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"LettingtheeffingcarabinierieffuptheR.V."
"HaveyoutriedgivingorderstotheItalianarmy?"
Hesniffedasareply.Hehimselfwasanex-S.A.S.sergeant,nownearingforty, whowouldneverinhisservicedayshavedreamedofobeyingacivilian.Hecould moveacrossanyterraininawaythatmadeachameleonlookflamboyant,andhe hadthreetimestrackedandliberatedavictimbeforetheransomhadbeenpaid, thoughnoone,noteventhevictim,wasquitesurehow.TonyVinewasthemost secretiveofthewholetight-lippedbunchandanythinghedidn'twanttotell didn'tgettold.
Itwashewhohadwarnedmeaboutknivesinsiderolled-upmagazines,andI'd guessedhe'dknownbecausehe'dcarriedonethatwayhimself.
Hishumorconsistedmostlyofsarcasm,andhecouldhardlygetasentenceout withoutanoilingoff.u.c.k,s.h.i.+t,andp.i.s.s.Heworkednearlyalwaysonpolitical kidnapsbecausehe,likePucinelli,tendedtodespisepersonalandcompany wealth.
"Ifyou'reeffingpoor,"he'dsaidtomeonce,"andyouseesomecapitalist s.h.i.+ttingaroundinaRoller,it'snotsoeffingsurprisingyouthinkofwaysof levelingthingsup.Ifyou'redowntoyourlastbitofgoatcheeseinSardinia, maybe,orshortofbeansinMexico,alittlekidnapmakeseffingsense."
"You'reromantic,"I'danswered."WhataboutthepoorSardinianswhosteala childfromapoorSardinianvillage,andgrindallthepoorpeoplethereinto poorerdust,forcingthemalltopayouttheirpitifulsavingsforaransom?"
"Noone'seffingperfect."
Forallthathe'dbeenagainstmejoiningthefirminthefirstplace,andin spiteofhisfeelingsuperiorineveryway,wheneverwe'dworkedtogetherithad beenwithoutfriction.Hecouldfeelhiswaythroughthepsychesofkidnappers asthroughaminefield,butpreferredtohavemedealwiththefamiliesofthe victims.
"Whenyou'rewiththem,theystayinoneeffingpiece.IfItellthemwhatto do,theyfalltoeffingbits."
Hewasathishappiestcooperatingwithmeninuniform,amongwhomheseemedto commandinstantrecognitionandrespect.Goodsergeantsranthearmy,itwas said,andwhenhewantedtohehadtheairabouthimstill.
NoonewasallowedtoserveintheS.A.S.foranextendedperiod,andoncehe'd beenbouncedoutbecauseof.a.ge,he'dbeenbored.Thensomeonehadmurmuredin hisearaboutfightingterroristsadifferentway,andLibertyMarkethadnever regrettedtakinghim.
"IputyouinforSundaymidnightontheblower,didyousee,insteadofme?"he said.
Inodded.
"Thewife'sgotthiseffinganniversarypartyorganized,andlikeas...o...b.. midnightI'llbep.i.s.sed."
"Allright,"Isaid.
Hewa.s.shortforasoldier:usefulforpa.s.singasawoman,he'dtoldmeonce.
Sandy-haired,blue-eyed,andlightonhisfeet,hewasafanaticaboutfitness, anditwashewhohadpersuadedeveryonetofurnish(anduse)theiron-pumping roominthebas.e.m.e.nt.Heneversaidmuchabouthisorigins:thetougherpartsof London,fromhisaccent.
"Whendidyougetback?"Iasked."LastIheardyouwereinColombia."
"Endoftheweek."
"Howwasit?"Isaid.
Hescowled."Wewinkledtheeffinghostagesoutsafe,andthenthelocal strengthgotexcitedandshotthes.h.i.+toutoftheterrorists,thoughthey'dgot theireffinghandsupandwerecomingoutpeaceful."Heshookhishead."Never keeptheirbulletstothemselves,thosesavages.Effingstupid,thewhole s.h.i.+ttinglotofthem."
Shootingterroristswho'dsurrenderedwas,ashe'dsaid,effingstupid.Thenews wouldgetaround,andthenextbunchofterrorists,knowingthey'dbeshotif theydidandalsoshotiftheydidn't,wouldbemorelikelytokilltheir victims.
IhadmissedtheMondaymeetingwherethatdebaclewouldhavebeendiscussed, butmeanwhiletherewasmyownreporttowriteforthepickingoverofBologna.
IspentallSat.u.r.dayonitandsomeofSundaymorning,andthendrove seventy-fivemileswestwardtoLambourn.
