Tales and Novels Volume VI Part 38

Reynolds, and to tell you, sir, before any body else; and to hope the cheese _come_ safe up again at last; and to ask whether the Iceland moss agrees with your chocolate, and is palatable? it's the most _diluent_ thing upon the universal earth, and the most _tonic_ and fas.h.i.+onable--the d.u.c.h.ess of Torcaster takes it always for breakfast, and Lady St. James too is quite a convert, and I hear the Duke of V***

takes it too."

"And the devil may take it too, for any thing that I care," said old Reynolds.

"Oh, my dear, dear sir! you are so refractory a patient."

"I am no patient at all, ma'am, and have no patience either: I am as well as you are, or my Lady Dashfort either, and hope, G.o.d willing, long to continue so."

Mrs. Pet.i.to smiled aside at Lord Colambre, to mark her perception of the man's strangeness. Then, in a cajoling voice, addressing herself to the old gentleman, "Long, long, I hope, to continue so, if Heaven grants my daily and nightly prayers, and my Lady Dashfort's also. So, Mr. Reynolds, if the ladies' prayers are of any avail, you ought to be purely, and I suppose ladies' prayers have the precedence in efficacy.

But it was not of prayers and death-bed affairs I came commissioned to treat--but of weddings my diplomacy was to speak: and to premise my Lady Dashfort would have come herself in her carriage, but is hurried out of her senses, and my Lady Isabel could not in proper modesty; so they sent me as their _double_, to hope you, my dear Mr. Reynolds, who is one of the family relations, will honour the wedding with your presence."

"It would be no honour, and they know that as well as I do," said the intractable Mr. Reynolds. "It will be no advantage, either; but that they do not know as well as I do. Mrs. Pet.i.to, to save you and your lady all trouble about me in future, please to let my Lady Dashfort know that I have just received and read the certificate of my son Captain Reynolds' marriage with Miss St. Omar. I have acknowledged the marriage. Better late than never; and to-morrow morning, G.o.d willing, shall set out with this young n.o.bleman for Buxton, where I hope to see, and intend publicly to acknowledge, my grand-daughter--provided she will acknowledge me."

"_Crimini!_" exclaimed Mrs. Pet.i.to, "what new turns are here? Well, sir, I shall tell my lady of the _metamorphoses_ that have taken place, though by what magic I can't guess. But, since it seems annoying and inopportune, I shall make my _finale_, and shall thus leave a verbal P.P.C.--as you are leaving town, it seems, for Buxton so early in the morning. My Lord Colambre, if I see rightly into a millstone, as I hope and believe I do on the present occasion, I have to congratulate your lords.h.i.+p (haven't I?) upon something like a succession, or a windfall, in this _denewment_. And I beg you'll make my humble respects acceptable to the _ci-devant_ Miss Grace Nugent that was; and I won't _derrogate_ her by any other name in the interregnum, as I am persuaded it will only be a temporary name, scarce worth a.s.suming, except for the honour of the public adoption; and that will, I'm confident, be soon exchanged for a viscount's t.i.tle, or I have no sagacity or sympathy. I hope I don't (pray don't let me) put you to the blush, my lord."

Lord Colambre would not have let her, if he could have helped it.

"Count O'Halloran, your most obedient! I had the honour of meeting you at Killpatricks-town," said Mrs. Pet.i.to, backing to the door, and twitching her shawl. She stumbled, nearly fell down, over the large dog--caught by the door, and recovered herself--Hannibal rose and shook his ears. "Poor fellow! you are of my acquaintance, too." She would have stroked his head; but Hannibal walked off indignant, and so did she.

Thus ended certain hopes: for Mrs. Pet.i.to had conceived that her _diplomacy_ might be turned to account; that in her character of an amba.s.sadress, as Lady Dashfort's double, by the aid of Iceland moss in chocolate, of flattery properly administered, and of bearing with all her _dear_ Mr. Reynolds' _oddnesses_ and _rough-nesses_, she might in time--that is to say, before he made a new will--become his dear Mrs.

