Running with the Pack Part 31

"I don't hate you! You hate me! If you didn't hate me, you wouldn't be threatening to leave!" He gets up and throws his napkin down on the table; it lands in the gravy boat. Before leaving the room, he turns and says, "I'm sleeping in the guestroom tonight."

"Fine," you tell him dully. He leaves, and you discover that you're trembling, shaking the way a terrier would, or a poodle. Not a wolf.

Well. He's made himself very plain. You get up, clear away the uneaten dinner you spent all afternoon cooking, and go upstairs to your bedroom. Yours, now: not Jonathan's anymore. You change into jeans and a sweats.h.i.+rt. You think about taking a hot bath, because all your bones ache, but if you allow yourself to relax into warm water, you'll fall apart; you'll dissolve into tears, and there are things you have to do. Your bones aren't aching just because your marriage has ended; they're aching because the transition is coming up, and you need to make plans before it starts.

So you go into your study, turn on the computer, call up an internet travel agency. You book a flight back home for ten days from today, when you'll definitely be back on two feet again. You charge the ticket to your credit card. The bill will arrive here in another month, but by then you'll be long gone. Let Jonathan pay it.

Money. You have to think about how you'll make money, how much money you'll take with you-but you can't think about it now. Booking the flight has. .h.i.t you like a blow. Tomorrow, when Jonathan's at work, you'll call Diane and ask her advice on all of this. You'll tell her you're going home. She'll probably ask you to come stay with her, but you can't, because of the transitions. Diane, of all the people you know, might understand, but you can't imagine summoning the energy to explain.

It takes all the energy you have to get yourself out of the study, back into your bedroom. You cry yourself to sleep, and this time Jonathan's not even across the mattress from you. You find yourself wondering if you should have handled the dinner conversation differently, if you should have kept yourself from yelling at him about the t.u.r.ds in the yard, if you should have tried to seduce him first, if- The ifs could go on forever. You know that. You think about going home. You wonder if you'll still know anyone there. You realize how much you'll miss your garden, and you start crying again.

Tomorrow, first thing, you'll call Diane.

But when tomorrow comes, you can barely get out of bed. The transition has arrived early, and it's a horrible one, the worst ever. You're in so much pain you can hardly move. You're in so much pain that you moan aloud, but if Jonathan hears, he doesn't come in. During the brief pain-free intervals when you can think lucidly, you're grateful that you booked your flight as soon as you did. And then you realize that the bedroom door is closed, and that Jessie won't be able to open it herself. You need to get out of bed. You need to open the door.

You can't. The transition's too far advanced. It's never been this fast; that must be why it hurts so much. But the pain, paradoxically, makes the transition seem longer than a normal one, rather than shorter. You moan, and whimper, and lose all track of time, and finally howl, and then, blessedly, the transition's over. You're on four feet.

You can get out of bed now, and you do, but you can't leave the room. You howl, but if Jonathan's here, if he hears you, he doesn't come.

There's no food in the room. You left the master bathroom toilet seat up, by chance, so there's water, full of interesting smells. That's good. And there are shoes to chew on, but they offer neither nourishment nor any real comfort. You're hungry. You're lonely. You're afraid. You can smell Jonathan in the room-in the shoes, in the sheets, in the clothing in the closet-but Jonathan himself won't come, no matter how much you howl.

And then, finally, the door opens. It's Jonathan. "Jessie," he says. "Poor Jessie. You must be so hungry; I'm sorry." He's carrying your leash; he takes your collar out of your underwear drawer and puts it on you and attaches the leash, and you think you're going for a walk now. You're ecstatic. Jonathan's going to walk you again. Jonathan still loves you.

"Let's go outside, Jess," he says, and you dutifully trot down the stairs to the front door. But instead he says, "Jessie, this way. Come on, girl," and leads you on your leash to the family room at the back of the house, to the sliding gla.s.s doors that open onto the back yard. You're confused, but you do what Jonathan says. You're desperate to please him. Even if he's no longer quite Stella's husband, he's still Jessie's alpha.

He leads you into the backyard. There's a metal pole in the middle of the backyard. That didn't used to be there. Your canine mind wonders if it's a new toy. You trot up and sniff it, cautiously, and as you do, Jonathan clips one end of your leash onto a ring in the top of the pole.

