The Lonely Way-Intermezzo-Countess Mizzie Part 57

No, but for the Countess.--She will probably sing Philine pretty well, by the way.

AMADEUS

You think so? I fear you are mistaken.... (_Pause_) Well, Cecilia, what were you talking of to-day--you and Sigismund?

CECILIA

What were we talking of...? (_Pause_) It's so hard to recall the words.... (_As she goes slowly to the fireplace_) And they have such a different sound when recalled in that way.

AMADEUS

True indeed. (_Coming nearer to her_) And I don't suppose it's the words that matter.... Well, Cecilia, can it be possible that you have nothing more to tell me?

CECILIA

Nothing _more_...? (_Hesitatingly_) Don't you think, Amadeus, that many things actually change character when you try to put them into words?

AMADEUS

Not for people like us.

CECILIA

That may have been true once. But ... you know as well as I do ... that things are no longer as they used to be.

AMADEUS

Not quite, perhaps. I know. But this shouldn't be a reason for either one of us to refuse telling the other one. Scruples of that kind would be unworthy of ourselves. This is _we_, Cecilia--you and me! So you may tell me fearlessly what you have to tell.

CECILIA (_rising_)

Don't try to encourage me, Amadeus.

AMADEUS

Well...?

CECILIA (_remains silent_)

AMADEUS

Do you love him?

CECILIA

Do I love him...?

AMADEUS (_urgently_)

Cecilia...!

CECILIA

Am I to tell you _more_ than I think is true? Wouldn't that be a lie, too--as good or as bad as any other one?... No, I don't think I love him. It is nothing like it was when I became acquainted with you, Amadeus.

AMADEUS

_That_ time is long past.--And you have probably forgotten what it was like. On the whole, it must be the same thing, I suppose. Only you have grown a little older since then, and you have been living with me for seven years.... No matter how far apart we may have been, you have been living _with me_--and we have a child....

CECILIA

Well, perhaps that's what makes the difference--but there _is_ a difference.

AMADEUS

What really matters is nothing new, however. You feel attracted to him, don't you?

CECILIA (_speaking with genuine feeling and almost tenderly_)

But perhaps there is still something that holds back--that could hold me back, if it only wanted.

AMADEUS (_after a pause, brusquely_)

But it doesn't want to ... it doesn't dare to want it. What sense could there be in it? Perhaps I might prove the stronger to-day--and the next time, perhaps--but sooner or later the day must come nevertheless, when I should suffer defeat.

CECILIA

Why?... It ought not to be necessary!

AMADEUS

And then, even if I remained victorious every time--could that be called happiness for which I must fight repeatedly and tremble all the time? Could that be called happiness in our case, who have known what is so much better?... No, Cecilia, our love should not be permitted to end in mutual distrust. I don't hold you, Cecilia, if you are attracted elsewhere--and you have known all the time that I would never hold you.

CECILIA

Maybe you are right, Amadeus. But is it pride alone that makes you let me slip away so easily?

AMADEUS

Is it love alone that brings you back when almost gone? (_Pause; he goes to the window_)

CECILIA

Why should we spoil these hours with bitterness, Amadeus? After all, we have nothing to reproach each other for. We have promised to be honest with each other, and _my_ word has been kept so far.

AMADEUS

And so has mine. If you want it, I can tell you exactly what I and the Countess talked of to-day, as I have always done. And for _me_, Cecilia, it will even be possible to recall the very words.