The Humourous Story of Farmer Bumpkin's Lawsuit Part 59

"Eh?"

"b.u.mpkin, my lud;" and then all the Judges' cried "b.u.mpkin!" as pleased as the followers of Columbus when they discovered America.

"Ah, here it is," said Mr. Justice Pangloss, pa.s.sing his forefinger slowly along the page; "the name of the case you refer to, Mr. Ricochet, is _b.u.mpkin_ v. _Snooks_, not _Coots_ v. _Pumpkin_, and it was tried before me and a special jury on the twenty-eighth of July of the present year."

"Yes, my lud, with all submission."

"Why, that was yesterday," said Mr. Justice Pangloss. "Why did you not say so; I was referring to last year's book."

"With all deference, my lud-"

"Never mind, never mind, Mr. Ricochet; let us get on."

"What do you move for?" asked Mr. Justice Doughty.

"A new trial, my lud."

"A new trial-yes-? Which way was the verdict, Mr. Ricochet?"

"Verdict for the plaintiff, my lud."

"And whom do you appear for?"

"I am for the defendant, my lud."

"O! you're for the defendant. Stop-let me have my note correct. I find it always of great a.s.sistance when the rule comes on to be argued. I don't say you're going to have a rule. I must know a little more of the case before we grant a rule."

"If your luds.h.i.+p pleases."

I did not gather what his lords.h.i.+p intended to say when he made the observations recorded, and can only regret that his lords.h.i.+p should have broken off so abruptly.

"What ground do you move upon, Mr. Ricochet."

Mr. Ricochet said, "The usual grounds, my lud; that is to say, that the verdict was against the weight of evidence."

"Stop a minute," said Mr. Justice Doughty; "let me have my note correct, 'against the weight of evidence,' Mr. Ricochet."

"Misdirection, my lud-with all respect to Mr. Justice Pangloss-and wrongful admission of evidence."

"What was the action for?"

Now this was a question that no man living had been able to answer yet.

What was in the pleadings, that is, the pattern of the lawyer's net, was visible enough; but as regards merits, I predict with the greatest confidence, that no man will ever be able to discover what the action of _b.u.mpkin_ versus _Snooks_ was about. But it speaks wonders for the elasticity of our system of jurisprudence and the ingenuity of our lawyers that such a case could be _invented_.

"Trespa.s.s," said Ricochet, "was one paragraph; then there was a.s.sault and battery; breach of contract in not accepting a pig at the price agreed; trespa.s.s in seizing the pig without paying for it; and then, my lud, there were the usual money counts, as they used to be called, to which the defendant pleaded, among other pleas, a right of way; an eas.e.m.e.nt; leave and license; a right to take the pig; that the pig was the property of the defendant, and various other matters. Then, my lud, there was a counter-claim for slander, for a.s.sault and battery; for loss of profit which would have been made if the pig had been delivered according to contract; breach of contract for the non-delivery of the pig."

Mr. Justice Doughty: "This was pig-iron, I suppose?"

The two other Judges fell back, shaking their sides with laughter; and then forcibly thrust their hands against their hips which made their tippets stick out very much, and gave them a dignified and imposing appearance. Then, seeing the Judges laugh, all the bar laughed, and all the ushers laughed, and all the public laughed. The mistake, however, was a very easy one to fall into, and when Mr. Justice Doughty, who was an exceedingly good-tempered man, saw the mistake he had made, he laughed as much as any man, and even caused greater laughter still by good-humouredly and wittily observing that he supposed somebody must be a pigheaded man. To which Mr. Ricochet laughingly replied, that he believed the plaintiff was a very pigheaded man.

"Now," said Mr. Justice Pangloss, "have you considered what Vinnius in his 'Commentary on Urban Servitudes' says."

Mr. Ricochet said, "Hem!" and that was the very best answer he could make to the learned Pangloss, and if he only continues to answer in that manner he'll get any rule he likes to apply for-(no, not the Rule of Three, perhaps).

So Mr. Justice Pangloss went on:

"There are, as Gale says, 'two cla.s.ses of eas.e.m.e.nts distinctly recognised by the Civil Law-'"

"Hem!" said Ricochet.

"'Under the head of "Urban Servitudes-'"

Ricochet: "Hem!"

"'That a man,' (continued Mr. Justice Pangloss), 'shall receive upon his house or land the _flumen_ or _stillicidium_ of his neighbour-'"

"Hem!" coughed Mr. Ricochet, in a very high key; I verily believe in imitation of that wonderful comedian, J. C. Clarke.

Then Mr. Justice Pangloss proceeded, to the admiration of the whole Bar:

"'The difference,' says Vinnius, in his Commentary on this pa.s.sage, between the _flumen_ and the _stillicidium_ is this-the latter is the rain falling from the roof by drops (_guttatim et stillatim_).'"

"Hem!" from the whole Bar.

"'The _flumen_'-"

"I think," said Mr. Justice Doughty, "you are ent.i.tled to a rule on that point, Mr. Ricochet."

Then Mr. Justice Technical whispered, and I heard Mr. Justice Doughty say the principle was the same, although there might be some difference of opinion about the facts, which could be argued hereafter. "But what is the misreception of evidence, Mr. Ricochet? I don't quite see that."

"With all submission, my lud, evidence was admitted of what the solicitor for the defendant said to the plaintiff."

"Wait a minute, let me see how that stands," said Mr. Justice Doughty; "the solicitor for the defendant said something to the plaintiff, I don't quite follow that."

Mr. Justice Technical observed that it was quite clear that what is said by the solicitor of one party to the solicitor of another party is not evidence.

"O," said the learned Pangloss, "so far back as the time of Justinian it was laid down-"

"And that being so," said the eminent Chancery Judge, Mr. Justice Technical, "I should go so far as to say, that what the solicitor of one party says to the client stands upon the same footing."

"Precisely," said Mr. Ricochet

"I think you are ent.i.tled to a rule on that point," remarked Mr. Justice Doughty, "although my brother Pangloss seems to entertain some doubt as to whether there was any such evidence."

"O, my lud, with all submission, with the greatest possible deference and respect to the learned Judge, I a.s.sure your luds.h.i.+p that it was so, for I have a note of it."

"I was about to say," continued Mr. Justice Doughty, "as my brother Pangloss says, it may have been given while he was considering a point in Justinian. What is the misdirection?"