Irium 26 Privileges

Ten minutes have pa.s.sed since that time. Ever since I got Dues ex machina right on the first guess and spoiled his smug mood, Danny has kept silent like some kind of stupid, little, anime kid. Well, not that I don't understand how it spoils the mood when someone guesses the right answer to a question you thought they won't be able to answer. Still, he needs to stop making n.o.bita faces here. I mean, at the start I had activated Reverse UNO 'trap' card and was feeling bad for him like s.h.i.+zuka does (I don't even know what that card actually does, if it even really exists; but I'm a fictional character so you can't do anything to me). But at this point, I have deactivated it (i.e., I have stopped holding my impulses) and have basically become Suneo – barely holding my laughter in right now.

"By the way," I try to strike up a conversation to distract myself from the urge to laugh, "How long will it take to reach the place we are going to?"

We are in a car. From the fact that we are both high-school students, you can guess that neither of us is old enough to have a license. So, obviously, we are breaking some pretty d.a.m.n important laws right now. But regardless, we had to do it for the sake of the benefits it offers, like radio channels where a b.o.o.b joke comes every minute - no, I mean, the speed. Yes, the speed that a car offers is far greater than anything we may have been able to manage on our own. Of course, that's the actual reason for stealing a car.

"How long are you going to sulk?" I ask in disappointment after realizing that no response came by the time I finished monologuing an entire paragraph. "I mean, it's not like you were suddenly going to stop being the comic-relief-character who needs to be made fun of for the sake of the story. You were bound to have an experience or two like that sooner or later."

"Tsk!" Danny clicks his tongue and says, "Comic-relief-character is a term for those stories that aren't just comedy themselves."

Well, he has a point but we are straying from the topic by talking about stuff like that. And I like to stick to the topic, unless I get an urge to give a reference, which happens every other minute. Anyway,

"How long, Danny?" How long till we reach the destination?

"10."

"Miles?"

"Nope."

"Kilometers?"

"Nope."

"Minutes?"

"Nope."

Yare! Yare!

I have a bad feeling about this. While I think that, I find myself casually flying off to b.u.mp into the headliner.

b.u.mP!

"OW!" I say while holding my head in pain.

"Sorry about that." He says in a not-sorry-at-all voice, "I meant 10 seconds."

*****

Ten minutes have pa.s.sed since that time. Ever since I took my revenge against him by making his head b.u.mp into the headliner, Irium has kept silent like some kind of stupid, little, anime kid. Well, not that I don't understand how it spoils the mood when someone does something like that to take out their own frustration and make your good mood turn sour. Still, he needs to stop making n.o.bita faces here. I mean, at the start I had activated Reverse UNO 'trap' card and was feeling bad for him like s.h.i.+zuka does (I also don't even know what that card actually does, if it even really exists; but I'm a fictional character too so you can't do anything to me). But at this point, I have deactivated it (i.e., I have stopped holding my impulses) and have basically become Suneo – barely holding my laughter in right now.

"You are never getting monologue privileges again, you b.a.s.t.a.r.d! You are just copying my lines." He says with a dejected face.

I don't know if his n.o.bita mood is still there or not. And as I wonder about that while we are in the lift, heading down the 10th underground floor,

"People aren't enjoying your monologues, get out of here!" he says like the tyrant of a protagonist he is.

*****

Okay, now I'm back to monologue like I should have been throughout. I don't even know where the author's brain went when he decided to give this idiot the right to monologue, but it seems he regained his cerebral capabilities.

Good, good! You can't do this kind of thing in that A High Kick's Harlot Dream or whatever it is called. Don't lose your brain or Irium will remain the only story you'll able to write, author!

"b.a.s.t.a.r.d! Have you no heart? Let me, one of the most important characters of the story, have monologuing privileges sometimes."

"Being the Leorio for my Gon does not make you an important character, idiot!" I chide him with my arms folded, "You need to be as well as written as Leorio to have importance."

And yes, Leorio is a well-written character. Fight me!

"Maybe you can become as well-written as Gon and then act all high and mighty." He chides me back, also with folded arms.

"Sorry, the author isn't that capable!" I say in a grim voice as the words of truth escape my mouth.

We look at each other as we realize that neither of us can reach the level of those two and, we go to the corner and crouch down in despair as a funny sound effect echoes in our mind.

Actually, why are we doing this? Why does any anime character, when they get depressed, first go to the side, then crouch down and then keep sitting in that position. What is with this weirdness, d.a.m.nit!?

And then we suddenly hear from our back, a voice of an adult woman,

"EH!" she says in surprise as she looks at us. "What the heck are you two doing in my elevator?"

Whoever this woman is, she has some guts to talk to us when we are depressed like this.

"What do you mean 'your elevator'?" Danny says with a cold expression without even bothering to look at her.

"Huh, is this elevator owner by your grandma or something?" I say coldly and abusively, also without bothering to look at her.

"Uh, well," the woman, in response to the two strikes that have been made, with the pressure of the third strike happening rising on her, says, "Yes, my grandma is the one who technically owns this elevator."

Wait! What!?

We look back to see the face of the woman we just casually tried to verbally abuse and,

"Ah, well," to the angry face of the woman, Danny replies in a nervous voice, "How's it going, Dues-san?"

*****