Plain Facts for Old and Young Part 30

From these unfortunate alliances often arise most deplorable evils.

Vicious companions not infrequently sow the seeds of evil habits far and wide, contaminating all who come within their influence.

Whom to Avoid.--A girl will always do well to avoid a companion who is vain, idle, silly, or frivolous. Girls who have these evil characteristics are very likely to have others also which are worse.

A girl who is rude in her manners, careless in her habits, irreverent and disobedient to parents and teachers, is always an unsafe companion.

No matter how pretty, witty, stylish, or aristocratic she may be, she should be shunned. Her influence will be withering, debasing, wherever felt. A girl may be gay and thoughtless without being vicious; but the chances are ten to one that she will become sinful unless she changes her ways.

Sentimental Books.--The majority of girls love to read, but, unfortunately, the kind of literature of which they are chiefly fond is not of a character which will elevate, refine, or in any way benefit them. Story books, romances, love tales, and religious novels const.i.tute the chief part of the reading matter which American young ladies greedily devour. We have known young ladies still in their teens who had read whole libraries of the most exciting novels.

The taste for novel-reading is like that for liquor or opium. It is never satiated. It grows with gratification. A confirmed novel-reader is almost as difficult to reform as a confirmed inebriate or opium-eater.

The influence upon the mind is most damaging and pernicious. It not only destroys the love for solid, useful reading, but excites the emotions, and in many cases keeps the pa.s.sions in a perfect fever of excitement. The confessions of young women who were to all appearance the most circ.u.mspect in every particular, and whom no one mistrusted to be capable of vile thoughts, have convinced us that this evil is more prevalent than many, even of those who are quite well informed, would be willing to admit.

By reading of this kind, many are led to resort to self-abuse for the gratification of pa.s.sions which over-stimulation has made almost uncontrollable. Some have thus been induced to sin who had never been injured by other influences, but discovered the fatal secret themselves.

Mothers cannot be too careful of the character of the books which their daughters read. Every book, magazine, and paper should be carefully scrutinized, unless its character is already well known, before it is allowed to be read. In our opinion, some of the literature which pa.s.ses as standard, which is often found on parlor center-tables and in family and school libraries, such as Chaucer's poems, and other writings of a kindred character, is unfit for perusal by inexperienced and unsophisticated young ladies. Some of this literature is actually too vile for any one to read, and if written to-day by any poet of note would cause his works to be committed to the stove and the rag-bag in spite of his reputation.

Various Causes.--Bad diet, the use of stimulating and exciting articles of food, late suppers, confectionery and dainties,--all these have a very powerful influence in the wrong direction by exciting functions which ought to be kept as nearly latent as possible. The use of tea and coffee by young ladies cannot be too strongly condemned. Improper dress, by causing local congestion, often predisposes to secret vice by occasioning local excitement. Probably a greater cause than any of those last mentioned is too great familiarity with the opposite s.e.x.

The silly letters which girls sometimes allow themselves to receive from the boys and young men of their acquaintance, and which they encourage by letters of a similar character, must be condemned in the most thorough manner. Upon receiving such a letter a pure-minded girl will consider herself insulted; and has just reason for so doing. The childish flirtations which girls and boys sometimes indulge in often lead to evils of a most revolting character.

Modesty Woman's Safeguard.--True modesty and maidenly reserve are the best guardians of virtue. The girl who is truly modest, who encourages and allows no improper advances, need have no fear of annoyance from this source. She is equally safe from temptation to sin which may come to her in secret, when no human eye can behold. Maidenly modesty is one of the best qualities which any young lady can possess. A young woman who lacks modesty, who manifests boldness of manner and carelessness in deportment, is not only liable to have her virtue a.s.sailed by designing and unscrupulous men, but is herself likely to fall before the temptation to indulge in secret sin, which is certain to present itself in some way sooner or later.

This invaluable protection is speedily lost by the girl who abandons herself to secret vice. The chances are very great, also, that by degrees her respect for and love of virtue and chast.i.ty will diminish until she is open to temptations to indulge in less secret sin; and thus she travels down the road of vice until she finds herself at last an inmate of a brothel or an outcast wanderer, rejected by friends, and lost to virtue, purity, and all that a true woman holds most dear.

