Plum Spooky Part 23

We stopped on the way home and got four large pizzas and a six-pack of beer. Diesel parked the Subaru in my lot, then we all got out and trooped into my apartment building and into the elevator.

"I feel like I married into the Brady Bunch," Diesel said, monkeys hanging on to his pants legs.

I hit the b.u.t.ton for the second floor and got my key out of my bag. "Last time you came to town, I ended up with a horse in this elevator. These things don't happen when you're not around."

"I don't believe that for a second," Diesel said.

I opened the door to my apartment, and we all rushed inside. Diesel put two pizza boxes on the floor for the monkeys, and we ate ours off the counter. Who says I'm not civilized? I just hoped my mother never found out about this.

Diesel ate an entire pizza and chugged two bottles of beer. He kicked his boots off in the hall and dropped his still-wet jeans on the floor.

"I need a shower," he said.

I was relieved to see he was wearing underwear and that his T-s.h.i.+rt covered almost all the good stuff.

"I could strip down further," Diesel said.

"Not in front of the monkeys."

He grinned, ruffled my hair, and sauntered off to the bathroom.

I cleaned up the monkey mess, sat them all in front of the tele vision, and tuned to the Cartoon Network. I nibbled on one last piece of pizza and called Morelli.

"How's it going?" Morelli wanted to know.

"It's average. Stole a truck. Blew up a house. Brought seven monkeys home with me. And now I have a naked man in my shower."

"Yeah, same ol', same ol'," Morelli said.

"What's new with you?"

"Pulled a double hom i cide. Shoveled dog s.h.i.+t off old man Fratelli's lawn. Started drinking at three o'clock."

"I a.s.sume Anthony is still with you."

"He's like a boil on my a.s.s."

I took a shower when Diesel was done. When I came out, he was in the kitchen. He'd removed all the monkey helmets and was studying them.

"I don't get it," he said. "It looks like a little antenna on the top, but I have no idea what it's supposed to do."

"Gail Scanlon rescued animals from labs. Hard to believe she would turn around and use them for experimentation."

"She was a woman living alone in a secluded area. She didn't have a phone. I don't think she had a gun. She kept intruders away with a pinata. If she had something Wulf wanted, like land or monkeys, she'd be an easy target."

"Why would Wulf want monkeys?"

"Don't know the answer to that."

"Wulf has Gail. Munch said they had her locked away and that she was serving a purpose."

"Maybe she's wearing a helmet," Diesel said. "What are we going to do with the monkeys?"

"They're watching tele vision."

"They're used to living in a habitat without flush toilets, and you just fed them pizza. It's going to get ugly in here."

"You have a point. We need something temporary until we find Gail. We can't put them in a fenced yard because they'll climb out. If we call animal control, they'll put them in a cage."

"Maybe they'll put them in a big big cage," Diesel said. cage," Diesel said.

Carl glared at him and gave him the finger.

"Carl doesn't like that idea," I said.

"How do you know which one is Carl? They all look alike."

"Carl is wearing a collar."

"Maybe we should give Carl a credit card and let him find a hotel room," Diesel said.

"I have a better idea. I have a genius genius idea. We'll put them in Munch's house. He isn't living there." idea. We'll put them in Munch's house. He isn't living there."

"That's really rotten," Diesel said. "I wish I'd thought of it."

We put all the boxes of cereal, cookies, and crackers in a bag and led the monkeys out of my apartment and down the hall. We herded them into the elevator and into the Subaru and drove them across town. Diesel walked through Munch's house to make sure it wasn't being used, and then we turned the monkeys loose.

I gave Carl the bag of food. "This should last you until tomorrow morning. The tele vision remote is on the coffee table in the living room. You're in charge. Everyone's house-broken, right?"

Carl looked around and scratched his armpit.

I could feel Diesel smiling behind me.

"I'm not coming back here," he said. "I'm never setting foot in this house again. And I'll swear on a Bible I didn't put these monkeys here."

SEVENTEEN

THE FIRST THOUGHTS in my head when I woke up were about Gail Scanlon and her monkeys. The next thoughts were about the big guy sprawled on top of me. in my head when I woke up were about Gail Scanlon and her monkeys. The next thoughts were about the big guy sprawled on top of me.

"Hey!" I said to Diesel.

"Mmmm."

"You're on top of me again."

"Life is good."

"It's not not good. I can't breathe." good. I can't breathe."

"If you couldn't breathe, you'd be dead."

"If you don't get off me, you're you're going to be dead." going to be dead."

Diesel rolled to the other side of the bed and settled in with a sigh.

"I'm going to take a shower and go check on the monkeys," I told him.

No answer. Diesel was already asleep.

A half hour later, I had my hair fluffed out and my eyelashes gunked up, and I was anxious to start my day. Diesel was still sleeping, so I called Lula while I drank my coffee.

"How are you feeling?" I asked Lula.

"I'm feeling fine, but I have a craving for another one of them breakfast sandwiches."

"I have to check on Munch's house on Crocker Street. I could pick you up on the way, and we could stop somewhere."

"I'll be outside waiting for you."

I finished my coffee, took my bag from the hook in the hall, and saw Munch's jacket still lying on the floor. I remembered the grocery list I'd taken from the yellow pad and pulled the crumpled piece of paper out of the jacket pocket. It was soggy but legible.

"Diesel!" I yelled. "Get out here."

Nothing. No sound of man getting out of bed.

I stomped into the bedroom and yelled at him up close. "Diesel!"

"Jeez," he said. "Now what?"

"I ripped this page off a pad in Munch's house. So much happened last night, I forgot about it. It looks like a shopping list."

Diesel looked at the list. "Barium, rockets, HTPB."

"I have to go," I said. "I told Lula I'd pick her up."

Twenty minutes and ten traffic lights later, I pulled to the curb in front of Lula's house and Lula got into the car.

"Why are you going to Munch's house?"

"I have groceries for the monkeys."

"Say what?"

"Long story short is we found some of Gail Scanlon's monkeys yesterday, and we stashed them in Munch's house."

"That's just wrong," Lula said. "They're gonna p.o.o.p all over."

"It was me or Munch."

"Okay I could see that then."

After a fast-food drive-through experience and five more traffic lights, I reached Crocker Street. I parked in the alley and took a bag of what I hoped was appropriate monkey food to the back door. I opened the unlocked door, we let ourselves in, and I set the bag on the kitchen counter.

"So far, so good," Lula said. "No monkey p.o.o.p in the kitchen. No monkeys, either, for that matter."

I poked my head into the living room, where Carl was watching television.

"Where are the rest of the monkeys?" I asked him.

Carl put his hands over his ears and stared at the tele vision.

I walked through the house, looking in all the rooms. No monkeys.

"Did someone take the monkeys?" I asked Carl.

Carl hopped off the couch, walked into the kitchen, and pointed to the pet hatch in the back door.

I was stunned. I'd forgotten about the hatch.

"The monkeys escaped," I said to Lula.

"How many monkeys we talking about?"

"Six."

Somewhere not far off, a woman's scream pierced the air.

"There's one monkey," Lula said.

I ran outside, and two doors down, a woman was standing in her backyard. I took a box of cookies from the grocery bag and went to investigate.

"Is something wrong?" I asked her.

"I opened the door to take the garbage out and a monkey ran into my house."

"Don't worry," Lula said. "That monkey escaped from Monkey Control, and we're here to catch the little b.u.g.g.e.r. Just step aside and we'll take care of this." Lula looked at me. "Go ahead. Go get the monkey."

"You aren't going to help?"