Emily The Strange_ The Lost Days Part 30

Attikol cringed.

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Then Raven opened her mouth wide in a strange, inhuman way.

And from somewhere deep inside her came this appalling, horrendous bird cry.

I started to sweat again. This wasn't in the programming. Was she breaking down? I really hoped our big dramatic showdown wasn't going to end with me performing an emergency tune-up on her.

Then she started flapping her arms, still making the horrible bird cry. And now there was another commotion in the crowd-in a moment I knew why, because there was a second bird cry, and a big white parrot came flying straight for Raven from the direction of the caravan.

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That's when I noticed the strange dark clouds rolling in. Dark clouds...with wings in them. And beady eyes. Huge dark clouds of birds.

Jakey's parrot (man, I wish I had asked her name...) was the first bird to reach Raven and Attikol. She wheeled around in the air a few feet over Attikol's head as he cowered like the big man he was. She gave this terrible parrot-battle-call...and p.o.o.ped on his s.h.i.+rt.

All the other birds were close behind her, and everyone else had noticed them too, and they were all standing around looking up at the sky...with their MOUTHS OPEN...like a bunch of dummies, until someone yelled "RUN" and everyone started scattering, though not before a lot of very fine clothing was ruined with bird dooky. I found some shelter in the doorway of the El D., and stood there with Schneider, watching Attikol get PLASTERED with caca, and loving every minute of it.

Right in the thick of the running, and the screaming, and the cawing, and the defecating, Raven spoke to Attikol one last time.

"Leave this town," she said, "and never return."

Attikol turned to go. No inch of him had escaped the p.o.o.p-storm. He looked back at Raven for a moment, then trudged off to his caravan, a large flock of birds following him all the way.

I forgot for a second that he was my ancestral enemy, and felt kinda bad for him; then I consoled myself that bird p.o.o.p brings good luck.

Later Raven and I are hanging out in the El Dungeon by ourselves. umlaut has just finished saying his farewells to Raven and is on his sorry way.

He was covered in blood and 20 or 30 birdsplats, but compared with Attikol he looked well-groomed. "Raven," he said, all mournful-like, with anguished love in his eyes, "is there...do I...can't we..."

"No, umlaut. Not now. But Earwig will be joining your caravan. Keep an eye on her for me, and maybe someday..."

Shees.h.!.+ Sappy old golem.

Later Note to Self: Just because you may have an...unusual...secret closet that makes sleeping and eating unnecessary doesn't mean you should stop sleeping and eating.

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Went and crashed out in the van in great emotional exhaustion, and slept for the first time in, wow, a whole week. Had an excellent dream about the secret closet. It involved the four black cat statues coming to life, frolicking around on the staircase, pulling up the bucket, riding the black rock waves...all the stuff I like to do down there. Also, I had a nice long dream-talk with one of Great-Aunt Emma's portraits. (I may have forgotten to mention it-but Schneider rescued the paintings before the library and City Hall went down, and now both are hanging in the El Dungeon.) I don't actually recall anything we said, but I think she's pleased with me.

And then I woke up and went into the cafe for some excellent victory sandwiches with Raven, Hilda, and Schneider. Then we took care of some important town business. Mayor Schneider now has three new councilmembers (Raven, Hilda, and me). Our first official act was to declare it illegal to construct any further buildings in Blackrock.

Good old Schneider. He started to bring up the whole flying incident, but I stopped him with a quick "Ask Great-Aunt Emma." He seemed to understand. Then I asked him to get in touch with me right away if he saw any sign of Attikol, who may be a little dim, but is bound to get suspicious about the flying sooner or later.

Finally I told Schneider he should move into the Old Museum if he wanted, and he said he already had. Ha! That guy is very mental.

Later Something extremely strange is happening in Blackrock! There are TREES, really weird beautiful black trees, coming up everywhere. They're growing so fast you can actually see it happening. And there are birds in all the trees. Man, Blackrock was missing birds in a big way. But they're here now, loud as can be. My cats are in a s.h.i.+vering, chattering frenzy over it. And are not being allowed outside the El Dungeon right now.

I really don't know how to explain these trees to myself, so I'm going to try to be content with, "Ask Great-Aunt Emma."

Good Stuff.

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Later I'll give you one guess who sauntered into the El Dungeon an hour ago to take her old job back! Rachel! She doesn't seem at all fazed by the, uh, changes in Blackrock. She is unbelievably perky. She says she mailed all the postcards I gave her, as instructed; met lots of das.h.i.+ng men; got sunburned; dropped her camera in the ocean; ate lots of shrimps off the barby; etc., etc. She is very grateful to me for the cruise. She looooooves the new furniture in the El D. and thinks we should redecorate the whole place. And she brought her favorite customers souvenir bobblehead koala bears. All of which she gave to me.

Rachel wears me out. I went and hid in the van seven minutes after she arrived. One good thing about her, though: She may be three times my age, but she knows I'm the boss. Great-Aunt Emma must have sent her a letter, too.

Did I mention I still have the amnesia? Am not too worried, though. Today's the expiration date, and I have just about four hours left until midnight.

Later As tolerable as Blackrock has gotten in the last day or so, I am really craving HOME, so I'm getting prepared to hit the road just as soon as I know which road to hit.

Have taken a last walk around Blackrock, saying goodbye. (For now.) Bottled up a big jar of liquid rock for home experiments-am excited to see what new uses I can invent for it! Sat on the Emma LeStrange bench at the minipark for a bit listening to bird-calls, and said goodbye to Schneider and Hilda.

I'll miss them.

This sounds crazy, even to me-but I think I've enjoyed being Earwig.

All the same, I am also very anxious to be myself again, so at a quarter till midnight, Raven and I packed up the van, a.s.sured Rachel we'd be back in a few months or so, loaded up the cats, and drove away.

Five minutes later Parked on the side of the road outside Blackrock. Killing time until memory returns. Have interrogated Raven about yesterday's hijinks. Unfortunately (or fortunately? I can't really decide) she is back to minimal conversation skills. Our talk went a little bit like this:

ME:.

So, Raven.

RAVEN:.

Yes?

ME:.

Nice showdown yesterday.

R:.

Thanks.

ME:.

What was up with calling all those birds?

R:.

Iono.

ME:.

I mean, I didn't program that. What gave you the idea?

R:.

Iono.

ME:.

C'mon, did you and Jakey's parrot plan that together?

R:.

Uhhhhh...no.

ME:.

So...seriously, what gives? I thought you were, like, under my control, and here you're calling down epic p.o.o.py revenge from the skies on Attikol, and making umlaut think he has a chance with you, and NONE of that was in your programming.

R:.

Uhhhhhh?

So, I don't know. Maybe she's playing dumb. I don't know if I should punish her or reward her or both or neither. Maybe I should just be thankful we got Attikol out of our lives, and leave it at that.

Later-still parked outside Blackrock. Three minutes till midnight.

Not sure if I am feeling funny because my memories are about to return, or if I am just about to vomit out of nervousness that my memories are never returning, after all.

Am trying really hard to think of what my house looks like. So far, noth- Oh wait Oh man oh man oh man gonna have to stop writing in a minute here it comes it is all coming back OH YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHH About twenty minutes-twenty lifetimes later-on the road, heading toward home!

Have recovered somewhat from ma.s.sive, delicious, inundating influx of life memories. Man, it is soooooooooo goooooooooood to be ME again.

Also, am EXTREMELY grateful that the Moon Child is miles away, because there is no doubt whatsoever that I'm Attikol's ancestral enemy. And a very...UNUSUAL enemy, indeed.

I might even say...STRANGE.

Later-AT HOME!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!