Her. Part 22

"Great!" Lexus grabbed my arm and pulled me along.

When we were outside, John pointed to a s.h.i.+ny, black, 1967 Ford Mustang that was parked in our driveway. Lexus gasped and let out a scream.

"s.e.xy!" she commented. "Is that yours, John?"

"That's your dad's. Right, John?" I said to take the attention off Lexus.

"Yeah," John told me. "He said I can drive it and see if it grows on me. I might get to keep it after I graduate."

"That would make a hot graduation present," Lexus charmingly expressed. She walked over to the cla.s.sic vehicle and stared at it admiringly. As we checked out the exterior of the car, I could feel John's eyes beaming towards me. Lexus didn't seem to notice. She seemed to be enamored with John's car. She ohhed and aahed and rubbed it like it was a kitten. I thought the car was going to start purring because of how she was fawning all over it.

"Can I?" she asked John with her hand on the door.

"Sure, but watch the interior," John warned. "My dad had it detailed."

Lexus hopped into the front seat. John laughed. He looked away from Lexus and back over at me. I was smiling on the outside and nervous on the inside. I could see that he liked Lexus. Everybody liked Lexus. She had that kind of effect on people, especially guys. Why would John be any different? I wanted to disappear.

"Kristen," he called out to me. "Come here. I want to show you something."

I followed John to the trunk of the car, which he opened with a big, convincing smile on his face. When he pulled out the large and bright kite, I had to cover up my huge smile. He rubbed his hands gently over the red, white, and blue, American Flag-designed kite. Then, he turned to me. His eyes were bright and gleaming with the sun beaming down on him. He looked like some kind of beautiful creature that had fallen from heaven.

With sweet eyes and that wonderful smile he asked, "Kristen, will you fly this kite with me?"

I knew something had changed for the better. Uncontrollable feelings of fear, love, strength, and want spilled inside of me. I felt a little bit of those overwhelming emotions squeeze out of one tear from my left eye. I couldn't speak. I just nodded.

He stepped in close to me and whispered in my ear.

"Thank you for what you said to me, Kristen. You reminded me of something really important."

I remained closed to him, and whispered back, "What, John?"

He chuckled, and said, "You reminded me of what's most important. Not to be afraid, and just do it."

I turned my head slowly towards him. He didn't move. Our foreheads touched and our eyes met. It felt like we were magnets. There was an invisible force keeping us close together. We were so close that, if I moved half of an inch, our lips would touch.

"Sometimes I feel," he whispered, "that I can do anything. No matter if I'm scared, I know that I can do this. I don't know why I suddenly felt that after we spoke that day."

"It's just simply, because you're wonderful," I reminded him.

He closed his eyes and lowered his head with a smile. I kept my eyes open and moved my lips close to his ear. I whispered, "You can move. I dare you to move. Don't be afraid, John. Just do it." I couldn't believe I said it. I couldn't imagine what he might have been thinking, but I was not thinking at that moment. I was only feeling the emotions of love and want. I wanted John to kiss me so badly.

He looked up at me with eyes so gentle. He bit down on his bottom lip and squinted his eyes lusciously. The magnetic force started to pull me in. Even though John did not move, I knew it was all right, so I moved, but the force was only moving one way. When I moved in, he pulled back.

"Kristen," I heard Lexus call out to me.

I looked around, confused and embarra.s.sed. Lexus tugged on my arm. She was standing with one hand on her hip and with the other scratching her head. She laughed, broke in between John and me, and grabbed the kite out of John's hands.

"You like kites?" she asked in a sn.o.bbish tone.

John laughed and grabbed the kite back from her playfully.

"Yes, I do. You got a problem with that?" John joked around with Lexus.

Lexus laughed along with him and hit him on his arm.

She said, "No. I never flew a kite before. Show me how to fly it, John."

"Let's do it!" John said.

"Okay!" Lexus exclaimed as she kept smiling and standing close to him. She made John blush so easily.

"Come on, Kristen. We're going to fly this thing, right?" John asked as he ran off with Lexus to the backyard.

"Yeah, sure." I said as I slowly walked after them.

Mr. Sharp said, "Kristen, I told you". He liked taunting me.

"I'll be there in a minute," I told John and Lexus.

