Waiting To Be Heard - A Memoir Part 42

When she answered Prosecutor Mignini's questions, she was clear, straightforward, and self-serving. She was smarter than her fellow officers. She knew the court was looking for police slipups. "We did our jobs perfectly, all the time," she testified. "We didn't hit Amanda." "We're the good guys."

When the defense questioned her, Napoleoni's manner switched from professional-albeit dishonest-to exasperated, incredulous, and condescending. For instance, when Raffaele's lawyer Giulia Bongiorno asked if the gloves police used at the crime scene were sterilized or one-use gloves, Napoleoni took a snarky tone, saying, "It's the same thing."

"By one-use gloves you mean that they are gloves that can be used only once, right?" Bongiorno asked.

"Obviously, yes," Napoleoni said haughtily.

"Therefore it means that every time you touched an object you changed gloves?"

"No, it means that I put them on when I enter before I touch objects, and that's what I did."

"But therefore with the same gloves, without changing gloves, you touched the various objects in the room in the course of the search?" Bongiorno asked.

"It's obvious, yes."

I knew it was the police's job to a.n.a.lyze the scene of a crime, gather clues, and determine who did it. But here in Perugia the police and the prosecutor seemed to be coming at Meredith's murder from the opposite direction. The investigation was sospettocentrico-"suspect-oriented": they decided almost instantly that Raffaele and I were guilty and then made the clues fit their theory. Instead of impartiality, the prosecution's forensic experts were relentless in their drive to incriminate us. Their campaign was astonis.h.i.+ng for its brashness and its singleness of purpose.

Napoleoni built up her case against Raffaele and me by tearing us down. The police were suspicious of us from the start, she said, referring to the first time she saw us, in front of the villa on the day Meredith's body was discovered. "Amanda Knox and Raffaele Sollecito kept their distance from the others, kissing, caressing each other," she said.

Napoleoni added that, later, at the questura, we "were absolutely indifferent to everyone. They sprawled in the waiting room, sprawled on the seats, kissed each other, made faces at each other the entire time ... They talked to each other under their breath. I noted their behavior because it seemed impossible that these two kids thought to kiss each other when the body of their friend had been found in those conditions."

My housemates and their friends reacted more appropriately, Napoleoni said. They "were all crying," she told the court. "Some despaired."

To Napoleoni, Raffaele and I were self-centered narcissists. We lacked basic compa.s.sion. And we were liars through and through.

Even something as simple as a misunderstanding about the toilet in the villa fueled the police's suspicions. Napoleoni explained that I'd said that morning that when I came to the villa to shower, I'd "noticed feces in the toilet." But when I returned with Raffaele, I "didn't find it there."

That was true.

However, when Napoleoni checked, she said, "I saw that the waste was very evident. The smear started from the top of the bowl. I went out again and told them, 'but no, it's there,' and they began to fall into contradiction. Something wasn't right."

I was surprised but didn't doubt her. Realizing that someone had broken in, I'd been afraid when I went back in the villa with Raffaele. I looked at the toilet from a distance and, not seeing anything in the bowl, a.s.sumed someone had flushed it. Clearly, I was wrong. Apparently the feces had slid down farther into the bowl. But Napoleoni acted as if, in discovering the unflushed toilet, she'd caught us in a lie and that we'd ineptly scrambled to come up with a cover.

At the time, it seemed urgent to tell Napoleoni about the unflushed toilet. I thought it was important for the police to know that the killer might have been in the house when I came home the first time. Why would I make up a story about disappearing s.h.i.+t?

Napoleoni went on, twisting each aspect of the case. "I immediately noted that the house couldn't have been broken into from the outside. It seemed to have been done after the room was made a mess. I immediately noted that there was gla.s.s on the windowsill, and if a stone came from the outside, the gla.s.s should have fallen below."

She also said that when the Postal Police came to the villa with the phones Meredith had been using, "they asked Amanda if it was normal that Meredith locked her door. Amanda said Meredith always locked her door, even when taking a shower."

Filomena Romanelli disputed this, Napoleoni said.

What I'd said-that Meredith sometimes locked her door, including sometimes after she showered, while she was changing, and when she went out of town for the weekend-had gotten garbled in translation. The mistake cost me credibility. Having caught me in what they took to be small lies, the cops saw me as someone incapable of telling the truth.

The homicide chief added that by checking telephone activity tables, the police discovered that both my cell phone and Raffaele's had been inactive the night before Meredith was found. "Amanda from 8:35 P.M. and Sollecito from 8:42 P.M." That fact meant nothing, but Napoleoni presented it as if, in turning off our phones, we had had an ulterior motive. That we'd wanted to watch a movie without being interrupted did not come up.

"We looked for contradictions," Napoleoni told the court, "and the contradictions always came from Amanda and Raffaele, because the account they gave us was too strange. It was improbable."