You yip in alarm. You can't move far; it's not that long a leash. You strain against the pole, the leash, the collar, but none of them give; the harder you pull, the harder the choke collar makes it for you to breathe. Jonathan's still next to you, stroking you, calm, rea.s.suring. "It's okay, Jess. I'll bring you food and water, all right? You'll be fine out here. It's just for tonight. Tomorrow we'll go for a nice long walk, I promise."

Your ears perk up at "walk," but you still whimper. Jonathan brings your food and water bowls outside and puts them within reach.

You're so glad to have the food that you can't think about being lonely or afraid. You gobble your Alpo, and Jonathan strokes your fur and tells you what a good dog you are, what a beautiful dog, and you think maybe everything's going to be all right, because he hasn't stroked you this much in months, hasn't spent so much time talking to you, admiring you.

Then he goes inside again. You strain towards the house, as much as the choke collar will let you. You catch occasional glimpses of Jonathan, who seems to be cleaning. Here he is dusting the picture frames: here he is running the vacuum cleaner. Now he's cooking-beef stroganoff, you can smell it-and now he's lighting candles in the dining room.

You start to whimper. You whimper even more loudly when a car pulls into the driveway on the other side of the house, but you stop when you hear a female voice, because you want to hear what it says.

"So terrible that your wife left you. You must be devastated."

"Yes, I am. But I'm sure she's back in Europe now, with her family. Here, let me show you the house." And when he shows her the family room, you see her: in her twenties, with long black hair and perfect skin. And you see how Jonathan looks at her, and you start to howl in earnest.

"Jesus," Jonathan's guest says, peering out at you through the dusk. "What the h.e.l.l is that? A wolf?"

"My sister's dog," Jonathan says. "Husky-wolfhound mix. I'm taking care of her while my sister's away on business. She can't hurt you: don't be afraid." And he touches the woman's shoulder to silence her fear, and she turns towards him, and they walk into the dining room. And then, after a while, the bedroom light flicks on, and you hear laughter and other noises, and you start to howl again.

You howl all night, but Jonathan doesn't come outside. The neighbors yell at Jonathan a few times-Shut that dog up, G.o.ddammit!-but Jonathan will never come outside again. You're going to die here, tethered to this stake.

But you don't. Towards dawn you finally stop howling; you curl up and sleep, exhausted, and when you wake up the sun's higher and Jonathan's coming through the open gla.s.s doors. He's carrying another dish of Alpo, and he smells of soap and shampoo. You can't smell the woman on him.

You growl anyway, because you're hurt and confused. "Jessie," he says. "Jessie, it's all right. Poor beautiful Jessie. I've been mean to you, haven't I? I'm so sorry."

He does sound sorry, truly sorry. You eat the Alpo, and he strokes you, the same way he did last night, and then he unsnaps your leash from the pole and says, "Okay, Jess, through the gate into the driveway, okay? We're going for a ride."

You don't want to go for a ride. You want to go for a walk. Jonathan promised you a walk. You growl.

"Jessie! Into the car, now! We're going to another meadow, Jess. It's farther away than our old one, but someone told me he saw rabbits there, and he said it's really big. You'd like to explore a new place, wouldn't you?"

You don't want to go to a new meadow. You want to go to the old meadow, the one where you know the smell of every tree and rock. You growl again.

"Jessie, you're being a very bad dog! Now get in the car. Don't make me call Animal Control."

You whine. You're scared of Animal Control, the people who wanted to take you away so long ago, when you lived in that other county. You know that Animal Control kills a lot of animals, in that county and in this one, and if you die as a wolf, you'll stay a wolf. They'd never know about Stella. As Jessie, you'd have no way to protect yourself except your teeth, and that would only get you killed faster.

So you get into the car, although you're trembling.

In the car, Jonathan seems more cheerful. "Good Jessie. Good girl. We'll go to the new meadow and chase b.a.l.l.s now, eh? It's a big meadow. You'll be able to run a long way." And he tosses a new tennis ball into the backseat, and you chew on it, happily, and the car drives along, traffic whizzing past it. When you lift your head from chewing on the ball, you can see trees, so you put your head back down, satisfied, and resume chewing. And then the car stops, and Jonathan opens the door for you, and you hop out, holding your ball in your mouth.