A Few Sad Cases.--Although we do not believe it right to harrow the feelings of those who have sinned and suffered with a rehearsal of sad cases when no good can be accomplished by such accounts, we deem it but just that those who are not yet entangled in the meshes of vice should have an opportunity of knowing the actual results of sin, and profiting by the sad experience of others. It is for this purpose that we shall mention a few cases which have come under our observation, taking care to avoid mentioning any facts which might lead to identification, as the facts we shall use were, many of them, received in strict confidence from those who were glad to unburden their hearts to some one, but had never dared to do so, even to their friends.

A Pitiful Case.--Several years ago we received a letter from a young woman in an Eastern State in which she described her case as that of an individual who had early become addicted to secret vice and had continued the vile habit until that time, when she was about thirty-two years of age. In spite of the most solemn vows to reform, she still continued the habit, and had become reduced to such a miserable condition that she would almost rather die than live. She sent with her letter photographs representing herself at twenty and at that time, so that we might see the contrast. It was indeed appalling to see what changes sin had wrought. Her face, once fair and comely, had become actually haggard with vice. Purity, innocence, grace, and modesty were no longer visible there. The hard lines of sin had obliterated every trace of beauty, and produced a most repulsive countenance. Though greatly depraved and shattered by sin and consequent disease in body and mind, she still had some desire to be cured, if possible, and made a most pitiful appeal for help to escape from her loathsome condition.

We gave her the best counsel we could under the circ.u.mstances, and did all in our power to rescue her from her living death; but whether in any degree successful we cannot tell, as we have never heard from the poor creature since.

We have often wished since that we might but show those two pictures to every girl who has been tempted to sin in this way, to all who have ever yielded to this awful vice. The terrible contrast would certainly produce an impression which no words can do. We sent them back to their wretched original, however, by her request, and so cannot show the actual pictures; but when any who read these lines are tempted thus to sin we beg them to think of these two pictures, and by forming a vivid image of them in the mind drive away the disposition to do wrong.

A Mind Dethroned.--A young lady who had received every advantage which could be given her by indulgent parents, and who naturally possessed most excellent talents, being a fine musician, and naturally so bright and witty as to be the life of every company in which she moved, suddenly began to show strange symptoms of mental unsoundness. She would sometimes be seized with fits of violence during which it was with great difficulty that she could be controlled. Several times she threatened the lives of her nurses, and even on one occasion attempted to execute her threat, the person's life being saved by mere accident. Everything was done for her that could be done, but the mania increased to such a degree of violence that she was sent to an asylum for the insane.

Here she remained for months before she became sufficiently tractable to be taken to her home and cared for by friends. Too close application to study was the cause at first a.s.signed for her mental disorder, but a careful investigation of the case revealed the fact that the terrible sin which has ruined the minds of so many promising young men and brilliant young women was the cause that led to the sad result in this case also. The punishment of sin, especially of s.e.xual sins, is indeed terrible; but the sin is a fearful one, and the penalty must be equal to the enormity of the crime. Not all young women who indulge thus will become insane, but any one who thus transgresses may be thus punished.

There is no safety but in absolute purity.

A Penitent Victim.--A young woman who had been ill for years, and whose physicians had sought in vain to cure her various ailments, until her parents almost despaired of her ever being anything but a helpless invalid, came to us for treatment, resolved upon making a last effort for health. She had grown up in utter ignorance of the laws of health and of the results of the vice of which we are writing; and having been early taught the sin, she had indulged it for a number of years with the result of producing a most terribly diseased condition of the s.e.xual organs, which had baffled the skill of all the physicians who had attended her, none of whom had ever been made acquainted with the true cause of the difficulties. When apprized of the real facts in the case, that she was alone responsible for the sad condition into which she had fallen, her eyes were opened to see the wickedness and vileness of her course. She bitterly bemoaned her past life, and heartily repented of her sins. Of the sincerity of her repentance she gave evidence in the earnest efforts which she put forth to help herself.

She spared no pains to do well all required on her part, and was soon rewarded by feeling that her diseases were being removed and health was returning. Still, she was constantly reminded of her former sins.

When the will was off its guard, during sleep, the mind, long indulged in sin, would revert to the old channels and riot in vileness. Unchaste dreams made her often dread to sleep, as she awoke from these unconscious lapses enervated, weak, and prostrated as though she had actually transgressed. But though often thus almost disheartened she continued the struggle, and was finally rewarded by gaining a perfect victory over her mind, sleeping as well as waking, and recovering her health sufficiently to enable her to enjoy life and make herself very useful.

