The Tale of Lal Part 34

"High up in Fleet Street," sang the entire Court.

"So slowly the faithful creature got Chilblains in Fleet Street."

"Chilblains in Fleet Street," yelled all the Juniors in chorus. On went Ridgwell without a breath--

"The Griffin grew prettier day by day, Directing the traffic along each way, With always a pleasant word to say,"

"High up in Fleet Street," burst from the Court, who knew the phrase quite as well as the refrain by this time, and could not have sung it better if they had practised it.

"One trouble alone caused him dismay,"

"Chilblains in Fleet Street," came the chorus, which drowned Ridgwell's last notes entirely.

Frantic applause in Court, which the Judge instantly suppressed.

"If," said his Lords.h.i.+p, forgetful of the fact that he himself had helped in the scene by beating time, "if I have any more of this disgraceful disturbance in Court I shall give orders for it to be instantly cleared."

"Thank you, that will do. You can step down now, Ridgwell," said Mr.

Gentle Gammon.

"And very well sung," observed his Lords.h.i.+p, as Ridgwell departed.

The next witnesses were called, Cissie Laurie and John Bowling.

"Are you sure you have those names correctly?" asked the Judge.

"Yes, my Lord; why?"

_The Judge_ (facetiously). "It has been an afternoon of ballads; we have just heard one very well sung, and it seems to me that the collection would not be complete without _Annie_ Laurie and _Tom_ Bowling." (Much laughter in Court, in which the Learned Judge joins in a high-pitched alto.)

John Bowling admitted that he behaved most oddly, but he did so because the Lion seemed to be behaving strangely. Said he thought the Lion's eyes had gone green; believing that they were real emeralds, he had tried to cut them out with his knife.

_Judge_. "What! tried to gouge out the Pleasant-Faced Lion's eyes?"

(Laughter in Court.)

The Sailor admitted it with contrition.

_The Judge_. "Such a gentle creature, too! Lal, the Children's friend." (Much laughter in Court.)

_His Lords.h.i.+p_. "Had _you_ been to the party?" (Renewed laughter.)

_Sailor_. "No, my Lord, not his, another." (More laughter.)

Counsel here asked witness to relate what exactly happened upon the evening in question.

_Sailor_. "Well, yer see, governor, I can't say, 'cos I can't remember much about it; yer see, I was tuppence on the can, so to speak."

_Judge_ (interrupting). "I don't understand that expression; is it a term used in the Navy? What does he mean by 'Tuppence on the can'?"

_Sailor_. "Well, in other words, I was blind, your Wors.h.i.+p, I mean your Lords.h.i.+p." (t.i.tters in Court.)

Counsel hastened to explain that Mr. Bowling wished to convey the unfortunate fact that he was intoxicated.

_Sailor_. "You've caught it, governor!"

Counsel was here heard to murmur words to the effect that he was thankful to say he had not caught it.

_Witness_ (continuing unabashed). "Yer see, the reason as I was like I was, I 'ad s.n.a.t.c.hed five dog's-noses right off."

_Judge_ (plaintively to Counsel). "What does he mean by saying he s.n.a.t.c.hed five dog's-noses? Why, was he possessed with a mania for mutilating animals?"

_Counsel_ (explaining). "No, my Lord, the dog's-noses the witness refers to is a form of alcoholic stimulant--ahem!--gin, I believe, with some other ingredient, such as ale, mixed with it."

_His Lords.h.i.+p_. "Oh, very well."

Counsel. "Did the witness consider the Lord Mayor of London was sober?"

_Sailor_. "Do you mean that there old cove in the red gown?"

_Judge_ (excitedly, and in needless alarm). "Of whom is he speaking?"

_Counsel_ (hastening to explain). "The Lord Mayor, my Lord. I asked the witness did he consider the Lord Mayor sober upon the night they met."

_Witness_. "Yes, he was sober enough, but I think he was balmy, and I shall always think he was balmy."

_Counsel_. "Thank you, that is sufficient; you can stand down."

Cissie Laurie, upon being called, went skittishly into the witness box, curtseyed to the Court, and blew a kiss to the Judge.

His Lords.h.i.+p glared at the lady in shocked amazement.

Upon being questioned, Mrs. Laurie confided that most of her early life had been pa.s.sed playing in Pantomimes, therefore she had always been fond of dancing. At the present time she kept a lodging-house for theatricals, and the only chance she had of indulging in her old and favourite pastime seemed to be to dance attendance upon these lodgers.

"Never mind what you do indoors," suggested Counsel. "I want to know what you do out of doors, what you did out of doors on the particular night in question when you met the Lord Mayor of London."

"Well, I felt young and girlish," confessed Cissie. "The first floor back and the second floor front had both gone out, and the house seemed dull with no lights and n.o.body in it."

"Never mind about the house or the lighting of it," interrupted Counsel. "You went out for a walk in the streets of London."

"When I got to Trafalgar Square," continued Cissie, "I felt skittish, thoughtless and jolly, and I could 'ave declared he laughed at me and then winked."

_Judge_ (interrupting). "The witness tells her story very badly. Who laughed and winked at her? The Lord Mayor?"

_Counsel_ (hastily). "No, no, my Lord, not the Lord Mayor; the Lion."