BL - One Night In Pingjing 57 The Universe Has Been Kind To Me, My Left Foo

With the speed of light, he turned off his shower, threw a towel around his waist and hurried to get the door.

Xiao Maiguo gawked at Xuan Chaya's tight abdomen. Stupidly, he commented, "Wow! You're hotter than I remember."

Unperturbed by the comment, Xuan Chaya crossed his arms and tilted his chin at Xiao Maiguo. "You b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Where have you been?"

Xiao Maiguo forced himself through Xuan Chaya's door and sat down on a couch in the living room. "With my boyfriend, obviously."

Xuan Chaya closed the door and sat on the coffee table so Xiao Maiguo was directly opposite him. He pointed his pointer finger to his temple and moved it around in a circular motion. "He probably f.u.c.ked your brains out of your skull. That's why you didn't remember to turn on your phone."

Xiao Maiguo smirked and raised a brow at Xuan Chaya. "You were the one who advised me to turn it off because of Ben. Why are you so mad? Don't tell me you missed me that much."

"Miss you? What do I need you for? And it seems your boyfriend isn't that smart."

"What are you saying? He's the most intelligent person I know."

"And he didn't think it suspicious your phone was turned off for... How many weeks?"

Xiao Maiguo rolled his eyes. "Man, it's not even up to four days. What's eating you up? Plus, I told him it was turned off so my family wouldn't disturb me."

"Don't tell me your family hasn't heard from you since you walked ditched their reunion dinner."

Xiao Maiguo raised a brow. "Hmm."

Xuan Chaya sighed. "When will you stop being such an unfilial son?"

"They're used to it." Xiao Maiguo shrugged. "Actually, they'd be surprised if I wasn't so unfilial."

Xuan Chaya shook his head.

Xiao Maiguo leaned against the couch and spread his arms. "So tell me, how did the reunion dinner go?"

"Bite me, Xiao Maiguo."

"What? Why are you so irritable this early in the morning? Are you seeing your period or something?" Xiao Maiguo sat up and pointed a finger at him. "Don't tell me you're now engaged to Xiao Yuexi."

Xuan Chaya sighed. "I'll tell you what happened. I walked into your grandfather's mansion. The dinner hadn't began and my father was trying to coax me into sitting beside your cousin. Then, I looked both of my parents in the eye and told them that I'm gay."

"You're s.h.i.+tting me." Xiao Maiguo chuckled loudly.

"No. No, I'm not."

"So, what happened?"

"My mum pulled me by the hand and led me outside. Then she asked me if I was serious. I told her I was."

"No way!"

"Yes. I can't be honest with her. She tells my f.u.c.king father everything."

"She believed you?"

"She asked why I didn't come out to her earlier. That I knew she would support me all the way. Then I told her that I knew she'd be interested in who I was seeing if I told her.

"She asked why I wouldn't want her to know that. And I said that that's because he wants our relations.h.i.+p to be a secret." Xuan Chaya stood up and started pacing the living room as he spoke. "She asked who he is and where I met him. I said we met on Facebook, then we found out we attended the same college."

"You said he's Chinese?" Xiao Maiguo guessed.

"Yes."

"So, you told her you and Lily's story?"

Xuan Chaya stopped pacing to reply. "That's the only real relations.h.i.+p I've had. It's not surprising it would inspire my false story, is it?"

Xiao Maiguo nodded in understanding. "So, what happened next?"

Xuan Chaya returned to the coffee table. "My mum took me by the hand, looked into my eyes and promised me that the only way I would marry Xiao Yuexi would be over her dead body. But then, I should stop being a stranger and bring my boyfriend to her over the weekend."

"So, you have to take your boyfriend to see your mum over the weekend?" Xiao Maiguo asked with a smirk on his face.

"No. I told her he was with his family for the holidays. So, he won't be free until after the holidays."

"Meaning, after the holidays, you have to take your boyfriend to see your mum."

"Meaning I'm screwed."

Smirking, Xiao Maiguo asked, "Because you don't have a boyfriend?"

"Yes, Captain Obvious, because I don't have a boyfriend. And it's all your fault."

"What did I do?"

"You were the one who asked me to tell them I was gay."

"Yes, I did. And that worked out well. I never asked you to tell them you have a boyfriend. You screwed yourself all by yourself, don't put the blame on me."

Xuan Chaya scratched his head. "I freaked out and thought saying I had a boyfriend would make it more believable."

"Well, it's more believable, alright. Except now, you actually need to introduce him to your mother."

"Yep." Xuan Chaya sighed. "But you're here now. I'm not all that worried anymore."

Xiao Maiguo raised a brow. "You should still be worried. Was I supposed to bring you a boyfriend on my way here?"