Not a few similar cases have come under our observation; and it seems to us that the pain, anguish, and remorse suffered by these poor victims, ought to be a warning to those who have never entered the sinful road.

What a terrible thing it is for a pure and lovely being, designed by G.o.d to fulfill a high, holy, and sacred mission in the world, to become a victim to such a filthy vice! No girl of sense would in her right mind raise her hand to dash in pieces a beautiful vase, to destroy a lovely painting, or a beautiful piece of statuary. A girl who would do such a thing would be considered insane and a fit subject for a mad-house. Yet is not the human body, a girl's own beautiful, symmetrical form, infinitely better, more valuable and more sacred, than any object produced by human art? There can be but one answer.

How, then, is it possible for her thus to defile and destroy herself?

Is it not a fearful thing? a terrible vice?

A Ruined Girl.--One of the most remarkable cases of disease resulting from self-abuse which ever came under our observation was that of a young lady from a distant Western State whose adopted parents, after consulting many different physicians for a peculiar disease of the breast, placed her under our care. We found her a good-looking young woman about seventeen years of age, rather pale and considerably emaciated, very nervous and hysterical, and suffering with severe pain in the left breast, which was swollen to nearly double the natural size, hot, tense, pulsating, and extremely tender to the touch. Occasionally she would experience paroxysms in which she apparently suffered extremely, being sometimes semi-conscious, and scarcely breathing for hours. We suspected the cause of these peculiar manifestations at the outset, but every suggestion of the possibility of the suspected cause was met with a stout denial and a very deceptive appearance of innocent ignorance on the subject. All treatment was unavailing to check the disease. Though sometimes the symptoms seemed to be controlled, a speedy relapse occurred, so that no progress toward a cure was made.

Finally our conviction that our first impression respecting the case was correct became so strong that we hesitated no longer to treat it as such. By most vigilant observation we detected evidences of the soul-corrupting vice which we considered unmistakable, and then the young woman who had pretended such profound ignorance of the matter confessed to an extent of wickedness which was perfectly appalling.

Every paroxysm was traced to an unusual excess of sinful indulgence.

So hardened was she by her evil practices that she seemed to feel no remorse, and only promised to reform when threatened with exposure to her parents unless she immediately ceased the vile practice. In less than ten days the mysterious symptoms which had puzzled many physicians disappeared altogether. The swollen, tender breast was no larger than the other, and was so entirely restored that she was able to strike it a full blow without pain.

So great was the depravity of this girl, however, that she had no notion of making a permanent reform. She even boasted of her wickedness to a companion, and announced her intention to continue the practice. We sent her home, and apprized her parents of the full facts in the case, for which we received their deepest grat.i.tude, though their hearts were nearly broken with grief at the sad revelation made to them.

Notwithstanding their most earnest efforts in her behalf, the wretched girl continued her downward career, and a year or two after we learned that she had sunk to the very lowest depths of shame.

Once this now wretched, disgraced creature was an attractive, pure, innocent little girl. Her adopted father lavished upon her numerous presents, and spent hundreds of dollars to obtain her recovery to health.

Yet through this awful vice she was ruined utterly, and rendered so wholly perverse and bad that she had no desire to be better, no disposition to reform. G.o.d only knows what will be her sad end. May none who read these lines ever follow in her footsteps.

The Danger of Boarding-Schools.--Some years ago a young lady came under our medical care who had suffered for some time from a serious nervous difficulty which had baffled the skill of all the physicians who had had charge of her case, and which occasioned her a great amount of suffering, making it necessary that she should be confined to her bed most of the time, the disease being aggravated by exercise, and the patient having been much weakened by its long continuance.

All the remedies usually successful in such cases were employed with little or no effect, and we were feeling somewhat perplexed concerning the case, when the young lady sent for us one day and upon our going to her room in answer to her call she immediately burst into tears and acknowledged that she had been addicted to the habit of self-abuse and that she was still suffering from involuntary excitement during sleep.

