The Humourous Story of Farmer Bumpkin's Lawsuit Part 45

Question repeated in a tone that conveyed the impression that witness was one of the biggest scoundrels in the Heart of Civilization.

"You must really answer," says the Judge.

"They be put on, your lords.h.i.+p."

"No, no," says the counsel, "you mustn't say that, I'll have an answer.

Have you seen them before?"

"Yes," muttered the prosecutor.

"Let them go out of Court. Now then," says the counsel, extending his right hand and his forefinger and leaning towards the witness, "have-you-not-told-them-that-this case was nothing to do with you as your name wasn't b.u.mpkin?"

"My lord," says the witness.

"No, no; you must answer."

The witness stood confounded.

"You decline to answer," says the counsel. "Very well; now then, let me see if you will decline to answer this. When you were robbed, as you say, was anybody with you?"

"Be I obligated to answer, my lord?"

"I think you must answer," said his lords.h.i.+p.

"There wur."

"Who was it?"

"A companion, I s'poase."

"Yes, but who was he? what was his name?"

No answer.

"You'd rather not answer; very well. Where does he live?"

"I doant know. Westmunster, I believe."

"Is he here?"

"Not as I knows on."

("What a lark this is," chuckled the Don, as he sat in the corner of the gallery peeping from behind the front row.)

"Did he see the watch taken?"

"He did, leastways I s'poase so."

"And has never appeared as a witness?"

"How is that?" asks his lords.h.i.+p.

"He axed me, m'lud, not to say as 'ow he wur in it."

Judge shakes his head. Counsel for the prisoner shakes his head at the jury, and the jury shake their heads at one another.

Now in the front row of the gallery sat five young men in the undress uniform of the hussars: they were Joe and his brother recruits come to hear the famous trial. At this moment Mr. b.u.mpkin in sheer despair lifted his eyes in the direction of the gallery and immediately caught sight of his old servant. He gave a nod of recognition as if he were the only friend left in the wide world of that Court of Justice.

"Never mind your friends in the gallery," said Mr. Nimble; "I dare say you have plenty of them about; now attend to this question:"-Yes, and a nice question it was, considering the tone and manner with which it was asked. "At the moment when you were being robbed, as you say, did a young woman with a baby in her arms come up?"

The witness's attention was again distracted, but this time by no such pleasing object as on the former occasion. He was dumbfoundered; a sparrow facing an owl could hardly be in a greater state of nervousness and discomfiture: for down in the well of the Court, a place where he had never once cast his eyes till now, with a broad grin on his coa.r.s.e features, and a look of malignant triumph, sat the _fiendlike Snooks_!

His mouth was wide open, and b.u.mpkin found himself looking down into it as though it had been a saw-pit. By his side sat Locust taking notes of the cross-examination.

"What are you looking at, Mr. b.u.mpkin?" inquired the learned counsel.

Mr. b.u.mpkin started.

"What are you looking at?"

"I wur lookin' doun thic there hole in thic feller's head," answered b.u.mpkin.

Such a roar of laughter followed this speech as is seldom heard even in a breach of promise case, where the most touching pathos often causes the greatest amus.e.m.e.nt to the audience.

"What a lark!" said Harry.

"As good as a play," responded d.i.c.k.

"I be sorry for the old chap," said Joe; "they be givin' it to un pooty stiff."

"Now attend," said the counsel, "and never mind the hole. Did a young woman with a baby come up?"

"To the best o' my b'leef."

"Don't say to the best of your belief; did she or not?"

"He can only speak to the best of his belief," said the Judge.

("There's the round square," whispered O'Rapley.)

"Did she come up then to the best of your belief?"

"Yes."

"And-did-she-accuse-you-to the best of your belief of a.s.saulting her?"

"I be a married man," answered the witness. (Great laughter.)

"Yes, we know all about you; we'll see who you are presently. Did she accuse you, and did you run away?"