If anything, it was surreal. I hadn't expected to come home to a murder scene. I hadn't known what to make of what I'd found. Yes, I'd come home and taken a shower. I didn't investigate beyond Meredith's closed door. And then one thing had led to another. I'd discovered droplets of blood, then an unflushed toilet, then a break-in in Filomena's room, and finally the police found Meredith's body.

Because Raffaele and I reacted differently from the others-and, I a.s.sume, differently from how Napoleoni imagined she would have-she and the prosecutor decided that Raffaele and I were the killers. Of course it's natural for people to jump to conclusions, but not for a police officer to ignore facts and rely on superficial impressions. My stomach burned with resentment. I wanted to shout at her, "Who says there's only one way to react? Who decided that being different equals being guilty?"

When I first met Napoleoni, I thought she was mean. When I spent more time around her, I thought she was hateful. But looking at her on the stand, I thought, You were so stupid, Amanda. How could you not have realized that Napoleoni pegged you for guilty from the start?

I remembered sitting in the back of the squad car on November 3, when the police were driving me to the house. Napoleoni was in the pa.s.senger seat in front. I said I was tired. She swiveled around to glare at me. "Do you think we're not tired? We're working 24/7 to solve this crime, and you need to stop complaining," she reprimanded me sharply. "Do you just not care that someone murdered your friend?"

I felt put upon that day. The police were guilt-tripping me. They didn't understand that my life had been shattered. They were used to the stress of their work, but I think they didn't realize that regular people get tired, hungry, and overwhelmed.

I was also frustrated with myself. I couldn't seem to do anything right.

In the Hall of Frescoes, the authorities made the same points as Napoleoni, one after another, often using the same words: I was strange, my behavior suspicious.

You could tell their testimony had been rehea.r.s.ed.

On the stand, my chief interrogator, Rita Ficarra, seemed much smaller than she had at the police station. Middle-aged, with dull, shoulder-length brown hair, she came across as reasonable. Who would believe that she'd been ruthless, questioning me for hours, refusing to believe that I didn't know who'd murdered Meredith? I wondered how this woman, who now struck me as average in every way, had instilled such fear in me.

Like Napoleoni, Ficarra insisted, "No one hit her." She was serene and straight-faced as she testified.

Ficarra elaborated. "Everyone treated her nicely. We gave her tea. I myself brought her down to get something to eat in the morning," she said, as if she were the host at a B&B. Then she added, "She was the one who came in and started acting weird, accusing people."

In her story, I was the crazy guest.

When Raffaele was called to the questura on November 5, I went along because I was afraid to stay at his apartment alone. Ficarra's take on this was not generous: "She just came in," she said. "No one called her in."

She told the jury that when she had returned to the questura at around 11 P.M., she and her colleague came through the door and into the hall. "I found Amanda ... My astonishment was that I found her demonstrating her gymnastic abilities. She did a cartwheel, a bridge, she did splits," Ficarra said. "It honestly seemed out of place to me."

Ficarra didn't mention that the silver-haired police officer had asked me to show him how flexible I was. Now I can't believe I acquiesced to his request, that it was normal to do yoga in such a setting.

The longer Ficarra testified, the more she made it seem that the pressure the police exerted on me to confess was all in my head, that I'd blown the interrogation out of proportion. "In the end it was a calm dialogue, because I tried to make her understand that our intent was to seek collaboration," she said.

"At first she denied being at the villa the night of the murder, and then, when we called her on it, she started blaming someone else."

It was nearly unbearable to listen to her describe their behavior toward me as gentle and considerate. She defended everything without flinching. It was all I could do not to jump up and scream, "No! That's not at all how it happened!" But my lawyers strongly advised me not to say anything-that as I was someone who had already been accused of lying, no one would take my word, especially over the police's.

Judge Ma.s.sei asked Ficarra if I spoke to her in English or Italian.

"In Italian," Ficarra answered. "I repeat that she speaks Italian. She spoke only Italian with me. I don't understand a word of English."

I remembered my interrogation, when they yelled that if I didn't stop lying and tell them who had killed Meredith they would lock me up for thirty years. That was still their goal. I was terrified now that I was the only one who saw through them.

The police were not the only people whose testimony damaged me. In one of the great ironies of the trial, Rudy Guede, a convicted murderer, also had power over my life.

The gossip at Capanne was that Guede had found G.o.d in prison, and when he walked to the witness stand, looking less c.o.c.ky and more disheveled than during the pretrial, my hope surged. Maybe he'd been seized by his conscience. I imagined that he'd face Raffaele and me and say straight out that neither of us had partic.i.p.ated in the murder. But after Guede was sworn in, he uttered just six words: "Riservo il diritto di non rispondere"-"I reserve the right not to respond."

Then he stepped down. He didn't look at me or anyone else as he was led through the double metal doors in the back of the courtroom, flanked by guards just as Raffaele and I always were. He wore an expression of blank indifference.

Guede knew his silence could cost us our freedom. But there was no way to make him tell the truth. People have the right not to incriminate themselves-and in protecting himself, he helped to d.a.m.n us.