I went into the house and into the bathroom. I locked the door as Mr. Sharp called out to me.

"Cut! Come on! Don't be afraid. Do it! Let me kiss you!"

CHAPTER 27.

Geoffrey escorted me to Dr. Pelchat's office. Dr. Pelchat looked the same as when I'd first met him. He was tall, heavy, and had a head full of red, curly hair. He smiled like a jolly Santa Claus when Geoffrey greeted him. When Geoffrey was gone, I stood in Dr. Pelchat's office, silent and nervous.

Dr. Pelchat opened my chart and looked through the pages. After a moment of silence, he finally looked up at me. The jolly Santa Claus had left the room with Geoffrey. Dr. Pelchat didn't seem anything like Dr. Cuvo, judging from his demeanor.

"Will you please take a seat?" he asked me. I sat down and kept my eyes on him. "Let's get right to it. I'm taking you off of the Effexor and the Risperdol."

"What? I don't understand," I said.

"The medication that Dr. Cuvo put you on, I'm taking you off, starting today," he said.

"Why?"

"Do you know why Dr. Cuvo put you on those medications?"

"I don't know. I mean, I wasn't sleeping well at night."

Dr. Pelchat seemed upset. He said, "Kristen, do you know anything about Effexor or Risperdol? Do you know what they are?"

"No," I admitted.

"Effexor is an anti-depressant, and Risperdol is an anti-psychotic. Now, I'm not taking you off these medications because I don't think that there isn't anything going on with you. The truth is, from the notes that Dr. Cuvo left in your chart, I don't know what you need. My job as your doctor is to find out what the problem is and find out how to help you so that we can get you feeling better. I don't have any information in this chart that can help me do that. So now, we are going to have to start from scratch. Starting with what brought you here to Bent Creek."

I flushed. Disappointed and overwhelmed, I put my face in my hands. Tears fell into the palms of my hands. He was so harsh and stern when he spoke. Start from scratch? What did he mean by that? I started to panic, but fought hard not to let the metal ball turn in my chest.

"What I am going to do is arrange for a test. It is a clinical test to measure your level of anxiety and depression so that I can provide the best treatment for you. I am not going to put you on some random medication and hope that it works. I think we've had this conversation before about the long-term effects that certain medicines can have when they're not administered properly. Before the test, though, I am going to meet with you every day, and next time we meet, I want you to be prepared to tell me the whole reason of why you are in Bent Creek."

"Isn't it obvious? Can't you see?" I felt that same anger creeping back inside of me that I'd had when I had first met Dr. Cuvo.

"I don't believe everything I first see," he replied.

I had nothing more to say because I was shocked by his reply.

"Good," Dr. Pelchat responded to my silence. "I will take you back to the unit."

Walking back to the unit was awkward. Dr. Pelchat stayed close and made me walk ahead of him. I felt his eyes burning holes in me. It was the beginning all over again. I didn't like it, and it only made me angry. I felt like I couldn't really trust anyone.

When we were back on the unit, Dr. Pelchat said that he'd see me later. He didn't stick his hand out for a handshake as Dr. Cuvo had done.

What had happened to Dr. Cuvo? Why had he left us?

CHAPTER 28.

Dr. Cuvo never came back. I couldn't think straight right after the sudden change. The rest of the day seemed empty. I tried not to think about Dr. Cuvo, and I tried not to wonder what it was that had caused him to go away. Dr. Pelchat was definitely not like Dr. Cuvo. He was stern and seemed all about business and getting things done. Dr. Cuvo at least had seemed like he cared. He'd hugged me. He'd been gentle and patient.

I grew scared as I continued to dwell on the days to come. Why did I have to take a test? What was this test going to tell Dr. Pelchat about me? What were my nights going to be like without the Risperdol? Would I go back to not being able to rest again? What was it going to be like to have Dr. Pelchat as my doctor? When would I get out of Bent Creek? All kinds of disturbing thoughts and questions filled my mind.

When the head nurse called everyone to take their medications, I stayed seated. Janine didn't seem like herself. She didn't get up to take her medication, either. Staring off into a daze, she held on tight to her pink blanket.

We were sitting on the sofa, out on the main unit, in front of the television. Geoffrey was giving out granola bars and graham crackers with apple juice. The counselors called it "snack time." Snack time reminded me of when I was a little kid in Kindergarten.

