The Ladies' Guide to True Politeness and Perfect Manners Part 10

There is no ink superior to this in blackness or smoothness. You can make it at less than half the cost of that which you buy in the shops.

It looks blacker the next day after using, and never fades. If it becomes rather too thick, dilute it slightly with water, and stir it down to the bottom.

Never use _blue_ ink. If the letter chances to get wet, the writing will be effaced. Serious losses have resulted from business letters being written in blue ink.

If you make a mistake in a word, draw your pen through it, or score it so as to be quite illegible, and then interline the correction, placing a caret beneath. This will be better than scratching out the error with your penknife, and afterward trying to write a new word in the identical place; an attempt which rarely succeeds, even with the aid of pounce-powder, which is pulverized gum-sandarac.

At the end of the letter, somewhat lower than your signature, (which should be very near the right-hand edge of the page,) add the name and address of the person for whom the letter is designed, and to whom it will thus find its way, even if the envelope should be defaced, or torn off and lost. Write your own name rather larger than your usual hand, and put a dot or dash after it.

Some of the ensuing paragraphs are taken (with permission of the publisher) from a former work of the author's.

In folding a letter, let the breadth (from left to right) far exceed the height. A letter folded tall is ridiculous, and one verging towards squareness looks very awkward. It is well to use a folder (or paper-knife) to press along the edges of the folds, that they may be smooth and straight. If one is looser than another, or if there is the slightest narrowing in, or widening out, toward the edge of the turn-over, the letter will have an irregular, unsightly appearance.

Pieces of ruled lines may be so cut that you can slip them under the back of a letter after it is folded, and then you will be in no danger of writing the direction crooked, or uneven.

Write the name of your correspondent about the middle of the back, and very clearly and distinctly. Then give the number and street on the next line, a little nearer to the right. Then the town in _large_ letters, extending still nearer to the right. If a country-town, give next (in letters a little smaller) the name of the _county_ in which it is situated. This is very necessary, as in some of our states there is more than one town of the same name, and "Was.h.i.+ngtons" all over the Union.

Lastly, at the very bottom, and close to the right, indicate the state or district by its usual abbreviation,--for instance, _Me._ for Maine[14]--_N. H._ New Hamps.h.i.+re--_Vt._ Vermont--_Ma.s.s._ Ma.s.sachusetts--_R. I._ Rhode Island--_Ct._ or _Conn._ Connecticut--_N.

Y._ New York--_N. J._ New Jersey--_Pa._ or _Penna._ Pennsylvania--_Del._ Delaware--_Md._ Maryland--_Va._ Virginia--_N. C._ North Carolina--_S.

C._ South Carolina--_Ga._ or _Geo._ Georgia--_Ala._ Alabama--_Miss._ Mississippi--_Mo._ Missouri--_La._ Louisiana--_Tenn._ Tennessee--_Ky._ Kentucky--_O._ Ohio--_Ind._ Indiana--_Ill._ Illinois--_Mich._ Michigan--_Ark._ Arkansas--_Wis._ Wisconsin--_Io._ Iowa--_Tex._ Texas--_Flo._ Florida--_Cal._ California--_Or._ Oregon--_Minn._ Minnesota--_Utah_--_D. C._ District of Columbia.

To these may be added the abbreviations of the British possessions in North America: _U. C._ Upper Canada--_L. C._ Lower Canada--_N. S._ Nova Scotia--_N. B._ New Brunswick--_N. P._ New Providence.

In directing a letter to a foreign country, give the whole name, as France, Spain, Belgium, England, Ireland, Scotland, &c. We have towns in America called after all manner of European towns. For instance, a letter directed to our Havre-de-Grace, might, if Maryland was not designated, find its way to Havre-de-Grace in France; Rome in the state of New York might be taken to Rome in Italy,--York in Pennsylvania to York in England, &c. We know an instance of a gentleman directing an important letter to Boston, and, forgetting to add _Ma.s.s._ (for Ma.s.sachusetts) at the bottom, the letter actually went from Philadelphia to the small town of Boston in Lincolns.h.i.+re, England. In writing _from_ Europe, finish the direction with the words _United States of North America_.

