Humanity Online: World Sanctuary 32 Legendary Dinner

"Whoops," I sort-of apologize. "Guess magic's not so hard after all."

The Chief stares, unblinking.

"So...dinner, yeah?"

Still nothing. No words, no blinks.

My eyes start watering, and I blink rapidly, in that awful heads.p.a.ce where I can't stop thinking about my own blinking.

Unnerved by the Chief's continued silence, I take off for tree casa de Wife Number Three.

Eventually, Tarabu catches up, and by the time the welcoming glow of the hut comes into view, he seems to have gotten over whatever the h.e.l.l got his panties in a bunch.

Dina sees us as soon as we enter. She beams us with a sweet smile. It's as fake as her programmed t.i.ts, but both look impressively real. "Glad you came, Hot Pink Hero!"

I put my fists on my hips, a modern-day Captain Underpants. "Guess it's your lucky day."

Tarabu hugs her and wanders off to join the rest of the family.

The second he's gone, Dina's extrwide smile disappears, replaced by her usual smirk of disdain.

I think I prefer the smirk, to be honest.

"You're the one lucky enough to be invited," she scoffs.

I roll my eyes. "Sure, sure. Better be one h.e.l.luva delicious omelette."

"You doubting my precious baby sister's cooking?" a 2-meter-tall giant booms from the doorway behind me. He slings his heavy, muscly arm around my shoulders, and I have to check my HP for damage.

"You're late, Kaneki," one of the shorter sisters says to the giant as she saunters over. Behind her, I see a long dining table laden with food.

Kaneki leans more of his weight on me. My Strength stat barely keeps me standing. "I've arrived at the perfect time to save our dear Dina from this fiendish rapscallion," he says.

The sister and I snort.

Kaneki squeezes my shoulder. Hard. I lose 1 HP.

I shouldn't be surprised it takes all of ten seconds for Dina's family to do what a Level 25 Boss couldn't.

I hope some of the food has health recovery properties.

The sister slaps Kaneki's arm, and tugs him down so she can grab him by the pointy part of the ear. "Like Dina needs saving from anyone. Now put away that sister complex. You're scaring our guest."

While hauling the pained Kaneki away by the ear, she gestures for me to find a seat.

Bemused and slightly scared of the short tengu woman, I take the seat Tarabu pulls out for me, next to him. I groan when Dina takes the seat on my other side, but I try to cover it with a cough when I catch Kaneki's death glare.

Dina kicks my ankle under the table anyway.

I jostle her arm while she drinks, dribbling spiced cranberry cider down her chin.

She retaliates by pretending to stretch and dropping a slimy mushroom down the back of my s.h.i.+rt.

I flick a pea down her cleavage.

She doesn't even notice, which means I win.

Ah, this feels nostalgic. I miss childhood dinners with my sister Xiuying.

The rest of the family keeps up boisterous conversation the entire meal. They discuss the "Tumult in the Realms," as they call the general unrest and turbulence the game designed for the players to resolve. They provide a few clues about the mobs (monsters) in Realm One, but nothing seems too different from the beta.

When they're not clearly acting the part of Guide NPCs, the family interacts so normally, it's almost unnerving. The siblings rib each other, laughing and hollering, and they boost each other up at the same time they shoot digs to make sure their siblings don't get too c.o.c.ky.

All four parents show distinct parenting styles. Mom One laughs and teases just as hard as the kids. Mom Two (short sister's mother) is the one who can stop a fight with a single word or stern look and keeps things in check. Mom Three is the "Everyone play nice now!" parent who keeps making the siblings apologize and does the "Now say one nice thing about your brother," bit. Tarabu interjects here and there, but mostly quietly observes it all with a gentle, indulgent smile on his wrinkled face.

If it weren't for the wings and Mom One and her children having beaks and bird claw feet, I'd seriously wonder if these NPCs weren't real, sentient beings.

As the meal goes on, however, I notice that there seems to be an unspoken rule: for all the ribbing and teasing, Dina's never really a target. The rest of the family babies her and showers her with praise, but otherwise, she's left out of the constant sibling battles of wit.

I call her an airhead and steal the last dumpling off her plate, you know, to help her feel part of the group.

When most of the food has disappeared, Tarabu clinks his cup and draws our attention. "It's wonderful to be surrounded by family and enjoying such delicious food. And this dinner is made even better by the inclusion of a very special guest."

