The Bed-Book of Happiness Part 16

[Sidenote: _Horace Walpole_]

You perceive that I have been presented. The Queen took great notice of me; none of the rest said a syllable. You are let into the King's bedchamber just as he has put on his s.h.i.+rt; he dresses and talks good-humouredly to a few, glares at strangers, goes to ma.s.s, to dinner, and a-hunting. The good old Queen, who is like Lady Primrose in the face, is at her dressing-table, attended by two or three old ladies, who are languis.h.i.+ng to be in Abraham's bosom, as the only man's bosom to whom they can hope for admittance.

[Sidenote: _Horace Walpole_]

Old age is no such uncomfortable thing, if one gives oneself up to it with a good grace, and don't drag it about

To midnight dances and the public show.

If one stays quietly in one's own house in the country, and cares for nothing but oneself, scolds one's servants, condemns everything that is new, and recollects how charming a thousand things were formerly that were very disagreeable, one gets over the winters very well, and the summers get over themselves.

[Sidenote: _Horace Walpole_]

As I was writing this, my servants called me away to see a balloon; I suppose Blanchard's, that was to be let off from Chelsea this morning. I saw it from the common field before the window of my round tower. It appeared about a third of the size of the moon, or less, when setting, something above the tops of the trees on the level horizon. It was then descending; and, after rising and declining a little, it sunk slowly behind the trees, I should think about or beyond Sunbury, at five minutes after one. But you know I am a very inexact guesser at measures and distances, and may be mistaken in many miles; and you know how little I have attended to these _airgonauts_: only t'other night I diverted myself with a sort of meditation on future _airgonation_, supposing that it will not only be perfected, but will depose navigation. I did not finish it, because I am not skilled, like the gentleman that used to write political s.h.i.+p-news, in that style which I wanted to perfect my essay; but in the prelude I observed how ignorant the ancients were in supposing Icarus melted the wax of his wings by too near access to the sun, whereas he would have been frozen to death before he made the first post on that road. Next, I discovered an alliance between Bishop Wilkin's art of flying and his plan of universal language; the latter of which he no doubt calculated to prevent the want of an interpreter when he should arrive at the moon.

But I chiefly amused myself with ideas of the change that would be made in the world by the subst.i.tution of balloons to s.h.i.+ps. I supposed our seaports to become _deserted villages_; and Salisbury Plain, Newmarket Heath (another canva.s.s for alteration of ideas), and all downs (but _the_ Downs) arising into dockyards for aerial vessels. Such a field would be ample in furnis.h.i.+ng new speculations. But to come to my s.h.i.+p-news:

"The good balloon Daedalus, Captain Wingate, will fly in a few days for China; he will stop at the top of the Monument to take in pa.s.sengers.

"Arrived on Brand-sands, the Vulture, Captain Nabob; the Tortoisesnow, from Lapland; the Pet-en-l'air, from Versailles; the Dreadnought, from Mount Etna, Sir W. Hamilton, commander; the Tympany, Montgolfier; and the Mine-A-in-a-bandbox, from the Cape of Good Hope. Foundered in a hurricane, the Bird of Paradise, from Mount Ararat. The Bubble, Sheldon, took fire, and was burnt to her gallery; and the Phoenix is to be cut down to a second-rate."

In those days Old Sarum will again be a town and have houses in it.

There will be fights in the air with wind-guns and bows and arrows; and there will be prodigious increase of land for tillage, especially in France, by breaking up all public roads as useless.

[Sidenote: _Horace Walpole_]

One of the Duke of Marlborough's generals, dining with the Lord Mayor, an Alderman who sat next to him said, "Sir, yours must be a very laborious profession." "No," replied the general, "we fight about four hours in the morning, and two or three after dinner, and then we have all the rest of the day to ourselves."