PopsyTeddingtonprovedtoliveinatallwhitehousenearthecenterofthe village,ahouseseemingalmostsuburbanbutsurprisinglyfrontingagreat amountofstabling.Ihadn'tuntilthatdayrealizedthatracingstablescould occuractuallyinsidevillages,butwhenIremarkedonitPopsysaidwitha smilethatIshouldseeNewmarket,theyhadhorseswherepeopleinothertowns hadgarages,greenhouses,andsheds.
Shewa.s.standingoutsidewhenIarrived,loomingoverafive-footmanwhoseemed gladoftheinterruption.
"Justseetothat,Sammy.TellthemIwon'tstandforit,"shewa.s.saying forcefullyasIopenedthecardoor.Herheadturnedmywayandamomentary "who-are-you?"frowncrossedherforehead."Oh,yes,Alessia'sfriend.She's aroundtheback,somewhere.Comealong."Sheledmepastthehouseandbehinda blockofstabling,andwearrivedsuddenlyinviewofasmallrailedpaddock, whereagirlonahorsewa.s.slowlycantering,watchedbyanothergirlonfoot.
Thelittlepaddockseemedtobesurroundedbythebacksofotherstablesand otherhouses,andthegra.s.swithinithadseenbetterdays.
"Ihopeyoucanhelpher,"Popsysaidstraightly,asweapproached."I'venever knownherlikethis.Veryworrying."
"Howdoyoumean?"Iasked.
"Soinsecure.Shewouldn'trideoutyesterdaywiththestring,whichshealways doeswhenshe'shere,andnowlookather,she'ssupposedtobeuponthat horse,not.w.a.tchingmystablegirlriding."
"Ha.s.shesaidmuchaboutwhathappenedtoher?"Iasked.
"Notathing.Shejustsmilescheerfullyandsaysit'sallover."
Alessiahalfturnedaswedrewnear,andlookedveryrelievedwhenshesawme.
"Iwasafraidyouwouldn'tcome,"shesaid.
"Youshouldn'thavebeen."
Shewaswearingjeansandacheckeds.h.i.+rtandlipstick,andwa.s.still unnaturallypalefromsixweeksindimlight.Popsyshoutedtothegirlriding thehorsetoput.i.tbackinitsstable."Unless,darling,you'dlike..."shesaid toAlessia."Afterall?"
Alessiashookherhead."Tomorrow,Iguess."Shesoundedasifshemeant.i.t,but IcouldseethatPopsydoubted.SheputamotherlyarmaroundAlessia's shouldersandgaveherasmallhug."Darling,dojustwhatyoulike.Howabouta drinkforyourthirstytraveler?"Tomeshesaid,"Coffee?Whisky?Methylated spirits?"
"Wine,"Alessiasaid."Iknowhelikesthat."
Wewentintothehouse;antiquedarkfurniture,wornIndianrugs,fadedchintz, avistaofhorsesthrougheverywindow.
PopsypouredItalianwineintocutcrystalgla.s.seswithacasualhandandsaid shewouldcooksteaksifwewerepatient.Alessiawatchedherdisappear kitchenwardsandsaiduncomfortably,"I'manuisancetoher.Ishouldn'thave come."
"You'requitewrongonbothcounts,"Isaid."It'sobviousshe'sgladtohave you."
"IthoughtI'dbeallrighthere...ThatI'dfeeldifferent.Imean,thatI'dfeel allright."
"You'resureto,inawhile."
Sheglancedatme."ItbothersmethatIjustcan't...shakeitoff."
"Likeyoucouldshakeoffdoublesepticpneumonia?"
"That'sdifferent,"sheprotested.
"Sixweeksofnosunlight,noexercise,nodecentfoodandasteadydietof heavysleepingpillsishardlyarecipeforphysicalhealth."
"ButI...it'snotjust...physical."
"Stilllesscanyoujustshakeoffthenonphysical."Idranksomewine."Howare yourdreams?"
Sheshuddered."HalfthetimeIcan'tsleep.IlariasaidIshouldkeeponwith sleepingpillsforawhile,butIdon'twantto,itrevoltsmetothinkofit...
ButwhenIdosleep...Ihavenightmares...andwakeupsweating."
"Wouldyoulikeme,"Isaidneutrally,"tointroduceyoutoapsychiatrist?I knowquiteagoodone."
"No."Theanswerwasinstinctive."I'mnotmad,I'mjust...notright."
"Youdon'tneedtobedyingtogotoadoctor."
Sheshookherhead."Idon'twantto."
Shesatonalargesofawithherfeetonacoffeetable,lookingworried.
