Unworthy Part 2

"You don't know me." I turn away from him and start to walk away, glad that hopefully everything is sorted. I won't have to see him again, I can carry on like I have always done and lead my boring life.

"I only need to know, that I want to know you more." Will this guy not give it up? I don't want to get to know anybody; I just want to lead my life alone. I carry on walking; trying not to think of what he has said when he opens his darn mouth again.

"I always get what I want, you know." I begin to shake my head as I carry on walking, pretending that I am not affected by what he said. To say I don't like the fact that this gorgeous man sees something in me would be stupid, I am human, but he doesn't know what I am like. What I do to the people around me. I keep walking, getting closer and closer to the corner which will take me further away from him when I hear him shout.

"And it's you."

SAMUEL.

Wow.

The woman is just wow.

f.u.c.king h.e.l.l, what's wrong with me?

I got a bit stalkerish there for a minute and I can't believe I asked her how much. What a f.u.c.king idiot, the look on her face told me how wrong I got it. Think it, but you never say it, that's what I have always told myself and a few other things, of course, but I don't want to think about that. I was desperate for a minute there, though, and if I'm honest I am still desperate because I have no idea if I'm any closer to getting her in my bed, but I may not just want that. I may want more, I know I want more and I want more with her.

CHAPTER FIVE.

GRACE.

When I finally manage to get home I am mentally and emotionally drained, but as hard as I try to relax my mind and my body I can't do it. I am so strung up with the effect of the night that I just can't relax enough to allow my body the rest it requires. Every time I close my eyes all I can see is Samuel's eyes haunting me with their presence. I end up starting my Sunday a lot quicker than I planned, at around five thirty. I get up and begin to soak my clothes in my small bath tub. Once all my clothes are soaking in either the bath tub or kitchen sink I make myself a strong cup of black tea with honey. I do this every Sunday, it is easier to do my was.h.i.+ng this way rather than having to waste money on the house fees to be able to use the was.h.i.+ng machines here. I sit down on my bed and drink my tea while I watch the news. After an hour it is time to rinse my clothes and put them on the airier, as normal. My day will then consist of eating cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner while I lie on my bed watching films. It's nothing special, I know that, but it is the best way for me to relax and it's worked since I was a child, draining out everything else around me and enjoying my little life in my protective bubble.

I have another restless night and yet again as I make my way to work I feel as bad as I did Sat.u.r.day night. How can one man's actions and words affect another person as much as they are affecting me? I don't know the guy yet my body is in a whirlpool of emotions. He is gorgeous, that is obvious, but the way he acts like he is the best thing since sliced bread drives me insane. All my mind will allow me to think of is of a man I hardly know anything about. The man that is crawling his way into my confused brain and making it even worse.

As people begin to come through the floor the atmosphere is yet again alive with the chatter of the son from America. I try to get on with my work, but it is difficult when my brain isn't playing ball. I feel dazed and confused. I'm not used to living like this, my life is like a military operation, precise and to the point, but at the moment I am completely bewildered by my current emotions. How can I be so confused? I know what I want out of my life, I know what I want, what I need, and nowhere in that future is there a man.

What would normally take me only a few hours actually takes me all day, and as much as I am angered with myself I can't make myself work any quicker so I just stay at my own pace. It's not till nine at night that I think I have come to a point where I can leave the office. I reach over for my mug and make my way to the kitchen. I enjoy this time of the day, the office is so quiet that it would almost be scary if it weren't for the fact that I know there is security downstairs protecting the building. As I wash and dry my cup I hum along to a tune I heard earlier on the radio until I almost drop it when I hear an American voice speak to me from behind. My heart stops beating within its cage and the air that leaves my lungs burns my throat.

"h.e.l.lo again, Grace." It can't be him. It's not possible. I turn around slowly and as I do he comes into view and if I had felt he was handsome the last time I saw him, it is nothing compared to how he looks right at this moment. He is wearing a dark blue suit that fits him just right and matches the color of his eyes perfectly. His hair is lightly gelded and he has a shadow of hair over his jaw making him look more masculine than the day before. He begins to step closer to me and I can smell his scent fill the room and just as I think I am regaining some control he speaks.