HIS MARRIAGE [Sidenote: _William Cobbett_]

When I first saw my wife she was _thirteen years old_.[5] I was within a month of _twenty-one_.[6] She was the daughter of a sergeant of artillery, and I was the sergeant-major of a regiment of foot, both stationed in forts near the city of St. John, in the province of New Brunswick. I sat in the same room with her for about an hour, in the company of others, and I made up my mind that she was the very girl for me. That I thought her beautiful is certain, for that, I had always said, should be an indispensable qualification; but I saw in her what I deemed marks of that sobriety of _conduct_ ... which has been by far the greatest blessing of my life. It was now dead of winter, and, of course, the snow several feet deep on the ground, and the weather piercing cold.

It was my habit, when I had done my morning's writing, to go out at break of day to take a walk on a hill at the foot of which our barracks lay. In about three mornings after I had first seen her, I had, by an invitation to breakfast with me, got up two young men to join me in my walk; and our road lay by the house of her father and mother. It was hardly light, but she was out on the snow scrubbing out a was.h.i.+ng-tub.

"That's the girl for me," said I, when we had got out of hearing.

One of these young men came to England soon afterwards; and he, who keeps an inn in Yorks.h.i.+re, came over to Preston at the time of the election (in 1826) to verify whether I were the same man. When he found that I was he appeared surprised; but what was his surprise when I told him that those tall young men whom he saw around me were the _sons_ of that pretty little girl that he and I saw scrubbing out the was.h.i.+ng-tub on the snow in New Brunswick at day-break in the morning!

From the day that I first spoke to her I never had a thought of her ever being the wife of any other man, more than I had a thought of her being transformed into a chest of drawers; and I formed my resolution at once, to marry her as soon as we could get permission, and to get out of the army as soon as I could. So that this matter was at once settled as firmly as if written in the book of fate. At the end of about six months my regiment, and I along with it, were removed to Fredericton, a distance of _a hundred miles_ up the river of St. John; and, which was worse, the artillery was expected to go off to England a year or two before our regiment! The artillery went, and she along with them; and now it was that I acted a part becoming a real and sensible lover. I was aware that, when she got to that gay place Woolwich, the house of her father and mother, necessarily visited by numerous people, not the most select, might become unpleasant to her, and I did not like, besides, that she should continue to _work hard_. I had saved _a hundred and fifty_ guineas, the earnings of my early hours, in writing for the paymaster, the quartermaster, and others, in addition to the savings of my own pay. _I sent her all my money_ before she sailed, and wrote to her to beg of her, if she found her home uncomfortable, to hire a lodging with respectable people, and, at any rate, not to spare the money by any means, but to buy herself good clothes, and to live without hard work, until I arrived in England; and I, in order to induce her to lay out the money, told her that I should get plenty more before I came home.

As the malignity of the devil would have it, we were kept abroad _two years longer_ than our time, Mr. Pitt (England not being so tame then as she is now[7]) having knocked up a dust with Spain about Nootka Sound.

Oh, how I cursed Nootka Sound, and poor bawling Pitt too, I am afraid!

At the end of _four years_, however, home I came, landed at Portsmouth, and got my discharge from the army by the great kindness of poor Lord Edward FitzGerald, who was then the major of my regiment. I found my little girl _a servant of all work_ (and hard work it was) _at five pounds a year_, in the house of a Captain Brisac; and, without hardly saying a word about the matter, she put into my hands the whole of my hundred and fifty guineas unbroken!

LIFE AT BOTLEY [Sidenote: _William Cobbett_]

But, to do the things I did, you must love _home_ yourself. To rear up children, in this manner, you must _live with them_; you must make them, too, _feel_ by your conduct, that you _prefer_ this to any other mode of pa.s.sing your time. All men cannot lead this sort of life, but many may; and all much more than many do. My occupation, to be sure, was chiefly carried on _at home_; but I had always enough to do. I never spent an idle week, or even day, in my whole life. Yet I found time to talk with them, to walk, or ride, about _with them_; and, when forced to go from home, always took one or more with me. You must be good-tempered, too, with them; they must like _your_ company better than any other person's; they must not wish you away, not fear your coming back, not look upon your departure as a _holiday_....

When I went from home, all followed me to the outer gate, and looked after me, till the carriage, or horse, was out of sight. At the time appointed for my return, all were prepared to meet me; and, if it were late at night, they sat up as long as they were able to keep their eyes open. This love of parents, and this constant pleasure _at home_ made them not even think of seeking pleasure abroad; and they, thus, were kept from vicious playmates and early corruption.

