Entice. Part 10

When I pulled into my driveway after school, I saw Mom's car parked in front. That morning she told me she had to work until seven. Puzzled, I cut the engine and stepped out of the car. Cold air slapped me in the face. I pulled my jacket tighter around my body as I scurried up to the front door. Loud music blared from the stereo system.

"Mom!" I shouted over the depressing music pouring from the speakers.

"What?" She popped up from the couch where apparently she had been lying down. Although, I'm fairly certain she hadn't been sleeping with all the noise.

I made my way to the stereo, and turned the volume down.

"I didn't tell you to do that." Mom frowned.

"It's terrible. It sounds like funeral music. Since when did you start listening to that?"

"Since Drake gave me the CD."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." I decided to change the subject before it started an argument. "What are you doing home? Are you sick?"

"I can be home whenever I want. I don't need permission from you." Mom stood up, sticking out her bottom lip like a pouting child. She wore dirty sweats and her hair was pulled back in a messy bun.

"I know that, Mom. It's just that you were supposed to be at work."

"Work-Shmirk. I don't need that place." She walked toward me a little unsteady on her feet.

"Have you been drinking?"

"No. How dare you question me. I'm your mother." She narrowed her eyes. "I'm tired of your att.i.tude, missy."

Startled, I took a step back. "Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on."

"Well, just mind your own business from now on, okay?" Mom pointed her finger at me. "And start treating Drake with respect. I'm tired of you being rude to him."

"I'm just trying to protect you."

Her eyes flashed with anger. "I don't need you protecting her from me!"

Fear laced around my heart. "What did you just say?"

"I just said that I don't need you to protect me." She repeated, only more gently and correctly this time.

Could it be she really just messed up her words before? I wanted to believe that but something seemed off.

"Mom, I wish you could see that something is wrong with Drake. Didn't you see how weird Tanner acted around him?"

"If you ask me, something is wrong with that boy."

"What does that mean?"

"He thinks he's perfect. Just like all the other so called Christians. G.o.d, I hate religious people."

I reeled back from her words. "Mom! How can you say that? I'm religious. Grandma's religious."

"A bunch of hypocrites, that's what you are. All of you!" She swatted me away with her hands. "Stop standing there, judging me. Go away."

My eyes widened as shock filled me. "Mom, what is wrong with you?"

"You're what's wrong with me, Kenzie!" She screamed, her head in her hands. "I'm so tired of you. Can't you see? I've spent my entire life caring for you and now you've turned into a judgmental, self-righteous, holier-than-thou religious person. It makes me sick."

Tears stung my eyes, and my lips quivered. I turned down the hallway and fled to my room. After slamming the door, and wiping the tears from my face, I called the only person who could help me.

"Kenzie, what's wrong?"

At the sound of my grandma's sweet voice, I burst into tears again. "I-it's Mom. She yelled at me and called me names. Grandma, I'm worried about her. She's not acting like herself."

"Okay, honey, calm down. Tell me what's going on."

So I did. I started at the beginning and told her everything. When I finished, I let out a ragged breath. I felt like a weight had been lifted, just knowing that someone else was shouldering the burden with me.

"Has she ever been moody like this before?" I asked.

"Well, yeah, when she was pregnant with you, but all women are like that. Although there was one thing that was weird."

Holding the phone to my ear, I paced the room. "What?"

"She used to sleepwalk."

"She did? When did this start?"

"After she swas raped."

My stomach tightened. "And how long did it last?"

"Well, up until you were born and she moved out."

"Why didn't you tell me this when I asked about the night I found her outside?" I was irritated with her for keeping vital information from me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think the two were related. The house was never trashed. She would just walk around. Why? Do you think she sleepwalked and trashed your house?"

I sighed. "I don't know, Grandma. I really don't. Do you think Drake could be evil?"

"I suppose he could." Wind rattled against the window. I jumped. My nerves were frayed.

"Like Wesley evil?"

"Oh, I don't know, honey. I hope not."

"Me too." I dropped onto my bed, weary from the events of the day. Why couldn't life just be simple? "I just can't wait until Christmas. Everything will be okay then."

"So, you're still planning to come here?"

"Of course."

"It's just that I talked to your mom earlier and she said that you guys weren't coming now."

My stomach plummeted to the ground. "What? But we have to. I've been looking forward to this since we got back."

"Me too." Her voice sounded sad and distant. It made me feel even more isolated than I already did.

When I hung up with Grandma, my mind replayed all the vicious things Mom had said to me. Surely, she didn't mean them. I was certain she didn't know what she was saying. She wasn't being herself. We may have had our fights before but she'd never been mean to me like that. Whether she meant her words or not, they had done their damage. My heart ached. I felt battered and bruised and wondered if the scars would ever heal.