"What are you doing here so late? Everyone else went home hours ago." I try to answer him, but I am still in shock, my blood flowing through my veins quicker than normal as my heart beats faster.

" I...I.I.I.. Hang on a minute, what are you doing here?" He gives me a smile and then answers me with a cheeky wink.

"The same as you it seems. Working."

"I...I told you where I worked and you never said." I take a breath as I think of something else.

"I've never seen you here before" He looks me over as he begins to step closer to me. Before I know it we are practically nose to nose and I can see the black lines in his eyes that are so unique and different from anything I have ever seen before. I feel him grab hold of my left hand and push me towards a wall. My feet have to quicken their pace as he pushes me back quicker than I can keep up; his grip on my wrist is firm yet soft and sends tingles all the way up my arm. I can feel my heart beating faster against my chest as my cheeks glow with the heat as he affects my body as well as my mind. Why am I allowing him to affect me like this? I hardly know him. It doesn't make sense, but before I can think any more of it he begins to speak.

"I believe that before you left me so rudely on the road by that bar on Sat.u.r.day night I had told you something." His words convey the anger he must have felt at the time, but his smile tells a different story about how he feels now. His eyes are looking straight into mine and it makes me feel slightly uneasy. The last time I was this close to a male it didn't end well for me, but I try to force it to the back of my mind, along with all the other memories I have. I try to speak, but the words won't come out, he's too close, I can't think when he is so close, consuming my brain, turning it to mush. Say something, Grace, don't let this male confuse you and entice you to his manly powers.

"What did I say to you, Miss Grace?" His eyes look me up and down before he rubs his nose against mine and raises one eyebrow, waiting for my answer.

"I...I don't r..re...remember." I can't let him affect me, but G.o.d, it's so difficult when he is this close and seems to know how to control my body.

"I think you do, Miss Grace." He says, as he rubs his nose against mine again, while keeping his eyes on mine.

"No-one has ever told me no before and I find it so refres.h.i.+ng. You've consumed my thoughts since I first saw you at the club and I know you feel the same. Your body gives you away, Grace." I take in a breath. He knows how I feel, my body gives me away. s.h.i.+t.

"I....I..I" I just can't seem to get the words out and he just stands there watching me, like this is what he expects. It must be so nice to be that a.s.sured about oneself. I would like to get to that stage if the memories will allow it. All of a sudden I can feel a wall behind me and Samuel grabs hold of my other hand and pulls them both up above my head. As if he has no control his lips suddenly attack my own and at that moment I feel a fire begin to erupt from deep within me. b.u.t.terflies take flight within my stomach leaving me feeling funny as my whole body is alive with the sensations of tingles. It's as if the kiss he bestows upon me owns my whole body and I can do nothing, but kiss him back. His lips feel warm, soft and wet as they take control of mine and I can feel his tongue seek entry into my mouth. I don't know what comes over me, but I allow his tongue entrance and I feel it ma.s.sage my own. I have never been kissed like this, to be honest I have never been kissed except the odd kiss to the cheek, but there is something to be said about this. Alive. I feel alive as he kisses me and the sensations he erupts from within me turn my body into its own inferno. All too quickly he is pulling away and releasing my hands and I can feel them slump to my side. As I try to control my breathing I see him reach into his pocket and pull something out. His other hand grabs onto one of mine and forces something into it.

"I. Want. You. And I know you want me" He turns around and starts to walk out of the kitchen, leaving me in a frenzy before he stops at the doors and turns his head around to give me one last smile.

"And I always get what I want, Miss Grace. Phone me." And then he's gone and out of sight while I stand against the wall deep, trying to take back some of the control he has taken from me the b.a.s.t.a.r.d. I loosen the grip of my hand and notice a five pound note. As I look closer I can see he has written his mobile number in the centre of the top of the note.

SAMUEL.

It took all my f.u.c.king will power to step away from her.

The woman is driving me insane to say the least.