This is the age, too, to teach children to be _trustworthy_, and to be _merciful_ and _humane_. We lived _in a garden_ of about two acres, partly kitchen-garden with walls, partly shrubbery and trees, and partly gra.s.s. There were the _peaches_, as tempting as any that ever grew, and yet as safe from fingers as if no child were ever in the garden. It was not necessary to forbid. The blackbirds, the thrushes, the white-throats, and even that very shy bird the goldfinch had their nests and bred up their young ones in great abundance, all about this little spot, constantly the play-place of six children; and one of the latter had its nest and brought up its young ones in a _raspberry-bush_, within two yards of a walk, and at the time that we were gathering the ripe raspberries. We give _dogs, _and justly, great credit for sagacity and memory; but the following two most curious instances, which I should not venture to state, if there were not so many witnesses to the facts, in my neighbours at Botley, as well as in my own family, will show, that _birds_ are not, in this respect, inferior to the canine race. All country people know that the skylark is a very shy bird; that its abode is the open fields; that it settles on the ground only; that it seeks safety in the wideness of s.p.a.ce; that it avoids enclosures, and is never seen in gardens. A part of our ground was a gra.s.s-plot of about _forty rods,_ or a quarter of an acre, which, one year, was left to be mowed for hay. A pair of larks, coming out of the fields into the midst of a pretty populous village, chose to make their nest in the middle of this little spot and at not more than about _thirty-five yards_ from one of the doors of the house, in which there were about twelve persons living, and six of these children, who had constant access to all parts of the ground. There we saw the c.o.c.k rising up and singing, then taking his turn upon the eggs; and by and by we observed him cease to sing, and saw them both _constantly engaged in bringing food to the young ones_. No unintelligible hint to fathers and mothers of the human race, who have, before marriage, taken delight in _music_. But the time came for _mowing the gra.s.s!_ I waited a good many days for the brood to get away, but at last I determined on the day; and if the larks were there still, to leave a patch of gra.s.s standing around them. In order not to keep them in dread longer than necessary, I brought three able mowers, who would cut the whole in about an hour; and, as the plat was nearly circular, set them to mow _round_, beginning at the outside. And now for sagacity indeed! The moment the men began to whet their scythes, the two old larks began to flutter over the nest, and to make a great clamour. When the men began to mow, they flew round and round, stooping so low, when near the men, as almost to touch their bodies, making a great chattering at the same time; but, before the men had got round with the second swath, they flew to the nest, and away they went, young ones and all, across the river, at the foot of the ground, and settled in the long gra.s.s in my neighbour's orchard.

The other instance relates to a house-marten. It is well known that these birds build their nests under the eaves of inhabited houses, and sometimes under those of door-porches; but we had one that built its nest _in the house_, and upon the top of a common door-case, the door of which opened into a room out of the main pa.s.sage into the house.

Perceiving that the marten had begun to build its nest here, we kept the front door open in the day-time, but were obliged to fasten it at night.

It went on, had eggs, young ones, and the young ones flew. I used to open the door in the morning early, and then the birds carried on their affairs till night. The next _year_ the marten came again, and had _another brood in the same place_. It found its _old nest_; and, having repaired it, and put it in order, went on again in the former way; and it would, I dare say, have continued to come to the end of its life, if we had remained there so long, notwithstanding there were six healthy children in the house making just as much noise as they pleased.

