The Ruby Riot Series: Box Set Part 120

"Jesus, are we a bunch of teenagers?" I snap. "No."

"Should talk to her. So what if she has a kid? Not like she's trying to trap you into the daddy role, she obviously prefers n.o.body involved," replies Tegan. "Besides, he's a nice kid."

"You've met him?"

"Yep." She smiles. "You should too."

"I did. Briefly." I look the other way. Maybe Tegan's right. Riley and me could keep some kind of arrangement going. I shake my head. Sure, Nate. Guys shouldn't walk into a kid's life if they don't intend to stick around.

"What you talking about?" asks Will, as he slings an arm across the bench seat and leans in.

"Nate and Riley," replies Tegan. "We reckon he should talk to her."

I grit my teeth. "Keep out of this," I warn my brother.

"Yeah, already told you my opinion. Everybody has baggage, big brother. At least you know what hers is now." He flicks his fingers. "Did you tell her yours?"

The claustrophobia of their focus is too much and I stand. "I'm hungry." I catch Will's eye as I walk away and don't miss the challenge in them. I told Riley secrets I've never told him, and that says a h.e.l.l of a lot.

I lean against the metal edge of the balcony and peer into the crowds below. There're people down there who I'd watch on TV years ago, when they were more well-known than me. Now look. Will I ever get used to being famous? Two crazy years and I'm one step above them, up here on my celebrity laurels.

I sip my whisky as I scout the room and spot who I want. Riley. Does she realise how f.u.c.king hot she looks in that dress clinging to her curves? My vantage point gives me an awesome view of her a.s.s, her slender back, and the long neck I'd kiss the length of on my way to every delicious inch of her. The few times I've seen Riley tonight, she's flitted from person to person, attempting to keep her cool. The earring touching and neck rubbing I recognised as stress. I know this girl better than she thinks.

This is the first time I've spotted Riley standing still, not weaving through people. I've overheard others voicing how impressed they are with the organisation of the event, mentioning Riley by name, and pride warms my chest as I watch her.

Why am I such a f.u.c.king idiot when it comes to this woman?

I pull myself away from the metal bar and head to the stairs. Riley steps to one side and reveals the person she's with.

The smarmy Yank. Hand on her arm, eyes on hers, and she isn't stopping him. Again. See, that's the other crazy thing. I think I'm G.o.d's f.u.c.king gift and delude myself Riley wouldn't dare look at another guy because she dreams of and can't imagine life without me. Worse, I refused to consider another guy could be interested in her.

This isn't the uptight girl who p.i.s.sed me off; I know her as the girl I laughed with and spent hours naked with. And began to fall in love with. Why am I surprised somebody else wants her? She's a b.l.o.o.d.y amazing woman.

I convinced myself the jealousy biting the last time Mitch.e.l.l had his hands on Riley was s.e.xual. Wrong. I'm here and flooded with the need for her attention instead. Need for every last part of the Riley who fills the unhappy emptiness I refused to admit existed.

But, I have no right over her body or heart anymore, and I fooled myself I ever did.

I hang around the edge of the crowd, making polite conversation where unavoidable, all the while a.n.a.lysing every interaction between Riley and Mitch.e.l.l. Others approach them too and, being the professionals they are, they elicit smiles and laughs from everybody.

Does Riley touch Mitch.e.l.l? Hold his gaze? His borderline caressing grows more frequent as does my impetus to walk over there.

I back into the corner, where people pa.s.s and don't linger, and bide my time.

Riley walks through the crowd to the back of the room and the double-doors leading out of the venue to a different part of the hotel. I squeeze around bodies and follow. In the brightly lit, tiled hallway, Riley rests against the wall, one high-heeled shoe in her hand as she rubs the sole of her foot with the other. Her eyes are closed and strands of her carefully styled hair escape and touch her parted lips. Those shoes must really hurt if that's the pleasure she gets from taking one off.

