Saar: Stardust And Shadows Part 2

"Because I'm experienced s.e.xually?"

"No, because you're a scientist. Mating is something you're well aware of with your laboratory specimens. I didn't mean for us to race into bed this morning or this week or even next week. I was exploring the possibility of a future intimate relations.h.i.+p. Simple s.e.x for reproduction isn't what I have in mind. I want a full life with you, Jana. I want you sooner and for more than the few times it might require to impregnate you with my heir. I know we agreed only to have s.e.x for reproduction; that was before I spent time with you and came to desire you so much. You don't have to worry about me breaking our bargain, but I hope you will give us a chance at a rich and full life together."

When she remained still and silent, he said, "Perhaps something is being lost in the translation from my language to yours. Am I being unclear or crude? I've tried to make this discussion light, but I've never had much of a sense of humor. I'll work on developing one and hope you'll help me succeed."

Are you trying to test me to see if Ryker can entice me into this bed? she questioned him silently. Why are you saying such horrible things about yourself, about me, about us? How can you go this far in your secret a.s.signment as Ryker?

"You can't answer now or don't want to answer at all, Jana?"

Play along with his charade, J. G., and see where it leads. "I'm not sure what to say, Ryker. This is as unexpected as your marriage proposal was. All the way to your planetoid, Canissia told me of your mean spirit. I met you while I was half naked in a cage with that witch goading me. You examined me like an exotic specie under a large microscope. You did seem cold and cruel. Then, when Canissia was gone, you were different. You told me you allow people to think evil of you so they'll leave you alone, so they'll fear you. Now, you're hotly romancing me. What am I supposed to think?"

"I said I sometimes play out the role fate seems determined to cast me in, but I also apologized for taking my anger and suspicions out on you."

"Yes, you did. You became kind and gentle. We talked and dined together a few times. Then you proposed, wed me, and left home. The next thing I knew, it's over a week later and you're telling me we've gotten close during days I can't remember. You want to get even closer. It seems too fast and curious."

"Have you ever walked into a store and seen something that you had to have that very minute? Or craved a food you couldn't wait to devour? Or run an experiment that you couldn't wait to succeed? Have you ever wanted something so bad that you would feel painfully denied if you couldn't have it?"

Yes, my first prom dress and horse Apache, brownies with pecans, a cure for leukemia, and Varian Saar. "I understand your meaning, but why?"

"That's how you make me feel, Jana of Earth. I've only been denied one thing I wanted during my lifetime, until you came along and made it two. Are you immune to me, Jana Greyson Triloni? Totally unaffected?"

Unaffected by an almost irresistible force, even if he were Ryker? A woman would have to be blind, dumb, and s.e.xless not to desire such a man! Or be in love with another one. "What was the other thing you never won?"

He chuckled again. "It's a clever scientist," he teased, "who turns a revealing test in another direction to fool the compet.i.tion when a result is close to discovery and needs to be kept secret." He grew serious as he replied, "But I'll answer anyway. My father's love, respect, and acceptance. Can I ever win those things from you, Dr. Jana Greyson Triloni?"

She hadn't expected him to be so direct. Why a sudden rush for a commitment? Was Varian here as his half brother to consummate this marriage to make it legal? Was he going to videotape the union as proof? Surely he wouldn't subject her to such a mortifying and private deed. In some foreign cultures of olden Earth, it was said witnesses were mandatory to prove consummation and virginity, especially in cases of royalty. And Ryker was royalty. Did he and the Maffei Supreme Council believe it was necessary to have evidence to prevent any resistance to her inheritance as Ryker's widow? What better way to gain control of the Androasian Empire than through an heir to the throne, particularly if Varian controlled the child's mother through love and desire? Surely no stakes could be that high or motive that great, not even owners.h.i.+p of Trilabs or intergalactic peace. "You own me, Prince Ryker Triloni. What command that you issue could I refuse to obey and survive?"

"I own your life and body; I want your heart, Jana, of your free will."

"To prove to Varian you can have what he never could? Do you want an heir quickly so you can be rid of me sooner? Why seek my cooperation? I am at your mercy in this impregnable fortress. Who would know what you do with me? Who would care enough to battle you? No one!"

"You'll come to see how wrong you are about me. But enough of this: Let's eat. I'm sure you're as hungry as I am. Let me straighten my papers first."

