Peter Simple; and, The Three Cutters Part 58

"You must not come here to beat Englishmen, I can tell you," roared one of the waiters. "What do we care for your foreign counts?"

"Sacre, canaille?" cried the other party, in a contemptuous voice, which I well knew.

"Ay, ca.n.a.l!--we'll duck you in the ca.n.a.l, if you don't mind."

"You will!" said the stranger, who had hitherto spoken French. "Allow me to observe--in the most delicate manner in the world--just to hint, that you are a d----d trencher-sc.r.a.ping, napkin-carrying, s.h.i.+lling-seeking, up-and-down-stairs son of a b.i.t.c.h--and take this for your impudence!"

The noise of the cane was again heard; and I hastened downstairs, where I found Count Shucksen thras.h.i.+ng two or three of the waiters without mercy. At my appearance, the waiters, who were showing fight, retreated to a short distance, out of reach of the cane.

"My dear count," exclaimed I, "is it you?"

"My dear Lord Privilege, will you excuse me? but these fellows are saucy."

"Then I'll have them discharged," replied I. "If a friend of mine, and an officer of your rank and distinction, cannot come to see me without insult, I will seek another hotel."

This threat of mine, and the reception I gave the count, put all to rights. The waiters sneaked off, and the master of the hotel apologised.

It appeared that they had desired him to wait in the coffee-room until they could announce him, which had hurt the count's dignity.

"We are just sitting down to dinner, count; will you join us?"

"As soon as I have improved my toilet, my dear lord," replied he; "you must perceive that I am off a journey."

The master of the hotel bowed, and proceeded to show the count to a dressing-room. When I returned upstairs--"What was the matter?"

inquired O'Brien.

"Oh, nothing!--a little disturbance in consequence of a foreigner not understanding English."

In about five minutes the waiter opened the door, and announced Count Shucksen.

"Now, O'Brien, you'll be puzzled," said I; and in came the count.

"My dear Lord Privilege," said he, coming up and taking me by the hand, "let me not be the last to congratulate you upon your accession. I was running up the channel in my frigate when a pilot-boat gave me a newspaper, in which I saw your unexpected change of circ.u.mstances. I made an excuse for dropping my anchor at Spithead this morning, and I have come up post, to express how sincerely I partic.i.p.ate in your good fortune." Count Shucksen then politely saluted the ladies and the general, and turned round to O'Brien, who had been staring at him with astonishment. "Count Shucksen, allow me to introduce Sir Terence O'Brien."

"By the piper that played before Moses, but it's a puzzle," said O'Brien. "Blood and thunder! if it a'n't Chucks!--my dear fellow, when did you rise from your grave?"

"Fortunately," replied the count, as they shook each other's hands for some time, "I never went into it, Sir Terence. But now, with your permission, my lord, I'll take some food, as I really am not a little hungry. After dinner, Captain O'Brien, you shall hear my history."

His secret was confided to the whole party, upon my pledging myself for their keeping it locked up in their own b.r.e.a.s.t.s, which was a bold thing on my part, considering that two of them were ladies. The count stayed with us for some time, and was introduced everywhere. It was impossible to discover that he had not been bred up in a court, his manners were so good. He was a great favourite with the ladies; and his moustachios, bad French, and waltzing--an accomplishment he had picked up in Sweden--were quite the vogue. All the ladies were sorry when the Swedish count announced his departure by a P.P.C.

Before I left town I called upon the First Lord of the Admiralty, and procured for Swinburne a first-rate building--that is to say, ordered to be built. This he had often said he wished, as he was tired of the sea, after a service of forty-five years. Subsequently I obtained leave of absence for him every year, and he used to make himself very happy at Eagle Park. Most of his time was, however, pa.s.sed on the lake, either fis.h.i.+ng or rowing about; telling long stories to all who would join him in his water excursions.

A fortnight after my a.s.suming my t.i.tle, we set off for Eagle Park, and Celeste consented to my entreaties that the wedding should take place that day month. Upon this hint O'Brien spake; and, to oblige _me_, Ellen consented that we should be united on the same day.

O'Brien wrote to Father M'Grath; but the letter was returned by post, with "_dead_" marked upon the outside. O'Brien then wrote to one of his sisters, who informed him that Father M'Grath would cross the bog one evening when he had taken a very large proportion of whisky; and that he was seen out of the right path, and had never been heard of afterwards.