Having been placed in a boarding-school when quite young, she had there learned the vile habit, and had practiced it without knowing anything of the ill effects or really appreciating its sinfulness. When she learned, some years after, that the habit was a most pernicious vice and of a character to bring destruction to both soul and body of one addicted to it, she endeavored to free herself from its shackles; but she found herself too securely bound for escape. It seemed, indeed, an utter impossibility. Her thoughts had long been allowed to run in sentimental channels, and now they would do so in spite of the most earnest efforts to the contrary, during her waking hours; and in sleep, while the will power was not active, the imagination would run riot uncontrolled, leaving her, upon awaking, exhausted, enervated, and almost desperate with chagrin. Knowing that she was daily suffering for her transgressions, she was filled with remorse and regret, and would have given all to undo the past; but, alas! she could not, and could only suffer with patience until relief could be secured. Her love for sentimental literature occasioned another battle for her to fight; for she could scarcely resist the temptation daily offered her to while away some of the weary hours with such stories of love and sentiment as she had been accustomed to enjoy. But she fought the battle earnestly, and finally succeeded in conquering the evil tendencies of her mind both while awake and when asleep; and from that time she began to make slow progress toward recovery. The last we saw of her she was doing well, and hoped in time to arrive at a very comfortable state of health.

A Desperate Case.--A little girl about ten years of age was brought to us by her father, who came with his daughter to have her broken of the vile habit of self-abuse into which she had fallen, having been taught it by a German servant girl. Having read an early copy of this work, the father had speedily detected the habit, and had adopted every measure which he could devise to break his child of the destructive vice which she had acquired, but in vain. After applying various other measures without success, it finally became necessary to resort to a surgical operation, by which it is hoped that she was permanently cured, as we have heard nothing to the contrary since, and as the remedy seemed to be effectual. It was a severe remedy, and may seem a harsh one, but every other means utterly failed, and the father insisted upon the performance of the operation as a trial. This little girl, naturally truthful and honest, had, through the influence of this blighting vice, been made crafty and deceptive. She would tell the most astonis.h.i.+ng falsehoods to free herself from the charge of guilt or to avoid punishment. The gentleman, her father, felt so deeply upon the subject and was so thoroughly awake to the consequences of the sin, that he declared he would take his daughter away into the wilderness and leave her to die, if need be, rather than allow her to grow up to womanhood with this vile blight upon her, and run the risk of her contaminating with the same vice his other, younger children. He felt so deeply that the tears coursed down his cheeks as he talked, and we were most happy to be of service to him in aiding his daughter to overcome the fascinating vice. She seemed willing to try to help herself, but was unable to break the bonds of sin without the extraordinary help which she received.

We might continue this rehearsal of cases to an almost indefinite length, but we must soon bring this chapter to a close. Those described are only a few examples of the many we are constantly meeting. None have been overdrawn; much has been omitted for the sake of delicacy which the exposure of the whole truth would have required us to present. We sincerely hope that these examples may be a warning to those who have never marred their purity of character by an unchaste act. To those who may have already sinned in this manner let the words come with double force and meaning. Do you value life, health, beauty, honor, virtue, purity? Then for the sake of all these, abandon the evil practice at once. Do not hesitate for a moment to decide, and do not turn back after deciding to reform.

A Last Word.--Girls, as one who has only your best interests in view, and who would do you good, we beg of you to give heed one moment to the important matter which we have been presenting before you. It is of no frivolous character. It is one of the most important subjects to which your attention can be called. Only those who are utterly ignorant of the dangers which surround them in the world, or who are already hardened in sin, will treat this matter lightly or scornfully.

If you are still pure and possess a character unsoiled by sin, thank G.o.d that you have been preserved until now, and humbly pet.i.tion him to enable you to remain as pure and unsullied as you now are. Cultivate all of the heavenly graces. Make your dear mother your confidant in all your perplexities and trials. Go to her for information on all subjects upon which you find yourself ignorant. Let no foreign influence beguile away your confidence from her who is most worthy of your love and respect, and who is best prepared to instruct you on all subjects, no matter how delicate. Trust in G.o.d for help to resist evil under every guise. Flee from temptation under whatever form it may appear. Thus may you escape the suffering, the sorrow, and the remorse, which is endured sooner or later by all who enter the road of sin, no matter how short a time they may travel therein.

