The Shadows Of Christmas Past Part 6

"I hope you at least protect all those women; otherwise, there's no hope for you at all." She turned away from him, shrugging her shoulders carelessly when she didn't feel careless at all. She was beginning to be pulled into the drama in the Steele home, and it frightened her. She didn't want to care about them, or worry about them. She couldn't afford to get involved with someone like Cole Steele.

"I'm not about to pick up a disease or get someone pregnant, if that's what you mean. And I don't give a d.a.m.n what you think about me."

His voice was as cold as ice, but he was smoldering with anger. She could tell.

Maia stared out the gla.s.s window, watching the snow coming down relentlessly. It was much safer looking at the snow than looking at him or around at the ice-cold beauty of the house. "I was stating a fact, not making a judgment; but you obviously have an entirely different set of values, so of course you wouldn't see it that way."

Cole could feel his temper rise. No one managed to get under his skin the way she did, although he couldn't deny her accusation. He had gone into the bar several nights running with the sole intention of sleeping with her in the hopes of getting through the Christmas season. Looking at himself through her eyes wasn't a pretty sight, and the revelation was difficult to take.

"How do you know how I'd see anything?"

Maia turned her attention back to him, her too-cool gaze sweeping his face. "I don't, Cole. And I don't want to know anything. Whatever your suspicions of me are, I'm not looking for a husband, a lover, money, or anything else. I do my job, and I get out of town."

Cole could feel his stomach churning. She'd given him an out. He should go the h.e.l.l to bed, walk away and leave her alone. But something held him to the chair. Held him under her gaze. He wished it were s.e.x. Wished it were the intense physical attraction he felt for her. He didn't want it or need it to be anything else. He scrubbed his hand over his face, trying to rid himself of the demons that refused to let go.

"The first lesson I can ever remember learning was never to trust anyone at all. Not my mother, certainly not my father, not the housekeeper or any of the hands. It didn't matter how nice or friendly they seemed.

They would report everything to him. They would stand there watching when he killed something I made the mistake of caring for. They stood in silence when he beat me with his fists or a whip or a hanger or whatever else happened to be handy." He waved his hand to encompa.s.s the ranch. "This was a prison.

There was no way to get away from him. He had his security force, who watched our every moment."

He was half-angry with himself the moment he revealed one of his darkest secrets. He'd told her by way of apology for his paranoid conspiracy theories. Or maybe to prove to himself he wasn't as far gone a human being as he believed he was. Whatever the reason, he couldn't take it back no matter how much he wished he could.

Maia was silent, careful to keep her expression from reflecting the horror and compa.s.sion in her mind.

She couldn't blow the moment by speaking, by saying or doing the wrong thing. Cole Steele was telling her something she doubted he'd ever admitted to anyone. He might have glossed over a difficult childhood, but he'd never spoken the details aloud to another human being. She picked up the mug of chocolate, now cool, wrapping both hands around it.

"Don't think I'm telling you this for sympathy," Cole said harshly. "It's important for you to know what Jase has had to deal with. I don't want him to become like me. I want him to be normal. This is about Jase. You understand? Just Jase."

Maia managed to nod, blinking rapidly to keep tears at bay. Cole Steele was a lost man fighting desperately for his younger half brother. She swallowed the lump threatening to choke her. Who was going to save Cole?

"He responded to you. You're the first person I've ever seen him do that with. He has that distance between him and everyone else, but he laughed with you. Actually laughed. Jase needs something I can't seem to give him."

"You're giving him exactly what he needs right now, Cole. Stability and a sense of family. After so many years, you said he's, what? Fourteen?" At Cole's nod, she continued. "Jase is afraid to trust anyone completely. He wants to, but it's ingrained in him not to. Time will take care of that. As long as you don't let him down, he'll count on you and learn to rely on your relations.h.i.+p."

"Men like Al's brother-in-law, they wanted to pretend what went on here at the ranch was all right, just something they had to put up with to keep their families going, but they were part of it, holding Jase here, watching what the old man did to him. I don't want them anywhere near Jase, with their smirks and patronizing bulls.h.i.+t."

Maia heard the suppressed rage in Cole's voice. The men he'd fired were luckier than they knew. Cole was capable of extreme violence. "Jase isn't ever going to get over this completely, Cole. It doesn't work that way. The things we've experienced become part of who we are. It can make him a stronger, better person, but he won't ever forget it or be able to get away from the consequences, the impact on his personality."

Cole leaned back in his chair, allowing his breath to leave his lungs. "Who are you, Doc? Where do you come from?"

