Princess Diaries Series: Third Time Lucky Part 14

English: term paper

World Civ.: review questions at the end of Chapters 5-9

G & T: none

French: review questions at the end of Chapters 4a"6

Biology: review questions at the end of Chapters 6-8

Tuesday, December 8, 4 p.m., in the limo on the Way to the Plaza The following conversation took place between Mr. Gianini and me today after Algebra review: Mr G: Mia, is everything all right?

Me: (Surprised) Yes. Why wouldn't it be?

Mr G: Well, it's just that I thought you'd pretty much grasped the FOIL method, but on today's pop quiz you got all five problems wrong.

Me: I guess I've sort of had a lot on my mind.

Mr G: Your trip to Genovia? Me: Yeah, that, and . . . other things.

Mr G: Well, if you want to talk about the, um, other things, you know I'm always here for you. And your mother. I know we might seem preoccupied with the baby and everything, but you're always number one on our list of priorities. You know that, don't you?

Me: (Mortified) Yes. But there's nothing wrong. Really.

Thank G.o.d he doesn't know about my nostrils. And, really, what else could I have said? 'Mr G, my boyfriend is a nutcase but I can't break up with him on account of Finals, and I'm in love with my best friend's brother?'

I highly doubt he'd be able to offer any meaningful advice on any of the above.

Tuesday, December 8, 7 p.m.

I don't believe this. I'm home before Baywatch Hawaii starts for the first time in like months. Something must be wrong with Grandmere. Although she seemed pretty normal at our lesson today. I mean, for her. Except that she kept stopping me in the middle of my reciting the Genovian pledge of allegiance (which I have to memorize, of course, for when I am visiting schools

in Genovia. I don't want to look like an idiot in front of a bunch of five-year-olds for not knowing it) to ask me what I'd

decided to do about Kenny.

It's kind of funny about her taking an interest in my personal life since she certainly never has before. Well, not very much, anyway.

And she kept on saying stuff about how ingenious it had been of Kenny, sending me those anonymous love letters last

October - the ones I thought (well, OK, hoped, not really thought) Michael was writing.

I was all, 'What was so ingenious about that?' to which Grandmere just replied, 'Well, you're his girlfriend now, aren't you?'

Which I never really thought about, but I guess she's right.

Anyway, my mom was so surprised to see me home so early she actually let me be in charge of choosing the takeout (pizza margherita for me. I let her get rigatoni bolog-nese, even though the sausage in the sauce is probably steeped in nitrates that could harm a developing foetus. Still, it was sort of a special occasion, what with me actually being I home for dinner for a change. Even Mr. Gianini got a little wild and had something with porcini mushrooms in it).

I am psyched to be home early because you wouldn't I believe all the studying I have to do, plus I should probably start my term paper, then there's figuring out what I'm going to get people for Christmas and Hanukkah, not to mention going over the thank you speech I have to make to the people of Genovia in my nationally televised (in Genovia, anyway) introduction to the people I will one day rule. I had really better buckle down and get to work!

Tuesday, December 8, 7:30 p.m.

OK, so I was taking a study break and I just realized something. You can learn a lot from watching Baywatch. Seriously.

I have complied a list:

Things I Have Learned from Watching Baywatch 1. If you are paralyzed from the waist down, you just need to see a kid being attacked by a murderer and you will be able

to get up and save him.

2. If you have bulimia, it is probably because two men love you at the same time. Just tell the two of them you only want to

be friends and your bulimia will go away.

3. It is always easy to get a parking place near the beach.

4. Male lifeguards always put a s.h.i.+rt on when they leave the beach. Female lifeguards don't need to bother.

5. If you meet a beautiful but troubled girl, she is probably either a diamond smuggler or suffering from a split personality disorder. Do not accept her invitation to dinner.

6. d.i.c.k van Patten, though a senior citizen, can be surprisingly hard to quell in a fistfight.

7. If people are dying mysteriously in the water, it is probably because a giant electric eel has escaped from a nearby aquarium.

8. Girls who are thinking about abandoning their baby should just leave it on the beach. Chances are, a nice lifeguard will take

it home, adopt it, and raise it as his own.

9. It is very easy to outswim a shark.

10. Wild seals make adorable and easily trained pets.

Tuesday, December 8, 8:30 p.m.

I just got an e-mail from Lilly. I'm not the only one who got it, either. Somehow she figured out how to do a ma.s.s e-mail to every kid in school.

Well, I shouldn't be surprised, I guess. She is a genius. Still, she has clearly developed atrophy of the brain from too much studying, because look what she wrote: Attention all students at Albert Einstein High School Stressed from too many exams, term papers and final projects? Don't just pa.s.sively accept the oppressive workload handed down to us by the tyrannical administration! A silent walkout has been scheduled for tomorrow. At 10 a.m. exactly, join your fellow students in showing our teachers how we feel about inflexible exam schedules, repressive censors.h.i.+p, and having only one Reading Day in which to prepare for our Finals. Leave your pencils, leave your books and gather on East 75th Street between Madison and Park (use doors by main administration offices, if possible) for a rally against Princ.i.p.al Gupta and the trustees. Let your voice be heard!

I am so sure, I can't walk out tomorrow at 10 a.m. That's right in the middle of Algebra. Mr Gianini's feelings will be so hurt if we all just get up and leave.

But if I say I'm not going to take part in it, Lilly will be furious.

But if I do take part in it, my dad will kill me. Not to mention my mom. I mean, we could all get suspended or something. Or

hit by a delivery truck. There are a lot of them on 75th at that time of day.

Why? Why must I be saddled with a best friend who is so clearly a sociopath?

Tuesday, December 8, 8:45 p.m.

I just got the following Instant Message from Michael: CracKing: Did you just get that whacked-out ma.s.s e-mail from my sister?

I replied at once.

FtLouie: Yes.

CracKing: You're not going along with her stupid walkout, are you?

FtLouie: Oh, right. She won't be too mad if I don't, or anything.

CracKing: You don't have to do everything she says, you know, Mia. I mean, you've stood up to her before. Why not now?

Um, because I have enough to worry about right now a" for instance, Finals; my impending trip to Genovia; and, oh, yeah, the fact that I love you a" without adding a fight with my best friend to the list.

But I didn't say that, of course.

FtLouie: I find that the path of least resistance is often the safest one when dealing with your sister.

CracKing: Well, I'm not doing it. Walking out, I mean.