This isn't a meadow. You're in the parking lot of a low concrete building that reeks of excrement and disinfectant and fear, fear, and from the building you hear barking and howling, screams of misery, and in the parking lot are parked two white Animal Control trucks.

You panic. You drop your tennis ball and try to run, but Jonathan has the leash, and he starts dragging you inside the building, and you can't breathe because of the choke collar. You cough, gasping, trying to howl. "Don't fight, Jessie. Don't fight me. Everything's all right."

Everything's not all right. You can smell Jonathan's desperation, can taste your own, and you should be stronger than he is but you can't breathe, and he's saying "Jessie, don't bite me, it will be worse if you bite me, Jessie," and the screams of horror still swirl from the building and you're at the door now, someone's opened the door for Jonathan, someone says, "Let me help you with that dog," and you're scrabbling on the concrete, trying to dig your claws into the sidewalk just outside the door, but there's no purchase, and they've dragged you inside, onto the linoleum, and everywhere are the smells and sounds of terror. Above your own whimpering you hear Jonathan saying, "She jumped the fence and threatened my girlfriend, and then she tried to bite me, so I have no choice, it's such a shame, she's always been such a good dog, but in good conscience I can't-"

You start to howl, because he's lying, lying, you never did any of that!

Now you're surrounded by people, a man and two women, all wearing colorful cotton smocks that smell, although faintly, of dog s.h.i.+t and cat pee. They're putting a muzzle on you, and even though you can hardly think through your fear-and your pain, because Jonathan's walked back out the door, gotten into the car and driven away, Jonathan's left you here-even with all of that, you know you don't dare bite or snap. You know your only hope is in being a good dog, in acting as submissive as possible. So you whimper, crawl along on your stomach, try to roll over on your back to show your belly, but you can't, because of the leash.

"Hey," one of the women says. The man's left. She bends down to stroke you. "Oh, G.o.d, she's so scared. Look at her."

"Poor thing," the other woman says. "She's beautiful."

"I know."

"Looks like a wolf mix."

"I know." The first woman sighs and scratches your ears, and you whimper and wag your tail and try to lick her hand through the muzzle. Take me home, you'd tell her if you could talk. Take me home with you. You'll be my alpha, and I'll love you forever. I'm a good dog.

The woman who's scratching you says wistfully, "We could adopt her out in a minute, I bet."

"Not with that history. Not if she's a biter. Not even if we had room. You know that."

"I know." The voice is very quiet. "Wish I could take her myself, though."

"Take home a biter? Lily, you have kids!"

Lily sighs. "Yeah, I know. Makes me sick, that's all."

"You don't need to tell me that. Come on, let's get this over with. Did Mark go to get the room ready?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. What'd the owner say her name was?"

"Stella."

"Okay. Here, give me the leash. Stella, come. Come on, Stella."

The voice is sad, gentle, loving, and you want to follow it, but you fight every step, anyway, until Lily and her friend have to drag you past the cages of other dogs, who start barking and howling again, whose cries are pure terror, pure loss. You can hear cats grieving, somewhere else in the building, and you can smell the room at the end of the hall, the room to which you're getting inexorably closer. You smell the man named Mark behind the door, and you smell medicine, and you smell the fear of the animals who've been taken to that room before you. But overpowering everything else is the worst smell, the smell that makes you bare your teeth in the muzzle and pull against the choke collar and scrabble again, helplessly, for a purchase you can't get on the concrete floor: the pervasive, metallic stench of death.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS.

PETER BELL is a historian, living in York, England. He is a member of the Friends of Arthur Machen and the Ghost Story Society. He writes for The Ghosts & Scholars M.R. James Newsletter, and the magazines Wormwood and Faunus. His stories have appeared in All Hallows; Supernatural Tales; Swan River Press's Haunted Histories series; the Ash-Tree Press anthologies, Acquainted with the Night, At Ease with the Dead, Shades of Darkness, and Exotic Gothic II; and in the Ex-Occidente Press anthology Cinnabar's Gnosis; a Homage to Gustav Meyrink. A collection of his stories The Light of the World & Other Strange Tales is to be published in 2010 by Ex-Occidente Press. An article on Beasts by Joyce Carol Oates is in the forthcoming Twenty-First Century Gothic: Great Gothic Novels since 2000.