"I'm no big mystery, Steele. I grew up in a small town. My parents were killed in a car accident when I was about sixteen, and I went to live with my only relative, my grandmother. She was an awesome woman, and I hope I learned a lot from her. I loved animals, got decent grades, and decided I'd be a veterinarian. I was about halfway through school when my grandmother died, and I discovered she had a bit of money put away. It enabled me to buy my own equipment, and the rest is history."

"Your entire life in a few short sentences." He saluted her.

Maia smiled at him. "I told you it wasn't a big deal. Now,you are different. You're surrounded by mystery and intrigue."

"It's what women find appealing."

"Really? I thought it was your brooding loner image. I guess it ties in though, I can see that. Are you going to give tips to Jase on dealing with women?"

Cole shook his head. "Jase is going to find a really nice woman someday and have a family. He'll have two kids and come home every night to someone who loves him." He sighed. "He's not excited about going to a regular school. I was hoping he'd go to a private one or even the public school, but he's always had tutors, and he isn't comfortable with anything else."

"He isn't comfortable not being with you. In effect, this ranch has been the only place he's ever been.

Didn't you say your father kept him prisoner here? Or close to it? He's staying in his comfort zone. We all do that. We stay with what we know."

Cole tried not to wince. She was las.h.i.+ng him, and she wasn't even aware of it. If anyone stayed in his comfort zone, it was he. Cole didn't duck the issue. He was an adrenaline junkie, and he kept the rest of the world at a distance. She was just sitting there, looking beautiful, pointing out his every flaw, and through it all he had the most incredible urge to kiss her until neither of them could think anymore. "Isn't it about time you tried to get some sleep?"

Maia glanced at her watch, deliberately ignoring the flare of desire in his eyes. "You're right. It's already morning. It doesn't look like we're going to get much of a break from this storm."

Cole stood up, waited until she'd rinsed out her mug and climbed the stairs to the long sweep of a landing. "Good night, Doc, thanks for everything you've done."

Maia smiled at him over her shoulder. "Anytime, Steele."

chapter 6.

"Jase," Cole said casually, "the doc's out with the horse right now, so there's no rush. Before you go out to check on him I want to run something by you. I need a little advice."

Jase sat down at the kitchen table across from his older brother. "What is it?" They'd slept in late, and he was anxious to make certain his horse had gotten through the night without a problem.

"The doc." Cole pushed his hands through his hair, leaving it spiked and disheveled. "I checked the weather, and it looks like we'll be socked in for at least a week."

"She'll have to stay here?" Jase couldn't prevent the grin from spreading across his face. "I don't mind. I think the doc's all right."

"She loves Christmas, Jase, and she'll be stuck here with us probably through the twenty-fifth. She'll miss it." Cole didn't look at the boy, but stood up and paced across the room in a restless, edgy movement.

"She came out here doing us a favor, she's stuck working; in fact she's already out with Celtic High"-he glanced briefly at Jase, a.s.sessing his expression-"I mean Wally. I don't know, what do you think we should do?"

Jase rubbed his hand over his face, subconsciously copying his older brother's gestures. "Anything to eat around here?" He looked around the room, anywhere but at his brother. "I'm starving, and it smells good in here."

"You're always starving. She made breakfast burritos for us. You just scoop up the eggs and wrap them in the tortilla. The tortillas are still warm."

Jase made his burrito, took a healthy bite, and sat there chewing, contemplating. "I don't know, Cole.

What do you think? She's really nice. Maybe we could put up a tree or something."

Cole had his back to the boy, and he closed his eyes, his gut kicking up a protest. His ear was finely trained, tuned to catch the slightest nuances, and he could hear the combination of hesitancy and hope.

"We've never done that before, either one of us. It might be interesting. The old man would turn over in his grave."

"As long as he stays in it," Jase said.

Cole turned back to face him. "I saw the body, Jase. He's dead." Cole didn't admit he had insisted on seeing the body. He wouldn't have believed anything or anyone would ever manage to kill Brett Steele.

The man had seemed invincible, a monster with such power he could live forever.Jase had been in the house when the old man had bought it . Cole tried to push the thought away.Jase wasn't capable of murder -not even of a monster like their father, was he? That niggling doubt persisted no matter how hard Cole worked at keeping it at bay.

"Who do you think killed him, Cole?"

"It could have been anyone. He had a lot of enemies," Cole answered honestly, feeling relieved that there were other suspects. "I think the question we need answered iswhy someone killed him. Did it have anything to do with us? The ranch? The money? Anything that could affect us."

