Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki And His Years Of Pilgrimage Part 8

He didn't correct her misp.r.o.nunciation of his name, a common mistake. That would actually help.

"I'm afraid I don't."

"I see. If you would pardon me for a moment." The woman pushed an extension b.u.t.ton on her phone and waited for about five seconds, then spoke. "Mr. Oumi? A client named Mr. Tasaki is here to see you. Yes, that's correct. Mr. Tasaki."

He couldn't hear what the other party was saying, just her short, clipped replies. Finally she said, "Yes, sir, I will let him know."

She hung up the phone and looked at Tsukuru. "Mr. Tasaki, I'm afraid Mr. Oumi is busy at the moment and cannot get away. I'm very sorry, but could I ask you to wait? He said it shouldn't take ten minutes."

Her way of speaking was smooth and well trained, her use of j.a.panese honorifics flawless. She sounded truly apologetic at having to make him wait. Obviously she had been very well educated. Or maybe she was just naturally this kind of person?

"That's fine. I'm in no hurry," Tsukuru said.

She led him to a plush black leather sofa. Next to it was a huge decorative potted plant, and in the background an Antonio Carlos Jobim tune played. Glossy Lexus catalogs lay on top of the narrow gla.s.s coffee table.

"Would you care for coffee or tea? Or perhaps green tea?"

"A coffee would be nice," Tsukuru said.

As he leafed through the catalog for the latest Lexus sedans, she brought over the coffee in a cream-colored cup imprinted with the Lexus logo. He thanked her. The coffee was delicious. It had a fresh aroma, and was the perfect temperature.

Tsukuru was glad he had decided to wear a suit and nice leather shoes. He had no idea what people coming to buy a Lexus normally wore, but they might not have taken him seriously if he'd been decked out in a polo s.h.i.+rt, jeans, and sneakers. Just before he left the house, he had suddenly changed his mind and put on a suit and tie.

He was kept waiting for fifteen minutes, during which time he learned the entire lineup of Lexus models. He discovered that Lexus didn't give their different models names, like Corolla or Crown, but instead used numbers to distinguish models. Just like Mercedes-Benz and BMW. And Brahms symphonies.

A tall man finally appeared. He crossed the showroom in Tsukuru's direction. He was broad-shouldered, and carried himself in a decisive manner, letting those around him know he was not about to waste any time getting from point A to point B. It was definitely Ao. Even seen from a distance, he looked nearly the same as he had in high school. He'd grown a little bigger, that was all, like a house with an addition when the family grows. Tsukuru placed the catalogs back on the tabletop and rose from the sofa.

"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. My name's Oumi."

Ao stood in front of Tsukuru, giving a slight bow. The suit that encased his large frame was perfectly pressed, without a single wrinkle. A refined suit, a mix of blue and gray in a light fabric. Considering his size, it must have been made to order. A light gray s.h.i.+rt and dark gray necktie completed the outfit. Tsukuru recalled how Ao had looked in high school and found it surprising to now see him so impeccably dressed. Ao's hair, though, was unchanged, a rugby player's buzz cut. And he was, as before, quite tan.

Ao's expression changed slightly when he looked at Tsukuru. A slight doubt glinted in his eyes, as if he'd seen something in Tsukuru's face he remembered, but couldn't quite recall what it was. He smiled, swallowing back what he was about to say, waiting for Tsukuru to speak.

"It's been a while," Tsukuru said.

As he heard Tsukuru's voice, the layer of doubt that had veiled Ao's face suddenly lifted. Tsukuru's voice hadn't changed at all.

"Tsukuru?" he said, narrowing his eyes.

Tsukuru nodded. "I'm sorry to barge in on you at work like this, but I figured that was the best way."

Ao took a deep breath, his shoulders lifting, and then slowly breathed out. He looked at Tsukuru's whole body, as if inspecting him, his gaze running from top to bottom, then back to the top again.

"I can't believe how much you've changed," Ao said, sounding impressed. "If I'd pa.s.sed you on the street I wouldn't have recognized you."

"You haven't changed at all."

Ao's large mouth twisted to one side. "No way. I've put on weight. Got a potbelly now. And I can't run fast anymore. Golf once a month with clients is about all I can manage."

They were silent for a moment.

"You didn't come here to buy a car, am I right?" Ao asked, as if confirming it.

"You're right, I didn't come to buy a car. If you're free, I'd like to talk, just the two of us. Even for a short time."

Ao gave a slight, unsure frown. His face always had given away his feelings, ever since Tsukuru had first known him.

"I have a pretty tight schedule today. I have to go visit some customers, and then I have a meeting in the afternoon."

"Name a time that's convenient for you. I'm fine with whatever works for you. It's why I came back to Nagoya."

Ao mentally reviewed his schedule, and glanced at the wall clock. It was eleven thirty. He rubbed the tip of his nose vigorously and then spoke, as if he'd made up his mind. "Okay. I'll take a lunch break at twelve. I could meet you for a half hour. If you go out here, and turn left, you'll see a Starbucks down the street. I'll meet you there."

