Moriah's Mourning and Other Half-Hour Sketches Part 2

Of course when the victim is a lady the pixies do not require of them men's oaths. But they will have only her best.

When the elder had tried in vain all the probable places where the gla.s.ses might be hidden, he began to realize that there was only one thing left for him to do. He must feel all over the floor.

He was a fat old man and short of neck.

For five years he had realized a feeling of thankfulness that the Presbyterian form of wors.h.i.+p permitted standing in prayer. It hurt him to kneel. But nothing could hurt him so much as to fail to hand in his report to-night. Indeed, the missionary collection would be affected by it. It _must be written_.

He found a corner in the room and got down on his marrow-bones, throwing his hands forward and bringing them back in far-reaching curves, as one swimming. This was hard work, and before many minutes great drops of perspiration were falling upon the carpet and the old man's breath came in quick gasps.

"Ef I jest had the blame things _for a minute_ to slip on my eyes, why, _I could find 'em_--easy enough!" he e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed--desperation in his voice.

And then he proceeded to say a number of things that were lacking in moderation, and consequently very sinful--in an elder of the church.

The "bad words" spoken in the vacant house fell accusingly upon the speaker's ears, and they must have startled him, for he hastened to add: "I don't see where no sense o' jestice comes in, nohow, in allowin' a man on the very eve of doin' his Christian duty to lose his most important wherewithal!"

This plea was no doubt in mild extenuation of the explosive that had preceded it, and as he turned and drew himself forward by his elbows to compa.s.s a new section of the room, which, by-the-way, seemed suddenly expanded in size, he began to realize that the plea was in itself most sinful--even more so than the outburst, perhaps, being an implication of divine injustice.

A lump came into his throat, and as he proceeded laboriously along on his dry swim, he felt for a moment in danger of crying.

Of course this would never do, but there was just so much emotion within him, and it had begun to ferment.

Before he realized his excitement his arms were flying about wildly and he was shrieking in a frenzy.

"But _I must have 'em_! I _must have 'em_! I must, I say; O Lord, I must--I MUST HAVE THEM SPECTACLES! Lor-r-d, I have work to do--FOR THEE--an' I am eager to perform it. All I ask is FIVE MINUTES' USE O'

MY EYES, so thet I may pursue this search in patience--"

His voice broke in a sob.

And just now it was that his left hand, fumbling over the foot of the sewing-machine treadle, ran against a familiar bit of steel wire.

If it had connected with an ordinary electric battery, the resulting shock could scarcely have been more p.r.o.nounced.

There was something really pathetic in the spasmodic grasp with which he seized the gla.s.ses, and as he rose to a sitting posture and lifted them to his eyes, his hand shook pitifully.

"Thank the Lord! _Now I can see to look for 'em!_" And as he tremblingly brought the curved ends of the wire around his ears he exclaimed with fervor, "Yas, Lord, with Thy help I will keep my vow--an' pursue this search in patience." His wet, red face beamed with pleasure over the recovery of his near vision. So happy was he, indeed, in the new possession, that, instead of rising, he sat still in the middle of the floor, running his eyes with rapid scrutiny over the carpet near him. He sat here a long time--even forgetting his discomfort, while he turned as on a pivot as the search required.

Though the missing articles did not promptly appear at his side, Bradley felt that he was having a good time, and so he was, comparatively. Of course he would find the gla.s.ses presently. He looked at his watch. What a joy to see its face! He would still have time to do the report, if he hurried a little. He began to rise by painful stages.

"Lemme see! The last thing I done was to open the sideboa'd an' cut a piece o' pie an' eat it. I _must_ o' had my gla.s.ses on then. I ricollec' it was sweet-potato pie, an' it was scorched on one side.

Lordy! but what a pleasure it is to look for a thing when a person _can_ look!" He crossed over to the sideboard.

"Yas"--he had opened the door and was cutting another piece of pie.

"Yas. Sweet-potato pie, an' burnt on one side--the side thet's left.

Yas, an' I'll leave it ag'in!" He chuckled as he took a deep bite.

"Of co'se I _must 'a'_ had 'em on _when I cut the pie_, or I couldn't 've _saw_ it so distinc'--'an I finished that slice a-settin' down talkin' to her at the sewin'-machine. Ricollec' I told _her_ how mother used to put cinnamon in hers. I'll go set there ag'in, an' maybe by lookin' 'round--They might 'a' dropped in her darnin'-basket."

It was while he sat here, running one hand through the basket and holding the slice of pie in the other, that he heard a step, and, looking up, he saw his wife standing in the door.

"Why, Ephraim! What on earth!" she exclaimed. "I lef you there eatin'

that pie fo' hours ago, an' I come back an' find you settin' there yet!

You cert'n'y 'ain't forgot to make out yo' report?"

"Forgot nothin', Maria." He swallowed laboriously as he spoke. "I 'ain't done a thing sence you been gone but look for my gla.s.ses--not a blame thing. An' I'm a-lookin' for 'em yet."