"I didn't think of that. Why would it have something to do with us?"

Cole shrugged. "I don't know, but it bothers me that all these rumors are so persistent, the ones about me trying to do you in. Al mentioned you were helping him feed horses the other day, and you leaned against the fence in the corner and it gave way. If he hadn't grabbed you, you would have gone over that small cliff. You often lean up against that section when you watch the horses run. I've seen you do it."

Cole had personally gone out to inspect the fence. Someone had deliberately loosened the post from the cement. The fall wouldn't have killed Jase, but it might have broken a bone or two. What had been the point? Any of the new hands could have done it. Cole had hired them out of Jackson Hole, but that didn't mean they might not be friends with the former crew. Al had even mentioned that his brother-in-law, Fred, had been around that day.

"Al said the fence was old and needed repairing."

"Maybe. But now there's this incident with Wally. Don't you think it's strange my glove was found by the fence? I haven't been out there in a week, and my work gloves are always in my truck. I don't believe in coincidence. The old man was murdered, and, even though these incidents seem unrelated, I'm not so certain they are."

Jase sagged in his chair. "I was thinking the same thing." He looked at Cole, fear in his eyes. "But I was thinking maybe it was him. I know it's crazy, Cole, but what if he found a way to come back? I read a couple of books on the subject, and some people believe a spirit can linger after death, especially if the death was violent."

"That's a load of c.r.a.p, Jase. He's dead and gone."

"Then why does it feel as if he's still here? I swear I'm afraid to do anything. I even look up when I go into all the rooms, looking for the cameras he had to watch us all the time." Jase looked about to cry.

"I destroyed the cameras and all the tapes, Jase. I did it right in front of you. We cleaned him out of here." Cole cleared his throat. "Maybe we should try a Christmas tree and a few decorations. Let's take the house back completely. He can't dictate to us what we can or can't do. If you're still feeling him here, it's because we haven't made the house ours." He tried not to wince as he repeated Maia's logic. "So it's really up to you if you want to try to celebrate Christmas this year. I'm game if you are."

Jase shrugged, trying to look casual. "Well, maybe we should do it for the doc. I'd hate for her to be out here looking after Wally and missing something she loves."

Cole kept his expression carefully blank. He wasn't about to take away the boy's courage by letting on that the very thought of trying to celebrate the holiday scared the h.e.l.l out of him. He knew what he was getting himself into. Brett Steele had been particularly cruel at Christmas, and the number of Cole's nightmares increased in direct proportion to days of celebration. "Since I've never actually had a Christmas, we might need a little help in figuring out what we're supposed to do."

"You know how pathetic that makes us, Cole?" Jase asked. "I can't go to school with a bunch of other kids and pretend my life is okay. I know you think I should, but I'm never going to be like them. I don't want to have to pretend anymore."

Jase took every occasion to remind Cole he objected strenuously to going into a cla.s.sroom. Cole sighed. "I want you to have friends, Jase. You don't want to end up being a loner. If you don't get out there and mix it up with your peers, you'll never be able to."

"Is that what happened to you?" Jase asked, belligerence creeping into his tone.

"As a matter of fact, yes. I grew up the same way you did, remember? You aren't alone in this. I wasn't allowed friends either. I had tutors right here on the ranch. If I liked one of the hands too much, he was sent packing. I don't have friends, and I don't make them. It's a h.e.l.l of a way to live."

"I don't want to go to school," Jase said stubbornly.

Cole was happy the boy was at least telling him how he felt. That said he had grown comfortable enough with Cole to do so. In the first few weeks they'd been together, the boy had rarely offered an opinion on anything. "Let's do this, Jase. We'll start with this Christmas thing for the doc. If we can manage to get through it without the two of us going nuts, maybe we can move forward from there."

Jase nodded. "I don't mind trying for the doc, but I'm not promising about school." He scooped up more eggs and rolled them in a tortilla. "She's a pretty good cook, isn't she?"

"I thought so."

"You like her don't you, Cole?"

Cole went very still inside. He tried a casual shrug. "What's not to like?"

Jase pushed his fork around the table. "Have you gone into the old man's office since he died?"

Cole's head went up alertly at the boy's tone. "A couple of times, not recently."

"He has a couple of maps of the ranch that I wanted. I was going to put them in my room, but they're gone. They were in his desk drawer."

"What do you mean, 'gone'? No one's here but the two of us. I didn't touch the maps, didn't even know they were there."