HIS CHILDREN [Sidenote: _William Cobbett_]

We wanted no stimulants of this sort [he is referring to social dissipation, romances, and playhouses] to _keep up our spirits_; our various pleasing pursuits were quite sufficient for that; and the _book-learning_ came amongst the rest of the pleasures, to which it was, in some sort, necessary. I remember that, one year, I raised a prodigious crop of fine _melons_, under hand-gla.s.ses; and I learned how to do it from a gardening-_book_; or, at least, that book was necessary to remind me of the details. Having pa.s.sed part of an evening in talking to the boys about getting this crop, "Come," said I, "now let us _read the book."_ Then the book came forth, and to work we went, following very strictly the precepts of the book. I read the thing but once, but the eldest boy read it, perhaps, twenty times over; and explained all about the matter to the others. Why, here was a _motive_! Then he had to tell the garden labourer _what to do_ to the melons. Now, I will engage, that more was really _learned_ by this single _lesson_, than would have been learned by spending, at this son's age, a year at school; and he _happy_ and _delighted_ all the while. When any dispute arose among them about hunting or shooting, or any other of their pursuits, they, by degrees, found out the way of settling it by reference to some book; and, when any difficulty occurred as to the meaning, they referred to me, who, if at home, _always instantly attended to them_ in these matters.

They began writing by taking words out of _printed books_: finding out which letter was which, by asking me, or asking those who knew the letters one from the other; and, by imitating bits of my writing, it is surprising how soon they began to write a hand like mine, very small, very faint-stroked, and nearly plain as print. The first use that any of them made of the pen, was to _write to me_, though in the same house with them. They began doing this in mere _scratches_, before they knew how to make any one letter; and, as I was always folding up letters and directing them, so were they; and they were _sure_ to receive a _prompt answer_, with most _encouraging_ compliments. All the meddling and teasing of friends, and, what was more serious, the pressing prayers of their anxious mother, about sending them to _school_, I withstood without the slightest effect on my resolutions. As to friends, preferring my own judgment to theirs, I did not care much; but an expression of anxiety, implying a doubt of the soundness of my own judgment, coming, perhaps twenty times a day, from her whose care they were as well as mine, was not a matter to smile at, and very great trouble did it give me. My answer at last was, as to the boys, I want them to be _like me_; and as to the girls "in whose hands can they be so safe as in _yours_? Therefore my resolution is taken; _go to school they shall not_."

Nothing is much more annoying than the _intermeddling of friends_ in a case like this. The wife appeals to _them_, and "_good breeding_," that is to say _nonsense_, is sure to put them on _her side_. Then they, particularly the _women_, when describing the _surprising progress_ made by their _own sons_ at school, used, if one of mine were present, to turn to him, and ask to what school _he went_, and what _he_ was _learning_? I leave any one to judge of _his_ opinion of her; and whether _he_ would like her the better for that! "Bless me, so tall, and _not learned_ anything _yet_!" "Oh, yes, he has," I used to say; "he has learned to ride, and hunt, and shoot, and fish, and look after cattle and sheep, and to work in the garden, and to feed his dogs, and to go from village to village in the dark." This was the way I used to manage with troublesome customers of this sort. And how glad the children used to be, when they got clear of such criticising people! And how grateful they felt to me for the _protection_ which they saw that I gave them against that state of restraint, of which other people's boys complained! Go whither they might, they found no place so pleasant as home, and no soul that came near them affording them so many means of gratification as they received from me.

THE CAP THAT FITS [Sidenote: _Austin Dobson_]

"Qui seme epines n'aille dechaux"

_SCENE--A Salon with blue and white panels. Outside, persons pa.s.s and repa.s.s upon a terrace_.

HORTENSE. ARMANDE. MONSIEUR LOYAL

HORTENSE _(behind her fan)_ Not young, I think.

ARMANDE _(raising her eye-gla.s.s)_ And faded, too!-- _Quite_ faded! Monsieur, what say you?

M. LOYAL Nay,--I defer to you. In truth, To me she seems all grace and youth.

HORTENSE Graceful? You think it? What, with hands That hang like this? _(with a gesture)._

ARMANDE And how she stands!

M. LOYAL Nay,--I am wrong again. I thought Her air delightfully untaught!

HORTENSE But you amuse me--

M. LOYAL Still her dress,-- Her dress at least, you _must_ confess--

ARMANDE Is odious simply! Jacotot Did not supply that lace, I know; And where, I ask, has mortal seen A hat unfeathered?

HORTENSE Edged with green!!

M. LOYAL The words remind me. Let me say A Fable that I heard to-day.

Have I permission?