Janine's eyes were slightly puffy because she hadn't been sleeping well. I could tell that Dr. Cuvo's absence was having a huge effect on her. She had so many thoughts going on in her head, but she just wouldn't talk to me when we were alone. I knew she was hiding something. It was eating her up because she looked terrible. She didn't brush her hair, her lips were chapped, she wasn't wearing her make-up as often as she used to, and she was running to the bathroom a lot more than before.

Janine took a sip of her apple juice. She sat her cup on the table beside the sofa and picked up the granola bar that Geoffrey had given her. She stared at it like it was a foreign object. Tai came back from taking her medicine and looked at Janine.

Janine said out of nowhere, "They said that they'd let us see a doctor, even if Dr. Cuvo isn't here."

Tai rolled her eyes coldly.

"Janine. What is your deal with Dr. Cuvo, anyway? Why can't you just let it go?"

Janine threw the granola bar onto the floor, causing it to break into crumbs and make a mess on the carpet. At that moment Daniel, Chris, and a few others from our group walked over to sit in front of the television with their snacks.

"I would have eaten that if you didn't want it," Daniel said to Janine as he approached. He didn't notice that she was angry.

Rocky leaned towards me and asked, "What's wrong with her?"

"She's gotten too attached to her doctor," Tai said in a mean voice.

"Leave her alone, Tai," Daniel stood up for Janine.

"Maybe he's sick," Chris said, trying to comfort Janine.

Janine leaned forward and forced a smile towards Chris. "Maybe you're right, Chris."

Daniel's facial expression showed worry.

"Did you get to see another doctor?"

"I talked to Dr. Pelchat. He won't tell me where Dr. Cuvo is. He keeps asking me all these questions like I did something to..." Her voice trailed off.

Everyone stayed silent. Even Tai didn't have anything to say after that. Chris started tapping his fingers on the side table. This tapping turned into an offbeat drumming, and it became very annoying. Daniel looked at Chris, who stopped drumming his fingers and turned away, embarra.s.sed. He looked around at all of us, except Daniel. Then, out of nowhere, a big smile appeared on his face.

He said, "I have some good news."

We looked at him attentively, eager to hear the good news. We all needed some uplifting.

"I'm going home tomorrow," Chris announced proudly.

His smile was bright and handsome, but at that moment, no one cared about his smile. Chris had only meant to replace the melancholy silence with cheer, but he had only made everyone sadder. Even I felt a hint of envy, and I wasn't even close to Chris. It was just the fact that he was getting out of Bent Creek and we were staying in. We forced our smiles and congratulated him. We told him we'd miss him and that we hoped he would do better. Deep down inside, we hated him.

"Are you afraid to use the word hate?" Dr. Bent asked a short while later, in our Anger Management session.

She was sitting in the middle of a circle that our group had made. We'd all joined our chairs together, trapping Dr. Bent and Daniel in the middle, where they both sat in two separate chairs facing each other. We watched as Dr. Bent worked her Anger Management Therapy skills on Daniel. As he usually seemed to do when he was in his own world, Daniel fiddled with his shoelaces.

"No," Daniel admitted. "I'll use the word hate. Like I hate that I am still here."

"No," Dr. Bent corrected him. "I meant hate towards another person. Would you say that you hate your mother?"

Daniel looked as if he had to think about that question before he answered. He could have been sure to answer in the negative. Of course, he didn't hate his mother. No one can hate their mother. No matter what has happened. Right?

"No," he finally said. "I just don't get how she could take my step-dad back after all that mess he put us through. Here I am, stuck in this stupid hospital, and she goes to him."

Dr. Bent nodded her head and stayed focused on Daniel. She waved her hand to make him keep talking.

"Go on, Daniel," she encouraged.

"When she's with him, she's always so sad. She thinks that he's just going to make everything better, and he only makes her miserable. When he left, she started to work and buy food and take care of everything. She took care of herself. She took care of... me..." His voice faded off.

Dr. Bent said, "You have to find a better way to cope, Daniel. Your mother is a grown woman, and no matter how irresponsible or wrong her choices may be, you are still her child. You have to open up to her and be honest."

"What if she doesn't listen to me?" Daniel let out his fear.