Dropping the shoe to the floor, Riley opens her eyes and they widen when she sees me. "Nate."

"Hey."

Hands in my suit jacket pockets, I rest against the wall and Riley runs a gaze over me. I raise a brow and she tips her head. "This is black tie, Nate, not black s.h.i.+rt and no tie."

"Close as I get. Like anybody could stop me walking in."

"I could've. If I wanted, I could get you ejected for not meeting the dress code." With a small smile, she indicates my Converse. "Your brother managed to put a full suit on; you're halfway there with the jacket."

"He has a nagging girl. I do what the h.e.l.l I like."

"As always." Riley slips her foot into the shoe. "Why did you come tonight? You avoid celebrity events like this."

She steps back as I pull myself away from the wall and edge towards her. "Because I knew you'd be here. Saving face, y'know. I didn't have to call and ask you to meet me."

Nothing's changed although everything has. Hurt hides in Riley's eyes and guilt hits me. My own pain kept me away, and her secret forces me to face my own or lose her. I was one stupid decision away from taking this smart, s.e.xy girl who held her heart behind adamantine walls.

"What did you want, Nate?"

"To talk to you."

"I'm busy." Riley's shaking hands betray her. The work excuse as always.

"Please." Her surprise at my politeness amuses me, and I smile at her.

A couple pa.s.s, the girl's heels clicking along the grey tiles, as they head to the elevator. Riley angles her body away from them. "Why didn't you call me after what happened the other day?" she asks, voice almost a whisper.

"Because I'm an a.s.shole."

"And now?"

"I saw you tonight and realised I couldn't leave things how they are."

"You told me to leave when I saw you last. You ended this."

"I'm an a.s.shole," I repeat.

"That doesn't get to be your answer to everything, Nate. I need more than that."

"So do I, Riley."

Her mouth parts in readiness to reply, but Riley's phone rings. She turns her body away from me as she answers.

"Hey, Mum. Everything okay? How was Josh tonight?"

Hard eyes meet mine and I hold them. Nice try, Riley, but I'm not going anywhere. I rest back against the wall and stretch my legs out.

"Really well, thank you." The stressed lines of the last few minutes are replaced with a huge smile, eyes s.h.i.+ning with pride. "I'm tired though, long day."

I huff as Riley holds a hushed conversation with her mum and stares at the floor. No wonder that Mitch.e.l.l guy is all over her. Riley dresses smartly almost always. In Yorks.h.i.+re, her natural look drew me in, but tonight she's dressed to match her occasion. Not just the black and gold in her clothes, but the poise and attention. She again plays with her earring in the familiar way, and my heart tears that I could already have lost this amazing woman.

38.

RILEY.

I end the call and look back to Nate, fighting the dizziness from my shallow breathing, and pray he doesn't spot how freaked out I am by his approaching me. I want to be angry with him, but the emotion won't come. Nate's edgy, despite his cool demeanour, and although he's friendly, I'm unsure how long this will last. One of us is bound to overstep and drag us into a fight.

"Where can we talk?" he asks.

This insistence worries me too. If Nate has something to say, and I put him off, he might not try again. But if Nate has come to me for support around his heart-breaking story of why he refuses to love, I can't listen. Of course, I hurt for him over his situation six years ago, but I can't be a friend to Nate. Not because I'm back to disliking the man, but because I want more than he's prepared to give. I want all of him - body, heart and soul. But I don't want to be rejected; I deserve better.

"What is there to talk about? Have you changed your mind about something?" I ask.

Nate stares at his shoes and runs a hand through his hair. "I've thought about this, us, over and over the last few days. I don't know what to do, Riley. I'm not sure I can deal with Josh and that kind of pressure." He glances up at me. "I thought, maybe we could... I can ignore the fact you have a kid as long as you still have time to spend with me."

The need to throw heavy words at Nate rises, to switch on the aggression in an attempt to hide the hurt. Does he want to dismiss my son as an optional extra?