To come to an accurate conclusion, she required indisputable data that she could not acquire if she kept going in this hostile and defensive direction. This man and her predicament were like unknown chemicals in a vital formula. She must test them with caution and respect. Once she obtained all the information she could gather, she would evaluate it and come up with a neutralizing method. Varian had accused her once of always needing to examine and a.n.a.lyze everything, even emotions. This situation required "further testing." Her path and choice were clear: either she could be submissive or be destroyed. Wasn't earning and keeping Ryker's goodwill more important at this time than foolish, misplaced pride and defiance-dangerous traits she could not afford. She must not become a coward or a weakling, but neither must she appear a threat or enemy to him. It was wise to obey until a path of escape presented itself, if it ever did. There was no turning back or returning home. It was accept and endure or ... What? she didn't know yet.

She watched him put away papers in a desk drawer and replace books on a nearby shelf. As if he had forgotten her presence, he walked toward the door. Jana rose and headed to join him. "If I offended you, I'm sorry," she said. "I need time."

He faced her and said, "You'll have plenty of it with me, so don't worry. Despite my nefarious reputation, I would never attack my own wife, or any woman. If we have a chance at happiness, Jana of Earth, it's up to you."

He went through the door and Jana trailed him. He seemed hurt, and she found that disturbing and baffling. Suddenly he seemed nothing like Varian Saar. Should that make her happy or sad? If Varian was lost to her, could she accept Ryker as his replacement in her life? Was Ryker being honest with her? You're trapped, J. G., and you'll never escape!

Ine served their meal with perfection and silence. Jana remembered Ryker telling her that most of his servants and workers were androids and robots. It was like being in a science-fiction movie, but this was reality. How long would it take before such things seemed commonplace? If only she knew how accurately their words were being translated to each other. If only- "Is the food not to your liking? Would you prefer another dish?"

Jana's head jerked upward and she gaped at him. Those were the exact words Varian had said to her on his s.h.i.+p just before revealing her predicament! She watched him s.h.i.+fting his fork back and forth between his hands. His gla.s.s and cup were sitting to the ... left of his plate!

His gaze followed her line of vision. He chuckled. "Ambidextrous. It's useful for taking notes while I'm dissecting specimens or mixing chemicals with my best hand. Have you acquired that skill, too?"

"Not as well as you have. I mostly use my right."

"So do I, but I'm as good with my left when it's necessary. I'll teach you one day; you might have need of it when we work together."

"How will you do that?" Varian wasn't a scientist! He was a stars.h.i.+p commander. That was one area in which he couldn't playact the matchless chemist and researcher, not well enough, at least, to fool a skilled chemist and researcher like herself. At last, a path to exposure of his ruse! "When do we begin work in your lab? I'm eager to get back to research."

"After our return from Grandfather's."

She watched him take a bite of food and follow it with zim: coffee. So that was it: fool Kadim Maal into thinking Ryker was still alive before Varian left on his mission to the Milky Way Galaxy! To pull it off, he thought even she had to believe he was Ryker. "Why not before we leave?"

"I don't want you being exposed to any possible viruses until you're well enough to have your inoculations again. Even animals and plants can be carriers sometimes. Your bloodwork revealed three haven't taken effect. I want you to concentrate on getting well and strong before we leave."

"You want your grandfather and the others to see how happy I am?"

"How happy we are. Masculine pride. And you might get caught up in your exuberance and let it become real."

"I think we can both accomplish a good act with a little practice."

"That isn't what I want, Jana. You had enough of pretenses with Varian. Just be yourself. You're beautiful, talented, intelligent, charming, and well bred. You know how to conduct yourself in public."

"How do you know?" She sipped the hot liquid with caution as she eyed him over the rim of the cup.

"I've viewed many of the tapes I had my spies make of you during the auctions. I have also read your complete file. I must admit Varian and his staff did an excellent job of selecting, training, and doc.u.menting you. I've heard only good reports about you from those who met you along your journey. You make an excellent impression on everyone."

And I must admit, you're quick, Varian. You cover yourself faster than a flash flood does the Texas desert. "Thank you for the compliment and confidence."

"You don't like talking about the days before you came here, do you?"

