Jokes For All Occasions Part 46

PROLIFIC

The woman teacher in a New York School was interested in the announcement by a little girl pupil that she had a new baby brother.

"And what is the baby's name?" the teacher asked.

"Aaron," was the answer.

A few days later, the teacher inquired concerning Aaron, but the little girl regarded her in perplexity.

"Aaron?" she repeated.

"Your baby brother," the teacher prompted.

Understanding dawned on the child's face.

"Oh, Aaron!" she exclaimed. "That was a mistake. It's Moses. He's very well, ma'am, thank you. Pa an' ma, they found we had an Aaron."

p.r.o.nUNCIATION

The parson's daughter spoke pleasantly, but with a hint of rebuke, to one of her father's humble paris.h.i.+oners:

"Good morning, Giles. I haven't noticed you in church for the last few weeks."

"No, miss," the man answered. "I've been oop at Noocaste a-visitin' my old 'aunts. And strange, miss, ain't it, I don't see no change in 'em since I was a child like?"

The parson's daughter was duly impressed.

"What wonderful old ladies they must be!"

But the man shook his head, and explained with remarkable clearness:

"I didn't say 'arnts', miss. I said 'awnts'--'aunts where I used to wander in my childhood days like."

PROOF

_Shopper:_--"Are these eggs fresh?"

_Apprentice:_--"Yes, ma'am, they be."

_Shopper:_--"How long since they were laid?"

_Apprentice:_--"'Tain't ten minutes, ma'am--I know, I laid them eggs there myself."

PROPERTY

The indignant householder held up before the policeman the dead cat that had been lying by the curb three days.

"What am I to do with this?" he demanded.

"Take it to headquarters," was the serene reply. "If n.o.body claims it within a reasonable time, it's your property."

PROVIDENCE

The _babu_ explained with great politeness the complete failure of a young American member of the shooting party in India to bag any game:

"The sahib shot divinely but it is true that Providence was all merciful to the birds."

PRUDENCE

Sandy MacTavish was a guest at a christening party in the home of a fellow Scot whose hospitality was limited only by the capacity of the company. The evening was hardly half spent when Sandy got to his feet, and made the round of his fellow guests, bidding each of them a very affectionate farewell. The host came bustling up, much concerned.

"But, Sandy, mon," he protested, "Ye're nae goin' yet, with the evenin'

just started?"

"Nay," declared the prudent MacTavish, "I'm no' goin' yet. But I'm tellin' ye good-night while I know ye all."

The young man, who was notorious for the reckless driving of his car, was at his home in the country, when he received a telephone call, and a woman's voice asked if he intended to go motoring that afternoon.

"No, not this afternoon," he replied. "But why do you ask? Who are you?"

"That doesn't matter," came the voice over the wire. "It's only that I wish to send my little girl down the street on an errand."

PUNISHMENT

The school teacher, after writing to the mother of a refractory pupil, received this note in reply:

"Dear miss, you writ me about whippin my boy i hereby give you permission to lick him eny time it is necessary to lern him lessuns hes jist like his paw you have to lern him with a club please pound nolej into him i want him to git it don't pay no attenshun to his paw either i'll handle him."

The little boy dashed wildly around the corner, and collided with the benevolent old gentleman, who inquired the cause of such haste.

"I gotta git home fer maw to spank me," the boy panted.

"Bless my soul!" exclaimed the old gentleman, "I can't understand your being in such a hurry to be spanked."

"I ain't. But if I don't git there 'fore paw, he'll gimme the lickin'."