On top of that, we may not be going to California for Christmas. That had been the only s.h.i.+ning light in my dark existence lately. I was looking forward to getting away from scary sculptures, Mom's mood swings, creepy boyfriends, and the conflicting feelings I felt about Tanner. At Grandma's I would be safe again and everything would be normal.

I wanted to march out into the family room and demand an explanation, but I couldn't bear another attack from Mom. My life was so out of control right now. I felt the pull of the bathroom. Icy fingers grabbed my hand and guided me there.

Sitting on the toilet seat, I held the razor to my arm. It was the only way. Right before I was about to pull and feel the releasing pain, I stopped. My teeth chattered. A tear slid down my cheek. I didn't want to do this anymore. But it was stronger than me. Why couldn't I stop myself?

"Jesus," I whispered into the bathroom. "I need you. Jesus, help me."

The icy wind evaporated and warmth replaced it. A man materialized in front of me. I almost screamed, but then I recognized him. Light illuminated him. He was all white and beautiful and glowing.

"You," I breathed. It was the man who carried me that night on the bridge.

Without speaking, he reached out and plucked the razor from my hand. Before vanis.h.i.+ng, he looked at me with intense, loving eyes and smiled.

I sat on the linoleum floor, and rested my head against the wall. For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace.

I felt cared for.

I felt safe.

Chapter Sixteen.

In the morning, Mom acted as if nothing had happened the day before. Maybe she had been drinking. I'd never known her to do that during the day but it was the only explanation I could come up with. We sat across from each other, silently eating our bowls of cereal. Mom wore her fluffy pink robe, and hot rollers covered her head. I had just gotten out of the shower and my wet hair soaked the shoulders of my black top.

After swallowing my bite of frosted flakes, I looked up at Mom. "I talked to Grandma last night."

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow.

"She mentioned there was a possibility we weren't visiting her over Christmas break." I held my breath, awaiting her response.

"It's not just a possibility. It's a fact. We're not going." She shoved a spoonful of sugary cereal into her mouth.

Anger flared. "What do you mean we're not going. Why?" I slammed my palm down on the table. Mom flinched. I was almost glad to see her scared of me for a change. "It's because of Drake, isn't it?"

"No, it's because of you."

"Because of me?" I was dumbfounded.

Mom calmly got up from the table and carried her bowl to the sink. "I just don't think it's a great idea for you to be back in that environment."

Letting out a bitter laugh, I placed a hand on my hip. "What kind of environment? A sane one?"

Leaning against the counter, Mom frowned at me. "I think it was a mistake to send you there in the first place. Before you went there you were a normal teenage girl. Sure, a little wild, but still normal. But going there put all these weird ideas in your head about spirits and demons and stuff."

"They're not ideas, Mom. It's real. Why can't you believe that?"

"See, this is what I'm talking about. I'm really scared for you, Kenzie." She sighed heavily. "When you first made up that crazy story about Wesley, I thought it was like when you were a kid and had that imaginary friend. Only, this isn't the same. You're almost eighteen and you're not letting this go."

My chin trembled, my eyes filled with moisture. I blinked and bit down on my lip.

"I know it's my fault, okay? I haven't been the best mother in the world. I know that. But I'm trying to make up for that, and I think the best thing is for you to stay away from Grandma and Isaac. They fill your head with too much nonsense."

"It's not nonsense, Mom. This is!" Even though I tried to stop it, a sob tore out of my throat.

"Oh, Kenzie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Yes you did! That's all you do."

Mom took a step toward me, her feet encased in slippers. "You may be mad at me now but you'll understand someday."

I shook my head, tears spilling down my cheeks. "No, I won't. This is the only thing I was looking forward to. You are always ruining my life."

"Kenzie, for goodness sake, why do you have to make everything so dramatic? If I wanted to ruin your life I would've taken Drake's advice and had you admitted to the hospital for a medical a.s.sessment."

My body went hot. "He wanted you to do what?"

She gave me a dismissive flick of the wrist. "You know how doctors are. Don't worry, I'm not going to do it. I know you will let go of this fantasy world at some point. My job is just to keep you rooted in reality. And that's what I plan to do."

"Yeah, the reality that my life sucks!" I spat.

"Okay, that's enough." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "I've gotta get these rollers out of my hair, and you've gotta get to school." As she made her way out of the kitchen a thought struck me.

"It doesn't matter what you say anyway. I have a car. I can drive to Grandma's."

Mom spun around, her eyes blazing. "If you even attempt to drive to Grandma's, I will put you in the hospital. Do you understand?"

I nodded, all the while crossing my fingers behind my back. Her threats didn't matter. If I went to Grandma's, I would never return.

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong?" Tanner asked at lunch.