Keep up the deceitful probing and you might hear something you wish you hadn't evoked. "Why should I? My life and career were torn apart by that bas-beast. I lost my home, my friends, my job, my possessions, my ... everything. I was on my way to a party when three men in silvery jumpsuits and impenetrable helmets surrounded me, drugged me, and kidnapped me. I awoke on a stars.h.i.+p heading out of my galaxy, destined to become a captive mate to an alien. He destroyed every new beginning I made. As I was recovering my courage, self-esteem, and a measure of happiness, he yanked them from me. First, he did it on Earth. Then, he did it on his s.h.i.+p; those were the only friends and only life I knew for a long time. I was terrified and confused, but people like Martella, Tris, and Nigel made it better for me. Varian and I fought until I didn't have the strength or will to defy him and his plans for me anymore. I wound up in sickbay once for provoking him to strike me during an attempted escape attempt. I quickly learned he was telling the truth about where I was and about there being no escape or rescue for me. It gave him great delight to wield his power over me."

Following a glare of coldness at that memory, she continued. "He duped us into thinking he had let these huge spiders eat one of the girls. Later I saw her sold on Kudora and learned scarfelli are trained for terror tactics. Yes, I did have privileges the other captives didn't: nice quarters, clothes, extra training, and special treatment, but he was only grooming me as bait for you and a cover for his mission. He threatened to sell me to a terrible beast if I didn't do whatever he ordered. Later he said he'd been joking to halt my defiance, but I have no doubt he would have carried out his threat if I hadn't complied. Then, he began his romantic a.s.sault. He was constantly teasing and taunting me. If I let him kiss me, he was furious and mocking. If I refused, he was furious and vindictive. He swore neither he nor his crew were allowed to touch any of us captives, and I foolishly believed him. I realized it was safer to be his friend and student than his enemy. My change of behavior seemed to satisfy him for a while. I thought it was foolish not to take advantage of my lessons when I needed everything I could get to help me adjust and survive in an alien environment. After he ... we ... You know what I mean. I didn't think he would sell me to another man, not the affectionate way he acted toward me. Heavens, that was the worst experience of my life, standing half naked before a crowd of strange men listening to myself being auctioned to the highest bidder like a piece of merchandise. He led me to believe I was Draco's charl. I tried to make a new life there because Draco was so kind and gentle. For the record, Councilman Procyon never touched me."

"I believe you, Jana. What happened next?"

"Just as I settled in, he showed up one night and ripped my new life apart. I was drugged. When I awoke, I was back with him, at his grandfather's on the planet Eire. He even went so far as to say he would keep me forever and I would become his mate. He romanced me at his grandfather's. Even Kadim Tirol aided his deceitful ruse by telling me how much Varian wanted me and how he was risking his life to save my world. Then, I was drugged again and awakened to you. He won't stay out of my life. He won't allow me to get settled anywhere and find peace. For some reason, he wants to destroy me. I could have fallen in love with him, but he taught me to hate, mistrust, and pity him."

"Pity? I've never known anyone to pity Varian Sar. Explain."

How could Varian sit there, she fumed, and calmly listen to her say such things without defending himself? How could he hear all those charges against him and still risk creating another one with this foul deception? Did he believe he had her so cleverly duped that she was only safeguarding herself from Ryker's wrath? "Yes, pity him, becaue he has no feelings, no scruples, no conscience, no compa.s.sion, no honor. His war with you has made him that way. What is a man without such qualities? I would trade anything to have my innocence and ignorance back. He held me so tightly in his evil clutches and dazzled me with his mind-controlling and spell-binding Moondust that I was too cowardly and blind to defy him. I wish my life could be as it was before he kidnapped me and changed me forever. He lied to me from the start. He said I would be accepted and cherished as a charl, and I haven't found that to be true. He said if I was nice to him, I would be fine, and I haven't been. Somehow I antagonized him no matter what I said or did. He was suspicious and angry if I was receptive, but he was the same if I was resistant. He was contradictory and cruel. I could never please him. I won't lie to you, Ryker; I was mesmerized by him for a while. He's very appealing when he turns on his charm. He possessed such enormous power over me, even over the air I breathed, over my fate, my life. I feel as if I've been sprinkled with that minddazing Stardust and can't think clearly or engulfed by Shadows and can't find my way back to safety and sanity. Moondust and Stardust-such soft and pretty names for such insidious and lethal chemicals."

"You sound as if you know him well and hate him." "How could any woman in her right mind love a man like that?"

"Are you in your right mind, Jana of Earth?" She laughed skeptically. "According to you, Ryker, I've lost part of it, perhaps a good part of it. How much more will I lose here with you? What do you want from me? Can I trust you?"