To those who have already fallen, who have been led astray either ignorantly or through weakness in yielding to temptation, we will say, Turn from your evil way at once. Misery, sorrow, anguish, and everlasting ruin stare you in the face. Perdition is before you. You need not think to escape the punishment that others suffer, for there is no way of escape. The penalty will surely come. Make haste to return to the paths of purity before it is too late to mend the past. It may take years of pure and upright living to repair the evil already done; but do not hesitate to begin at once. With the help of G.o.d, resolve to become pure again. G.o.d can cleanse you from all unrighteousness.

He can enable you to chase from your mind and heart every impure thought and unclean desire. Through his grace you can successfully battle with temptation and redeem the black record of the past.

A FEW WORDS TO BOYS AND GIRLS.

Of the last two preceding chapters one was devoted exclusively to advice and instruction to boys, the other being written expressly for girls.

Now we have a few words in conclusion for boys and girls together. It is of the greatest importance that our boys and girls should be in every way improved as much as possible. They are to become the men and women of the next generation, when their fathers and mothers have retired from active life. Twenty years from to-day the world will be just what the present boys and girls shall make it. Boys who are chaste, honest, obedient, and industrious, will become useful and n.o.ble men, husbands, and fathers. Girls who are pure, innocent, and dutiful, will become honored and lovely women, wives, and mothers.

Boys and girls are placed in families together, and thus are evidently designed by nature to a.s.sociate together, to obtain their education and preparation for life together. When secluded wholly from each other's society, both suffer a loss. But while this is true, it is also true that certain evils may and often do grow out of the a.s.sociation of the two s.e.xes of young people, so serious in character that many wise and good men and women have felt that the s.e.xes should be reared and educated apart as much as possible. These evils are the result of too intimate and improper a.s.sociations of boys and girls. a.s.sociations of this sort must be most sedulously avoided. Boys and girls who are in school together must be extremely careful to avoid too close a.s.sociations. On all occasions a modest reserve should be maintained in the deportment of the young of both s.e.xes toward each other. Too early friends.h.i.+ps formed often lead to hasty marriages, before either party is prepared to enter into the married state, and before the judgment has been sufficiently developed to make either capable of selecting a suitable partner for life. These facts are usually learned when it is too late for the information to be of any value.

Parents and teachers are especially responsible for guarding these early a.s.sociations and giving timely warning when needed. The youth should always be ready to take advice on this subject, for with their inexperience they cannot know their wants so well as do their elders.

Nothing is more disgusting to persons of sound sense than youthful flirtations. Those misguided persons who encourage these indiscretions in young people do an immense amount of injury to those whom they ought to be prepared to benefit by wise counsel. We have seen promising young people made wretched for life through the influence of one of these mischief-makers, being most unhappily mated, and repenting too late of a hasty marriage for which they were utterly unprepared.

Young persons often labor under the erroneous impression that in order to be agreeable they must talk "small talk;" this literally means, "silly twaddle," which disgusts everybody, and yet which all seek to imitate. Whenever the two s.e.xes meet in society or elsewhere, as at all other times, the conversation should be turned upon subjects of real interest, which admit of the exercise of sound sense and will be a means of culture. Such a.s.sociations do not result in injury to any one, and may be the means of much profit; but nothing is more execrable than the frivolous, silly, often absolutely senseless observations which make up the great bulk of the conversation of young people in fas.h.i.+onable society.

The most ready means of disclosing the superficial character of the minds of a large share of the young persons who move in fas.h.i.+onable circles is to introduce some topic requiring depth of thought and sound judgment. Such a subject will usually produce either an instant lull in the conversation or a display of ignorance which cannot fail to reveal the shallowness of the speaker's intellect. It is this superficial cla.s.s of minds that most easily fall victims to a sickly sentimentalism, which readily leads to digressions from the pathway of rigid virtue.

A boy who has the elements of true manliness in him will carry a gentlemanly bearing wherever he goes. In all his deportment, and especially in his conduct toward the opposite s.e.x, he will act the gentleman; and the boy whose gentility is genuine will manifest the same kind deference toward his mother and sisters as toward other ladies and girls. So also the young lady who is a lady at heart, will never allow herself to forget the rules of propriety, whether she is in the company of her father and brothers, or that of other gentlemen.

All the rules of etiquette are worth little compared with the one simple rule which is applicable to both s.e.xes and all ages,--"Have the heart right, and then act natural." One so governed will not go very far astray under any circ.u.mstances; but it is of the greatest importance that the heart be right. To make it such is, indeed, the great business of life.

"BLESSED ARE THE PURE IN HEART."