This is not me, I don't allow women to affect me like this, but the woman I have just left as a quivering wreck is getting under my skin and invading every thought I have. If my experience with her the last two meetings was a mind f.u.c.k then what I have just witnessed as I stood by the kitchen door was a body f.u.c.k. As I walked to the kitchen to get another coffee I could hear someone humming and it wasn't one of those sounds where you wished the person would just shut up. No, it was beautiful and feminine and it had completely captivated me. I found I wanted to know who the voice belonged to, but I already knew there was one other person left on the floor and as I stepped around the corner to get to the kitchen I couldn't help, but stop and watch her. Grace was standing by the sink was.h.i.+ng up a cup and humming while she was wiggling that gorgeous thing she called a b.u.m, her full hips and waist moving in time to the beat of her humming and it was as if I was hypnotized by her beauty. I don't know how long I stood there just watching her, but I found I could just stand there all night. It could have been hours or just minutes before I decided to speak. As she turned around her whole body was in fear, but as she realized it was me it turned into shock. As I watched her take me in, I could tell she liked what she saw because if I'm honest most women do. I'm not normally an arrogant guy, but after spending so many years with woman falling all over you, you kind of get the idea of what you do to the opposite s.e.x, but as I watched her there was something else. It was as if she was guarding herself from my charms and that got me instantly mad. I wanted this woman in my bed and I would get her there if it killed me, but the frightening thing was I still wanted to know more about her and I have a horrible feeling it will only get worse. I don't know why I pushed her up against the wall holding her arms above her head; I just got the need to feel her body against my own, surrendering to me. And man how she surrendered. She let me do it and I loved the way her blue eyes looked into mine and the way she just melted into my kiss.

I will have to be careful, though, this woman won't be like my normal women, this one is different and I love the thought of the challenge. I never give out my cell number, but for some reason I gave it to her and I only hope she will use it and put me out of my misery.

CHAPTER SIX.

GRACE.

I manage to get home even though I am in a daze. I don't know what is wrong with me, why I am allowing a man to affect me so. I always keep myself closed off, I never let anyone in because I think I am safer that way, history has taught me that. Even though I can't place it and it feels alien to my whole being I have a ma.s.sive urge to get to know him. The need I find in myself to allow the man in is confusing me no end. I sit on a lonely seat on my train ride home just pulling and snapping on the elastic band on my wrist, trying to control the emotions Samuel is forcing me to have. By the time I get home my wrist is red raw, but I feel no pain and I also don't feel the pleasant relief I often have at my own torture. I am so confused that I just crash onto my bed and cry.

Sometime later the need for a good night's sleep is overwhelming me and I end up taking some sleeping pills. I lie once again on my bed trying to die down my thoughts, but the same thought keeps repeating itself over and over. I know just by looking at Samuel that I'm not worthy of him, but a part of me wants to see if it is at all possible that this handsome man can see something in me. If I remember the way he looked at me while he had me pushed against the kitchen wall perhaps that thought isn't completely crazy.

The sleeping pills actually work and I manage to get a good night's sleep. I wasn't even haunted by my normal dreams which leave me waking up almost refreshed and alert. Even though I wake up a little later than I planned I arrive at work just before nine without the thoughts that have been consuming me the night before. The atmosphere again is electric as I step through the building and make my way to the top floor. As I reach my desk I notice there is a single red rose lying in the middle on top of a card. I pick up the thorn less rose and bring it to my nose and the sweet smell is intoxicating. I place it carefully back on my desk and reach for the card. As I turn it over I notice the masculine writing that dominates it.

I always get what I want And I Want you Miss Grace.

Oh my G.o.d, Oh my G.o.d. As I hold the note in my hand I feel my body heat rise. As I look at his words my self doubt and loathing begin to shout in my head.

Yeah, he wants you as a joke and that's all anyone like him would want you for. As much as I hate myself for bringing me back from my high I know my inner self is right. There is no way that he really means what this card suggests and definitely what he said last night. I am the joke for even allowing it to be a possibility. Oh G.o.d, I am so stupid. As I try to steady my breathing I screw the card in my hand and throw it into the nearest bin. I carry on with the rest of my day trying very hard not to think of grey eyes.