Ao showed up at the Starbucks at five to twelve.

"It's too noisy here, so let's grab some drinks and go somewhere else," Ao said. He ordered a cappuccino and a scone for himself. Tsukuru bought a bottle of mineral water. They walked to a nearby park and sat down on an unoccupied bench.

The sky was covered with a thin layer of clouds, not a patch of blue visible anywhere, though it did not look like rain. There was no wind, either. The branches of a nearby willow tree were laden with lush foliage and drooping heavily, almost to the ground, though they were still, as if lost in deep thought. Occasionally a small bird landed unsteadily on a branch, but soon gave up and fluttered away. Like a distraught mind, the branch quivered slightly, then returned to stillness.

"I might get a call on my cell while we're talking," Ao said. "I hope you'll forgive me. I have a couple of business-related things I'm working on."

"No problem. I can imagine how busy you must be."

"Cell phones are so convenient that they're an inconvenience," Ao said. "So tell me, are you married?"

"No, still single."

"I got married six years ago and have a child. A three-year-old boy. Another one's on the way, and my wife's getting bigger by the day. The due date's in September. A girl this time."

Tsukuru nodded. "Life's moving along smoothly, then."

"I don't know about smoothly, but it's moving along, at least. 'There's no going back now' might be another way of putting it. How about you?"

"Not so bad," Tsukuru said, taking a business card out of his wallet and pa.s.sing it to Ao, who took it and read aloud.

"[--] Railroad Company. Facilities Department, Construction Division."

"Mostly we build and maintain railroad stations," Tsukuru said.

"You always liked stations, didn't you," Ao said, sounding impressed. He took a sip of cappuccino. "So you got a job doing what you like."

"But I work for a company, so I can't just do what I like. There are all kinds of boring things I have to do."

"It's the same everywhere," Ao said. "As long as you work for somebody you have to put up with a lot of c.r.a.p." He shook his head a couple of times, as if remembering examples.

"So, are Lexuses selling well?" Tsukuru asked.

"Not bad. This is Nagoya, after all. Toyota's hometown. Toyotas practically sell themselves. But our compet.i.tors now aren't Nissan and Honda. We're targeting consumers who buy high-end imported cars, your Mercedes and your BMWs, trying to turn them into Lexus buyers. That's why Toyota's created a flags.h.i.+p brand. It might take time, but I'm sure it'll work out."

"Losing is not an option."

An odd look pa.s.sed over Ao's face for a second and then he grinned broadly. "Ah-my little rugby pep talk. You picked a strange thing to remember."

"You were really good at boosting morale."

"Yeah, but we lost most of the time. Business is actually going smoothly. The economy's still in bad shape, of course, but the rich manage to hold on to their money. Amazingly well."

Tsukuru nodded, and Ao continued.

"I've driven a Lexus myself for quite a while. They're wonderful cars. Quiet, never need repairs. I took one out on a test course and got it up to 125 miles an hour. The steering wheel was stable, no vibration whatsoever. The brakes are solid, too. It's an amazing car. It's nice to be able to sell people something you believe in yourself. No matter how smooth-talking I might be, I could never sell something that I didn't actually like."

Tsukuru agreed.

Ao looked him right in the eye. "I bet I sound like a car salesman?"

"No, I don't think so," Tsukuru said. He knew Ao was being honest about how he felt. Still, the fact remained that he had never talked like this back in high school.

"Do you drive?" Ao asked.

"I do, but I don't have a car. In Tokyo you can get by with trains, buses, and taxis. I get around by bike a lot. When I absolutely need a car, I rent one. It's different from Nagoya."

"Yeah, that would be easier, and cost less," Ao said. He let out a small sigh. "People can get by without a car. So, how do you like living in Tokyo?"

"Well, my job's there, and I've lived there long enough to get used to it. I don't really have anywhere else to go. That's all. It's not like I'm that crazy about the place."

They were silent for a while. A middle-aged woman with two border collies walked past, then a few joggers, heading toward the castle.

"You said there was something you wanted to talk about," Ao said, as if addressing someone in the distance.

"During summer vacation in my soph.o.m.ore year in college I came back to Nagoya and called you," Tsukuru began. "You told me then that you didn't want to see me anymore, not to ever call again, and that all four of you felt the same way. Do you remember that?"

"Of course I do."

"I want to know why," Tsukuru said.

"Just like that, after all this time?" Ao said, sounding a little surprised.

"Yes, after all this time. I wasn't able to ask you back then. It was too unexpected, too much of a shock. And I was afraid to hear the reason you guys so flat-out rejected me. I felt like if you told me, I'd never recover. So I tried to forget about all of it, without finding out what was going on. I thought time would heal the pain."

Ao tore off a small piece of scone and popped it in his mouth. He chewed it slowly, was.h.i.+ng it down with the cappuccino. Tsukuru went on.

"Sixteen years have gone by, but it feels like the wound is still there inside me. Like it's still bleeding. Something happened recently, something very significant to me, that made me realize this. That's why I came to Nagoya to see you. I apologize for showing up out of the blue like this."

