That's me all over, Mable Part 5

Yours through all ups and downs Bill

_Dere Mable_:

No land yet. If wed been goin in a straight line wed have pa.s.sed N. Y.

twice by this time, I suppose theyll keep us goin round in circles like this till the wars over. Joe Loomis says its three thousand (3000) miles across. Thats silly though. It aint as far as that from N. Y. to Chickawgo.

My room is way down stairs in the sub cellar. All there is between me and the bottom of the sea is the floor. If theyd stuck me down any further it wouldnt have been such a long drop at that. Each fello has a little blue padded straight jacket to wear while hes sinkin. There awful heavy. I guess there to keep us warm while were drownin. Joe Loomis says there to pull us down quick sos we dont suffer. The Captin says today that when we sink all men gets into rowboats and the officers hang on to rafts. Theres somethin wrong somewhere. I been lookin over the rowboats to see whats the matter with them.

They got a lot of skotch fellos on board. I dont know where they came from. Joe Loomis says they aint pure cause they dont wear ribbons on their bonnets and do wear pants. But he aint got no call to talk about pure skots.

We all got issued tin hats before we left. I guess theyll give us sheet iron underclose next. It takes a long time to wear a tin hat without hurtin yourself. If you move quick it slides down over your eyes and bursts you in the nose. Thats why they charge in a walk I guess. They got muskito nettin inside sos it wont hurt your head. If you take that out it makes a good wash basin or a mess kit. Joe Loomis and Angus got arguin yesterday, Joe claimin that they was no good and Angus claimin that you couldnt hurt a guy what had one on. Angus got so sore he bet a quarter. To decide it Joe put on his hat and let Angus. .h.i.t him on the bean with a piece of lead pipe. Joe always was lucky. He won the quarter and now hes livin on A deck where the hospital is. An the Dr. says he aint got a chance of dyin which is more than most of us can say. I guess theyll sink us today. I got to quit now.

Yours till the third time down, _Bill_.

_Dere Mable_:

Were in the same place we was yesterday. Id know it now with my eyes shut. It looks like we was movin but Joe Loomis says thats just the water goin past the boats. A fello told me we was in the Gulf stream. If we are its some creek cause you cant see no banks.

We been on four days now. Im beginnin to feel like the Ainshunt Mourner.

We lie round on the floor of one of the lower piazzas all day and read books from the library. Most of them is about the lives of fellos whats dead. That aint right for a bunch what expects to be with em any minit.

Once a day we go up on one of the upper piazzas to exercise. A fello might as well try to swing indiun clubs on the five o'clock subway. The only exercise you can do without knockin off the head of the fello next to you is eyes right and eyes left.

The Captin is always talkin about goin below. Seein how we all may any minit, it aint no time for jokin about it. He says to me yesterday "Smith, fix me up a list of s.p.a.ces for all my men down below." Aint that the Captin all over, Mable? He wont be satisfied till he has em all tagged and numbered and doing squads east and west in Davy Jones Lock Up.

Joe Loomis has his girls pictur pasted on the back of his tin lookin gla.s.s. He lies on his bunk all day gapin at it. Some fellos make awful a.s.ses of themselves about there girls. Angus MacKenzie, the skotch fello, had the mirror shavin the other day. It swung round while he wasnt lookin and when he looked in it again he got an awful start.

They havnt sunk us yet. I guess there just foolin with us. Perhaps it will happen today. Dont worry though.

Yours till you here otherwise _Bill_.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "JOE LOOMIS"]

_Dere Mable_:

I feel the same way the Knights of Columbus must have felt when they was discoverin North America. Just sailin round in circles and wis.h.i.+n they had never left N. Y. Were goin through an awful b.u.mpy part of the ocean now. Joe Loomis says theres a lot of traffic through here and these big boats cuts it all up. Thats how ignorant that fello is, Mable. Its gettin colder all the time to. I wouldnt be surprised if we had got turned north by mistake and would land up in Labordoor or somethin.

One of the boat officers is called the Executioner Officer. Every day most he comes round and says its half an hour earlier than it is. Thats the way those fellos use there awthority. n.o.body dasnt contradict them.

I guess thats the way these boats make records so often, Mable. When they see they aint goin to make a record they just shove the clock back.

Id go over in nothin if I was the Captin and get it over with quick. I wish I could have made contracks like that when I was home. If a fello came to me and says "Your contrack is up today" Id just look at him and say "You must be mistaken. This is yesterday." Joe Loomis has it figured out that if we keep on losing time well get there last winter.