"Whoa. You want me to pretend Josh doesn't exist and go back to s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g you on a random basis?"

"Why not? You did before."

Anger bubbles beneath the surface. I close my eyes and count down the seconds before I explode. How dare Nate behave the way he did and then waltz in as if I'll drop everything because I can't live without him.

"s.h.i.+t. That came out wrong, Riley, I-"

"The words were perfectly clear to me. No f.u.c.king way, Nate," I growl. "Go back to your vapid girls and meaningless s.e.x." I ready myself to walk away, then pause. "Exactly how long have you thought that's an option, Nate?"

Nate screws his face up. "When I saw you tonight. Yeah, stupid idea."

I lower my voice. "I've found some peace around my life as a mother and I'm ready to move on. I am not having anybody in my life who's toxic for me and my son."

Nate s.h.i.+fts uncomfortably but looks away.

"I'm moving on from the secrets I should never have kept, and the fear I might fall in love again. Now, if I fall for somebody, it happens, but the somebody will not be you. I want a man in my life who'll love and respect both me and Josh."

Nate snaps his head up. "You want someone to love you? Since when? I thought you only wanted casual?"

"Isn't love what normal people want? I'm willing to try with the right person. To try to have a normal life."

The old confusion is in Nate's eyes as he studies me. Why can't this man let go and be the one I glimpsed a month ago? "Yeah."

I press fingers to my forehead. "I wish you wouldn't do that!"

"What?"

"Say 'yeah' when you have a hundred other words in your mind you could use instead."

Nate's semi-smirk appears and he bites his lip. "Yeah."

"You infuriating man!" My words catch in my throat, the emotional maelstrom of the last week unleashes as the tears escape.

Nate straightens, panic in his wide eyes. "Riley."

Weak, stupid... I turn from him and stumble to the nearby staff room, p.i.s.sed off that my eyes blur. Thankful n.o.body else is in earshot, or in the room, I step inside. My attempt to shut the door on Nate fails, and he pushes past.

I turn my back to him and attempt to hide tears I'm wiping away. I catch the edges of the security blanket in my mind and pull the comforting darkness back around me.

But with Nate in the room, this doesn't work.

"s.h.i.+t, Riley," Nate says in a low voice. "I'm sorry." The vehement words build, hurting my head as I try to contain them. "I didn't mean to hurt you again tonight."

"It's okay," I tense as my voice cracks. "Please leave me alone."

"No. I care about you."

"You don't care about anybody but yourself."

"I care about you," he repeats. "Otherwise I wouldn't've followed you in here."

I turn slowly, clinging to the edge of my clouding rationality. He has to go before I lose my temper. Or worse, collapse in tears. "I can't do this anymore, Nate. You did the right thing walking away. Rejecting me when you found out about Josh was better than keeping this going. We should stay away from each other." Proud of myself for hanging on to the professional calm I perfected years ago, I hold his gaze. "At least we're civil now."

"s.h.i.+t." Nate's voice hoa.r.s.ens. "I can try, Riley. I want to try."

"Try what? Hook ups? Not happening."

"Try us."

I cross my arms against him, us, this. "Don't. Don't say that. There isn't an us."

"There always was." He rests against the edge of the table beneath the window and looks up at the ceiling. "Right from the start. The first night. On tour. Two years. The snow. We've always been something."

"No," I whisper. "No, we haven't."

He looks directly at me, looking through to the place I'm trying to hide from him. "We've always been Nate and Riley to everybody else and just never admitted it to each other. Nothing's changed."

"Yes it has! Everything's changed. This isn't the same anymore." Each moment, every word and my heart thumps louder; every second and the truth rises closer to the surface.

"What? How?"

"I didn't always love you!" Holy c.r.a.p. I slam a hand over my mouth, as I share his look of horror. Nate grips the edge of the table, and the small s.p.a.ce of the room constricts. I'm on the verge of walking out, but my jelly legs won't move.