On the day appointed we were all united, and both unions have been attended with as much happiness as this world can afford. Both O'Brien and I are blessed with children, which, as...o...b..ien observed, have come upon us like old age, until we now can muster a large Christmas party in the two families. The general's head is white, and he sits and smiles, happy in his daughter's happiness, and in the gambols of his grandchildren.

Such, reader, is the history of Peter Simple, Viscount Privilege, no longer the fool, but the head of the family, who now bids you farewell.

THE END.

The Three Cutters

Chapter I

CUTTER THE FIRST

Reader, have you ever been at Plymouth? If you have, your eye must have dwelt with ecstasy upon the beautiful property of the Earl of Mount Edgc.u.mbe: if you have not been at Plymouth, the sooner that you go there, the better. At Mount Edgc.u.mbe you will behold the finest timber in existence, towering up to the summits of the hills, and feathering down to the s.h.i.+ngle on the beach. And from this lovely spot you will witness one of the most splendid panoramas in the world. You will see--I hardly know what you will not see--you will see Ram Head, and Cawsand Bay; and then you will see the Breakwater, and Drake's Island, and the Devil's Bridge below you; and the town of Plymouth and its fortifications, and the Hoe; and then you will come to the Devil's Point, round which the tide runs devilish strong; and then you will see the New Victualling Office,--about which Sir James Gordon used to stump all day, and take a pinch of snuff from every man who carried a box, which all were delighted to give, and he was delighted to receive, proving how much pleasure may be communicated merely by a pinch of snuff--and then you will see Mount Wise and Mutton Cove; the town of Devonport, with its magnificent dockyard and a.r.s.enals, North Corner, and the way which leads to Saltash. And you will see s.h.i.+ps building and s.h.i.+ps in ordinary; and s.h.i.+ps repairing and s.h.i.+ps fitting; and hulks and convict s.h.i.+ps, and the guards.h.i.+p; s.h.i.+ps ready to sail and s.h.i.+ps under sail; besides lighters, men-of-war's boats, dockyard-boats, b.u.mboats, and sh.o.r.e-boats. In short, there is a great deal to see at Plymouth besides the sea itself: but what I particularly wish now, is, that you will stand at the battery of Mount Edgec.u.mbe and look into Barn Pool below you, and there you will see, lying at single anchor, a cutter; and you may also see, by her pendant and ensign, that she is a yacht.

Of all the amus.e.m.e.nts entered into by the n.o.bility and gentry of our island there is not one so manly, so exciting, so patriotic, or so national, as yacht-sailing. It is peculiar to England, not only from our insular position and our fine harbours, but because it requires a certain degree of energy and a certain amount of income rarely to be found elsewhere. It has been wisely fostered by our sovereigns, who have felt that the security of the kingdom is increased by every man being more or less a sailor, or connected with the nautical profession. It is an amus.e.m.e.nt of the greatest importance to the country; as it has much improved our s.h.i.+p-building and our s.h.i.+p-fitting, while it affords employment to our seamen and s.h.i.+pwrights. But if I were to say all that I could say in praise of yachts, I should never advance with my narrative. I shall therefore drink a b.u.mper to the health of Admiral Lord Yarborough and the Yacht Club, and proceed.

You observe that this yacht is cutter-rigged, and that she sits gracefully on the smooth water. She is just heaving up her anchor; her foresail is loose, all ready to cast her--in a few minutes she will be under weigh. You see that there are some ladies sitting at the taffrail; and there are five haunches of venison hanging over the stern. Of all amus.e.m.e.nts, give me yachting. But we must go on board. The deck, you observe, is of narrow deal planks as white as snow; the guns are of polished bra.s.s; the bitts and binnacles of mahogany; she is painted with taste; and all the mouldings are gilded. There is nothing wanting; and yet how clear and unenc.u.mbered are her decks! Let us go below. This is the ladies' cabin: can anything be more tasteful or elegant? is it not luxurious? and, although so small, does not its very confined s.p.a.ce astonish you, when you view so many comforts so beautifully arranged?

This is the dining-room, and where the gentlemen repair. What can be more complete or _recherche_? and just peep into their state-rooms and bed-places. Here is the steward's room and the beaufet: the steward is squeezing lemons for the punch, and there is the champagne in ice; and by the side of the pail the long-corks are ranged up, all ready. Now, let us go forwards: here are the men's berths, not confined as in a man-of-war. No! luxury starts from abaft, and is not wholly lost, even at the fore-peak. This is the kitchen: is it not admirably arranged?

