WITH G.o.d

This is the greatest mistake any student can make; to think that you can go through school without a

supernatural a.s.sistance. You will always need G.o.d more than every other thing in order to survive on campus. You cannot do without Him. If He is interested in you, then you should also be interested in Him. He does not need you, but you will always need Him. This is why you must be genuinely interested in Him. Look for a fellows.h.i.+p where you can wors.h.i.+p and serve Him in whatever capacity you feel best.

You will see a lot of other students who really do not give a d.a.m.n whether there is a G.o.d or not. Do not make close friends.h.i.+p with them: It may rub off on you. You really do not know what kind of powers their parents have given them to fortify them before leaving home for school. So

do not desire to be like them. Your relations.h.i.+p with G.o.d will benefit you on campus and beyond. He will see to it that you live a peaceful life on campus and that you graduate well and in record time.

He will also see to it that you do not suffer even after graduating. Those who remember G.o.d on campus are not neglected by G.o.d outside campus. The things that your colleagues labour for will be given to you by favour because of your relations.h.i.+p with Him. You may do without any other thing, but you cannot succeed without a relations.h.i.+p with the one who created the heavens and the earth. This is why you must intentionally keep away from every one who discourages your relations.h.i.+p with Him. This is because with G.o.d, you have nothing to lose.

Final Word

Virtually, all of the problems you will face on campus will in a way be traceable to your a.s.sociation with the wrong set of people. Likewise, most of the successes and achievements you will celebrate will be as a result of the quality of the relations.h.i.+p you keep with students with

quality characters. This is why you need to be selective in your choice of a.s.sociation. Be careful who you a.s.sociate with and who you identify as friends. Do not just call everybody your friend; define every relations.h.i.+p.

This is why the English dictionary has a word for every relations.h.i.+p. The fact that someone is in your cla.s.s does not make him your friend; he is your cla.s.smate. That you share the same room does not make her your friend; she is your roommate. That you live in the same area at home does not make him your friend; he is your neighbour.

There are other words that define relations.h.i.+ps, words like housemate, hallmate, cellmate, birthdaymate, etc. Do not let your friends choose you; choose your friends. Friends.h.i.+p is by choice, not by force. Do not let any son or daughter of Belial impose himself on your life. Break up all unprofitable relations.h.i.+ps. Stop every wrong a.s.sociation before it stops you. Send packing any friend

whose way of life does not really tally with your morals before he blurs your vision and dampen your zeal.

Intentionally plant yourself in the midst of those whose ground will favour your spiritual growth and edify your faith the more. This factor is an important one in being a success on campus.