When you send a letter by a private opportunity, (a thing which is already almost obsolete since the days of cheap postage,) it will be sufficient to introduce very near the lower edge of the left-hand corner of the back, simply the name of the gentleman who carries it, written small. It is now considered old-fas.h.i.+oned to insert on the back of such a letter--"Politeness of Mr. Smith"--"Favoured by Mr. Jones"--"Honoured by Mr. Brown." If the letter is to cross the sea, by mail or otherwise, write the name of the vessel on the left-hand corner of the outside.

When a letter is to go to New York city, always put the words New York _in full_, (and not N. Y.), written large. Much confusion is caused by the name of this state and its metropolis being the same. It has been well-suggested that the name of the state of New York should be changed to Ontario--a beautiful change. In directing to any of the towns in the state of New York, then put N. Y. after the name of the town, as Hudson, N. Y.,--Syracuse, N. Y., &c.

In sending a letter to the metropolis of the Union, direct for Was.h.i.+ngton, D. C.

In directing to a clergyman, put _Rev._ (Reverend) before his name. If a bishop, _Right Reverend_. To an officer, immediately after his name put U. S. A. for United States Army, or U. S. N. for United States Navy--having preceded his name with _Gen._, _Col._, _Capt._, _Lieut._, according to his rank.

The t.i.tle Hon. (Honourable) is always used in directing to a member of congress, a member of the cabinet, a judge of the supreme court, an amba.s.sador, or the governor of a state. For the Chief Magistrate of the Union, you may direct simply to the President of the United States. The term "Excellency" is now but little used.

For a gentleman holding a professors.h.i.+p in a university, preface his name with _Prof._ or _Professor_. The t.i.tle of "Professor" does not really belong to all men who teach any thing, or to every man that exhibits a show--or to mesmerists, and spiritual knockers. Do not give it to them.

For sealing letters no light is so convenient as a wax taper in a low stand. A lamp, or candle, may smoke or blacken the wax. To seal well, your wax should be of the finest quality. Red wax of a bright scarlet colour is the best. Low-priced wax consumes very fast; and when melted, looks purplish or brownish. When going to melt sealing-wax, rest your elbow on the table to keep your hand steady. Take the stick of wax between your thumb and finger, and hold it a little above the light, so that it barely touches the point of the flame. Turn the stick round till it is equally softened on all sides. Then insert a little of the melted wax _under_ the turn-over part of the letter, just where the seal is to come. This will render it more secure than if the sole dependence was on the outside seal. Or instead of this little touch of wax, you may slip beneath the turn-over a small wafer, either white or of the same colour as the wax. Then begin at the outer edge of the place you intend for the seal; and move the wax in a circle, which must gradually diminish till it terminates in the centre. Put the seal exactly to the middle of the soft wax, and press it down hard, but do not screw it round. Then withdraw it suddenly. Do not use motto seals unless writing to a member of your own family, or to an intimate friend. For common service, (and particularly for letters of business,) a plain seal, with simply your initials, is best.

For a note always use a very small seal. In addressing one of your own family, it is not necessary to follow scrupulously all these observances. In writing to persons decidedly your inferiors in station, avoid the probability of mortifying them by sending mean, ill-looking notes.

Remember also (what, strange to say, some people calling themselves ladies seem not to know) that a note commenced in the first person must continue in the first person all through. The same when it begins in the third person. We have heard of invitations to a party being worded thus:--

Mrs. Welford's compliments to Mrs. Marley, and requests the pleasure of her company on Thursday evening.

Yours sincerely,

E. WELFORD.

Notes of invitation should always designate both the day of the week and that of the month. If that of _the month only_ is specified, one figure may perhaps be mistaken for another; for instance, the 13th may look like the 18th, or the 25th like the 26th. We know instances where, from this cause, some of the guests did not come till the night _after_ the party.

There are some very sensible people who, in their invitations, tell frankly what is to be expected, and if they really ask but _a few_ friends, they at once give the names of those friends, so that you may know whom you are to see. If you are to meet no more than can sit round the tea-table, they signify the same. If they expect twenty, thirty, or forty persons, they say so--and do not leave you in doubt whether to dress for something very like a party, or for a mere family tea-drinking.

If it is a decided music-party, by all means specify the same, that those who have no enjoyment of what is considered fas.h.i.+onable music, may stay away.

Always reply to a note of invitation the day after you have received it.