"Varian's taught you to be distrustful of all men."

"Then prove to me why and how I can trust you."

"I will, Jana, given time and the opportunities."

"I hope so, Ryker, I truly hope so."

As they left the house later, Jana noticed the rondure center of the dwelling was of an unknown beige material. Four smaller semispheres stuck out from it like legs on a fat spider and connected to the largest one via pa.s.sageways. Reflective transascreens were flush with the smooth surface, and each area possessed a large skylight. She knew three of those minidomes held bedrooms where she now slept, the dining area, and the greatroom for relaxing and entertaining. Others, he had told her after breakfast, consisted of the kitchen and storage locations. The unusual structure sat on a thick base similar to a concrete foundation slab.

As if following her line of thought, the alien said, "It's built on a platform that lowers itself underground in case of an attack. So is my private complex. Each has enough supplies to keep several people alive for a long time. A tunnel connects the two structures."

"If there was an attack, how could anyone last beyond the lengthy contamination that would follow total destruction?" she asked.

"Each area, in case the tunnel collapsed, holds an escape pod, an airtight one with enough power and supplies to get us away from this sector."

"What about your workers? How would they escape?"

"Most of them are robots or androids. They appear human in looks, but you can always tell one by his or her yellow eyes. Human personnel are mainly shuttle pilots. Most stay away on deliveries. Those few caught here during an attack will have time to escape in crafts before the self-destruct sequence completes itself. Survival is one reason I use androids; the other is their total loyalty to me and my work. Any attempt to dismantle them for their memory banks results in instant explosion."

"What if someone found the right command code and ordered them to dump their memories into a computer?"

"They respond only to my voice and code. No matter how good an imposter is, my voice cannot be matched perfectly, not even by computer. Nor does anyone know the right code for extracting information."

She eyed the many structures within sight: warehouses, greenhouses, a stable, huge shuttlebay, and the alien's private complex with many laboratories. Plants and trees and flowers seemed to grow in every available location to create a colorful and breathtaking setting. Walkways connected the buildings in an artistic design based on function as well as looks. "This planetoid is so large and so beautiful," Jana commented. "I don't recall seeing the outside before."

"Beyond your vision capabilities are gardens and animal dwellings, some for raising and feeding specimens and some for human consumption. I saw on your file that you enjoy riding. I have a large stable of esprees, our specie of horse. Would you like to do that when you're stronger?"

"Yes. One of the things I lost on Earth was a fine, Appaloosa stallion named Apache. You probably know I was raised on a ranch in Texas, which I inherited after my parents were killed in a plane crash. My father was also involved in the oil business. I don't know which he loved more, raising stock or bringing in an oil well."

"Your file said you owned an aeronautical company."

"Yes, Stacy Aeros.p.a.ce Firm. I inherited that from my mother. We design and manufacture equipment and parts for satellites, missiles, shuttles, and s.p.a.celabs, at least as we know them at our level: things like flight control systems, radar, sensors, and probes. I really don't know much about all that, but I held on to the firm because of the medical and scientific breakthroughs involved in outer s.p.a.ce research. A great deal of knowledge and technology comes from s.p.a.ce flights, but of course you know that."

"How did you get into researching cures for terminally ill children?"

"I saw several children of family friends die from incurable diseases. One of them I had babysat for years. I was a volunteer at our local hospital-a Candy-Striper-when I was younger. I saw children on telethons-television programs to raise money-who gripped my heart with their sufferings. I had always loved science. I entered every science fair our school promoted. Once I did a life-support exchange between mother and fetus using a tiny doll inside a plastic bubble, complete with a straw for an umbilical cord, attached to a larger doll as the mother. I had charts with diagrams and information and little jars of mouse fetuses in different stages of development that I had gotten from a researcher friend of my father. The school thought the project was too advanced and detailed for a sixth-grader to have executed alone so I was disqualified. I think it was the subject of my paper and the demonstration that made them uncomfortable."

"I can imagine. Tell me, Jana of Earth, how did you get so far in twenty-four years?"