Mrs. Bradley was frightened. She walked straight up to her husband and took his hand. "Ephraim," she said, gently, and as she spoke she drew the remainder of the pie from his yielding fingers--"Ephraim, I wouldn't eat any mo' o' that heavy pie ef I was you. You ain't well.

Ef you can't make no mo' headway'n that on yo' favor_ite_ pie in fo'

hours, you're sh.o.r.ely goin' to be took sick." She took her handkerchief and wiped his forehead. And then she added, with a sweet, wifely tenderness: "To prove to you thet you ain't well, honey, yo' gla.s.ses are on yo' nose right now. You better go lay down."

Bradley looked straight into her face for some moments, but he did not even blink. Then he said, in an awe-stricken voice: "Ef what you say is true, Maria--an' from the clairness with which I see the serious expression of yo' countenance I reckon it must be so--ef it _is_ so--"

He paused here, and a new light came into his eyes, and then they filled with tears. "Why, Maria honey, _of co'se it's so_! I know when I found 'em! But I was so full o' the thought thet _ef I jest had my sight_ I could _look for 'em_ thet I slipped 'em on my nose an'

continued the search. Feel my pulse, honey; I've no doubt you're right.

I'm a-goin' to have a spell o' sickness."

"Yes, dearie, I'm 'feered you are."

The good woman drew him over to the lounge and carefully adjusted a pillow to his head. "Now take a little nap, an' I'll send word over to Elder Jones's thet you ain't feelin' well an' can't come to prayer-meetin' to-night. What you need is rest, an' a change o' subject.

I jest been over to May Bennett's, an' she's give out thet she an' Pete Sanders has broke off their engagement--an' Joe Legget, why his leg's amputated clean off--an' Susan Tucker's baby had seven spasms an'--"

"That so? I'm glad to hear it, wife. But ef you send word over to him thet I ain't well, don't send tell the last minute, please. Ef you was to, he'd come by here, sh.o.r.e--an' they'd be questions ast, an' I couldn't stand it. Jest send word when the second bell starts a-ringin'

thet I ain't well. _An' I ain't_, Maria."

"I'm convinced o' that, Ephraim--or I wouldn't send the message--an' you know it. We ain't so hard pressed for excuses thet we're goin' to lie about it. I knowed you wasn't well ez soon ez I see that piece o' pie."

Bradley coughed a little. "Appearances is sometimes deceitful, Maria. I hadn't wrastled with that pie ez unsuccessful ez I seemed. That was the second slice I'd et sence you left. No, the truth is, I lost my gla.s.ses, an' I got erritated an' flew into a temper an' said things. An' the Lord, He punished me. He took my reason away. He gimme the gla.s.ses an'

denied me the knowledge of 'em. But I'm thankful to Him for lettin' me have 'em--anyhow. Ef I was fo'ordained to search for 'em, it was mighty merciful in Him to loan 'em to me to do it with."

THE SECOND MRS. SLIMM

Ezra Slimm was a widower of nearly a year, and, as a consequence, was in a state of mind not unusual in like circ.u.mstances.

True, the said state of mind had not in his case manifested itself in the toilet bloomings, friskiness of demeanor, and protestations of youth renewed which had characterized the first signs of the same in the usual run of Simpkinsville widowers up to date. If he had for several months been mentally casting about for another wife, he had betrayed it by no outward and visible sign. The fact is Ezra's case was somewhat exceptional, as we shall presently see.

Although he was quite diminutive in size, there was in his bearing, as with hands clasped behind him he paced up and down before his lonely fireside, a distinct dignity that was not only essentially manly--it was _gentlemanly_.

The refinement of feeling underlying this no doubt aggravated the dilemma in which he found himself, and which we cannot sooner comprehend than by attending to his soliloquy as he reviewed his trials in the following somewhat rambling fas.h.i.+on:

"No, 'twouldn't never do in the world--never, never. 'Twouldn't never do to marry any o' these girls round here thet knows all my ups an' downs with--with pore Jinny. 'Twouldn't never do. Any girl thet knew thet her husband had been chastised by his first wife the way I've been would think thet ef she got fretted she was lettin' 'im off easy on a tongue-las.h.i.+n'. An' I s'pose they is times when any woman gits sort o'

wrought up, livin' day in an' day out with a man. No, 'twouldn't never do," he repeated, as, thrusting both hands in his pockets, he stopped before the fire, and steadying the top of his head against the mantel, studied the logs for a moment.

"An' so the day pore Jinny took it upon herself to lay me acrost her lap an' punish me in the presence of sech ill-mannered persons ez has seen fit to make a joke of it--though I don't see where the fun comes in--well, that day she settled the hash for number two so fur ez this town goes.

"No, 'twouldn't never do in the world! Even ef she never throwed it up to me, I'd be suspicious. She couldn't even to say clap her hands together to kill a mosquito less'n I'd think she was insinuatin'. An'

jest ez quick ez any man suspicions thet his wife is a-naggin' him intentional, it's good-by happiness.