"Hmph," Kaneki grunts, face set in a skeptical scowl.

Without looking away from her father, Kaneki's short sister stabs him with a meat fork.

Kaneki's eyes water as he pulls the two-tined utensil out of his hand. He's actually bleeding a little; tiny tengu lady's strength stat must be even higher than her mountain of a brother's.

This family takes adorable sibling hijinks to a different level.

Oblivious (or just so used to it he no longer bothers commenting), Tarabu continues, "I would like to formally introduce our guest of honor for this evening. This is the Hero of Ages, Erebus!"

He claps me on the shoulder as the rest of the family nods and smiles in my direction. I blush from all the attention, until I see the usual smirk on Dina's face and the glower on Kaneki's. Their derision calms me.

"Before he takes off on his greatest of all adventures to save the world from the Tumult and become the Hero of the Realms, we have a special gift for him. This omelette was specially prepared by our lovely Dina," Tarabu beams at Dina, proud as a peac.o.c.k.

I stick my tongue out at her when he's not looking.

Dina crosses her eyes at me and then smiles as she stands up to serve the magically still-warm dish. "These eggs were procured by me after great hards.h.i.+p—"

"Coughbulls.h.i.+tcough," I pretend-cough into my cup.

"—and as everyone knows, legend tells of the wonderful magical properties these eggs provide us tengu," she finishes without a pause.

"I know the properties change depending on how well they're prepared. How'd you do, Baby D?" one of her older sisters asks.

I shoot her my most annoying smirk and silently mouth, "Baby D?"

Her cheeks turn pink and she avoids looking at me. I laugh.

"What're you laughing at, knave?" Kaneki growls. I can't help but wonder what the dev who designed his speech patterns and insults was thinking. "I'm sure my baby sister did an amazing job!"

"I did," Dina says, half-proud, half-annoyed by her family. "I've created the best possible meal! Eating this guarantees a 90% Chance for Great Luck and a 9% Chance for Prime Luck!"

Murmurs and exclamations of excitement fill the room. Apparently, Dina really isn't useless; sounds like the best most people can hope for is 90% Good Luck, 9% Great. Prime Luck seems particularly amazing; it permanently increases your Luck stat and has an active Luck Skill that can triple your good luck for short periods of time. Great Luck is solid, too, though, since it grants a tengu unbeatable luck for 72 hours and a 3-time-use active Luck Skill.

Dina's siblings discuss the big plans and adventures they want to try out once they score the luck boost. I can't help but be swept up by everyone's excitement, too, and I envision myself using my amazing new luck to beat the whole game and score the best pants—I mean, gear—and for a quick second, I even envision the super s.e.xy female player from the beta (the one who stabbed and electrocuted the sleazy dude in the Battle Arena) falling head over heels for me, Erebus, G.o.d of Viren's Refuge...

I rub my hands together in antic.i.p.ation and grab my chopsticks, ready to eat my way to good fortune!

Dina serves everyone a small portion of the omelette, and one at a time, each family member takes a bite and reveals what luck they received.

Unsurprisingly, most of the family acquires the 90% Chance Great Luck. In fact, every one of Dina's parents and siblings do so. But Dina's the extra lucky one for the evening; she takes one big bite of egg, and a golden glow surrounds her. 9% Chance Prime Luck.

d.a.m.n.

I feel like she's taken all the good juju, and I'm going to be stuck with Great Luck. I know statistics don't actually work like that, but it feels like they do.

Once Dina stops glowing and her family stops congratulating her on her amazing luck and overall wonderfulness (that part takes a lot longer than the glowing), I'm ready for my fortune. I'm last to go, so everyone is intensely staring at me. I've never felt more pressure to not drop food off my chopsticks.

"Mmmmm," I can't help but vocalize how freaking delicious these eggs are. This is the most perfect omelette that anyone has ever eaten. It tastes so amazing, I know my luck must be just as good as Dina's.

I'm wrong.

*Ding!*

[You have acquired {FICKLE FORTUNE}! For the next 72 hours, the Whimsy of Fortune will follow you! Whether this leads you to marvelous treasure or a woeful end, who can say?
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Active Skill: Erratic Luck - Once per day, you can bestow Erratic Luck upon one person (could be yourself). For an hour, the person will experience either incredible luck or miserable misfortune, or possibly, something in between.]

1% Chance.

Shoulda known.

My first day in Realm One is going to be interesting...