MARIE BRENNAN is the author of the Onyx Court series of London-based historical faerie fantasies: Midnight Never Come, In Ashes Lie, and the upcoming A Star Shall Fall, as well as the Doppelganger duology of Warrior and Witch. She has published nearly thirty short stories in venues such as On Spec, Beneath Ceaseless Skies, and the acclaimed anthology series Clockwork Phoenix. More information can be found on her web site: www.swantower.com.

MIKE BROTHERTON is the author of the science fiction novels Spider Star (2008) and Star Dragon (2003), the latter being a finalist for the Campbell award. He's also a professor of astronomy at the University of Wyoming, a Clarion West graduate, and founder of the Launch Pad Astronomy Workshop for Writers (www.launchpadworkshop.org). He blogs at www.mikebrotherton.com.

JESSE BULLINGTON is the author of The Sad Tale of the Brothers Grossbart and the upcoming The Enterprise of Death, as well as several short stories and articles. He lives in Colorado and can be found online at www.jessebullington.com.

STEPHANIE BURGIS is an American writer who lives in Wales with her husband, fellow writer Patrick Samphire, their son, and their dog. Her YA Regency fantasy novel The Unladylike Adventures of Kat Stephenson, Book One: A Most Improper Magick will be published in 2010. Her short fiction has appeared in several magazines, including Strange Horizons, Beneath Ceaseless Skies, and Fantasy Magazine. To find out more, please visit her web site: www.stephanieburgis.com AMANDA DOWNUM lives near Austin, Texas, in a house with a spooky attic, and works at a bookstore in addition to writing, cat-herding, and falling off rocks. Her short fiction has appeared in Strange Horizons, Realms of Fantasy, and Weird Tales. The Drowning City, first of the Necromancer Chronicles, is available from Orbit Books; the second volume, The Bone Palace, is forthcoming in 2010. For more information on Amanda or her writing, visit www.amandadownum.com.

STEVE DUFFY's stories have appeared in numerous magazines and anthologies in Europe and North America. Two new collections of his short fiction, The Moment of Panic (which includes the International Horror Guild award-winning tale, "The Rag-and-Bone Men") and Tragic Life Stories, will be published in 2010. He lives in North Wales.

KAREN EVERSON is a jack-of-all-arts. She has published fiction, non-fiction and poetry. Recent publications include "Support You Local Werewolf," another Olwen story, in Esther Friesner's anthology Strip Mauled. Her current writing projects include a fantasy novel, Crown of Shadows, and a paranormal romance centered on Olwen and her family. In addition to her writing, Karen runs Moongate Designs, a small business showcasing her art and needlework designs. She lives in Michigan with her other great pa.s.sions: her husband Mark, her daughter Caitlyn, and numerous pets.

JEFFREY FORD is the author of the novels, The Physiognomy, Memoranda, The Beyond, The Portrait of Mrs. Charbuque, The Girl in the Gla.s.s, and The Shadow Year. His short stories have been collected into three books-The Fantasy Writer's a.s.sistant, The Empire of Ice Cream, and The Drowned Life. He lives in South Jersey and teaches Writing and Literature at Brookdale Community College.

LAURA ANNE GILMAN started out on the editorial side of publis.h.i.+ng, but went freelance in 2003. Her urban fantasy Staying Dead (Luna) came out in 2004, followed by Curse The Dark, Bring It On, Burning Bridges, Free Fall, and Blood From Stone. The first in a spinoff series, Hard Magic, was published in May 2010. The first book in The Vineart War trilogy, Flesh and Fire (Pocket), was published in October 2009. The second book, Weight of Stone, will be available October 2010. She is also the author of the Grail Quest YA trilogy for HarperCollins (2006), and as "Anna Leonard" writes paranormal romances (The Night Serpent and the forthcoming The Hunted). She also writes short fiction, and as part of Book View Cafe (www.bookviewcafe.com), is involved in expanding the definition of publis.h.i.+ng beyond traditional models. More information available at lauraannegilman.net GEOFFREY H. GOODWIN is a writer who lives near Boston, Ma.s.sachusetts. He has two degrees in literature and has spent most of his life working in bookstores and comic book shops. Geoffrey's fiction has appeared in Lady Churchill's Rosebud Wristlet, Rabid Transit, and Prime's Phantom anthology, among others. He has also contributed nonfiction to Books.l.u.t, Weird Tales, and Tor.com.