Ao stared for a time at the heavy, sagging branches of the willow. "You have no idea why we did that?" he said, finally.

"I've thought about it for sixteen years, but I have no clue."

Ao narrowed his eyes, seemingly perplexed, and rubbed the tip of his nose-his habit, apparently, when he was thinking hard. "When I told you that back then you said, I see, and hung up. You didn't object or anything. Or try to dig deeper. So naturally I thought you knew why."

"Words don't come out when you're hurt that deeply," Tsukuru said.

Ao didn't respond. He tore off another piece of scone and tossed it toward some pigeons. The pigeons swiftly flocked around the food. He seemed to be used to doing this. Maybe he often came here on his break and shared his lunch with the birds.

"Okay, so tell me. What was the reason?" Tsukuru asked.

"You really don't have any idea?"

"I really don't."

Just then a cheery melody rang out on Ao's cell phone. He slipped the phone from his suit pocket, checked the name on the screen, impa.s.sively pressed a key, and returned it to his pocket. Tsukuru had heard that melody somewhere before. An old pop song of some kind, probably popular before he was born, but he couldn't recall the t.i.tle.

"If you have something you need to do," Tsukuru said, "please feel free to take care of it."

Ao shook his head. "No, it's okay. It's not that important. I can handle it later."

Tsukuru took a drink of mineral water from the plastic bottle. "Why did I have to be banished from the group?"

Ao considered this for some time before he spoke. "If you're saying that you have no idea why, it means-what?-that you-didn't have any s.e.xual relations.h.i.+p with s.h.i.+ro?"

Tsukuru's lips curled up in surprise. "A s.e.xual relations.h.i.+p? No way."

"s.h.i.+ro said you raped her," Ao said, as if reluctant to even say it. "She said you forced her to have s.e.x."

Tsukuru started to respond, but the words wouldn't come. Despite the water, the back of his throat felt so dry that it ached.

"I couldn't believe you'd do something like that," Ao continued. "I think the other two felt the same way, both Kuro and Aka. You weren't the type to force someone to do something they didn't want to do. You weren't violent, we knew that. But s.h.i.+ro was totally serious about it, obsessed even. You had a public face and a hidden, private face, she said. You had a dark, hidden side, something unhinged and detached from the side of you that everyone knew. When she said that, there was nothing we could say."

Tsukuru bit his lip for a time. "Did s.h.i.+ro explain how I supposedly raped her?"

"She did. Very realistically, and in great detail. I didn't want to hear any of it. Frankly, it was painful to hear. Painful, and sad. It hurt me, I guess I should say. Anyway, she got very emotional. Her body started trembling, and she was so enraged that she looked like a different person. According to s.h.i.+ro, she traveled to Tokyo to see a concert by a famous foreign pianist and you let her stay in your apartment in Jiyugaoka. She told her parents she was staying in a hotel, but by staying with you, she saved money. Normally she might have hesitated to stay alone in a man's place, but it was you, so she felt safe. But she said that in the middle of the night you forced yourself on her. She tried to resist, but her body was numb and wouldn't move. You both had a drink before bedtime, and you might have slipped something into her gla.s.s. That's what she told us."

Tsukuru shook his head. "s.h.i.+ro never visited my place in Tokyo once, let alone stay over."

Ao shrugged his shoulders a touch. He made a face like he'd bitten into something bitter, and glanced off to one side. "The only thing I could do was believe what she said. She told us she'd been a virgin. That you'd deflowered her by force, and it was painful and she'd bled. s.h.i.+ro was always so shy and bashful, and I couldn't imagine a reason why she'd make up such a graphic story."

Tsukuru turned to look at Ao's profile. "Granted, but why didn't you ask me? Shouldn't you have given me a chance to explain? Instead of trying me in absentia like that?"

Ao sighed. "You're absolutely right. In retrospect, yes, that's what we should have done. We should have listened to your side of the story. But at the time, we couldn't. It was impossible. s.h.i.+ro was agitated and confused like you wouldn't believe. We had no idea what might happen. So our first priority was to calm her down. It wasn't like we believed every single thing she said. Some parts didn't add up. But we didn't think it was all fiction, either. It was so detailed, what she told us, that we figured there had to be some truth to it."

"So you went ahead and cut me off."

"You've got to understand, Tsukuru, that we were in shock ourselves, totally disoriented. We were hurt, too. We had no idea who to believe. In the midst of all this, Kuro stood by s.h.i.+ro. She wanted us to cut you off, just like s.h.i.+ro had asked. I'm not trying to excuse our actions, but Aka and I were sort of swept along, and we did what Kuro wanted."

Tsukuru sighed. "Whether or not you believe me, I never raped s.h.i.+ro, and never had a s.e.xual relations.h.i.+p with her. I don't remember doing anything even close to that."

Ao nodded but didn't say anything. Whatever he believed or didn't believe, too much time had pa.s.sed since then. That's what Tsukuru figured. For the other three as well. And for Tsukuru himself.

Ao's cell phone rang again. He checked the name and turned to Tsukuru.