Cole felt a twinge of alarm. It was a silly thing, a missing map meant nothing at all, so alarms shouldn't be going off, but he'd long ago learned to pay attention when a small detail was out of place. "Jase, are you certain the maps were still there after Brett was killed? Someone could have borrowed them."

Jase nodded. "I looked at them a week or so after he died."

Cole drummed his fingers on the table. "That was before I fired Justine and Ben Briggs. It didn't occur to me they might take anything. I wouldn't know it if they did. They worked here for years, so they'd know more about what was in the house than either of us. They could have robbed us blind, and we wouldn't know." But why would they take maps and not the Ming vase or the artwork worth thousands? Or any of the other priceless objects decorating every room of the house. "You're certain of the time line?"

"Cole, I was terrified to go into his office. I waited a week after he died, then when I pulled the maps out, I couldn't make myself take them to my room. I folded them carefully and put them back in the drawer in his desk."

Cole decided the kid looked scared. "Jase." His voice was very gentle. "Brett Steele is dead, and his ghost can't do a d.a.m.ned thing to us. It certainly didn't remove maps from his office. You have to stop reading those books."

"I didn't think about Justine or Ben taking anything," Jase admitted with a small sigh of relief. "That makes more sense."

"Why were you interested in the maps, Jase?"

Jase pushed the last bite of burrito around on his plate with his fork. "The ranch is so big, and I hated that all the workers knew every canyon and peak and I had no idea what they were talking about. They'd be talking about the cattle being in some canyon; I'd ask where it was, and they'd laugh at me. I hated that. I hated feeling so small and stupid all the time. I was the boss's son, and they knew more than I did."

Cole swore savagely under his breath, his back to the boy. Every little hurt added more to Jase's feelings of inadequacy. The old man had purposely made him look small in front of the ranch hands, belittling him and correcting him, even publicly humiliating and punis.h.i.+ng him every chance he got. Cole knew without Jase's telling him, because he'd received the same treatment.

"I'll find you maps of the ranch, Jase," he promised gruffly. "Even if I have to draw them myself."

"Thanks, Cole." Jase stood up and carried his plate to the sink. "Has the doc been up a long time?"

Cole inhaled the scent of fresh coffee. "Yeah, she's been up a while. She's out there with that horse of yours. Go on, I'll take care of cleanup this morning." Cole waved the boy out, not wanting to face Maia yet. She'd disarmed him without even trying, filling the house with the fragrance of breakfast, giving him an unfamiliar sense of warmth and home. He sat there for a moment contemplating that. He'd never felt as if he'd had a home before.

When he woke up that morning he'd been instantly aware that Maia Armstrong was in his house. Not just any woman, but Maia Armstrong. He never let a woman spend the night with him, and he always left their houses immediately after s.e.x. With Maia, everything seemed different, but he couldn't put his finger on why. It wasn't the fact that he'd awakened with a h.e.l.l of a hard-on from the erotic dream he'd had about her, instead of waking from the usual nightmare, tangled in his sheets with a gun in his hand. It was because she'd brought a sense of home to the monstrosity of a house he occupied.

He had awakened looking forward to the day and he hadn't experienced that feeling very often. He had lain there, staring at the ceiling, his heart pounding and his mouth dry, terrified that Maia Armstrong could do that to him. Make him happy by just being in his house. By making a building seem like a home just with her presence. By removing the endless nightmares and replacing them with dreams of her. Her smile.

She had a killer smile. Her eyes went soft, almost mesmerizing. The sound of her laughter. It seemed to vibrate through his body, wrap around him until it squeezed his heart and lungs.

He swore out loud, jumping up fast enough to knock over his chair and turning around in the huge kitchen without a real purpose. She was getting under his skin. He should have found a way to seduce her last night and get it over with; instead, he'd revealed intimate, private details he never should have admitted. She had ammunition to use against him, and he'd given it to her. "Oh, you're good, lady," he said. "What are you after?" He picked up the chair, slamming it against the table.

Immediately he was ashamed of himself. What was he thinking she wanted? Him? She'd made it clear she had no intention of sleeping with him. His money? That would entail some kind of a relations.h.i.+p with him. He threw a plate into the soapy water, avoiding the dish-washer. Suds and water splashed over the edge of the sink. He needed a d.a.m.ned housekeeper, not a girlfriend.

"Cole!" Jase burst threw the kitchen door, slamming it back on its frame so hard it nearly bounced.

"Come quick. The doc fell and hit her head."

Cole rushed past him, his heart in his throat. "How the h.e.l.l did that happen?"

"I don't know, I found her on the walkway. There's ice all around her."