"It'syouthatIwanttotalkto,notsomeshrink.Youunderstandwhathappened, andtosomestrangedoctoritwouldsoundexaggerated.YouknowI'mtellingthe truth,buthe'dbeworryinghalfthetimeifIwasn'tfantasizingordramatizing orsomethingandbelookingforwaysofputtingmeinthewrong.Ihadafriend whowenttoone...shetoldmeitwasweird,whenshesaidshewantedtogiveup smokinghekeptsuggestingshewasunhappybecauseshehadrepressedincestuous longingsforherfather."Sheendedwithanattemptatalaugh,butIcouldsee whatshemeant.Psychiatristswereaccustomedtodistortionandevasion,and lookedfortheminthesimplestremark.
"Idothinkallthesamethatyou'dbebetteroffwithexperthelp,"Isaid.
"You'reanexpert."
"No."
"But.i.t'syouIwant...Oh,dear,"shebrokeoffsuddenly,lookingmostconfused.
"I'msorry...Youdon'twantto...Howstupidofme."
"Ididn'tsaythat.Isaid..."Itoostopped.Istoodup,walkedover,andsat nexttoheronthesofa,nottouching."I'lluntieanyknotsIcanforyou,and foraslongasyouwantmeto.That'sapromise.Alsoapleasure,notach.o.r.e.
Butyoumustpromisemesomethingtoo."
Shesaid"What?"glancingatmeandaway.
"ThatifI'mdoingyounogood,youwilltrysomeoneelse."
"Ashrink?"
"Yes."
Shelookedathershoes."Allright,"shesaid:andlikeanypsychiatristI wonderedifshewerelying.
Popsy'ssteakscametenderandjuicy,andAlessiaatehalfofhers.
"Youmustbuildupyourstrength,mydarling,"Popsysaidwithoutcensure.
"You'veworkedsohardtogetwhereyouare.Youdon'twantallthoseambitious littlejockey-boyselbowingyouout,whichtheywillifthey'vehalfachance."
"ItelephonedMike,"shesaid."Isaid...I'dneedtime."
"Nowmydarling,"Popsyprotested."Yougetstraightbackonthetelephoneand tellhimyou'llbefitaweektoday.Sayyou'llbereadytoracetomorrowweek, withoutfail."
Alessialookedatherinhorror."I'mtooweaktostayinthesaddle...letalone race."
"Mydarling,you'veallthegutsintheworld.Ifyouwantto,you'lldoit."
Alessia'sfacesaidplainlythatshedidn'tknowwhethershewantedtoornot.
"Who'sMike?"Iasked.
"MikeNoland,"Popsysaid."ThetrainersheoftenridesforinEngland.Helives here,inLambourn,uptheroad."
"Hesaidheunderstood,"Alessiasaidweakly.
"Wellofcourseheunderstands.Whowouldn't?Butallthesame,mydarling,if youwantthosehorsesback,it'syouthatwillhavetogetthem."
Shespokewithbrisk,affectionatecommonsense,hallmarkofthekindand healthywhohadneverbeenatcrackingpoint.Therewasasortofquiverfrom whereAlessiasat,andIroseunhurriedlytomyfeetandaskedifIcouldhelp carrytheemptydishestothekitchen.
"Ofcourseyoucan,"Popsysaid,risingalso,"andthere'scheese,ifyou'dlike some."
AlessiasaidhorsessleptonSundayafternoonslikeeveryoneelse,butafter coffeewewalkedslowlyroundtheyardanyway,pattingoneortwoheads.
"Ican'tpossiblygetfitinaweek,"Alessiasaid."DoyouthinkIshould?"
"Ithinkyoushouldtrysittingonahorse."
"SupposeI'velostmynerve."
"You'dfindout."
"That'snotmuchcomfort."Sherubbedthenoseofoneofthehorses absentmindedly,showingatleastnofearofitsteeth."Doyouride?"sheasked.
"No,"Isaid."And...er...I'veneverbeentotheraces."
Shewasastonished."Never?"
"I'vewatchedthemoftenontelevision."
"Notthesameatall."Shelaidherowncheekbrieflyagainstthehorse's.
"Wouldyouliketogo?"
"Withyou,yes,verymuch."
Hereyesfilledwithsuddentears,whichsheblinkedawayimpatiently."You see,"shesaid."That'salwayshappening.Akindword...andsomethinginsideme melts.Idotry...Ihonestlydotrytobehavedecently,butIknowI'mputtingon anact...andunderneaththere'sanabyss...withthingscomingupfromit,like cryingfornothing,fornoreason,likenow."
"Theact,"Isaid,"isOscarcla.s.s."
Sheswallowedandsniffedandbrushedtheunspilledtearsawaywithherfingers.