I don't know what office he works in but I don't see him for the remainder of the day and I can't help, but feel grateful, although I am sure I can feel eyes on me. Wednesday ends up being exactly as the day before and I get lots of work done although there is lots of gossip about Mr. Harding which I find difficult not to listen to. I take another sleeping pill that night and have another restful night's sleep that does wonders for my sanity. I get on with my work that morning and just before noon one of the managers comes down to tell me there will be a meeting the following day which I have to set up and get the financial reports printed and presented into books. He looks over at me with a worried look as he tells me Mr. Harding won't be happy with what the reports will show. I also have to attend and make notes which have to be forwarded to his personal a.s.sistant.

I decide to go to the cafeteria and have a small lunch now while I have the chance. While I stand in the queue no-one gives me a second look which is how I like it. I really don't like drawing attention to myself and the fact that I can go unnoticed is perfect for me and my emotions. I think I have been like this for as long as I can remember, but as long as I can go through the rest of life not going through what I did as a child then I will be happy. I think that's why I just carry on and do as I am told here in work. If I do as I am told then I don't get any attention. I sit down at a table far away from everyone else and begin to eat my chicken salad, but as I do I am sure I can feel eyes at the back of my head once again and I can't seem to shake the feeling away. I don't look up or towards where I feel the eyes are coming from and just concentrate on my lunch. There's lots of noise all around me, but I can really feel those darn eyes closing in on me. Before I know it, it's time to get up and go to the conference room. I keep my head down while I walk through all the people sitting eating their lunch and I am sure its only one set of eyes looking up at me. But I don't look towards them. I am not that girl. I don't want the attention from others; I just want to go through life not bringing attention to myself. I've had enough attention to last a lifetime.

I make my way to the conference room and I am glad to feel that the eyes are gone. I can't help, but release a sigh as I step into the room I now have to prepare for twenty people. I bring up the relevant files I need on my tablet and link it to the printer so the doc.u.ments can print. I arrange them all in order and prepare them into folders for each person. I design a layout for a spreadsheet to be situated at the back of the room that outlines all the company's earnings and losses which, looking at it looks impressive. What do I know, though, I'm just an intern. I lay out all the relative doc.u.ments to each person as was asked of me, each person has a note pad and a pen and when I feel I get to the stage where I feel it's all ready I go back to the staff room which is just off to the side. It's deadly quiet and it's not till I look at my watch that I realize how late it is. As I make my way through the floor to the elevator I can see that Mr. Harding's office door is open and I can hear a raised voice.

"I swear to G.o.d, dad, he's not doing his job. We should be making loads, but he hasn't invested in anything else except this building. We should have made triple of what we have." I swear I recognize that accent and the voice, but I don't know how. As I get closer to his open door I can hear him take a deep sigh and then someone else speaks.

"There's a meeting tomorrow son"

"Yeah, they're not going to like what I say to them."

"Let me and your uncle know what happens, we may have to lose people." At those words I can feel the shock take over my body and it makes me think who they could possibly think of losing. I can't stand and listen any further, I have already heard too much. I walk as quickly as I can to the elevator and swipe my card. I walk quickly to the Tube and am actually able to sit down when I get on the train. I never like leaving this late, but I seem to be doing it more and more without getting any benefits at work. I don't do it for the benefits; I want the experience, so hopefully they can see me at a higher position.

As soon as I get my tired b.u.t.t through my door I throw my coat on the floor along with kicking my shoes off and collapse on to my bed. I look up at my ceiling and that's when I can hear the boom boom of the room above mine as they play their music. Without knowing it takes me back to a time where I would be hiding in my bedroom trying to drown out the noise of my mother and stepfather while they entertained their friends. A lone tear falls down my cheek as I try to forget the bad memory, but then something else consumes my thoughts. I lie there for what feels like hours just thinking of the same face until I eventually fall asleep.

When I wake up I feel like I have hardly had any sleep, but my mobile is screaming at me to wake up. The meeting is at nine and I still have things to organize. I shower, dress, have my cereal and I'm out the door within thirty minutes and even I'm impressed with myself. I rush over to my local baker's and pick up my order of pastries and get carefully across the city to work. When I get to the building at eight fifteen there are only a few other people around, but they are still inconsiderate. People b.u.mp into me without even a thought for the fact I am carrying something and no-one acknowledges me and it makes me wonder if these people even see me. Do they know who does most of their work with no acknowledgment? The fact that I can even do it is enough for me.