What a _multum in parvo_! And how delightful are the fumes of the turtle-soup! At sea we do meet with rough weather at times; but, for roughing it out, give me a _yacht_. Now that I have shown you round the vessel, I must introduce the parties on board.

You observe that florid, handsome man in white trousers and blue jacket, who has a telescope in one hand, and is sipping a gla.s.s of brandy and water which he has just taken off the skylight. That is the owner of the vessel, and a member of the Yacht Club. It is Lord B--: he looks like a sailor, and he does not much belie his looks; yet I have seen him in his robes of state at the opening of the House of Lords. The one near to him is Mr Stewart, a lieutenant in the navy. He holds on by the rigging with one hand, because, having been actively employed all his life, he does not know what to do with hands which have nothing in them. He is _protege_ of Lord B., and is now on board as sailing-master of the yacht.

That handsome, well-built man who is standing by the binnacle, is a Mr Hautaine. He served six years as mids.h.i.+pman in the navy, and did not like it. He then served six years in a cavalry regiment, and did not like it. He then married, and in a much shorter probation, found that he did not like that. But he is very fond of yachts and other men's wives, if he does not like his own; and wherever he goes, he is welcome.

That young man with an embroidered silk waistcoat and white gloves, bending to talk to one of the ladies, is a Mr Vaughan. He is to be seen at Almack's, at Crockford's, and everywhere else. Everybody knows him, and he knows everybody. He is a little in debt, and yachting is convenient.

The one who sits by the lady is a relation of Lord B.; you see at once what he is. He apes the sailor; he has not shaved, because sailors have no time to shave every day; he has not changed his linen, because sailors cannot change every day. He has a cigar in his mouth, which makes him half sick and annoys his company. He talks of the pleasure of a rough sea, which will drive all the ladies below--and then they will not perceive that he is more sick than themselves. He has the misfortune to be born to a large estate, and to be a _fool_. His name is Ossulton.

The last of the gentlemen on board whom I have to introduce, is Mr Seagrove. He is slightly made, with marked features full of intelligence. He has been brought up to the bar; and has every qualification but application. He has never had a brief, nor has he a chance of one. He is the fiddler of the company, and he has locked up his chambers, and come, by invitation of his lords.h.i.+p, to play on board of his yacht.

I have yet to describe the ladies--perhaps I should have commenced with them--I must excuse myself upon the principle of reserving the best to the last. All puppet-showmen do so: and what is this but the first scene in my puppet-show?

We will describe them according to seniority. That tall, thin, cross-looking lady of forty-five is a spinster, and sister to Lord B.

She has been persuaded very much against her will to come on board; but her notions of propriety would not permit her niece to embark under the protection of _only_ her father. She is frightened at everything: if a rope is thrown down on the deck, up she starts, and cries, "Oh!" if on the deck, she thinks the water is rus.h.i.+ng in below; if down below, and there is a noise, she is convinced there is danger; and, if it be perfectly still, she is sure there is something wrong. She fidgets herself and everybody, and is quite a nuisance with her pride and ill-humour; but she has strict notions of propriety, and sacrifices herself as a martyr. She is the Hon. Miss Ossulton.

The lady who, when she smiles, shows so many dimples in her pretty oval face, is a young widow of the name of Lascelles. She married an old man to please her father and mother, which was very dutiful on her part. She was rewarded by finding herself a widow with a large fortune. Having married the first time to please her parents, she intends now to marry to please herself; but she is very young, and is in no hurry.

The young lady with such a sweet expression of countenance is the Hon.

Miss Cecilia Ossulton. She is lively, witty, and has no fear in her composition; but she is very young yet, not more than seventeen--and n.o.body knows what she really is--she does not know herself. These are the parties who meet in the cabin of the yacht. The crew consists of ten fine seamen, the steward, and the cook. There is also Lord B.'s valet, Mr Ossulton's gentleman, and the lady's maid of Miss Ossulton. There not being accommodation for them, the other servants have been left on sh.o.r.e.

The yacht is now under weigh, and her sails are all set. She is running between Drake's Island and the main. Dinner has been announced. As the reader has learnt something about the preparations, I leave him to judge whether it be not very pleasant to sit down to dinner in a yacht. The air has given everybody an appet.i.te; and it was not until the cloth was removed that the conversation became general.

"Mr Seagrove," said his lords.h.i.+p, "you very nearly lost your pa.s.sage; I expected you last Thursday."