To a note on business send an answer the same day. After accepting an invitation, should any thing occur to prevent your going, send a second note in due time.

Do not take offence at a friend because she does not invite you every time she has company. Her regard for you may be as warm as ever, but it is probably inconvenient for her to have more than a certain number at a time. Believe that the omission is no evidence of neglect, or of a desire to offend you; but rest a.s.sured that you are to be invited on other occasions. If you are _not_, then indeed you may take it as a hint that she is no longer desirous of continuing the acquaintance. Be dignified enough not to call her to account; but cease visiting her, without taking her to task and bringing on a quarrel. But if you _must_ quarrel, let it not be in writing. A paper war is always carried too far, and produces bitterness of feeling which is seldom entirely eradicated, even after apologies have been made and accepted. Still, when an offence has been given in writing, the atonement should be made in writing also.

Much time is wasted (particularly by young ladies) in writing and answering such epistles as are termed "letters of friends.h.i.+p,"--meaning long doc.u.ments (frequently with crossed lines) filled with regrets at absence, a.s.severations of eternal affection, modest deprecations of your humble self, and enthusiastic glorifyings of your exalted correspondent; or else wonderments at both of you being so much alike, and so very congenial; and antic.i.p.ations of rapture at meeting again, and lamentations at the slow progress of time, till the extatic hour of re-union shall arrive--the _postscript_ usually containing some confidential allusion to a lover, (either real or supposed,) and perhaps a kind enquiry about a real or supposed lover of your friend's.

Now such letters as these are of no manner of use but to foster a sickly, morbid feeling, (very often a fict.i.tious one,) and to encourage nonsense, and destroy all relish for such true friends.h.i.+p as is good and wholesome.

A still worse species of voluminous female correspondence is that which turns _entirely_ upon love, or rather on what are called "beaux;" or entirely on hate--for instance, hatred of step-mothers. This topic is considered the more _piquant_ from its impropriety, and from its being carried on in secret.

Then there are young ladies born with the organ of letter-writing amazingly developed, and increased by perpetual practice, who can scarcely become acquainted with a gentleman possessing brains, without volunteering a correspondence with him. And then ensues a long epistolary dialogue about nothing, or at least nothing worth reading or remembering; trenching closely on gallantry, but still not quite _that_; affected flippancy on the part of the lady; and unaffected impertinence on that of the gentleman, "which serves her right"--alternating with pretended poutings on her side, and half or whole-laughing apologies on his. Sometimes there are attempts at moralizing, or criticising, or sentimentalizing--but nothing is ever elicited that, to a third person, can afford the least amus.e.m.e.nt or improvement, or excite the least interest. Yet, strange to say, gentlemen have been inveigled into this sort of correspondence, even by ladies who have made a business of afterward selling the letters for publication, and making money out of them. And such epistles have actually been printed. We do not suppose they have been read. The public is very stubborn in refusing to read what neither amuses, interests, or improves--even when a publisher is actually so weak as to print such things.

No young lady ever engages in a correspondence with a gentleman that is neither her relative or her betrothed, without eventually lessening herself in his eyes. Of this she may rest a.s.sured. With some men, it is even dangerous for a lady to write a note on the commonest subject. He may show the superscription, or the signature, or both, to his idle companions, and make insinuations much to her disadvantage, which his comrades will be sure to circulate and exaggerate.

Above all, let no lady correspond with a married man, unless she is obliged to consult him on business; and from that plain, straight path let her not diverge. Even if the wife sees and reads every letter, she will, in all probability, feel a touch of jealousy, (or more than a touch,) if she finds that they excite interest in her husband, or give him pleasure. This will inevitably be the case if the married lady is inferior in intellect to the single one, and has a lurking consciousness that she is so.

Having hinted what the correspondence of young ladies ought _not_ to be, we will try to convey some idea of what it ought. Let us premise that there is no danger of _any_ errors in grammar or spelling, and but few faults of punctuation, and that the fair writers are aware that a sentence should always conclude with a period or full stop, to be followed by a capital letter beginning the next sentence; and that a new paragraph should be allotted to every change of subject, provided that there is room on the sheet of paper. And still, it is well to have always at hand a dictionary and a grammar, in case of unaccountable lapses of memory. However, persons who have read much, and read to advantage, generally find themselves at no loss in orthography, grammar, and punctuation. To spell badly is disgraceful in a lady or gentleman, and it looks as if they had quitted reading as soon as they quitted school.