Pet.i.to; or (for stranger things have happened and do happen every day), his dear Mrs. Reynolds! Mrs. Pet.i.to, however, was good at a retreat; and she flattered herself that at least nothing of this underplot had appeared: and at all events she secured, by her services in this emba.s.sy, the long looked-for object of her ambition, Lady Dashfort's scarlet velvet gown--"not yet a thread the worse for the wear!" One cordial look at this comforted her for the loss of her expected _octogenaire_; and she proceeded to discomfit her lady, by repeating the message with which strange old Mr. Reynolds had charged her. So ended all Lady Dashfort's hopes of his fortune.

Since the death of his youngest son, she had been indefatigable in her attentions, and sanguine in her hopes: the disappointment affected both her interest and her pride, as an _intrigante_. It was necessary, however, to keep her feelings to herself; for if Heathc.o.c.k should hear any thing of the matter before the articles were signed, he might "be off!"--so she put him and Lady Isabel into her coach directly--drove to Rundell and Bridges', to make sure at all events of the jewels.

In the mean time Count O'Halloran and Lord Colambre, delighted with the result of their visit, took leave of Mr. Reynolds, after having arranged the journey, and appointed the hour for setting off the next day. Lord Colambre proposed to call upon Mr. Reynolds in the evening, and introduce his father, Lord Clonbrony; but Mr. Reynolds said, "No, no! I'm not ceremonious. I have given you proofs enough of that, I think, in the short time we've been already acquainted. Time enough to introduce your father to me when we are in a carriage, going our journey: then we can talk, and get acquainted: but merely to come this evening in a hurry, and say, 'Lord Clonbrony, Mr. Reynolds;--Mr.

Reynolds, Lord Clonbrony'--and then bob our two heads at one another, and sc.r.a.pe one foot back, and away!--where's the use of that nonsense at my time of life, or at any time of life? No, no! we have enough to do without that, I dare say.--Good morning to you, Count O'Halloran!

I thank you heartily. From the first moment I saw you, I liked you: lucky too, that you brought your dog with you! 'Twas Hannibal made me first let you in; I saw him over the top of the blind. Hannibal, my good fellow! I'm more obliged to you than you can guess."

"So are we all," said Lord Colambre.

Hannibal was well patted, and then they parted. In returning home they met Sir James Brooke.

"I told you," said Sir James, "I should be in London almost as soon as you. Have you found old Reynolds?"

"Just come from him."

"How does your business prosper? I hope as well as mine."

A history of all that had pa.s.sed up to the present moment was given, and hearty congratulations received.

"Where are you going now, Sir James?--cannot you come with us?" said Lord Colambre and the count.

"Impossible," replied Sir James;--"but, perhaps, you can come with me--I'm going to Rundell and Bridges', to give some old family diamonds either to be new set or exchanged. Count O'Halloran, I know you are a judge of these things; pray come and give me your opinion."

"Better consult your bride elect!" said the count.

"No; she knows little of the matter--and cares less," replied Sir James.

"Not so this bride elect, or I mistake her much," said the count, as they pa.s.sed by the window, at Rundell and Bridges', and saw Lady Isabel, who, with Lady Dashfort, had been holding consultation deep with the jeweller; and Heathc.o.c.k, playing _personnage muet_.

Lady Dashfort, who had always, as old Reynolds expressed it, "her head upon her shoulders,"--presence of mind where her interests were concerned, ran to the door before the count and Lord Colambre could enter, giving a hand to each--as if they had all parted the best friends in the world.

"How do? how do?--Give you joy! give me joy! and all that. But mind!

not a word," said she, laying her finger upon her lips, "not a word before Heathc.o.c.k of old Reynolds, or of the best part of the old fool--his fortune!"

The gentlemen bowed, in sign of submission to her ladys.h.i.+p's commands; and comprehended that she feared Heathc.o.c.k might _be off_, if the best part of his bride (her fortune, or her _expectations_) were lowered in value or in prospect.

"How low is she reduced," whispered Lord Colambre, "when such a husband is thought a prize--and to be secured by a manoeuvre!" He sighed.

"Spare that generous sigh!" said Sir James Brooke: "it is wasted."

Lady Isabel, as they approached, turned from a mirror, at which she was trying on a diamond crescent. Her face clouded at the sight of Count O'Halloran and Lord Colambre, and grew dark as hatred when she saw Sir James Brooke. She walked away to the farther end of the shop, and asked one of the shopmen the price of a diamond necklace, which lay upon the counter.

The man said he really did not know; it belonged to Lady Oranmore; it had just been new set for one of her ladys.h.i.+p's daughters, "who is going to be married to Sir James Brooke--one of the gentlemen, my lady, who are just come in."