"No. But, I'll tell Charlotte you are my boyfriend. And that I didn't want to tell her it was you because you are shy."

"So, you're saying you want me to pretend to be your fake boyfriend."

"Yes."

Xiao Maiguo shook his head. "I'm not going to do that."

"Why not?"

"Because my family knows my boyfriend and I can't risk him hearing anything about this mess."

"Come on, man. When you two get together, you can explain the whole situation to him."

"No. I can't put my relations.h.i.+p at risk for any reason. I'm in love with him."

"I'm your best friend. Are you really choosing some other guy over me?"

"Xuan Chaya, he is my boyfriend."

"So, you're choosing hoes over bros?"

"Dude, not cool." Xiao Maiguo glared at Xuan Chaya in disapproval.

Xuan Chaya sighed in frustration. "f.u.c.k. What am I going to do now?"

"You told Aunty Charlotte you met him on Facebook."

Xuan Chaya nodded.

"Why don't you go on Facebook to look for a fake boyfriend then?"

"You want me to go on Facebook and start asking other men if they'll go out with me?"

Xiao Maiguo thought about it for a moment. Realizing what a terrible idea it was, he placed his pointer finger on his lips and thought up another idea. After a minute, he said. "Fine. How about this? You ask out a guy on a dating website. Those are people already looking for a fling or a committed relations.h.i.+p. You just ask someone looking for a committed relations.h.i.+p to be your boyfriend. It won't be as weird as asking someone on Facebook."

Xuan Chaya snickered. "Genius. If I do find someone on a dating website, what makes you think anyone would agree to be some stranger's fake boyfriend?"

"You don't need to tell them you're looking for a fake boyfriend."

"So, you want me to look for someone who's looking for a commited relations.h.i.+p and just play with their feelings?"

Xiao Maiguo sighed at the rejection of his second idea. After a pensive moment, he snapped his fingers. "Pretty woman."

"The movie? What does it have to do with this?"

"In pretty woman, Julia Roberts plays a prost.i.tute who's paid to pretend to be that hot billionaire's boyfriend. I can't seem to remember his name."

"Are you suggesting I pay a male prost.i.tute to pretend to be my boyfriend?"

"Yes." Xuan Chaya nodded. "Great idea, right?"

"You think hiring someone with such a dirty profession to hold my hands and hug my mother is a great idea?"

"You don't need to sound so disgusted. Escorts are people too."

"I'm not denying that. They're just people I don't ever want to a.s.sociate with. I'm sorry if this doesn't sound tolerant or modern, but I have a very strong aversion to those kind of people."

Xiao Maiguo sighed again. He was on the verge of giving up. Left to him, those last two ideas were great. Thinking about it, a fourth idea crossed his mind. This time around, he was sure Xuan Chaya would agree to it. With a big smirk on his face, he said. "I have another 'genius' idea. But before I say anything, I want to eat pizza."

"When you find me a sensible solution to this mess you put me in, I'll take you out and you can have all the pizza you want."

"You can place an order for it."

"Tell me your idea first."

"Fine. I'm not telling you my idea. And I swear, you'll like it."

"You know I can still beat you up, right?" Xuan Chaya threatened.

"I would like to see you try."

Frustrated, Xuan Chaya screamed. "Jeez! Just tell me your idea, man."

"Pizza." Xiao Maiguo replied. Unperturbed.

"Fine. You call them, I'll pay." Xuan Chaya said and started to walk towards his bedroom.

"Where are you going?"

"What do you think? I'm going to get dressed."

Xiao Maiguo nodded and proceeded to place an order for pizza delivery.

When Xuan Chaya returned, he sat on beside Xiao Maiguo and asked, "So, what's your idea?"

"Go on a dating website. Look for someone looking for a committed relations.h.i.+p. Then pay them to pretend to be your boyfriend."

Xuan Chaya smiled at the thought. "That's actually a great idea."

"It is. People would sell their dignity for money." Xiao Maiguo said.

"Well, I'm a businessman. You could think of it as a business transaction more than someone selling their dignity. I want something, I pay for it to the person who has what I want."

Xiao Maiguo shook his head. "Whatever floats your boat, man."

"So, what dating site should I use?"

"Nanpengyou."

"Boyfriend?"

"Basically. It's the most popular gay dating site in China at the moment. Try it."

"It's surprising that you know this. With all of your smugness about being in a serious relations.h.i.+p."

"There are just some things you know. Just be grateful that the universe has been kind of you by sending you a friend like me and download the Mobile App so you can start searching for your fake soulmate."

Xuan Chaya sneered at Xiao Maiguo. "A friend who always somehow manages to get me in trouble. The universe has been kind to me, my left foot."