After traveling the world in search of the perfect Bunco group, SAMANTHA HENDERSON settled down in Southern California. Her short fiction has been published in Realms of Fantasy, Strange Horizons, Fantasy, and Chizine, and her 2008 dark Victorian fantasy Heaven's Bones was nominated for the Scribe Award. She is currently the treasurer of the Science Fiction Poetry a.s.sociation.

N.K. JEMISIN's work has appeared in Clarkesworld, Strange Horizons, and Postscripts, and ranges across science fiction, fantasy, erotica, and sometimes a bit of all three. Her first novel, The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms, first of the Inheritance Trilogy, is out now from Orbit Books. She lives and writes in Brooklyn, NY.

C.E. MURPHY is a writer, mostly of novels, but sometimes of comic books and short stories. Born and raised in Alaska, she now lives with her family in her ancestral homeland of Ireland, a magical land where winter never arrives. More information about her writing and witty banter with the author are available at her web site, www.cemurphy.net.

SUSAN PALWICK is an a.s.sociate Professor of English at the University of Nevada, Reno, where she teaches literature and writing. She has published three novels, all with Tor, and a story collection with Tachyon Publications. She is currently working on a mainstream novel under contract with Tor. Susan's writing has been honored with the Crawford Award from the International a.s.sociation for the Fantastic in the Arts, with an Alex Award from the American Library a.s.sociation, and with a Silver Pen Award from the Nevada Writers Hall of Fame. She has also been a finalist for the World Fantasy Award and the Mythopoeic Award.

MIKE RESNICK is, according to Locus, the all-time leading award winner, living or dead, for short science fiction. He has won five Hugos, a Nebula, and other major awards in the USA, France, Spain, Poland, Croatia, and j.a.pan, and has been short-listed in England, Italy and Australia. He is the author of sixty-one novels, over 250 short stories, and two screenplays, and has edited more than forty anthologies. His work has been translated into twenty-three languages. In his spare time, he sleeps.

LAWRENCE SCHIMEL has published over one hundred books as author or anthologist, including The Drag Queen of Elfland (Circlet), The Future is Queer (a.r.s.enal Pulp), Things Invisible to See: Lesbian and Gay Tales of Magic Realism (Circlet), Two Boys in Love (Seventh Window), and Fairy Tales for Writers (A Midsummer Night's Press). He has twice won the Lambda Literary Award, for First Person Queer (a.r.s.enal Pulp) and PoMos.e.xuals (Cleis), and has also won the Spectrum, the Independent Publisher Book Award, the Rhysling, and other awards. He lives in Madrid, Spain, where he works as a Spanish-to-English translator.

MARIA V. SNYDER switched careers from meteorologist to novelist when she began writing the New York Times best-selling Study Series (Poison Study, Magic Study and Fire Study) about a young woman who becomes a poison taster. Born and raised in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Maria dreamed of chasing tornados, but lacked the skills to forecast their location. Writing, however, lets Maria control the weather. Her new Gla.s.s Series (Storm Gla.s.s, Sea Gla.s.s, and Spy Gla.s.s) combines two out of the three things Maria loves: the weather and gla.s.s. The third is dogs. Readers are invited to read more of Maria's short stories on her web site at www.MariaVSnyder.com.

MOLLY TANZER is the a.s.sistant editor of Fantasy Magazine. Her interview with Garth Nix appeared on the Fantasy Magazine site, and her nonfiction article "On Books and Animals" appeared in Herbivore Magazine. You are always welcome to visit her at www.mollytanzer.com. She knits, but never with wool.