Then, calling to his master, he asked him the price of the necklace: he named the value, which was considerable.

"I really thought Lady Oranmore and her daughters were vastly too philosophical to think of diamonds," said Lady Isabel to her mother, with a sort of sentimental sneer in her voice and countenance. "But it is some comfort to me to find, in these pattern-women, philosophy and love do not so wholly engross the heart, that they

"'Feel every vanity in fondness lost.'"

"'Twould be difficult, in some cases," thought many present.

"'Pon honour, di'monds are cursed expensive things, I know!" said Heathc.o.c.k. "But, be that as it may," whispered he to the lady, though loud enough to be heard by others, "I've laid a d.a.m.ned round wager, that no woman's diamonds married this winter, under a countess, in Lon'on, shall eclipse Lady Isabel Heathc.o.c.k's! and Mr. Rundell here's to be judge."

Lady Isabel paid for this promise one of her sweetest smiles; one of those smiles which she had formerly bestowed upon Lord Colambre, and which he had once fancied expressed so much sensibility--such discriminative and delicate penetration.

Our hero felt so much contempt, that he never wasted another sigh of pity for her degradation. Lady Dashfort came up to him as he was standing alone; and, whilst the count and Sir James were settling about the diamonds, "My Lord Colambre," said she, in a low voice, "I know your thoughts, and I could moralize as well as you, if I did not prefer laughing--you are right enough; and so am I, and so is Isabel; we are all right. For look here: women have not always the liberty of choice, and therefore they can't be expected to have always the power of refusal."

The mother, satisfied with her convenient optimism, got into her carriage with her daughter, her daughter's diamonds, and her precious son-in-law, her daughter's companion for life.

"The more I see," said Count O'Halloran to Lord Colambre, as they left the shop, "the more I find reason to congratulate you upon your escape, my dear lord."

"I owe it not to my own wit or wisdom," said Lord Colambre; "but much to love, and much to friends.h.i.+p," added he, turning to Sir James Brooke: "here was the friend who early warned me against the siren's voice; who, before I knew the Lady Isabel, told me what I have since found to be true, that

"'Two pa.s.sions alternately govern her fate--Her business is love, but her pleasure is hate,'"

"That is dreadfully severe, Sir James," said Count O'Halloran; "but, I am afraid, is just."

"I am sure it is just, or I would not have said it," replied Sir James Brooke. "For the foibles of the s.e.x, I hope, I have as much indulgence as any man, and for the errors of pa.s.sion as much pity; but I cannot repress the indignation, the abhorrence I feel against women cold and vain, who use their wit and their charms only to make others miserable."

Lord Colambre recollected at this moment Lady Isabel's look and voice, when she declared that she would let her little finger be cut off to purchase the pleasure of inflicting on Lady De Cressy, for one hour, the torture of jealousy.

"Perhaps," continued Sir James Brooke, "now that I am going to marry into an Irish family, I may feel, with peculiar energy, disapprobation of this mother and daughter on another account; but you, Lord Colambre, will do me the justice to recollect, that before I had any personal interest in the country, I expressed, as a general friend to Ireland, antipathy to those who return the hospitality they received from a warm-hearted people, by publicly setting the example of elegant sentimental hypocrisy, or daring disregard of decorum, by privately endeavouring to destroy the domestic peace of families, on which, at last, public as well as private virtue and happiness depend. I do rejoice, my dear Lord Colambre, to hear you say that I had any share in saving you from the siren; and now I will never speak of these ladies more. I am sorry you cannot stay in town to see--but why should I be sorry--we shall meet again, I trust, and I shall introduce you; and you, I hope, will introduce me to a very different charmer.

Farewell!--you have my warm good wishes, wherever you go."

Sir James turned off quickly to the street in which Lady Oranmore lived, and Lord Colambre had not time to tell him that he knew and admired his intended bride. Count O'Halloran promised to do this for him.

"And now," said the good count, "I am to take leave of you; and I a.s.sure you I do it with so much reluctance, that nothing less than positive engagements to stay in town would prevent me from setting off with you to-morrow; but I shall be soon, very soon, at liberty to return to Ireland; and Clonbrony Castle, if you will give me leave, I will see before I see Halloran Castle."