Jana pushed windblown wisps of her tawny hair with its silvery highlights from her face as she realized she hadn't even told such things to Varian during all their days together. He had never asked or seemed interested, whereas a scientific man like Ryker ... Don't confuse yourself about who's standing here with you, J. G.! "I went to school year round. I loved the work, and I did extra projects. I majored in biochemistry and did graduate work in microbiology and chemistry. I worked at the Baylor Medical Complex until graduation. I went home for a few months to see my friends and to handle my business and personal affairs before relocating to Baltimore to take a research position at Johns Hopkins. I was to start there the day I reached Draco's world, to begin life as a captive charl rather than saving children's lives on mine. My will left everything I own to research for terminally ill children. I suppose it's been executed by now. At least something good came from this evil."

"I'm sorry, Jana, those must have been terrible losses for you."

"Along with my freedom and pride."

"But you have those back now."

"Do I, Ryker? Is limited, controlled existence really being free? Does being at the beck and call of another person allow for pride?"

"I hope so, Jana. It can if you allow it. All of this explains why Dr. Zarcoff and Lieutenant Sanger were so interested in you."

"What do you mean? How do you know that?"

"It's no secret both of Varian's officers and good friends wanted him to keep you. I saw you on tape with Nigel Sanger several times. It was easy to see you two were friends; that's natural between two scientists. It's to my advantage they didn't convince him to keep you. I also recall your file listing caritrary as the color of your eyes. I can see why Dr. Zarcoff did so. As with that precious gem found on the planet Caguas, your eyes are a coalescence of blue, green, and violet. I've never seen eyes this shade in our world: a kaleidoscope of magical allure and sweet mystery. Despite the fact you've been mostly inside for months, your skin still appears kissed by an adoring sun. The first time I saw you, I didn't think a female so beautiful and perfect could be real. It's understandable why every man in the Universe would desire you."

"That's an exaggeration, but thank you. Every male alive couldn't find the same female desirable. I know I'm attractive and have certain charms. I have intelligence and strengths and good traits, but I'm not matchless or either a G.o.ddess or an angel."

"That's what you told me upon your arrival. As I said that day, you're far too modest, and you're wrong."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as we say on Earth."

"And everyone who beholds you thinks as I do."

"But doesn't feel as you do, whatever that is."

When he chuckled and seared her with his jungle-green gaze, Jana asked, "Why are you talking this way to me? We hardly know each other."

"Isn't this how people get acquainted on your world: chatting and observing? Am I being improper? Am I making you nervous?"

"I find it surprising and unsettling that you're being flirtatious."

He laughed heartily this time. "I've certainly never been accused of being flirtatious before. It must be your potent effect on me."

"You've read my file and questioned me. What more do you need to know? Surely we've covered all this ground before in the past week."

"Yes, but I like hearing about you from your lips and learning more than is recorded about you. Your file said nothing about childhood experiences or why you got involved in research, so I've already learned something about you that no other person here knows. Everything we experience in our lives helps to mold us into the people we are. I want to learn all I can about you, Jana of Earth, even the smallest detail."

"To see what really makes me tick?" He seemed to reason on her words for a time, then grinned when he grasped her meaning-a s.e.xy grin.

"Maybe I'll come to learn and use Earth slang, too. There's always something other people can teach us. I'm also trying to relax your doubts and fears by creating a genial atmosphere between us. There's no need for them, not here, not with me."

"That's your opinion, but I suppose you're always right."

He shrugged and smiled. "I've made a few mistakes in my lifetime, but not many. One bad one was with you the first day we met. I don't want to repeat it or to make another. Wait here a moment while I unlock the complex. We have something important to do in there."

What, the anxious Earthling wondered, is in store for me next?

Chapter Three.

Jana stayed where she was while the man approached his complex and entered the code to open the door. She joined him when he summoned her and walked beside him down a hallway and into a laboratory. He lifted a set of notes in his language and went into an adjoining room, telling Jana he would only be a minute or two.

While he busied himself, Jana watched him. He seemed to know what he was doing and seemed at ease in the surrounding. He measured several liquids in tall cylindrical tubes and poured them into various plants, then apparently recorded the amounts and types used. She strolled to one exquisite flower in a pot: Tarkitilae Moosi. Its lacy petals in shades of pink with vivid dots were lovely, but viewing it brought anguish to her heart.

"Eyes of Kimon, Tarkitilae Moosi," the man said over her shoulder. "Kimon is our mythological G.o.ddess of Love and Beauty. In her pictures and statues, you look like her. Perhaps you are her incarnate. That would explain your magic and allure. Would you like to have it for your room? I'm finished with it."

"It's magnificent, but no thank you."

"You can accept a gift from me, Jana."