To write a legible and handsome hand is an accomplishment not sufficiently valued. And yet of what importance it is! We are always vexed when we hear people of talent making a sort of boast of the illegibility of their writing, and relating anecdotes of the difficulty with which it has been read, and the mistakes made by its decipherers.

There are persons who affect bad writing, and boast of it, because the worst signatures extant are those of Shakspeare, Bonaparte, and Byron.

These men were great in spite of their autographs, not because of them.

The caliph Haroun Alraschid, who was well imbued with Arabic learning, sent an elegantly written letter to Charlemagne, with a splendid cover and seals; not being aware that the European emperor's signature was made by dipping his thumb into the ink and giving a smear--sealing with the hilt of his dagger.

The "wording" of your letter should be as much like conversation as possible, containing (in a condensed form) just what you would be most likely to talk about if you saw your friend. A letter is of no use unless it conveys some information, excites some interest, or affords some improvement. It may be handsomely written, correct in spelling, punctuation, and grammar, and yet stiff and formal in style--affectedly didactic, and therefore tiresome--or mawkishly sentimental, and therefore foolish. It may be refined, or high-flown in words, but flat and barren in ideas, containing nothing that a correspondent cares to know.

Read over each page of your letter, as you finish it, to see that there are no errors. If you find any, correct them carefully. In writing a familiar letter, a very common fault is tautology, or a too frequent repet.i.tion of the same word--for instance, "Yesterday I received a letter from sister Mary, which was the first letter I have received from sister since she left." The sentence should be, "Yesterday I received a letter from my sister Mary, the first since she left us."

Unless you are writing to one of your own family, put always the p.r.o.noun "_my_" before the word "sister." Say also--"my father," "my mother," and not "father," "mother," as if they were also the parents of your correspondent.

To end the sentence with the word "left," (for departed,) is awkward and unsatisfactory--for instance, "It is two days since he left." Left what?

It is one of the absurd innovations that have crept in among us of late years, and are supposed to be fas.h.i.+onable. Another is the ridiculous way of omitting the possessive S in words ending with that letter; for instance, "Sims' Hotel" instead of "Sims's Hotel"--"Jenkins' Bakery" for "Jenkins's Bakery." Would any one, in talking, say they had stayed at Sims' Hotel, or that they bought their bread at Jenkins' Bakery. This is ungrammatical, as it obliterates the possessive case, and is therefore indefinite; and moreover, it looks and sounds awkwardly.

Many persons who think themselves good grammarians put on their cards "The Misses Brown,"--"The Misses Smith." Those who _really_ are so, write "The Miss Browns"--"The Miss Smiths"--the plural being always on the substantive, and never on the adjective. Would we say "the whites glove" instead of "the white gloves"--or the "blues ribbon" for the "blue ribbons." Does any lady in talking say, "The two Misses Brown called to see me?"

It is also wrong to say "two _spoons_ful," instead of two _spoon_fuls.

Thus, "two spoonsful of milk" seems to imply two separate spoons with milk in each; while "two spoonfuls of milk" gives the true idea--one spoon twice filled.

Avoid in writing, as in talking, all words that do not express the true meaning. We are sorry to say that sometimes even among educated people, when attempting smartness or wit, we find a sort of conventional slang that has, in truth, a strong tinge of vulgarity, being the wilful subst.i.tution of bad words or bad phrases for good ones. When we find them issuing from the lips or the pen of a _lady_, we fear she is unfortunate in a reprobate husband, or brother, from whom she must have learnt them. Yet even reprobates dislike to hear their wives and sisters talking coa.r.s.ely.

Unless you know that your correspondent is well versed in French, refrain from interlarding your letters with Gallic words or phrases.

Do not introduce long quotations from poetry. Three or four lines of verse are sufficient. One line, or two, are better still. Write them rather smaller than your usual hand, and leave a s.p.a.ce at the beginning and end; marking their commencement and termination with inverted commas, thus " ".

One of our young relatives when seven or eight years old, tried her hand at story-writing. In finis.h.i.+ng the history of a naughty girl, much addicted to falsehood, the terminating sentence ran thus:--