Angus MacKenzie, the skotch fello, says theres no danger in that though, cause if they ever find themselves workin back towards last pay day theyll go ahead for a while.

Angus says that every time they set us back half an hour the government skins every man out of pretty near a nickul. It aint the money, Mable. A nickul never meant nothin to me one way or the other as you ought to know better than any one. Isnt it a cheap way to Whoverize though?

Joe says that if it keeps on bein as cold as this he aint goin to get off when they sink us. He says he rather stay down in the bedrooms and be drowned than get all wet with that ice water and then have a cold for the rest of the war.

Well, Mable, I got to quit now. A fighter needs a lot of sleep.

Yours till the war ends _Bill_.

_Dere Mable_:

Somebodys rockin the boat. Its been rollin round somethin awful all mornin. Theres always some fool like that in every crowd. I aint said nothin but me and Angus MacKenzie, the skotch fello, is watchin. When we catch him you bet well give him whats what.

While we was snoopin round we just discovered somethin awful. All the life rafts what the officers ride on when we sink is full of holes. The water would come right through. As soon as we find the fello whats rockin the boat were goin to tell the Captin. Angus says perhaps h.e.l.l make us officers or let us sleep late or somethin. A fello told me they threw these rafts over the side when the s.h.i.+p was sinkin. As far as I can see if a fello is lucky enough to get off the old tub they fling one of these on his bean. Im going to wear my tin hat you bet.

They got a bunch of ropes hangin with knots on them along the sides from the top floor down to the water. A fello told me they was to climb down when all the rowboats was gone. Some fellos is in an awful hurry to get drowned. If there bound to crown me with a seaweed wreath Im goin to keep em waitin as long as I can. The fello what hung em must have had arms like a munkey cause there hangin about six feet from the side.

These Germans must have been awful tanks, Mable. They got one whole floor they call saloon deck. Of course the saloons is gone now. When they made the s.h.i.+p over they had to get rid of all the luxuries to make room. They got the bars out of the saloons and the officers eat there.

A fello came down stairs the other night and told us about the war. He said we was all comin over to fight to make the world safe for the Democrats. If thats the case Mable your father must be an ailin enemy.

Well, Mable, they tell us that if we aint sunk pretty soon were goin to get there. I guess then I wont be able to rite you for a few days cause itll take me a little while to get settled in the trenches and get my dug out fixed up nice. I hope they give us a part of the line near the station cause I dont like those troop trains.

Yours till I write again _Bill_.

_Dere Mable_:

I thought the fishes would be buildin nests in my ears long before I rote this. What do you suppose has happened? I wont ever be able to look you in the face again. Were right near land and aint so much as seen a Perryskope. An here I been runnin round in my Drowning Jacket for seven days like a fello wearin his shroud down to his office a week before he dies. I hope you aint bragged too much about it or theyll have the laugh on you. I feel kind of cheap but you really cant blame me. I took these other fellos word for it.

I aint the only goat thats been wearin my Drowning Jacket round though.

They all had to and most of them slept in them. The tailor what designed these must have been a boiler maker once. If there vests there too short an if there coats where is the sleeves? They got a hump runnin down the backbone. I know now how a horse feels when he tries to roll over.

Besides the Jackets, they made us carry round a tin bottle of water on a string all the time. I suppose if there was not enough water to drown us all we could empty out these.

Were just a few miles off sh.o.r.e, but I cant tell you just where. This is partly because I dont know. Joe Loomis says were comin into London, but Angus MacKenzie, the skotch fello, says it aint London. He thinks its Paris. I dont think so though cause if it was youd see the Ethel Tower.

You want to be careful when you address letters to me. If you address me too plain there liable to get to me and you cant tell who might be lookin. About all you can say on the address as far as I can find out is Bill Smith, A. E. F., which means Am Expecting Flowers.

I got to quit now cause were gettin near sh.o.r.e and the Sanitary Officer ast me to help him sweep out the boat when the other fellos is gone. Of course I said I would. Obligin. Thats me all over, Mable. As soon as I get ash.o.r.e Im going to buy one of them John Brown belts you here so much about. I dont know when Ill be able to write to you again cause I understand theres a battle on now so I guess Ill be pretty busy for some time to come.

Yours till I rite again, _Bill_.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "THE TAILOR MUST HAVE BEEN A BOILER MAKER ONCE"]

MABLE TO BILL

_Dearest William_:

Your letter received and contents noted. Through Spiritual Channels you have been with me ever since the momentous day we parted, and all I can say is, "May G.o.d in His infinite mercy watch over and take care of you, until you have been delivered safely into my arms."

Ever Thine, _Mable_.