GENEVIEVE VALENTINE's fiction has appeared or is forthcoming in Clarkesworld Magazine, Strange Horizons, Fantasy Magazine, and in anthologies Federations, The Living Dead II, and Teeth. Her first novel, about a mechanical circus troupe, is coming in 2011 from Prime. She has an insatiable appet.i.te for bad movies, a tragedy she tracks on her blog at www.genevievevalentine.com.

CARRIE VAUGHN is the bestselling author of a series of novels about a werewolf named Kitty who hosts a talk radio advice show for the supernaturally disadvantaged. The seventh installment, Kitty's House of Horrors, was released in 2010. T.J. in "Wild Ride" is a character from the series. Carrie's first young adult novel, Voices of Dragons, is also due to be released in 2010. An Air Force brat, she grew up all over the U.S. but has managed to put down roots in Boulder, Colorado. Please visit her at www.carrievaughn.com for more information.

ERZEBET YELLOWBOY is the editor of Cabinet des Fees, a journal of fairy tale fiction, and the founder of Papaveria Press, a private press specializing in handbound limited editions of mythic poetry and prose. Her stories and poems have appeared in Fantasy Magazine, Jabberwocky, Goblin Fruit, Mythic Delirium, Electric Velocipede and others. Her second novel, Sleeping Helena, is scheduled for release in 2010. Visit her web site at www.erzebet.com.

PUBLICATION HISTORY.

"The Barony at Rodal" by Peter Bell. 2008 Peter Bell. Originally published in Exotic Gothic 2, Ash Tree Press, 2008. Reprinted by permission of the author.

"Comparison of Efficacy Rates for Seven Antipathetics as Employed Against Lycanthropes" by Marie Brennan. 2010 Marie Brennan.

"The Pack and the Pickup Artist" by Michael Brotherton. 2010 Michael Brotherton.

"Blamed for Trying to Live" by Jesse Bullington. 2010 Jesse Bullington.

"Locked Doors" by Stephanie Burgis. 2007 Stephanie Burgis. Originally published in Strange Horizons, January 2007. Reprinted by permission of the author.

"The Garden, the Moon, the Wall" by Amanda Downum. 2006 Amanda Downum. Originally published in Ideomancer, September 2006. Reprinted by permission of the author.

"Side-Effects May Include" by Steve Duffy. 2008 Steve Duffy.Originally published in Exotic Gothic 2, Ash Tree Press, 2008. Reprinted by permission of the author.

"Deadfall" by Karen Everson. 2010 Karen Everson.

"The Beautiful Gelreesh" by Jeffrey Ford. 2003 Jeffrey Ford.Originally published in Alb.u.m Zutique, Ministry of Whimsy Press, 2003. Reprinted by permission of the author.

"Werelove" by Laura Anne Gilman. 2010 Laura Anne Gilman.

"Are You a Vampire or a Goblin?" by Geoffrey H. Goodwin. 2010 Geoffrey H. Goodwin.

"Skin in the Game" by Samantha Henderson. 2010 Samantha Henderson.

"Red Riding Hood's Child" by N.K. Jemisin. 2005 N.K. Jemisin. Originally published in Fishnet, April 2005. Reprinted by permission of the author.

"Blended" by CE Murphy is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License. 2010 C.E. Murphy "Gestella" by Susan Palwick. 2001 Susan Palwick. Originally published in Starlight 3, Tor Books, 2001. Reprinted by permission of the author.

"Royal Bloodlines" by Mike Resnick. 1992 Mike Resnick. Originally published as a chapter t.i.tled "The Werewolf" in Lucifer Jones, Warner Books, 1992. Reprinted by permission of the author.

"Take Back the Night" by Lawrence Schimel. 1997 Lawrence Schimel. Originally published in The Drag Queen of Elfland, Circlet Press, 1997. Reprinted by permission of the author.

"Mongrel" by Maria V. Snyder. 2010 Maria V. Snyder.

"In Sheep's Clothing" by Molly Tanzer. 2010 Molly Tanzer.

"The Dire Wolf" by Genevieve Valentine. 2010 Genevieve Valentine.

"Wild Ride" by Carrie Vaughn. 2010 Carrie Vaughn, LLC.

"Inside Out" by Erzebet YellowBoy. 2010 Erzebet YellowBoy.