I get to my floor at the top of the building and make my way again to the conference room. Everything is just as I left it. I put my box down and then head to the kitchen to get plates. There's a kitchen and staff room on my floor and as I go through Daisy, one of the cooks, greets me. I take the plates that I want and head back to the conference room. I fill the large plates with the pastries and leave the other plates to the side so people can take them when they want. I take out gla.s.ses and three jugs of iced water just as the first people begin to come through the doors. I step towards the doors with my head down and wait for the room to fill with everyone that is required to attend. I can hear different voices fill the room and then I am sure I recognize the American accent I heard last night that sounded so familiar move away from me and then pause as I feel those eyes on me again. It's as if the stare penetrates my whole body, I feel tingles all over and it's as if I can feel him look over me as if I were naked. My temperature rises and I am sure I can feel my cheeks begin to flush. This is such a strange sensation, why am I getting like this? I hope I'm not getting a bug. I take in a deep cleansing breath and turn around and that's when I'm sure my world stops turning. I swear I can feel my legs begin to shake and my temperature rises to higher levels. I can feel my blood leave my head and I'm sure I can feel the sweat pooling at my brow making me feel uneasy and shaky. There at the head of the table opposite to where I am meant to sit is the man that has been consuming my thoughts since I first meet him.

Samuel.

Samuel is Mr. Harding. Mr. Harding is Samuel. Of course he is, because that's just how my life goes. All the b.l.o.o.d.y time, as soon as I think things are getting good something comes along and makes my life turn on its axis and the b.a.s.t.a.r.d is looking at me all over with a smug grin on that face of his. Oh G.o.d, why does the world hate me, out of all people my boss has to be the one man who seems to be able to get a reaction out of me. This isn't good. This so isn't good and I can feel the bile rise at the back of my throat? Why am I allowing myself to get this bothered by him, the man's a billionaire and there's no chance he will be interested in me. That's right, Grace, there is no chance Mr. Moneybags over there will be interested in little old me. I take in another deep breath and carry on doing what I was doing and the whole time I can feel his eyes undressing me. I must stop thinking about him because he's just messing with me, just trying to get a reaction out of me. I take my seat and get myself ready to make notes when I hear that American accent again. Oh G.o.d, I could listen to that accent all day.

"OK, ladies and gentlemen, are we ready to begin?" He sounds so in control that I can't help, but look over at him. He's sat there all cool and handsome with his dark grey suit and black tie and white s.h.i.+rt that just seems to reek of expense. He's so out of my league.

"What's going on with these reports?" I can see everyone in the room instantly become nervous and the tense atmosphere increases. I see him lean forward and reach over for a case and then he's completing his look by putting on a pair of black rimmed gla.s.ses and I can swear I feel my knickers get slightly damp.

"Let me tell you what these reports tell me." He takes a breath before he continues.

"The business is doing well, very well in fact, but there are a lot of credits and there have been no investments. My father and uncle want to take the business into Europe, hotels, spas, malls, you name it and that is where the business is going over here, but I see nothing in these reports that suggest you are doing your jobs." Through my eyelashes I can see the people in the room look at one another and as I turn to look at Samuel I can see he is looking frustrated. His eyes are intense as they look out at the table and his hands are held together in front of what I expect is a hard defined chest. Even in this state the man exudes s.e.x appeal and if I were that way inclined I would want to jump at the chance. My G.o.d, where did that come from? Stop it, Grace, you are supposed to be working. Just then I'm being drawn back to the room when I hear something interesting from the director.

"Sir, we haven't made as much as you think."

"These reports suggest that you have and I want to know what's been happening here."

"Sir, it is more complicated than what you might think."

"Well someone better explain it to me then because I don't understand what's going on here." Everyone is silent again.

CHAPTER FIVE.

SAMUEL.

Concentrate Samuel.

Just concentrate on the matter at hand. If I don't look at her I can hopefully get through this meeting easier. I knew she was going to be here, I actually requested her presence, but it doesn't help with the problem I know I have and if I stand up the whole f.u.c.king room will know the problem that I have. She looks so beautiful, though, and I can feel her draw me in with her beauty. She is wearing trousers again, why is she always wearing trousers. From what I saw on Sat.u.r.day night she has killer legs, killer legs that should be seen and wrapped around my waist while I fill her to my b.a.l.l.s.

Stop it, Samuel, you have to concentrate and get this done and you can't do that by thinking of the female that's consuming your every waking moment. What is she doing to me? I am never like this, I never allowed myself to get like this over a woman, but this one who I hardly know is doing just that and it confuses the f.u.c.k out of me.

I look up at all the worried faces, they should be worried after all their lack of fulfilling their roles within the business and I make the mistake of making eye contact with her. She blushes as she notices me watch her and I can't help but think how adorable she looks, and f.u.c.kable while the color rises in her cheeks. Today she is wearing a white blouse that points at her chest, it isn't low enough for my tastes, but you can just see the hint of what lies beneath. As I watch her it is like the rest of the room ceases to exist and it isn't until she looks at me again through those long dark lashes that I am brought back to my present problem and not that one I feel in my pants.

"I'm waiting, ladies and." I look around the room at all the nervous faces except one and I can feel the anger begin to boil.

"Well, Mr. Harding, we felt that there wasn't enough money."

"Why would you think that? I a.s.sume you were looking at the same reports that are here." They are all looking at one another and it is obvious that something is happening.

"So would someone like to tell me about these discrepancies?" Again there's a lot of eye-catching and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

"I think you should all get out and I'll look in to it myself." I watch them all stand from their chairs and make their way to leave the conference room. The beauty at the other end of the room watches as everyone begins to leave and looks at me watching her and I can see her gulp. She attempts to start to make herself get up from her seat and move away from me, but what I do next I can tell shocks her to the spot.

"Except you, Miss Ford, I would like to speak with you."

GRACE.

He wants to speak to me.

Oh my G.o.d, why does he want to speak with me?

I can feel my heart begin to beat faster against my chest as my breathing comes in quicker than normal I try to answer my own question. I have only just managed to get myself to calm down from the events of the last week and now he is sending me back into my madness. I come to the conclusion that I won't allow him to affect me, like my mother always told me there isn't anything that the world will see in me so why am I letting myself fester about him. I am worthless and no good to anybody, but as I watch him I can't help, but see how good he is on the female eye.

Oh G.o.d, what does he want..?

I feel sick as the remaining members of staff leave the room, but not before they take a questioning look at me. I feel so ill, I want to be sick. When everyone has left and the door is closed Samuel looks at me and gives me a small smile. He pulls out the chair which is closer to him and looks towards me again.

"Would you like to take a seat?" I take in a deep breath and begin to step towards him. The fingers of my left hand instantly go to my right wrist and I can instantly feel the pain and release as the band snaps back against my skin. It feels so good that I don't even stop when I see that he is watching me do it. I don't want to, but I need to and it's been helping me for as long as I can remember. The more this man messes with my head the more I need to do it, more than normal even before I came to London.

Oh why am I such a b.l.o.o.d.y mess? As I take a seat next to him I can see he has a frown on his face as his eyes watch my fingers. All of a sudden I can feel the warmth of his hand as he places it over my right wrist, stopping me from doing my ritual. I can feel the rush of heat as he leaves his hand there and looks up into my eyes.

"Please don't do it." And for some strange reason his request and touch don't unnerve me as much as if someone else had uttered the same words or held my wrist. I don't know what kind of power he holds over me, but as much as it scares me it doesn't at the same time, and that's what is unsettling me.

What is it with this man? I don't understand it. Before I can think any more of it Samuel lets go of my hand and rests it on the table.

"What do you think is going on?" he asks me.

"Me...?" I take in a deep breath as I begin to run my fingers through each other.

"You want to know what I think."

"Yes, considering you seem to spend more time here than anyone else."

"W...what?" How the h.e.l.l does he know that, he's only been here a week.

"I'm one of the bosses, Grace, I have my ways. Since you started fall 2010 you have stayed late or started early almost every day. That doesn't include the Sat.u.r.days you come in." Oh G.o.d, he knows how sad my life is if I'm at work all the time.

"What are you getting at, Samuel?"